dreamattheheart - Tumblr blog

[dreamattheheart]

You ever hear something you’re not supposed to hear and it ruins your whole day? Yeah I didn’t miss this feeling

[dreamattheheart]

I’m sick of being talked down to and I’m sick of the disrespect and the annoyed looks.

I’m sick of saying something and it’s silent and awkward like if you don’t want me here just fucking say it jfc

And if I’m a hypocrite so fucking what - I don’t have the luxury of being able to just up and quit and find a new job super easily without consequences, but you do you boo.

[dreamattheheart]

[dreamattheheart]

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I’M SO EXCITED 😭

[dreamattheheart]

umm i need reassurance that my presence is wanted but i can’t ask for reassurance because that’s really Embarrassing and it wouldn’t feel genuine if i asked for it

[dreamattheheart]

I keep fucking things up and ruining shit.

I’ve lost a lot of friends I played games with and I’m slowly isolating myself.

What’s the point of making new friends / keeping them if everyone leaves because of me?

[dreamattheheart]

“I have too many romantic fantasies and they make me sad.”

—

[dreamattheheart]

“Why are you so forgiving? I was an asshole to you!”

Because forgiving someone is easier than fighting

Forgiving means you won’t be mad anymore

Forgiving means people won’t yell

Forgiving is way too easy and it’s easier to forgive when people eventually leave me behind

I’ll suffer if it will keep people happy. I’ll suffer because it’s the only thing I’m good for in this shithole.

I’m used to it anyway.

[dreamattheheart]

“Sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.”

— William C. Hannan

[dreamattheheart]

Do you ever get overwhelming urges to be devastatingly self-destructive? Because fuck.

[dreamattheheart]

i want to be beautiful. in the most vain and brazen way. i want my pupils to dilate when i see myself in the mirror. i want to light up a room when i walk into it. i want to take someone’s breath away. i just want to be beautiful. and i’m not. i’m not. i’m not.

- l.r(@goldenangelll)//everything i’m not

[dreamattheheart]

“I am tired of being told I am loved and cared about but never made to feel that way.”

— your actions and words never match

[dreamattheheart]

I cry nightly now

What was supposed to be an escape from childhood hell has now turned into passing aggressive condescending controlling manipulation

I’m “ruining their routine”

Cant buy a box of Cheerios at the store because “there’s no room in the pantry”

Might as well just stay in my room then if I’m such a fucking bother - yeah sure I pay rent but I honestly don’t feel welcome here anymore

I’m fucking trying but I’m never good enough

And the worst part? Parents are like “you can always move back here” yeah no thanks as much as I would love no rent payment I have enough issues as it is

[dreamattheheart]

I’m tired of people saying if you can’t love yourself, then you can’t love anyone. But from my experience, the people that love others the most fiercely are the ones who don’t or in more appropriate words are unable to love themeselves. They can’t love themselves but they still have the heart to love others selflessly. Don’t take that away from them, don’t demean their love for others, for it is pure just like other people’s love.

— we can and we do love others

[dreamattheheart]

I had a nightmare that I meant something to someone. That I was worthy of them. That I made them proud to call me their gf/wife/partner/etc

But in the nightmare I was pretty. I was skinny. I actually looked normal and not like a whale.

Sometimes I don’t mind the nightmares but this one really hurt

[dreamattheheart]

Why am I getting so triggered by photos of me? Why does looking at clothes make me want to die?

I’m so big and ugly and nothing has helped - how could anyone want to be around me?

I should just disappear

[dreamattheheart]

“You’re not bad looking” “Even my mom said you’re not a bad looking girl”

But you could do so much better why do you waste your time with me?