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meets demons every weekend for drinks

my boyfriend says he doesn’t have a drinking problem but i’m pretty sure he does. when he drinks, he always gets way too drunk. and he is unbearable. from what i can remember, it has been almost every weekend when he goes out with his friends, and gets too drunk, and blacks out. his friends are mostly former frat boys turned businessmen who have nothing better to do on weekends then get drunk. he has trouble saying no to them because he doesn’t want to get fomo. my boyfriend isn’t a fun drunk either. he is loud, mean, walks off, and leaves me and his friends to talk to random people. i don’t hang out with him when he drinks, and i stopped going out with him around his friends. i have to talk care of myself. this past thanksgiving, i went home to visit my family. he was supposed to go home to visit his family. he got to drunk with his dumb friends on wednesday and was too hung over to drive home on Thursday. he spent the whole day at home with his dog on the couch in front of the tv being sick. he sent me messages about how he wanted to die. i took them pretty seriously. on thanksgiving, i called the university suicide hotline. i asked what i should do. he is sad. i’m in another state. “Sorry that your working on thanksgiving.” she told me to get him to call the hotline. i gave him the phone number. he never called. he doesn’t think he needs help. this isn’t the first time i tried talking to him about getting help. he has a lot of stressors: school, loans, credit card debt, unresolved family stuff, and me too. i’ve thought about leaving him a lot. why stay? he doesn’t think his drinking is serious. he doesn’t want to talk to a free counselor about his demons. we’ve had lots talks about his risky behavior, but maybe i should just leave.

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Personal

I think I might be developing a drinking problem. Since you were stolen from me Sam, I’ve spent at least 4 nights a week just drunk out if my mind. Sometimes I don’t remember how I get back to where I’m staying. Like last nite. A few nites ago I drank an entire 5th of whiskey and a case of beer. When you were with me I never drank. Now it’s about the only thing that makes me feel a little better, even if for a fake moment

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He tells me: “You’re friends don’t know when to stop drinking.” I don’t have the heart to tell him it’s because they hope that if they drink enough the pain will dissipate, the fear will quite, their hearts will stop. I don’t have the heart to tell him I am one of those people.

Me (via toxicwonderlandrage)

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What do I do if I can't stop drinking? I have BPD & I know it will ruin my marriage & my daughters life if I don't stop getting effed up. What do I do.

Hey lovely,

I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this right now. Unfortunately, alcohol can be really addictive and it can be a way to just kind of forget about other things and it becomes a coping mechanism and an addiction. It is awful to go through so I really hope you can get some help. The first step to tackling any addiction is to admit that you have a problem and that you need help. This can be one of the hardest parts so well done for already taking that first step and admitting to yourself that you cannot keep drinking.

Have you tried talking to your partner? It is important to set up a good support network, so if you haven’t yet I would recommend speaking to them and saying that you know you have a problem and that you want to sort it out and get better for them, your daughter and yourself. You can also speak to friends or family members too if you are comfortable with that, so that you have people who can understand and support you through it.

I would check out what services are available in your local area. There should be some kind of group or organisation that help with alcoholism and I have heard they can be really helpful and provide great support as well as teaching you ways to overcome your addiction. There may also be rehab centres or day centres for addiction near you too, which is definitely worth checking out. A good step is to see a doctor and explain to them that you have a problem with alcohol and need some help with it, they will be able to refer you or tell you about local services and therapies too. I think therapy could really help you because it will not only help with your alcohol issues, but also give you a safe place to let out the emotions that you may be trying to suppress with alcohol.

You could also look around at some different groups and activities in your area, and maybe take up a new hobby. It could be something you have wanted to do for a while but never got the chance to. For example, dancing classes, horse riding classes, cooking classes, art classes, theatre classes, singing classes ect. Anything that you enjoy or would like to try out. It can be really helpful to do something you enjoy and it also gives you something to do with your day to keep you busy. If you don’t have the time to go to a class because maybe you have to look after your daughter too, then you can get classes online! Check out youtube for tutorials on things like hair/make up, drawing, painting, making thing like with sewing or knitting or crocheting, dancing ect. Whatever would suit you better! :)

I think what the most important things to do is firstly, set up a support network with your partner and/or friends and family if you’re okay with that. Then, try to address why you are drinking- what is it that makes you drink? Is it to forget? Is it to try and cope with emotions? ect. Then once you know what it is, work on trying to find a substitute behaviour that isn’t damaging. So if it is for trying to deal with emotions, maybe you could try and address these emotions some how, by talking to your support network, by writing it all down either as a list or in poems or anything you like, and/or a therapist. Then try new activities and hobbies and meet new people.

There will be good times and bad times, and it may not be easy, but when things get hard remember why you are doing this- you are doing this for your beautiful family- you’re partner and your daughter. You deserve to be sober, you deserve to be able to control your drinking and you deserve to be happy and your partner and daughter deserve that too. You can do this, I promise. I believe in you!

Take care- Adrienne 

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I wasn’t going to drink tonight, cause I was going to try and save most of it.

But. 

I feel awful.

I feel so awful. 

Might as well.

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That Other Modern Drinking Game

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April 10th, 5:16pm. Sales has booze on Friday. Of course. Goes well with Doritos and getting over your problems.

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I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.

Edgar Allan Poe (via deblesermike)

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It’s almost midnight. I can’t sleep. I need a drink. I need a friend to go drink with me…

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Alright the pants are off and I’m super drunk. Emotional drinking ftw

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(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtF-PvsSMm4) This is a film made to represent the comorbidity of alcohol abuse and depression. The feeling of being lost and how we as people manage that feeling can be very hard and lead to certain negative circumstances in our lives. This film was made to help uncover the veil of drinking to cope.