dreamer-of-ships

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Robert & Aaron + saying I love you inspo

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I kind of just broke my own heart with this thought so now I need to share the pain

What if they do start up an affair and Aaron is being all flip-floppy because he's not ready to let Robert in 100% because he's too afraid to lose him again.. properly.

So he's kind of stringing him along and getting Roberts hopes up that he'll leave John, but he never does so Robert starts pulling away.

So to stop him pulling away, Aaron says the thing. He still can't say it properly and out loud. He can’t say 'I Love You' yet, so he says 'You know.'

Only for to Robert to reply with 'No, Aaron. I don't know'

It would shatter Aaron's heart. And it would shatter mine and I kind of want to desperately happen.

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I love how they established that Rob still has his "contacts"

Can we hope maybe for another wacko hitman sideplot? This time with John as the intended victim instead of Chas? Lmao.

Or maybe (not as out there, but more likely) a top-notch PI to dig deep into John's past. Because we know Rob's gonna do some digging, and he has the connections to unearth everything.

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Here's the thing. We all know Aaron loves Robert more than John. Hell, I think Aaron is even blatantly aware of it, which is why he's never bothered denying that his feelings for Robert still run deep.

But his biggest see-saw when it comes to his feelings for Robert isn't whether he loves Robert or not, but whether he WANTS to love Robert or not.

When he wants it, and when he lets himself love Robert, he goes all in. He loves him infinitely, he loves him proudly, he loves him loudly. That man is his best friend, his husband, the love of his life, and he always will be.

When he DOESN'T want to love Robert, he suppresses it and buries it so deep, I think he manages to convince himself that their love isn't this all-encompassing thing that's had a hold over him for more than a decade of his life.

He's lost Robert three times now, and every time, he's felt the loss harder than the time before, and losing him six years ago felt like the hardest loss of his life -- only to be made ten times worse when he loses his sister a few years later and the last of their little family is blasted into smithereens.

In his eyes right now, he's only just come out the other side, and John is a safe commitment, because he thinks losing John could never feel as bad as losing Robert. He doesn't have it in him right now to risk losing Robert a fourth time, because he knows that's what will ultimately break him once and for all.

But when Robert's around and in his orbit, the urge to love him proudly and loudly always comes to the fore. He's been out of his life for six years now, so he's buried it so so so deep within himself, it's going to take a long time to bring it back to the surface. But the more time Robert's back in the village, the more he'll grow to want their love again. He'll WANT to love him, and that's just part of the inevitable cycle, and the incredible dynamic that is Robron.

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I've seen heaps of speculation surrounding Seb's return and most people agree it'll be when all the drama with John is over, but what if it's not?

They might bring him back earlier, having him and Robert bonding straight away, shocking Aaron at seeing his stepson again for the first time in years. But he has to keep his distance because he's technically not his stepson anymore even though we all know he was way more than that.

Maybe he can’t hold off and he ends up spending time with him again and that's what annoys John more than anything else?

Enter possible kidnapping plot on deranged John's part, Robert and Aaron (and Ross) all going ape trying to save him.

I dunno - could be plausible.

We shall see what happens though peeps!!

[dreamer-of-ships]

Lmfao you know when your blog was originally a robron blog and you used to exclusively follow other robron blogs when suddenly after six whopping years your home feed has over 100 notifications 💀🤣

[dreamer-of-ships]

Black Butterflies and Deja Vu Update

Hey team. My work is in it's busiest period at the moment, and will be very hectic until probably the end of May. Just wanted to come on here and say that I have chapter 21 underway. I'm working on it in bits and bobs instead of all in one go like I usually do, just to try and preserve my energy as it's running on negative zero as it is.

Will aim to have the next chapter ready and live by March 30th at the latest, if not before. Rest assured though that it's still in the works and I'm still very excited about this story! xx

[dreamer-of-ships]

Black Butterflies and Deja Vu Update

Hey guys. Just wanted to pop in to update everybody on Chapter 19 of Black Butterflies and Deja Vu. I've not had much time to sit down and write, as work has really started kicking into high gear lately, as well as a few other personal things that have been going on.

I was hoping I'd get the chance to write this weekend, but I likely won't have the time or energy as I'm feeling a bit burnt out.

I will aim to have it up soon though once things have started to settle a bit.

As always, thanks your patience and understanding, and thank you for loving my fic xx

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Hey guys. For those following Black Butterflies and Deja Vu, I’m participating in a writing competition this weekend so I can’t put as much focus on BBDV as I would like.

Depending on when I can complete the first draft of this other short story I’m writing I may be able to get something up tomorrow for BBDV but it will depend on how tired I am as well.

Here’s hoping but will keep you guys updated if there are any further delays!!

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Heyy! i really really love your serie on ao3 about Nick and Charlie!!! do you know when chapter 17 will come out? really looking forward reading it :)

Omg I didn’t see this come through until now! Sorry about that! Nevertheless I’m so glad you’re loving the fic!

Good news! Chapter 17 is live now!

I’ll aim to have chapter 18 up sometime this coming weekend as well 😊

[dreamer-of-ships]

Black Butterflies and Deja Vu Update

Hey guys.

I was hoping to be able to get a chapter up today, but I've been caught up with lots of different Christmas events and finishing up work for the year, that I'm just really exhausted this weekend! I will try and get something up potentially by the middle of this week!

Don't fret peeps. Chapter 16 is coming soon! And it's going to be a good one I promise :) 🎅 🎄 🌟 🎆

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Hey, so totally obsessed with your Black Butterflies and Deja Vu fanfic. I was just curious when you usually post your next chapters. I check everyday haha… <3

Hey! Thanks so much for reaching out! I'm so happy you're loving the story!

All going well, I usually write the chapters throughout the week to post by the weekend, whether that's Saturday or Sunday. It all depends on how much I've got on my plate.

In saying that the posting schedule has been pretty all over the place lately, but I try to stick to those days as much as possible!

I probably won't get another chapter up for a little bit unfortunately, as this coming weekend I'm literally climbing a mountain lol. But I will try and get it up as soon as possible!

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Chapter four of Black Butterflies and Deja Vu is up! I hope you all enjoy!

Excerpt below! Check the rest out on AO3 and let me know what you think in the comments :)

___

Later, when they’re back at their flat, Nick sits comfortably in the armchair in their living room while Adam and Kaid sit on the couch, playing Call of Duty on the Xbox. Now and again, Nick looks up to see how they’re progressing through the game, but for the most part, he’s glued to his phone, texting back and forth with Charlie. 

C: Tell me how rugby trials went when you get home!

N: They went really well, I think. Some interesting characters for sure, but a lot of good talent!

C: That’s good! Was it nice playing again?

N: Yeah! It was hard, though. Definitely need to build up my stamina again after this summer.

C: I’d say you had pretty good stamina all summer…

Nick smirks as he reads Charlie’s text, shaking his head as he types out his reply.

N: Behave 🔥

C: Fine, you asked for it. 

C: Did you enjoy your first taste of being captain?

N: There wasn’t much room for captaining today haha. Coach ran most of the drills to see what the first-years could do but I definitely tried having ‘a captain aura’.

C: A Captain Aura? 💀

N: Yeah like all important and dominant and shit.

C: You always give off a captain aura then lol.

N: Okay now you’re just being kinky.

C: You were the one who brought dominance into this.

Nick looks up from his phone, already feeling his cheeks flush. He did not mean this to turn into a flirty conversation, but that’s always par for the course with Charlie. He smiles from ear to ear as he notices another text message come through.

C: Sorry, back to ‘behaving’ again

N: I don’t think you know how tbh

N: We could facetime tonight?

C: Facetime or 🔥FaceTime🔥

N: The second one 😂

C: You know I’d never say no to that x

N: 8 pm?

C: Can’t wait x

N: ❤️

C: ❤️❤️

N: ❤️❤️❤️

“Are you flirting with Charlie right now? Because you look like a tomato,” Adam says then, cutting through his reverie.

Nick looks up at him, clearing his throat as he pulls himself back into the present and pockets his phone. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he tries to sound natural.

“Seriously, I hope it’s because you’ve been flirting,” Adam says. “You’ve gone proper red in the face.”

Nick doesn’t give him a response, just shoots him his middle finger instead. Adam snorts and then goes back to playing the game.

“Room for three?” Nick asks after a moment.

Kaid laughs. “Ah, now he’s done making googly eyes at Charlie; he remembers about the rest of us.”

Nick sighs before leaning down, picking up the third controller on the coffee table, and waiting for Adam to add him to the game.

Soon, they’re shouting at each other and swearing like sailors, and for Nick, that’s a great evening. 

Read it on AO3

[dreamer-of-ships]

Chapter Three of Black Butterflies and Deja Vu is up! I loved writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy reading it!

Excerpt below!

---

Charlie sits on his bed, his phone in his hands, as Nick's face finally pops up on his screen. His boyfriend is walking through the front door of his flat all the way up there in Leeds, his bag haphazardly thrown over his shoulder.

The afternoon light shines through Charlie's window, and the sounds of students his age laughing, mingling, and getting to know each other, as well as the subtle bass of music blasting through somebody's speakers, pour into his room. 

He'll eventually go out and enjoy all the fun, but he also wants to check in with his boyfriend to see how his rugby meeting went. 

Nick kicks his door shut behind him, and Charlie smirks when he trips over something. 

"Jesus Christ, Kaid! Stop leaving your shit in the middle of the floor."

In the background, he hears a chuckle, and Charlie guesses it's Nick's flatmate in question. 

"I just like to leave you presents, Nicky. It's to show you my love!"

"Well, show your love somewhere else, you twat."

Nick looks at his camera, and their eyes connect through the screen. A wide smile stretches across his beautiful face.

"Hi," Nick says.

Charlie grins. "Hi."

"Hang on, let me go up to my room."

"You don't want us witnessing you making googly eyes at your boyfriend?" A voice shouts out in the background. 

Charlie guesses it was Nick's other flatmate, Adam.

Nick doesn't give him a response, but Charlie's pretty sure he's flipping him off behind the camera.

A few moments later, Nick is up the stairs, throwing his bag on his floor and flopping onto his bed. 

"How's today been?" he asks. 

Charlie smiles. "Yeah, it's been fine. Just finished sorting out my room, then went and got lunch with Zack and Mack. They're both really cool."

Nick chuckles. "Zack and Mack? I didn't realise their names actually rhyme, but when you put it like that."

Charlie smirks. "Yeah, and they get on so well. Think they'll be a bit of a dynamic duo."

"'The Zack and Mack Attack.'" 

Charlie chuckles. "I'll tell them you said that. Wonder if they'll get it printed on a T-shirt."

"Tell them that since I coined it, I get trademark rights."

"Oh, of course," Charlie says. 

Nick smiles widely through his phone screen, and there's silence as Charlie takes it in. He already misses seeing that smile in person. 

"How was your rugby meeting?"

Nick's smile grows to the point that it looks like he's glowing, and it honestly lights Charlie's heart so much, seeing his boyfriend get so excited about the game he loves most. 

"Guess who made Captain?"

Charlie shoots forward, sitting upright on his bed. "Nick!"

Nick nods, his wide grin splitting his face in two.

"Oh my god, Nick! That's amazing."

"Yeah," he breathes out, the disbelief evident on his face. "Yeah. My coach mentioned it at the end of last term, but I didn't think it meant it was a done deal."

"They're so lucky to have you. You're going to be an amazing captain!"

Nick gulps. "You think so?"

"I know so!"

He laughs nervously. "Guess I'm a bit anxious about it — now that it's real."

"Why?"

"I dunno. Just a lot of pressure."

Charlie smiles a supportive smile. "Well, coming from someone who used to be on a team you captained, I think you'll be amazing."

Nick smirks. "Well, that makes me feel a tiny bit better."

"You're going to be great, Nick. I know it."

"Thanks, Char."

After that, they keep talking for a while, not saying a lot but enjoying each other's company. It should be crazy that they can speak for this long when they've literally only said goodbye to each other this morning, but for them, it's normal. 

Talking to Nick feels like the most natural thing in the world to Charlie, and he knows that if they were given the chance, they could go on talking forever. It doesn't matter whether they're in the same room or hundreds of miles apart; the conversation always flows. 

They talk about classes starting next week and what they're most excited about. Charlie says he's most excited about meeting other people with the same interest in Classics as him, and for Nick, it's learning more about his work experience placement that he has later this year. He'd spent his first year learning all the ins and outs of teaching, but now he finally gets to see what it's like in the real world. 

Charlie can definitely see it — Nick being a teacher. He's the most patient and caring person he's ever met. If anybody will make an incredible educator, it's 100% Nick Nelson.

"I should get my timetable on Monday," Nick says. "I'm hoping I can get Fridays off like last year so we can extend our weekends together."

Charlie smiles. "Yeah, I'll try and plan mine to have Fridays off too."

"Just means I get to be in your bed longer," Nick says

He gives Nick a pointed look. " Or me in yours."

At that, Nick visibly blushes, triggering the butterflies in Charlie's stomach. How does that still happen after almost five years together?

"You have plans for your birthday yet?" Charlie asks. 

Nick scratches his head, his forehead wrinkling together. "I didn't exactly make them myself, but Adam's adamant we're going out, so I guess… yes."

Charlie smirks. "You'll have a great time."

Nick sighs, opening his eyes wide but nodding his head. "Yup."

"You always do. Whenever they drag you out."

"I know. I know."

"And I'll be there in spirit." 

Nick smiles. "I know you will."

Suddenly, there's a knock on Charlie's door. 

"Hang on one sec."

Nick hums just as Charlie heaves himself off his bed and walks towards his door. On the other side is Mack, holding up a bottle of vodka and raising an eyebrow in question. 

She doesn't even need to say anything because he already knows what she's asking. 

Charlie smirks. "Okay. I'll join in a second."

"Thatta boy!" she says before she wanders down the hall and knocks on Koska's door next to Charlie's. 

Charlie turns back to Nick on his screen, who's smiling from ear to ear. 

"I've been propositioned."

Nick chuckles. "Have you now?"

"Yes, with Vodka."

"Oh, you do like your Vodka."

Read it on AO3

[dreamer-of-ships]

Just posted the second chapter of my uni heartstopper fic! Would love to know what you think!

Excerpt below!

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The next morning, Nick wants to hold onto Charlie for as long as is humanly possible. He doesn’t care that they’re squished together in this tiny single bed — he’d stay here for the rest of his life if it meant never leaving Charlie's side.

His boyfriend buries his face in Nick's neck while he envelopes him in his strong arms. Right now, they couldn’t be any closer if they tried. 

But Nick knows they can’t stay here forever. Soon, his alarm will go off, and he will have to find his way back to his car and drive all the way back to Leeds.

It’s not that he’s not excited about his second year of university — he definitely is. He’s really excited to get back into classes and rugby and hang out with his mates up there, but it doesn’t make it any easier leaving Charlie, especially after they’ve been glued to each other’s sides all summer. 

He’d almost forgotten what it had been like when he and Charlie would spend basically every waking minute with each other. Back in their school days, they’d be in the same form class every morning, have lunch together every day, go back to each other’s houses after school, and on some occasions even stay the night to do it all again the next day. Most people would have probably grown tired of spending that much time with another person, but to him and Charlie, those moments were precious.

Last year, when he’d been at uni for his first year, he’d missed those moments regularly, having to get used to FaceTime calls and weekend catch-ups every three weeks instead. 

This summer has been like a dream.

Now Nick’s going to have to say goodbye to him again, and he’s really not looking forward to it. So yeah…

He’d stay in this bed forever if he were given half the chance.

Next to him, Charlie finally stirs, and Nick smiles when he automatically feels the press of his lips against his neck.

“Morning,” he says.

Charlie lets out a soft groan. “Hi.”

Read more of AO3

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Have started a new fic! This time for Heartstopper! I'm so excited about this one as I have heaps of ideas for it!

Summary below! Rated E because this one is a bit spicy!

Can't wait to hear what you guys think!

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Nick and Charlie made it through their first year of long distance without any issues. Sure, it was hard, but they loved each other enough to continue putting in the effort, and somehow, they made it through. Now, after a summer of romance, as Nicks starts his Second Year in Leeds and Charlie goes off to London for First Year, they're ready to pick up where they left off. But when they are confronted with many more challenges, they must continue fighting for each other if they want to hold onto the love they found so young.

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Why do I get the feeling it's going to come out that Robert and John are both aware of each other? Like really AWARE. John mentioned he's heard of Robert before, but what if John is on Robert's radar too? What if they met in those years before he returned to Emmerdale and met Aaron?

John's giving serious hitman/conman vibes lol, so maybe he's one of the dodgy connections Robert had, who he'd call to do all his dirty work.

Robert himself told Aaron he's done things — things he's not even told Aaron about, so what if there is some connection between all that sketchy shit and John?

Who knows if Emmerdale writers would even think of something like that, but it could get interesting...

I'm still on the fence about whether Ryan will ever come back. I honestly don't think there are any indicators that he will in the near future, but this could be an interesting storyline to bring him back if he ever does.