dreadnought-dar

[dreadnought-dar]

loud persistent thuds though it could be my heart

[dreadnought-dar]

I can't commit wth

[dreadnought-dar]

imagine sitting alone in silence without loud music, doing something mundane and NOT crying within 20 minutes STAT

the voices can't just let me

break down every single time

[dreadnought-dar]

bumpin

[dreadnought-dar]

my bad, I feel crazy for asking

[dreadnought-dar]

can't shake off this weird feeling of how everything is out of my control

my insides are perpetually rotting

i am so scared

and angry

I get a feeling like screaming won't do it

I wish I could sleep

Indefinitely

[dreadnought-dar]

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[dreadnought-dar]

i shit so much everyday

[dreadnought-dar]

I feel I am too far gone but the sickly insane gruelling brooding disgusting part of me can just hope for change

[dreadnought-dar]

I have been living most of my life in abstraction, every apparent discernable step is just an idea or a concept

[dreadnought-dar]

I want to make orange peel candles just seems like something I should do

[dreadnought-dar]

addiction lost me 5 years

[dreadnought-dar]

a vessel for emotions nobody feels

[dreadnought-dar]

rebirth pretty much started with "Sarah"

after a few years, I think I can believe it when I say it as well

[dreadnought-dar]

I am

Fucking up

My life

~Effortlessly <3<3<3~

Thank you

[dreadnought-dar]

I love winters, the feeling of freezing cold air hitting my face like a thousand pins and needles getting lodged

[dreadnought-dar]

right where you left came on unexpectedly and it was such a punch in the gut

despite myself- because I desperately try not to be someone stuck in wistfully daydreaming

and yet, everything- from the reverberated slightly distorted guitar strain paired with the percussive, folk instrumental melody to the lyrics - all of it drew me in

"

but I'm right where you left...

but I sat and stared...

time went on for everybody else, she won't know it...

did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?...

what a sad sight...

everyone moved on...

I cause no harm, mind my business...

if our love died young, I can't bear witness

and it's been so long

but if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where you left me...

you left me

you left me no, oh, you left me no

you left me no choice but to stay here forever

"

caught me off guard as it dawned on me that I never really healed

I never moved on, I'm still stuck

everything and everyone I loved is a part of me and I never could stop caring about it if not yearning for it

maybe because of all the rapid changes in my environment throughout, I learnt to subconsciously hold on to everything single thing dearly and make space for it all in my heart