dreamsinwords

[dreamsinwords]

Hello.

My first post on Tumblr in a very long time. I’m also writing it on my phone laying in bed when my computer is brightening up my room from behind me. It’ll probably be faster typing on my computer too but I’m kinda lazy. Meh. Anyways. I’m gonna talk about my heart. My emotional heart. It’s been a truly long time since I’ve truly have feelings for any girl. Ever since then I’ve been constantly building this wall to protect my heart. Never letting anything in. These walls which had enclose everything from getting in or out has been modify. Last year was when I decided to build a gate. Still afraid of the outside world I constantly sent out scouts to look at undiscovered land. Trying to make a new home on these lands. After constant scouts report and research, it seem I had found a newly discovered piece of small land. She was small but she was beautiful. Everything about it was just so beautiful. So I planned everything and I sent out a huge expedition force. Everything was going well, too well to be exact. Then it happen. What we thought was a small piece of land was actually part of something on a whole different level. There was a small hill on this piece of land and after going to the top of this hill we discover that on the other side of the hill, there was already a home there. Not a small home but a home that has been structure so strong nothing was gonna break it down. It was a huge loss. We wanted to discover land that was empty but had stumble on somebody else’s land. My expeditionary force return with a huge loss. Morale plummeted like water going down a drain. After this I locked that gate. Even now it’s still lock. It’s been over a year now. It’s been a while since I had sent out a scout. But tomorrow I’m gonna do something drastic. There’s a land that we’ve discovered once long ago. There use to be a home there but a civil broke out and the two split. Now on that land she resides by herself. Is she waiting for somebody? maybe is it me? Most likely not but tomorrow, instead of scouting I am going to lead a expeditionary force to that land. What will the outcome be? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

[dreamsinwords]

Shenhua Shenmue (Dreamcast, 1999)

[dreamsinwords]

Shenmue III - E3 2015 Kickstater Announcement

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SHENMUE 3 IS REAL

HOLY FUCK

GO GIVE THEM MONEY

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ysnet/shenmue-3

[dreamsinwords]

[dreamsinwords]

This guy at Shenmue 3 Announcement. 

[dreamsinwords]

They did it

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[dreamsinwords]

Day 43 and 44.

Day 43. I had work from 9 to 5. Wasn't much. Everything went by fast so work was a good to me. After work went and watched X-Men with the guys. Then went over to Mark's house. Then went home at like 4? Didnt sleep till 5 though. Day 44. Woke up at 10. I was wondering what time it was so I went to my phone to look at the time. Well, I then saw a text msg. I saw the name and I immediately woke up. I wasn't tired anymore. It was the Goddess!! She said she wasn't going to work today cause she called in sick. After that I texted her to see what her schedule was like next week so we can get ice cream. She's like I'm off monday but i'll be busy and that on wednesday or saturday she might go out of town with her bf. Her "bf" BOYFRIEND!!! But like before seeing this text I waited like 15 mins thinking what is was gonna say or whatnot. I glance at it to see how long it was and it was long so I kept walking around my house guessing what she'll say. I was happy. But when I read her text I immediately dropped my phone, kicked it and I just dropped down on my knee. I laid down after and was just speechless. Like why? Why? Why didn't you tell me you had a "bf" from the start. Like I dropped hella hints that I was interested in you. I really wanted to just ignore her text but it'll be weird. So I replied back with a " It's ok. We can go whenever." But I ain't going no more. I thought that my day was gonna start great with a text from her but everything became a nightmare. But to be honest. I wasn't sad. I was mainly speechless and at the same time kinda relieve. Yeah she could have just said no from the start and none of this would have happen. But I knew it though. It was on my list of worst case scenario. I thought to myself that even though I got her number and asked her out, she didnt reply much so she must have a "bf" or somebody she's interested in. What was I?! Shit I don't even know. But I will talk to her though, when I see her. Talk to her about calling this ice cream off. Yeah I could do it in a text but it's better in person. More facial expression. But how the hell am I gonna start it off though. Screw it. I'll just say what's on my mind at that moment. What am I gonna do now? Fuck, move on. Learn from your mistake. When you go up to a girl, show her you're interested. It's hard to explain. Be confident in yourself. Life goes on. Don't waste your time on a girl you might not be with. I thought I had feelings for this girl but I didn't. Only emotion I felt when I read that text was relief. And embarrassment. Not to her but her bf. I feel better. Kinda glad I didn't go on a drive. Next time I see a cute girl I'll go up to her. What's the worst that can happen beside a "no". A "no, i have a boyfriend" is better then a "yes, ohh and i also have a boyfriend" just keep that in mind.

[dreamsinwords]

Day 42.

Sigh….. I had work today. The “Goddess” also had work but I did not have any contact with her today. So sad. But it was kinda my fault since I ignored her. Lol. But anyways, my rant. God mother fucking damn it. I have this coworker. My god this mother fucker has such horrible work ethic. He was schedule today 12 to 8pm. Lied to me and said he’s off at 6. He has the easiest job too but this foo can’t work. Plus this guy took like an hour lunch today. Imma go to my boss tomorrow and complain. I’m also gonna ask if I can just do his job. I was offer it many time but didn’t want to do it. But now after seeing all this, I just have too. This foo is so damn slow though. He looks like he’s in his 30’s so at first I was like ok, he has the experience, I won’t bother him. Then I learn this guy is only 21. Then my whole view of him change. He just pisses me off.

[dreamsinwords]

Day 41.

Well for starter, I did not have work today. Yay!! But I work the next 4 days straight. I didn't really do much today. Did a little shopping for cargo shorts cause it's getting hot and I need them for work. Finally bought myself some Fiber cream for thy hair! 18 dollars but it was the cheapest i can find. Other than that, I texted the "Goddess" she went hiking today. I don't want to commit into the chase but I may just do that. I'm glad she said yes to me. I feel as if a side of me that was once me came back. A good side. She may or may not be in my future but I'm happy cause she was the one to open this door I locked away for a long time now. I'll ignore her last text she sent me. I'll text her tomorrow morning instead.

[dreamsinwords]

Continuation of Day 40.

Today at work I was also name as the Top 3 nicest worker!!! Some even said I was the nicest! :) aww yeah!

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Day 39 and 40.

Day 39. I didn't work. Washed my car and had a bbq with family over. Day 40. Damn. Only thing I was thinking about was her. Like what is she doesn't wanna go with me any more for ice cream. I sat outside for my first break, hoping that she would also come out and take a break too so that I can talk to her. But nope. As I was walking back, my coworker was outside and was having a conversation with me right in front of the store, my back was facing the store door and like we talk for a few seconds and like then he says "Joanne"  and like she was behind me. GOING ON HER BREAK!! I was like FUCK!!! I just went back to work. A few hours later I went on my lunch. I got a drink and went to her station to buy it. Man. I don't know what was going on but it was so awkward lol. I kinda was not in the mood to talk or anything. So I guess that played a part in it too. But anyways later on like at 10:20ish when I clocked out. I was like I have to ask her. At first I wasn't. I was just gonna leave. But I had to ask her for confirmation. So I went to her and was like "Did you still wanna go get ice cream with me?" She was like "Yeah, I still do." Then she said "when are you free? Wanna go Friday?" But I said no cause I work Friday, so let's just go next week. She said ok. We'll have to wait till Friday to see our schedule next week. God I hope we have a day off next week together. I'll be so mad if we don't. Like I've been through so much to get this ice cream date.  I also finally got her LAST NAME!!!!! First time seeing this kinda of last name. 

[dreamsinwords]

Day 36 through the 38.

Day 36. Had work and went to davis. Day 37. had a religious thingie and went to Le's graduation and then to his house after for food. Congrats! Day 38. Went to davis again. and also the galleria. I fucked up. I fucked up big time. I got to the point where I was over-thinking WAY WAY too much. I was impatience and stupid. Sigh... I think I lost my chance. So sad. I'll talk to her when I see her at work Tuesday. 

[dreamsinwords]

Day 33 to the 35

Day 33. So like as I was driving to work. About to make the left turn into my store plaza, I saw a protest. A protest that's happening in front of my store about my store. And what would you know. It was the Union protesting that our store is not union. Man, there were so many complaint though. The cops came and whatnot too. Our store really care about our customer services. So we care what our customer are saying. If we get enough complaints, then the cops are gonna come again and arrest somebody for disturbing the peace. Other than that work was just a boring day. Day 34. Came into work. The Union was still protesting outside the store. This day. Wednesday May 21st was a really chaotic day. There was an event taking place in the same plaza so there was no parking at all. People had to park behind our store and at Kaiser which was also behind our store. Plus during all this time, the Union was having a strike. So I knew that the Store Manager was really mad considering it's a Wednesday and Wednesday is one of the 2 days that are the most busiest day. If not the busiest. To be honest it was a really slow day. I was expecting to work a lot since I thought it'll be busy. Day mother fucking 35. Today May 22nd. I was suppose to work 9 to 5 but switched my shift, so I was closing today. 2pm to 10pm. I switched shift for 2 reason. 1st reason was to fix my school stuff at Sac city and the 2nd was to ask the Goddess out. Since she was gonna start work at 4pm when my original schedule was gonna make me get off at 5pm. I usually don't look at other peoples schedule but this time I had to do it since she told me last week she was only gonna work 2 day this week. Anyways back to work. Man. I hate working Thursday. It's like. It was such a slow day. I came in and like there was nothing to do. For like the first few hours I was basically walking around the store. It was so boring. Around 6 I went on my first break and went outside to go sit down and like some of my coworkers were already resting there so I joined them and omg they were all guys so they were just talking about girls and whatnot. They were just asking stupid question and whatnot. My kinda question too! I learned that there are a lot of gay people working at my store. 3 of the 5 store manager are gay, well 2. The other one is transgender. Then the my coworker who was telling me all this kinda was like telling my other coworker he can probably get at Joanne aka the "Goddess". then he looked my way  and was saying I could too. I kinda looked at him and shrug "yeah". But in my mind I was like OMG! They all went back inside while I was alone outside and I'm sitting here still shock that he said that. I'm just sitting thinking to myself I just need to get this over with. Later on like at 9:40pm. 20 minutes before we close. I kinda like went to her a few times to ask her out and like omg I couldn't do it. The first time I went to her, I was like alright bruh let's do this! Went to her and was just like "hey" then I left. So I left and was just yelling at me inside my head. I was just hella pumping myself up. Then came the 2nd time. This time I was ready. I WAS READY!!! So I went up to her this time with the intention of asking her. I go up and said "Hey" then I left. I went back to the back of the produce fridge and was just going at myself like wtf is wrong with you?! You're gonna regret it you son of a bitch. So this time I just went towards her with the intention of getting rejected. I was so nervous and and shy. I didn't know how to start a conversation so I was like "Hey" "Hey can I ask you a quick question?" she was like sure. Then I'm like " I never done this before and I know what you're gonna say already but would you like to go get ice cream with me some time next week." I shit you not. I SHIT YOU NOT. there was no hesitation in her voice. She said "Sure, I'll go with you." At this point I blanked. I was like what. Then she was like "just make sure I get your number later." I was kinda speechless after asking her for ice cream, so like she did all the talking after. I walked away and went back to the produce fridge actually while walking there I saw a coworker and was just like give me a high 5! He did. Went back to the produce fridge to think about what had just happen. I was so happy. OMG I WAS SO HAPPY! I'm still so HAPPY! Before i left work I got her number. Now I'm just like what do I say next? How do I text her? I told her earlier that i was a noob and have never done this before. And also may I have permission to text her tomorrow. She said yes. Now I'm here just still so stun. I feel so accomplish. Even if she like don't wanna go anymore I'll be ok with it. My goal was to ask her. A answer was all I was looking for. And I got one :) Now I'll wait for tomorrow. 

[dreamsinwords]

Day 32

Day 32. Yep totally in love. uhhh let's see. Work was very slow. I like that. Once I was on my lunch I wanted something to drink. So I got a drink and went to go pay for it. The Goddess wasn't working so I went to the register of another girl I was interested in. Anyways the drink was 1.04 but with the work discount it'll come up at 86 cents. So I gave a dollar to my coworker and like I always say keep the change cause I don't want the 14 cents. She was like ok. But then I said I'm glad you're not like the "Goddess" usually she'll never accept my change and always give it back to me. I kinda kept talking about the Goddess to her and like when I got to my car I was just like "WTF, was that." I shouldn't be talking about the Goddess to another girl I was interested in. Chris. I'm afraid of getting that rejection now. It's been like 3 or 4 years since I have feelings for any girl. My god. I need to get away. 

[dreamsinwords]

Day 31

Day 31. Fuck. Work was work. Another day, another dollar. But the Goddess. The Goddess. Oh My God. I'm afraid of getting rejected now. Why? I think I'm in love. I think. Let's see. I took my first break around 1:45 and like I left the store to walk to my car but when I got outside I looked towards my left where all the tables and chairs were at and like I saw her sitting there by herself. At this point I'm like what do I do? Should I go to her? I couldn't stop where I was at so I walked to my car lol After walking to it I'm like fuck it lets go. So I walked towards her. She was facing the other way so I was coming from behind. So I got to her and said "May I join?" She was like yeah go ahead. So for the next 10 something minutes, I sat and talk to her. I ;earned a little about her and she learn a little about me. But during all this time, I'm just thinking of asking her out. But OMG. I couldn't do it. When she was getting up to go back to work. I kinda wanted to be like wait and like ask her then but I didn't. She doesn't work until Thursday so I'm like fuck!!! I have to wait until then. I hope that until Thursday, I kinda lose feeling for this girl so that my rejection won't hurt. God darn it, I just want this all to be over. I had to many interaction with her this past week. I'm knowing her a little bit too much now. That's not good. Not good at all.