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drewexe · 1 year
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Ghost
(Justin Bieber; cover by Seungmin)
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Now playing…
Pairing: chan x reader
Genre: angst
Word count: ~1,7k
Playlist entry: ghost
Author’s note: so here goes the first one of the song requests fics ! writing this was a bit of a struggle of getting myself in the right space for it but i hope that i did the song and the request some justice; the song is meant to comfort but this has somehow turned out to be mostly hurt warning for implied character death i guess? request was submitted by @lenavlkr sorry for the wait and i hope you will like this one and also genuinely that you’re doing okay ;-; <333
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You’d always thought that you and Chan would be forever. You’d always assumed that nothing could ever come between the two of you. You were too close for that, you loved each other too much for that. It was you and Chan, as simple as that. As simple as it needed to be.
But then Chan left. It was also as simple as that. As simple as one wrong step. Too simple. One day you were curled up in bed together, talking about just anything, the next he was gone. And you were gone too. Without Chan you had nothing. 
You had a hollow shell of a home. A home that once used to be bright and filled with music. Chan’s laugh. His jokes and his little dumb pick-up lines that you’d always cringe at but never failed to make you smile. His happy little hums and his loving voice whenever he had a love song he wanted to share with you. Like that time when you had just moved in together and he had pulled out his phone and played a slow romantic song, taken your hands in his, and danced with you, humming the melody and singing along so quietly that you could only hear him because you were so close to him that you could as well be one whole.
You had a bed too large for one person. A bed that you used to share with Chan. You’d lay there together, sharing a few minutes more than you were supposed to in the morning. You’d cuddle on lazy weekends and talk about anything and everything. You’d share sensual touches and kisses, giggling to each other every time Chan got ticklish. You’d hide under the blankets, in each other’s arms, when you had a bad day or when he got too stressed. Like that time he had a deadline for a complicated project and he had been so overwhelmed working on it that he couldn’t sleep for days until you had pulled him with you under the covers and had held him in your arms, playing with his hair and rambling about a series you’d been watching for hours on until he couldn’t fight the tiredness and had fallen asleep curled up next to you.
You had a wardrobe full of dust. A wardrobe that used to keep your clothes organized tidily and Chan’s just thrown inside unless you got too peevish about it and sorted them properly just for him to mess them up the next day. A wardrobe with a mirror on the inside of one of the doors that you used to fix your outfits, and whenever he caught you staring for too long, Chan would come over, hug you from behind, and whisper praises to you until you couldn’t help but smile and kiss him. Like that time a friend had taken you shopping for your birthday and you had spent so much time searching for the right thing to buy, yet every clothing item you tried on had been the wrong size and looked hideous on you, so you’d returned home on the verge of tears. You had looked at yourself in the mirror, examining all the things you hated about your body at that moment until Chan had come up behind you, pressing a kiss on your shoulder and telling you how much he loved every single part you hated as if he could read your mind at that moment.
You had an untouched pot of ramen. Ramen that you would have shared together. Chan would always make sure you ate well, and you’d do the same for him. You would cook together a meal for dinner, sometimes complicated recipes, other times, when both of you were tired from the day, something simple. Like that time you had made plans to prepare a complex type of pasta for dinner but work had been so stressful for both of you throughout the day that instead, you had bought premade dough from the convenience store and had settled on a homemade pizza, kissing on the kitchen counter as you waited for it to finish baking. 
You had an empty picture frame on the wall. A picture frame that used to hold a photo of you and Chan. Taken by a friend. Showing the two of you together, happy. Enjoying time together, believing you had all the time in the world together. Chan was smiling in that photo. His bright smile, his adorable dimples, his loving eyes as he looked more at you than at the camera. It had been taken that time you had gone to the beach with a few of his friends, a couple of hours ride by the train, jokes along the way, and childish excitement when your feet had stepped onto the sand. You’d laughed together, played together and you had almost missed how someone raised a camera toward you and captured the moment. 
You had an unused bottle of perfume. A perfume that was distinctively Chan. He’d wear it every day to the point that you would joke you can’t recognize him when you can’t smell the perfume on him. On the flip side, the smell made you think of him so much that even if you were walking down the street and someone passed you by leaving a trace of perfume, you’d feel warmth filling you up. Like that time you had been away visiting your family and when you got off the bus on your return, you could swear you could smell his perfume. He was supposed to be at work at the time so you owed it to your excitement to be back home with him again, but just as you unloaded your suitcase, you felt arms wrap around your waist, and there he was. His smell had reached you before him but he had always been there, waiting for you. 
You had a broken little tape player. A tape player that Chan used to carry everywhere with him. It was old and chipped, occasionally distorting the sound or skipping, but still, he treasured it so much. He’d say that just because it’s been through a lot and struggled sometimes, didn’t mean he should give up on it. Because that’s how Chan was, always caring, even when talking about an inanimate object. He’d record his favorite songs on tapes and play them for you. Like that time you had unconsciously hummed to a song that you had heard on the radio earlier, that you couldn’t recognize at all but had loved so much it plagued your mind for days until one day you heard it again, and when you looked up, it was to see Chan and his chipped little tape player, smiling proudly. You had no idea how he had managed to find the song, but the love you felt for him at that time was overwhelming in the best way possible. And you’d secretly started making your own mixtape for him. 
You had a promise ring. A ring that had not fulfilled its promise. You had talked about marriage, about starting a family. But both of you didn’t want to rush things. You loved each other to the moon and back, you didn’t need to sign anything to know that. The ring didn’t promise that. But it promised that you would be together forever. Naively, maybe childishly, both of you had believed that the little ring would protect you from the harshness of the world and not allow anything to come between you. He’d given it to you that time you went to Mcdonald’s on your anniversary - Chan could make any ordinary day romantic so you didn’t need expensive restaurants to commemorate your love. You’d gone to the park, feeding the finches together, and then you’d gone to Mcdonald’s, and as you shared a milkshake and you were feeding him fries, he’d suddenly taken your hand and slid the ring on your finger. You had almost cried back then.
You had the ghost of a boy. You had the sound of his voice and his laugh ringing in the empty rooms and echoing off the walls. You had the shape of his body in between the blankets covering the bed, you almost had leftover warmth of his body. You had the ghost of his smile over your shoulder whenever you dared take a glance in the mirror. You had leftover traces of his perfume in the air. You all of your memories together, enough to fill up your heart to eternity and warm up even the coldest of winters.
But actually, you had only silence you didn’t dare break because it wouldn’t be him. 
You had an empty bed that you didn’t dare sleep in because he would never join you. 
You had piles of clothes thrown around the whole room because you couldn’t make yourself move them. 
You had a pot of cold soggy ramen that you would never eat again because he wouldn’t be there to share it with you.
You had the empty photo frame that you’d never put a photo in because it wouldn’t matter if he wasn’t in that photo with you.
You had a bottle of perfume you didn’t even dare touch because you might accidentally spray some of it but you’d only have the smell and not him.
You had a mixtape on his nightstand that you had finished up too late to be able to show him and now you would never play because he wouldn’t hear it. 
You had a promise ring that had promised you all the time in the world. Except Chan should have been there to share it with you. And now you had the rest of eternity all alone. 
You had only memories of the way Chan would fill up each and every one of your days. You had all of your memories together, enough to make your heart feel empty for eternity and chill down even the hottest of days. 
You had a mirror that showed your pitiful reflection - pale skin and dead, red eyes, you’d lost so much weight you could see your ribs poking through your skin. You desperately needed Chan to hug you and tell you you’re beautiful and that he loves you. But he would never do it again. 
You had nothing.
And in your hand, you had a note. A message he could never receive. A message you could never send. 
I miss you more than life.
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drewexe · 1 year
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Now playing...
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▪️Ghost (Justin Bieber; cover by Seungmin)
⇣Bang Chan
▪️Valentine (Laufey)
> Hyunjin
▪️Back Door (Stray Kids)
> Felix
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▪️Faded In My Last Song (NCT U)
> Haechan
▪️119 (NCT DREAM)
> Chenle
▪️Can’t Help Falling in Love (Elvis Presley)
> Jeno
▪️when the party’s over (Billie Eilish)
> Jaemin
▪️Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? (Arctic Monkeys)
> Mark
➕Add Songs
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drewexe · 1 year
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i hope all the bad things uve faced the past month is gone now and if its not i hope it gets better soon! <3 hugs (w consent)
hi love! thank you so much for the sweet words ! yes, things are much better now and i am doing well, and thank you so much for the hugs !! hugs (w consent) to you as well !! i hope you too are doing well and life is not being mean to you <33
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drewexe · 1 year
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SAUR TRUE ure so nice i hope ur works continue to get lots of attention!! BTWW could u possibly make a song requests masterlisttt hehe
naur stopp you’re gonna make me sob 😭 ty so much, you’re so sweet !! i hope you’re having an amazing day !
+ i am going to make one, yes ! i will be making a playlist w them as well, probably will get to it today or tomorrow
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drewexe · 1 year
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could u write for why'd u only call me when ure high by arctic monkeys for markkk thankyou
heyyy there, of course ! ty so much for the request, i already can imagine the direction to go into so i’m excited to work on it as well !
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drewexe · 1 year
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hello can i request for when the party's over - billie eilish for jaemin
hey, love, ty for this request ! it’s such an interesting concept for me bcs generally that’s a huge contrast to the way i look at jaemin but regardless of that, i will do my best to write it well <33
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drewexe · 1 year
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another thing i love about u besides ur writing/fics r the way u interact with asks ure so friendly and it doesnt make ppl hesitate to send u asks hehe thankyou for being a safe place
oml this is- so sweet??? you guys are always so nice and sweet to me, how could i not do the same to you ! thank you so much, really, it’s such a big compliment that you see me as a safe space !! and i hope i can always make you feel welcome to talk to me about anything!!
thank you 🥺🧡
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drewexe · 1 year
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ive a song request! cant help falling in love for college ice hockey captain jeno
oooh adding a little extra challenge, interesting! i’ll do my best with it, ty so much for the request !!
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drewexe · 1 year
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hello my loves !! i know i’ve been gone for a long while and im so sorry to everyone !! truthfully, life wasn’t very nice to me this past month and i had to work through some things but !! im not here to bother you guys with that, just to let you know that i haven’t forgotten you!
i tried to respond to everyone who left a comment while i was not actively on here, i am so sorry if i’ve missed someone, and to everyone else who has also stumbled upon a fic of mine, thank you so much for taking the time to read it ! i appreciate every single one of you !
i’ve settled a little bit and i will have time to get back to writing so that i can get back to you on all the ideas i’ve started working on !
first of all, i’m gonna focus on the song requests (because it’s been a while that you’ve had to wait for them and im truly so sorry about that) and then i will also move on to writing the dream chronicles series cause i really wanna get into that story already !
and since im not bringing anything new right away, to make up for disappearing i was thinking that maybe if anyone missed the first request submission or has since thought of something they’d like to request, i could maybe reopen the song requests? if you’re not sure what i am talking about, this is the original post for them, and if anything comes to your mind that you’d want me to write for you (and you feel like you can trust me with it 🥲), don’t hesitate to send in your request !!
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drewexe · 1 year
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@noodlechanz hi hello !! ty so much for reading and loving read it in the newspaper !! so honoured to see that faves tag really !! 🥹🧡
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all of you guys reading it these days are making me so so happy cause every time someone leaves a comment i end up rereading it myself and remember how much fun it was writing and aaaa 🧡 so happy to see it get so much love !
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drewexe · 1 year
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@mmoonbaee hello love !! thank you sm for reading read it in the newspaper !! when i tell you i gasped when i read that you’d want to delete it from your mind just to read it again for the first time ?? that means so much to me !!
i’d say i feel bad for your bias list but ten has me wrapped around his finger and i can’t say i don’t support him stealing hearts 😩 but like yangyang though !!
but that aside, thank you so much for the love you’ve shown that fic !! and i’m sorry that i took a while to respond to you :((
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drewexe · 1 year
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@dontflailmenow hi love! thank you so much for reading read it in the newspaper!! i’m so sorry that i reply with such a delay but nevertheless i’m so glad to hear that you’ve enjoyed it even if wavy are not in your personal interests !!
we can and should all thank ten for sorting things out when y/n was trying to be a stubborn kid!! p.s, yangyang really had the short end of the stick at the end, huh?
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drewexe · 1 year
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@this-is-now-aficblog hey, love! i know it’s been a while but just wanted to reply to these! first, thank you so much for taking a chance on like the stars!! im so glad you’re enjoying the slow burn and that you don’t find y/n annoying!! also to be honest here, the whole fic is just consent propaganda :(( so im really glad that you’ve appreciated that part of it!! 🧡🧡
i don’t know if you ever came to finish the series but if you do at some point, would love to hear what you thought about the whole thing!! and sorry for taking over a month to respond :((
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drewexe · 2 years
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hihi can I request nct u faded in my last song for haechan, nct dream 119 for chenle and stray kids back door for felix?
sorry if it's a lot haha I just had to list out my faves but you don't have to do all of them if you don't want to!
hello !! thank you so much for the requests, i really don’t mind that it’s more than one and i’d love to write all of them ! i feel like they could be an interesting challenge for me so im excited !
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drewexe · 2 years
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hello our dear dj !!
can i request for valentine by laufey for our lovestay boy, hyunjin?
thank you very much ♡
hey love !!
thank you sm for your request ! i hadn’t heard the song before and it’s so beautiful ?? i hope it’s okay if i steal your thought process and also put it in my personal hyunjin playlist as well 🥲
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drewexe · 2 years
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hey, sweethearts! it’s been a while and i finally figured something fun i could do with you all ! well, at least i hope you’ll also find it fun ^^ so i was sitting there reminiscing over my ‘songs i think id relate to if i was dating hyunjin’ playlist lmao and i thought that maybe you guys might have similar experiences too ! so here’s my proposal:
send me a song (any song your heart calls for) and an idol (both nct and skz are cool!) you associate it with and i will write you a short smth in the vibe of/inspired by the song ! i will also make playlists with the songs you guys give me 🥺
if you’re interested in participating, i will be open for suggestions until the end of this week (aka august 14) so don’t be shy to share your music requests with the dj! the stories would be about 5k words at most each and i will try to work on them alongside other things i currently have started (and if you like the idea maybe i could bring it back later on again)
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drewexe · 2 years
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any accs that post fics u recommend?
heyyy, first of all so sorry for the delay in replying !! and im really sorry to disappoint but im probably not the best person to ask for fic recs 🥲
reason being, im kind of a mood reader, i sometimes struggle to read more that two paragraphs at a time, and i haven’t really had the chance to engage in a lot of reading recently (which is something i definitely hope to fix!!) there’s currently only one author i keep up with regularly and that would be tyonfs as her works are amazing and they’ve definitely served as a great inspiration to get myself writing!
so again, so sorry for not being able to offer much, but when i get the chance to engage more in reading, id be happy to share some if you’d still be interested :’3
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