dragonchat - Tumblr blog

[dragonchat]

This is clearly slander.  AS IF I would be some human’s PET and let some chobbit with a bad wig RIDE me.

If you are looking for this fool’s new identity, check out Barney the Dinosaur.

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How dare they say that whimpering mama's boy is you!

Smaug is considering legal action.  Slander.  Defamation of character.  I mean, have you SEEN that Barney-the-Dinosaur hulking beast DRO-gone?   As IF Smaug could ever be such a completely graceless creature.   ALL that burning and killing and there wasn’t even any treasure.  Pfffft

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As if.   There is only one Smaug and I would never mourn a chubby hobbit in a bad wig.

Drogon filled with grief takes the name Smaug and flies off to terrorize dwarfs in a better written franchise

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Hi Smaug, how are you feeling about all the attention Toothless is getting??

 Who?   I think you have my answer

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what about the dragon in witcher 2? she is awesome, powerful , .

What ---does she want my autograph or something?   Have her go thru my agents like everyone else.

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Riddle me this greatest dragon in all existence: how will Dany stans react when Sam finds out what she did to his family?

Smaug neither knows nor cares ---but will be sitting back with a bucket of spicy fried dwarf  enjoying every minute of it.   The hobbit’s fans are nothing if not entertaining.

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mfk - Dany, Sansa & Cersei?

Sigh.  You guys do know I am a DRAGON, right?  The only thing that turns my crank is GOLD.   

BUT because you asked so nicely....I will advise you.   

Fuck Cersei ---anyone who bangs her own brother has GOT to be kinky.

Marry Sansa cos she’s not crazy OR a saggy hobbit

And kill Dany cos she is a saggy hobbit with a sad wig and bad bone structure

You’re welcome.   

[dragonchat]

any tips on how to get rid of a Petropicus Baelitis rash?

Wash your hands and stop touching what you’ve been touching, you filthy animal.  

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You just can't handle the fact that Boromir is better than you in every singe way possible

Is your use of the word “singe” a Freudian slip since you are talking to the great, fire-breathing Smaug?   

Is this Faramir again?  Listen, dude.  I get that you’re salty cos Eowyn prefers MY company, but you need to move on and let go.  Don’t make me get another restraining order, brah.

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3 is a bigger number than 1, Boromir would kick your ass for breakfast, then steal your gold after lunch.

Is this that shorty dumpy hobbit with the two lame dragons and the other one that has been hijacked by Mr Freeze?   You need to go eat a salad, shave your toes, and stop bothering your betters.

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It took one arrow to take you down but three for Boromir hmmmmmmmmm does this mean Boromir is better than you?

NO ONE is better than me.  But for a human, Boromir is more impressive than most.

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Great and powerful Smaug! How do you prefer your hobbit cooked?

Roasted and on a bed of fresh vegetables.  Hobbit tastes a lot like pork so I like to pair it with an off-dry Riesling or an elegant Chardonnay.

[dragonchat]

Fmk drogon, viserion, rhaegal

Fuck Rhaegal cos the quite ones are always the most intense in the sack

Marry Viserion  cos then you would always have plenty of ice for parties

Kill that hobbit lovin’ mama’s boy Drogon

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Can dragons fart fire too?

Only after Taco Bell.

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How do dragons reproduce then?

I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you.

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Yo smaug! Why do you call daenerys a hobbit?

Have you SEEN her?

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Do unicorns shit rainbows?

Depends on what they’ve been eating.