dressedbymum-blog

[dressedbymum-blog]

WEEKLY SCORPIO-SCOPE APRIL 8, 2019

WHAT ASTROLOGY.COM SAID

A small favor for a friend on Monday -- something you barely even think about -- will come back your way tenfold later in the week. In the meantime, Tuesday and Wednesday require patience. Decisions will be difficult, authority figures will be difficult, socializing will be difficult. But this is just a blip on the radar screen. By Thursday and Friday, the tide turns and suddenly you're the luckiest person you know. Magnetism, energy and strength bolster your already formidable talents. Rebirth and regeneration are your themes on Saturday, and Sunday finds you taking risks. 

WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

The timing might be off, but everybody has up’s and downs every once in a while. You’re bound to have a bad week and then bounce back from it. If it’s not this week, maybe next? or maybe three weeks ago? who knows? Really only you do... sooo good luck!

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

Wow. If this was written 3 weeks ago it would have been BANG ON! Everything was extra difficult that one week. Monday you helped a pal spiral out of a panic attack and then absorbed all of that energy and became an old vibrator that couldn’t be turned off, and don’t get any pleasure from.... but the past two weeks have been easy breezy, fun, productive and sleezy! So close Astrology.com! I can’t wait to see what you throw out in the universe next week. 

[dressedbymum-blog]

WEEKLY SCORPIO-SCOPE APRIL 1, 2019

WHAT ASTROLOGY.COM SAID

When one invitation conflicts with another, you cannot let your ambition determine your priorities. Loyalty should be what guides you. Remember that there is value in getting face time with all the people in your life, not just the ones who can make career opportunities for you. You could also consider saying "yes" to both—and split your time between the events. This might mean extra work for you, but that work could really pay off in the end.

WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

We really have no idea what is going on in your life, but we don’t trust you to make the right choices so we’re telling you to make ALL the choices. It might burn you out, but in the end it’s worth it. We think. Maybe?

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

You always prioritize friendship over career. So much so that you didn’t even notice when a great career egg fell on your head. It might feel kinda gross at first but it’s time to get crackin’ and embrace the SLIME!

[dressedbymum-blog]

WEEKLY SCORPIO-SCOPE March 18, 2019

WHAT ASTROLOGY.COM SAID:

Largeness is a theme on Monday. ‘The bigger the better’ is your mantra. Your reasons are philosophical, but the effect this outlook will have is financial. By Tuesday, you might find yourself the proud and somewhat embarrassed owner of an incredibly expensive piece of art. Or furniture. Or even jeans. Midweek, practice self-control. Instead of eating out, make yourself a sandwich. Focus on non-material things – your future, for example. Define a path. Friday and Saturday your problem-solving skills are needed at home, and Sunday will tax your imagination in pleasurable ways. 

WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN:

Even though you are basically a peasant it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve great things. On Monday you’re feeling larger than life and you splurge on things you don’t need just to make yourself feel like the influencer you wish you were. Nobody is giving you free shit to sponsor, so get your head outa tha clouds and make yourself a sandwich. By mid-week you’ll balance out and return the purchases you made on Monday because you don’t want to be homeless next month. Friday and Saturday you need to clean your dirty ass apartment, and Sunday you might wake up to a pleasurable surprise like of your partner going down on you.

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED:

Last week you didn’t take your meds properly so you’re not feeling 100% balanced. You’ve started a new routine where you eat two breakfasts, don’t eat lunch or dinner but then stuff your face with a dozen chicken nuggs at 2 am. The next day you try to redeem yourself by making home-made broccoli soup, which turns out to be delicious and you’re proud of yourself, but also embarrassed that you still have trouble holding down a healthy routine. You also splurge on some heeled boots. You never wear heels as they are out of your comfort zone, so you only wear them around the house and to the corner store. By Thursday you’re back to old habits making a batch of Kraft dinner. You feel so guilty about it that on Friday you start the day with a smoothie and make Canada-guide approved meals for the rest of the day. On Saturday you go to two yoga classes back to back. By Sunday you’re back on track taking your meds properly and you admit to having an addiction to Instagram.

[dressedbymum-blog]

Daily Scorpio-scope: May 31, 2018

WHAT ASTROLOGY.COM SAID

It's a perfectly good idea to plan things out before you move forward. After all, there's no sense in doing something before you fully understand what you're doing. But everything is where it needs to be, and the blueprints are finalized, so why are you stalling? Take a look at why you might not want to move ahead now and be honest about what is holding you back. Get ready to stare all your fears right in the face. Enjoy a good laugh when they crumble and disappear.

WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

You have had so much time to plan and do good work on your thesis, but you keep procrastinating and wasting time like writing dumb things like this Scorpio-scope. THE ONLY PERSON THAT IS TO BLAME IS YOU! Stop being so lazy, stop making excuse and GET YOUR WORK DONE. You’re scared of rejection, you’re scared of doing it wrong, you’re scared of having to re-do it. I’M SO F-ING TIRED OF HEARING YOUR BULLSHIT EXCUSES! One day you’ll be like WHY TF was I being such a whiny bitch about it, it wasn’t so hard. Push through bro.

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

You forgot you had the day off, so you got up at 5:45 AM, made coffee and got dressed but then realized what day it was and went back to bed. Why didn’t you just push through with something productive like an early sesh at the gym? You will. But after you write this thing. Hopefully you won’t fall asleep under a pile of laundry again. Chances are pretty good because it’s that new day you were talking about to get your shit together, and you already put away your clothes. No excuses today!

[dressedbymum-blog]

Daily Scorpio-scope: May 30th 2018

WHAT ASTROLOGY.COM SAID 

If you weren't satisfied with yesterday's selection of brand-new people to interview for the position of brand-new best friends/long-term lovers -- well, not to worry. The heavens have arranged for a whole new lineup to come along today. Once again, the only thing you really have to do to win this game is to show up -- so don't you dare stay home. Get dressed and get out there. One deep, meaningful glance will get the show on the road.

WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN 

Sometimes you really lay on the charm- it just happens without you even knowing you're doing it, and people think you're way more friendly and outgoing than you actually are. You don't really want any new friends anyway so you never return their texts and ignore their calls. But now you've alienated everyone around you, and you actually have no friends. So get out of bed you asshole, get drunk and meet some people.

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED

 Yesterday you meant to go to the gym after work- but instead you fell asleep at 6 PM in your gym clothes, and woke up at midnight under a pile of clean laundry. You still managed to sleep like a baby from 2-5:45 AM. Tomorrow is always a new day to get your shit together.