dreamingofsunday - Tumblr blog

[dreamingofsunday]

it hurts so bad. it hurts so bad.

it hurts so, so, so bad.

my nails dig into my ribcage, trying to pull out that

that

thing, beating inside of me.

it has to be the issue. its beating. its still continuing. i cant stop it, cant stop this awful hollow ache.

theres one way.

i cant.

i cant hide those anymore. people ask, people notice, they see the lines and they ask, what have you done? was it not enough?

Cant you go further?

[dreamingofsunday]

im sorry for missing you.

my chest is hollowed with heartache. tears roll down my cheeks with no effort.

its a hypocritical thing. i disappear for years. i expect you to talk to me, give me space...

but i know it doesnt work this way.

narcissism hangs over my throat. i feel horrible for needing you. you are equal. you are free from our judgement, our standards, so insurmountably tall we fail to meet them, beat ourselves up over it.

why? why must i be a devil, cursed?

[dreamingofsunday]

original url http://www.geocities.com/blood_of_the_lamb/

last modified 2006-01-06 16:09:30

[dreamingofsunday]

it/its pronoun flag set part one

lesbian, gay, bi

trans, pan, nonbinary

[dreamingofsunday]

Love Letter Dividers

Please like and reblog if you use or save.

Requested by @halloweenismyfav

Dividers List

[dreamingofsunday]

exhaustion slams its back like a brick. it stares forward with leaden lids, its hands clasped in prayer.

"oh, heavenly Father, let everything be okay in the end."

its cries are unheard.

"i am not sure if i can bear this loss."

tears stream down its cheeks.

"please, Father. please."

and tragedy strikes through its heart like an arrow.

[dreamingofsunday]

an angel cloaked in white wings and black garb, he watches with wide catlike eyes.

the light is bright. suffocating.

he stares at the scene. he stands behind me. he cannot intervene. he urges it to act.

it stands.

its eyes are wide.

its hands shake.

nausea pools.

it feels like its going to throw up at the sight.

the angel presses his hand against its back. it withdraws.

maybe one day it will be strong enough

to no longer run away, to help, to do anything, to not be useless.

[dreamingofsunday]

days fall through my fingers like your hair used to.

i close my eyes and breathe in, and that scent of yours lingers, unfriendly and unwelcomed.

i feel sick.

falling asleep means you haunt me. your ghost passes through me, nails clawing through my heartstrings, laboring my heartbeat.

its hard to draw breath.

its hard to open my eyes.

its hard to betray you.

[dreamingofsunday]

I've been dreaming since Sunday,

that you would come to save me.

I know it's foolish,

because you've long wasted away.

[dreamingofsunday]

and every night it repeats its routine.

it says it, quietly, repeatedly,

"i love you, i love you, i love you,"

in hopes that

he doesnt forget this time.

[dreamingofsunday]

ღ

tearing muscle from sinew. bare fingers tinged with crimson.

turning myself into an angel. carve my wings from marble.

box cutter that gleams silver, stained with sins.

crimes that dye ivory wings an inky black.

i will never be holy. i will never be the perfect lamb.

i will disappoint everyone.

friends

family

God.