drexdan

[drexdan]

Conquering Darnassus!!

“Nyes, and that’s when The Great Nyehehe told her as follows: ‘That’s not a corpse, that’s The Great Nyehehe’s wife!! Nyehehe!!’

Nyes, nyes… quite heinously humorous… Do you get it, whiskered one? Because having a spouse and marriage and any form of love is utterly foolish and an obvious mistake for any mortal fool to go through? Nyehehe!! 

Anywho, that was when the darkness cam-

*Tiger Growling Noises*

Bah!! You frazzlingly foolish feline!! You blasted big cat!! You kookily unkempt kitten!! Begone from The Great Nyehehe’s whiskered ones!!

“Fandu-dath-belore? Oh! What are you doing to my beloved Se’feath, human?”

What is The Great Nyehehe doing to your beloathed Seff-feet, nyeh!?! If Seff-feet is this tenacious tiger, he’s is in the process of obliterating her!! How dare your moronic mammalian mortal attempt to claw at The Great Nyehehe’s whiskered ones!?! How The Great Nyehehe loathes all accursed cats!! Bah!!

“Oh? You love cats, like my Se’feath here?”

That’s not what The Great Nyehehe said at all!!

“You should visit Darnassus, home of the Kaldorei. That’s where I purchased her. A lovely city. Very flammable.”

Darnassus, nyeh…? Hmmm… To head to Darnassus… a brilliant idea… The Great Nyehehe is proud to have thought of it!!

…

Oh, and go away, you egregrious elf.

Well, mortals, here The Great Nyehehe is, in this stupid Stormwind Harbor, on his way to the darnable domain of Darnassus!! He plans not to waltz in there and demand to be granted the title of High Prissiest or Arch-dude… well, he plans not only to do that… but also to enter the scene quite sinisterly sneakily!! He will enter the city from its outlandish outskirts!! But how, you meager-minded mortals may ask?

By climbing his way to the top, of course!! No matter how many hours it must take!! And as of yet, it has taken two days to get this far!! Nyehehe!! How evilly efficient, sneaking around all those gumptious guards to get to their blasted big cheese!! What a brilliant way to save time!!

Nyehehe!! The Great Nyehehe has made it to the top, at last!! Now, to take revenge on this darnable Darnassus, and foolish felines everywhe-

BAH!!

“Uh oh.”

“Elun-dris! What did you just shoot?”

“I think it’s a person… oh no…”

“You’re nine thousand years old. How have you not learned to properly shoot an arrow yet?”

“Wait a moment! That’s not a person… it’s a forsaken!” For what reason could a forsaken ever be here in Darnassus? I thought we were at peace with the Horde…”

“How have have you not heard of the on-goings of Silithus? All that buisness with that Azerite and all th-”

“Jelia, look! The forsaken’s just twitched! Is he still alive?”

“…”

“Sorry.”

“Whatever… come on, let’s get him outta here. Quickly, and quietly!”

“Shouldn’t we tell Lady Tyrande or Malfurion?”

“Do you want to start a war, Erinde? No? Good. Then help me throw this undead off our big tree.”

…

Bah… The Great Nyehehe’s got some awful neck pain at the moment… Why is The Great Nyehehe so wet? Brrrr!! And cold!! Bah!!

Perhaps he ought to get wickedly warm with a nice, fiendish flame… plenty of wood around here… Oh, drat!! Where did my undeadly disguise go? He hopes he hasn’t lost it in the waters…

Anywho, The Great Nyehehe is an expert survivalist. He’s survived since before the beginning of time and space, after all!! Now, let’s just rub these two sticks together and…

…

Woops.

[drexdan]

YEP IT’S ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY!

Remember that time I said I would embarrass my most senior officer massively by listing all the stuff she’s done for the guild in another post? Well, you get two guesses at what this post is about.

While she does a hundred things every day that make the ADA and WRA a better place, I’m just going to list off some highlights. Also, while these do have a context, I’m not going to give any because it’s better that way.

1. She stole a bridge from the Wrynns. It’s basically seceded now.

2. She saved an old lady from getting killed by basically a whole platoon once.

3. She saved winterveil, and she rhymed the whole time.

4. She is the owner of Doom Squeaker, Destroyer of Worlds.

5. She recently saved us from a cult of rat people. Which she had also lead us two in the first place. I guess this one just balances out really.

While this only scratches the surface of the awesomeness that is Bre’s day today, it is also the limit of embarrassment she can non-fatally ingest. Any more blushing and her face will probably melt off like in Raiders. 

P.S. Happy 1 year to Bre, who joined on 4/10/17. You’ve been an officer for a year! Let’s see if you can stand another.

@squirrel-girl-breana

[drexdan]

(Fucking beautiful. Catty Beans is best Beans.)

@theodorebennas @bodolf-von-gacy (There will be more. Oh yes. There will be. Had I a functioning computer I’d animate the whole roast because it’s perfect practice but in the mean time HAVE SOME SKETCHES.)

[drexdan]

Reblog this.

If you do not care what gender your roleplay partner identify themselves as.

Be they male, female, trans, or whatever else is out there.

If you are a friend, you are a friend. If we ship our muses together, we ship the heck out of our muses. I don’t care if you are a female playing male, a male playing female or whatever is inbetween.

You are precious no matter what you are. And I love you.

[drexdan]

A Year!

Holy shit I didn’t think this day would come. A year ago yesterday I walked to a rehearsal for The Magic Flute, around 6pm, using the Discord app on my phone to talk to ADA co-founder Vyvienne about name possibilities. It started as a joke. Something dumb along the lines of ‘Well our guild absolutely has to alliterate.’ There were… Options… and looking back, I should never be allowed to name things.

The charter was signed the next night at ~10pm. In character the agency was formed that night in the Shady Lady, over a beer, with the line “Wanna be a detective?”. For the next few weeks we would work out of the Shady Lady, until it was clear that we were going to need our own space. As any GM in Stormwind can tell you, finding a free space for your guild is a challenge. But somehow we rose to the challenge. Almost entirely by accident, we ended up in the Dwarven district, talking about how class trainers had been basically useless sense Cata. And… Well…

Home sweet home.

And we’ve been there ever sense. The furniture not so much.

We’ve been there ever since thanks to a couple of people. Our members, of course, but I’ll get to them in a minute.

BER! YES YOU BER!

 Bre was in Ashes with us in Ashes, and when we made the ADA we had two big worries. 

1. That Ham (Ashes GM and professional Ham-Ham) would be mad that we left, which we really didn’t want because we did and do and will always <3 him, and 2. That Bre would finally come back to the game, see the new guild, and be all “Nah I’m good” and then we’d miss her. Also abysmal failure was number 3 but that doesn’t seem worth mentioning. Thankfully the stars lined up and she hopped on board. 

She’s done too much for this guild to list it all here (I’ll embarrass her massively and do that in another post sometime) so I’ll just say this; Bre is the officer every guild master dreams of having. Creative, smart, fun and funny, like a ball of energy crackling with enthusiasm and “Let’s do stuff”-idness. We couldn’t do it without you, Bre, we literally could not.

YES PERCO BRACE FOR CREDIT. Because at this point he’s more than earned it. The amount of advice I’ve got from this one over the past year is insane. Every time there’s a problem I’ve not encountered before or when I’m in over my head and Bre isn’t there to be caps locked at it’s Percy who swoops in like the guardian angel he’s been and starts fixing shit. Looking for a quote to use like the screenshot above I noticed a trend in our conversations. A rough outline goes as follows; Me: FUCK IT I’M DONE Percy: Why are you done? Me: BECAUSE FUCK IT MAN Percy: You need a better reason than that. Me: ALRIGHT THAT’S A GOOD POINT Percy: Is your caps lock broken? Me: NO I JUST TAKE COMFORT IN BIG LETTERS I may have added that last bit but other than that it’s accurate. A better shoulder to cry on (or scream in admittedly impulsive rage on) doesn’t exist than this man. So thank you Percy, for the crises avoided, the challenges overcome, and the random silliness.

And last but not least in this list, the lady behind it all, Vyvienne. Vyv, this was all you. The foundation you set, the seeds you planted; this is what has come from it. The ADA would very literally not exist today without you. Your work, dedication, constant push for quality over quantity, and above all the care that you put into this even when you’re away are what make us what we are. Looking through the backlogs what stood out were the messages, usually between 3 and 8 am, along the lines of “I’ve got an idea!” or “oh! Oh!”. My co-gm never stops thinking about this guild, and it’s impossible to express how much of a blessing that is.

To the members of ADA: I can’t believe we did it. I literally refuse to believe that it’s actually happened. We’re a year old. And there aren’t any folk I’d rather have spent the year with. So to all the members of ADA now, whether you’ve been with us a year or an hour, and for all the members of ADA past, thank you for being the community that you are. For coming together like you do, playing like only you can, and making this year one I’ll never ever forget.

For any aspiring GMs who happen to read this, here’s some advice; Find a co-gm you adore, find an officer who’s like a sister, and a friend who can listen to you bitch without complaining. Then fill your guild with people you could happily spend all day with. Then spend all day with them.

@percy-von-gacy @squirrel-girl-breana @vyvienne

[drexdan]

Mind your own BEESniss. Hah.

You know what you did.

Send ♣ for a text not meant for you

[drexdan]

@squirrel-girl-breana BER LOOK WE DID A THING

@drexdan @leah-theran @violetbastion @householt @eru-wyrmrestaccord @sikonaluvs

Stormwind Job Faire

[drexdan]

Farmington feels more attacked.

I made a thing. Most my friends should relate. You know who you are, and if you don’t, you’re lying.

[drexdan]

Tolkein needed an editor. Possibly a few. I stand by this. You know who’s super irrelevant? Tom Bombodil. Could have gone my whole life without a single chapter about him but noooooooo just had to learn about a forest guy for fucking ages.

Callout

So, look, I know people say we should never do these things, but I feel like the community really needs to know about this. This needs to be made public. So I’m sorry for bringing the drama to your page, but everyone needs to know about this.

@drexdan thinks the Lord of the Rings movies are better than the books.

[drexdan]

⚔

[drexdan]

💭💭💭 - Percy von Gacy

“You know that saying ‘start as you mean to continue���? Well the night I met Percy, literally five minutes after I introduced myself, we ended up running through Elwynn together looking for kidnapped women. Fun and chaos ever since.”

“He’s been through more than anyone ever should and he keeps going. Either he doesn’t know how to stop or he knows and he’s afraid of what might happen if he does.”

“Pretty sure if I ever called him a friend out loud in his presence he’d hit me. Probably not too hard though.”

[drexdan]

💭💭💭

“She’s not a bad noble. I mean yes still a noble but hey she isn’t unbearable like a lot of them are.”“I bet she’d be flattered if she found out how big her actual file is.”

“We’ve received a lot of cases about cults. She’s the only one who just wants to just want off their mailing list. That either says a lot about her or nothing at all. I think it might be a lot.”

[drexdan]

For every 💭 I receive, I will write one thought my Muse has had about yours.

[drexdan]

The Letter, Part 3

“ Thankfully this was not the shitbag I was looking for. Less thankfully it was still a corpse and dealing with mysterious corpses on bridges is part of my job description. Ignoring the voices in the back of my head urging me onward in pursuit of revenge I brought the horse to a stop (on the third try) and dismounted with the grace of a gazelle that took ballet.

After picking myself up off the ground I approached the corpse with caution. It is a sad fact that corpses have on two occasions turned out to be living people trying to kill me. This has not ended well for the fake corpses and it has, again, given me some oddly specific trust issues.

The man (former man) on the bridge was (had been) in his late to mid-forties. His skin was tanned and while he had a paunch overall I would describe his former body as muscular in a practical way. His appearance and his clothing suggested that he was a farmer, which was not surprising. Many people in Westfall are farmers, plying their mysterious trade of farmery in the fertile lands south of the city. If I had to give a cause of death I would probably say decapitation.

Aware that as the first on the scene a certain amount of professionalism was called for I placed my business card beside the body, using his former head as a paperweight. Satisfied that I could now be reached if I were needed I remounted my trusty steed and rode onwards.

Of all the actions that lead to my current troubles this one is probably the second most irresponsible. Third, if we count the trouble I’m going to get in in the future when certain people hear about the whole ‘Stolen Badge’ incident. Ok fourth. Look, I admit it was a bad thing I did amongst a whole seven days of bad things I did and given this context we shouldn’t try to rank them and we’ll just move on.

To be fair his head was off his damn body. Not much I can do for someone at that point. Plus he was pretty far beyond caring what I did. So I did what I wanted to.

About an hours worth of riding into Westfall I spotted a plume of dust on the horizon. Naturally, I assumed this was my bike. Yes, this mistake is obvious now. But it’s super easy to point out mistakes in hindsight. Plus at this point I think that the sun combined with the alcohol in my system (Had I not mentioned that I was drinking at the start of this story? That seems important) was giving me a weird kind of heat stroke. Confident that I was on the trail I redoubled my efforts, shouting extra loud in the ear of my horse who at that point I had named Hugh.

Hugh the horse thundered across the plains while I rode confidently clinging to the reigns for dear life. Over field and… Field (Westfall doesn’t exactly lend itself to pretty descriptions. Fertile farms though! Actually that might be the region motto) Hugh strode, hot pursuit burning the urgency into his animal brain. We gained on the dust more and more with every thundering hoof beat.

The collision was probably unavoidable at the speed we were going. I was briefly afraid we would overtake my bike but as it turned out no we were going just the right speed to run into it. Unfortunately it was clearly not my bike. This was one of the big fancy ones you see douches riding around on, with the two swords in front for literally no reason except possibly stabbing people with a bike. I know a Draenei who would probably like that now that I think about it.

There was a clatter, a whinny, some distressed scrabbling, the world was briefly upside down, and then I was on the ground. Hugh was also on the ground, looking confused and pissed. He got to his feet with an angry huff. Let me tell you it is just plain weird to see a horse stand up if you’re not used to it. The groan across the road reminded me that I had revenge to be getting on with.

Standing produced a fresh blossoming of pain and regret in my left leg. I’d think about that later, I thought to myself, as I limped across the road. A young man lay in the wreckage of his bike. At a glance, I’d say he had a few broken ribs and probably a sprained wrist. He groaned. It was higher pitched than I thought it would be. I suppose it was at this point or somewhere hereabout that I realized the young man I had just crashed into was in fact a young woman.

Everyone approaches crises differently. Everything you’ve learned from the day you come into the planet to the day of the trouble rushes in and informs, shapes, and changes your actions faster than you can blink. A million little lessons all pile in for one test.

That said I admit my first question ‘Hi. I’m Drex. Have you seen my bike? It’s like yours but it isn’t wrecked.’ should probably have come after my second question, which was ‘Oh shit are you dying?’. “

[drexdan]

The Letter, Part 2

“Now, Recipient, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking ‘my gods man you said you would die if you didn’t get help can’t you shorten this letter honestly some of this seems downright willfully superfluous’. And Recipient this is probably not the first time I’ve told you this but you need to calm right the fuck down. Without an understanding of the basic facts, you won’t understand what’s going on and won’t be much of a help. I swear, people these days.

So. Shitbag McShitperson takes off with my bike. I vow revenge. REVENGE!!! Sorry but this still stings for me. I’m in Goldshire watching my bike being incompetently driven towards Westfall. Some of the more competent mages would have merrily blinked along after him but the last time I did that for an extended period of time I ended up in two places at once and that gives you a serious headache. Realizing that my bordering-on-useless-non-motorized human feet were no match for my beloved ride, the only option that remained to me was to hire a horse.

I’ve never liked horses. They’re big and smelly and they spit more than you’d think they do. One time one stole an apple out of my hand and I’ve had trust issues ever since. I realize it is wrong to blame a whole species for one malicious miscreant but there’s not much I can do. My grudges are beyond my control.

But nonetheless, a horse was needed. Spotting an approaching horseman I ran to him. I did my best to quickly explain the situation to him but he stopped me about a minute and a half in and told me to go fuck myself and that no I couldn’t have his horse.

Now I know full well that two wrongs don’t make a right. But these were desperate times and anyways I’d wanted to for a while. While I was pretty sure I was going to need it when I took it from the commander's room a few months ago I had imagined it being in less dire circumstances. Heart racing with excitement I pressed my metaphorical big red button and whipped that thing out.

The gold shield glimmered in my hand, a symbol of authority, confidence, dedication, skill, bravery, singularity of purpose, and a drive to serve the citizens of Stormwind. I felt a swelling of pride on behalf of whosever badge this had been, and a smaller but still significant swelling of pride that I had had the foresight to nick it off them.

The horseman (is that really the word? I feel like it should be Horser but whatever) looked at it and then at me. Knowing full well that confidence is the trick to any deception I imitated the actions of this other guard I know and bellowed “Get off that horse you pig scrotum.” in my best official voice. Having either recognized me as an official of the crown or decided that he was dealing with an unpredictable maniac who may very well resort to violence next, and if I’m being whatever he decided doesn’t really matter much, he got down from his horse.

Quickly and heroically I mounted the beast without spending a solid minute and a half adjusting foot straps and getting myself situated. I cracked the reigns and I shouted ‘Onwards trusty steed!’ as I’ve heard you’re supposed to do in this situation. The horse broke into a canter and we were off to find my bike and my REVENGE!!!!

Hoof clattered on cobble underfoot and wind rushed by my ears, along with horse saliva. The branches overhead became a blur as the trees blended into one long tunnel of barkiness.While I realized the chase would take me away from home and work I was confident, then, that they would be fine without me. Some of them would be considerably better off.

I had missed this. The thrill of the chase. The way it clears your mind of the little things. Suddenly the world around you isn’t complicated, political, or challenging. Family, friends, it all melts away. The world becomes two things. Point A and point B. You are point A and you’re going to catch up to point B and have your REVENGE!!!.

As I rounded the bend down by the old garrison on the border of Westfall the horse slowed, probably winded at this point (which is another massive drawback to using horses without motors). I saluted my brothers in arms out on patrol, although looking back on it now I realize this was unnecessary as they didn’t think I was a guard what with not having a uniform and also having rid like a maniac through the forest in what I will admit was a very unprofessional way.

Approaching the bridge I noticed grooves in the side of the road as if a two-wheeled vehicle of some kind had driven through, by a wildly incompetent shitbag of a driver, at considerable speed and had briefly gone offroad. I was about to urge the horse onwards when I spotted the corpse laying on the bridge. A fear crept over me that my REVENGE!!! might require the help of a very skilled medium.”

@percy-von-gacy (for his guardiness)

[drexdan]

The Letter, Part 1

Drexdan Lawrence, crimefighter, wrong righter, and occasional archmage of the Kirin Tor when he could be bothered to show up, looked around the remains of his Dalaran office. He took in the scorch marks, the bullet holes, the splattering of purple ink, the gently oscillating penguin clinging desperately to an enchanted broom. There was no doubt about it. This had got badly out of hand.

He needed help. But from who?

He decided that part could wait. Just explaining what happened would take some time. He grabbed a stack of paper and a pen, set them down on the half of his desk not currently occupied by sentient and irate grimoires, and got to work.

“Dear,” he began. He left the spot next to it blank to be filled in later. He looked at it. That seemed lazy. Crumpling up the first draft and tossing it over his shoulder, he formed the second draft.

“Dear Recipient,” much better.

“I know this will seem out of the blue. You haven’t heard from me in a while, probably. You may have forgot who I am. Just in case here’s a quick reminder. My name is Drexdan Lawrence. I’m a detective. And I need help or I might die.

Now that I’ve got your attention please allow me to explain.

It all started about a week ago. Winter had set in in the lands of Elwynn Forest and I was out taking in the beauty of nature. Some people say this is best done on a stroll but my wife Vyvienne once made the horrible mistake of purchasing a motorbike for me and let me tell you the beauty of nature is taken in MUCH faster from that. Anyways. As I was peacefully motoring along the road, traveling hopefully as one does and aware that every second wasted on the beauty of nature was a second I was not being useful in any way and internally regretting this greatly, I came to the town of Goldshire. It is very fortunate that I came to the town of Goldshire when I did as it was at this moment that I unintentionally and with little to no fault of my own violently struck a denizen of Goldshire with my vehicle. As I said it is fortunate we were in Goldshire as he was close to home and I imagine this was some comfort to him.”

“‘Ah, but I am close to home and will therefore not have to limp very far to find succor and assistance’ I imagined him thinking to himself as I examined the damage his body had done to my beloved bike.”

“While examining it without the eye of an engineer or even someone who readily knows the difference between steel and that other one you know the one that’s yellow but isn’t gold. Sort of orange. Not the point. As I was examining my bike with my amateur expertise, made up for as always by an avalanche of enthusiasm capable of plowing through just about any problem I’ve come across, a local youth approached.

Now, Recipient, I don’t know if you’re up to date on what’s going down in Stormwind these days, so here’s a quick summary: People have been drinking the canal water and are slowly going insane. While I have not tested this theory it is the only explanation I can find for the number of gangs and cults in the metropolitan area. Ominous names based on birds are also common. While this sounds strange, and admittedly is strange, it works better than you would think. Gangs are usually too busy fighting cults for either to get much done and the ones that are both gangs and cults, Galts as I like to call them, spend so much time trying to be both that they eventually just give up. And peace in Stormwind is preserved.

With these thoughts in mind, and absorbed in the contemplation of a bird name for myself (possibly Baron Emu, I still haven’t decided. Honestly everyone has a bird name. It’s got out of hand. I’ve considered opening a night class about other kinds of animals that exist.) I was caught completely by surprise when the rambunctious youth hopped on my motorbike and drove away.

Watching the bike fade into the distance I made a decision there and then. I decided I would pursue that shitbag to the ends of the gods damned earth, get my bike back, and ride it mockingly around his bruised and broken body. In retrospect, the one-man crusade that followed MAY have been an overreaction.”

[drexdan]

Bre. Bre you had the chance to say “I’ve got 99 followers but” and then fill in the rest with something clever. And you didn’t do it.

That’s a lot of people.