drkobolds

[drkobolds]

...fuck, I need some raw hamburger and a hollowed out pumpkin.

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo

[drkobolds]

I’ve been questioning my sexual orientation a lot since working out that I kinda, maybe, am almost certainly trans. When you spend most of your life thinking you are a straight man and suddenly start questioning the second part, well, it doesn’t take long to start questioning the first part. It’s hard to tell whether I like girls because I want to be one or if, well, I like girls. Or both. Number 2. “I don’t care how someone looks, I care about their personality.” I mean, that fits me perfectly. I literally cannot understand why looks seem to be a priority over, you know, actually being a decent or interesting person. “Love at first sight” has never made sense to me, because you can’t tell anything meaningful about a person from first impressions. The girl I fell in love with in high school? Yeah, she is really pretty. I didn’t notice until I was already in love with her. The woman I’m in love with now? I wouldn’t say I’m particularly attracted to. But she means the world to me, anyway. I can’t say I’m interested in sex- for it’s own sake. I see it is something I want to do because I want my partner to feel loved. Wrapped up in all this is potential dysphoria- maybe I would want sex if my body was different, maybe I don’t prioritize appearances because I’m not happy with my own body. And my poor vision- which, I’ve always kind of assumed, had something to do with why appearance doesn’t mean as much to me.

There’s several of these that fit me really well, actually. Like, I could be ace. I could see it. I’m definitely not aro, though. So, uh, any dating advice for romantic asexuals?

the confused asexual before realizing they were asexual:

► “I’m not dating anyone because I want to focus on school and I’m too busy.” -said all through high school and college.

► “I don’t care how someone looks, I care about their personality.” - A common response to: ‘what’s your type??”

► Yeah, literally not having a ‘type’. Never understanding how people have ‘types’.

► “I’ll never have kids I am going to have dogs.”

► Never understanding fuck, marry, kill. Especially other peoples choices in the game.

► Getting really good at saying “Thank you for asking, but I’m just not interested in dating anyone right now.”

► Avoiding sexual conversations at all costs because they are uncomfortable, confusing or truly boring.

► Being a total hopeless romantic and wondering why people are more interested in how hot someone is versus them being kind?? or smart?? or funny?? what their hobbies are?? how they treat their mom??

► Being confused when people will go out of their way, even dangerously so, to please/impress someone they think is hot. Like why? You can see the heartbreak coming a million miles away because what even is sexual attraction.

► The explanation at all family dinners for not having a significant other is that you have more important things to be worrying about right now, LIKE SCHOOL.

► Being completely oblivious to others flirting at you and also not realizing when you might be coming off as flirty because you’re just a nice person and like to hold doors open for people.

► Anytime you find a good new song and then actually listen to the lyrics and sit there like??? What does this mean?

► Wondering why thinking about holding someones hand gives you butterflies in your stomach but if you even try to imagine having sex with them your mind goes blank.

Hey, if you’re ace, that’s chill. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or that you need to change. Some people just aren’t into people sexually and that’s fine. Be confident in yourself.

[drkobolds]

OK, this comic stuck in my head after I saw it, and I think I need to write a response or it’s just going to stay there. The gag is good for a quick joke, but pretty terrible as actual life advice goes. Both characters are wrong, because they are working from the premise that there is a singular barrier to success. There are two main kinds of barriers, and you need to understand both.

First, let’s talk about external barriers- such as CAPITALISM. Because if you claim these don’t exist, you are probably doing so from a place of extreme privilege. It is difficult to see barriers that don’t exist for you, but that makes it easy to hold other people back because you won’t understand their situation. Debt, prejudice, harassment, a past criminal record, demands on time, and physical impairments are all barriers people may face as they try to make a life for themselves. It is helpful to be aware of the external barriers that stand in your way, and to acknowledge that your ability to remove them completely, especially without help, is probably limited.

But if you only acknowledge your external barriers, you are setting yourself up for failure. I saw several people in the notes on this post who stated they didn’t see how they could be standing in their own way, that that would imply there wasn’t actually anything between them and their goals. So I’m going to break it down for you. YOU (yes, you) are NOT a singular, conscious, rational entity who sets a goal and follows it. YOU (yes, you) are a multitude. You are an amalgam of memories, beliefs, ideas, traumas, triumphs, relationships, and dreams. You are riddled with contradictions and flaws. And when you don’t examine them, you can’t process how they affect you as you try to build a career, or a relationship, or a life. Failure to account for your internal barriers can lead to falling into patterns of failure that don’t move you forward or help you grow.

As a personal example, I realized recently that I have a deep-seated fear of being a nuisance, and it’s a pretty big internal barrier towards working to improve my life. It causes extreme anxiety when I have to ask for help, or don’t know how to handle a situation at work, or report a problem to my landlord, or try to broach a serious topic with someone who disagrees, or try to make a new friend, or try to contact an old one. Now that I’m aware of it, I’m also aware that it’s necessary to be a nuisance sometimes. You can’t be alive and not be a nuisance at times. I’m very hopeful that this will help me improve my life.

And the good news about internal barriers is that you can work on them, once you know they are there. They probably won’t go away completely, but you can become aware of the patterns they create and work to change them. That’s the big difference between internal and external barriers, and why paying attention to the internal ones is so important- you do have some control over them. That’s why the comic bothered me so much. Blaming all your problems on external barriers makes it much, much harder to make progress. And, external barriers usually aren’t as impenetrable as they appear. People do get out of debt. People do find love and create art and all kinds of stuff. If you work on the internal barriers, you have a better chance of finding a way around -or through- an external one.

Another personal example. I have a significant visual impairment, and as a result, I spent most of my life believing I can’t be an artist. The visual impairment itself is an external barrier. I can’t do anything about it, and it does actively hinder my ability to do certain things. But the belief about it was an internal barrier. Once I actually started drawing and painting, I found that I can make art that at least makes me happy. The internal barrier was paper thin, and it tore when I put pressure on it. Now, I don’t feel like I’m good enough to be a professional, and I feel like I can’t be good enough because I didn’t start when I was younger. And those are internal barriers, too. If I committed to being a professional artist, I could tear those barriers down, because I am the only reason they are there.

The message of this comic is super harmful if taken seriously, because if you deny the existence of internal barriers in yourself, you’ll just keep blaming your problems on outside influences you have limited control over, instead of working on the area you can improve. The inverse of this comic would be super harmful, because it leads to a lack of compassion. Compassion is absolutely necessary to dismantle external barriers to others’ happiness, and to acknowledge that the internal barriers people are struggling with are things they may need help or understanding with.

One, final note, on the importance of examining internal barriers. It is my personal theory that a major cause of political extremism, especially fascism, is a failure of introspection. People who are chronically angry or unhappy, but who have a deep aversion to examining their internal barriers and contradictions will look for any external barriers to happiness they can find. And the thing about looking for a problem outside yourself is that you can always find one, even if it’s not real.

[drkobolds]

If I may speculate. Demons were a more catch-all term for much of Magic's history, and when devils were given new focus latter, they were made red and, thus, more chaotic to create contrast.

Demons and devils in D&D were assigned different roles to serve as antagonists on different sides of the alignment chart (Both evil, but lawful vs. chaotic). The concept for devils drew heavily on the idea of the faustian pact, so devils were tempters and tricksters, who used the Law to bind mortals to service and eventual damnation. Demons again was a bit of a catch-all, combining monsters from many different mythologies. They were made chaotic to counterbalance the devils.

Grain of salt, this is conjecture, but it makes sense. In both cases, there was a desire to create a distinction so they could serve different roles in the game. They just picked different directions.

I got into a discusion about demons and devils in DnD and found out, that demons and devils in DnD and Magic are basicaly swapped. Any idea how that happened?

Different IP’s will take different approaches with fantasy races.

[drkobolds]

I mean, yeah, Pakku's dickishness is well established. But, it was a case of a younger, less experienced, and less respected character saying, "You know what? Fuck you. I probably can't kick your ass but I'm damn well going to try." It is, literally, the opposite of what Ozai does to Zuko, an attempt to demand respect from a position of weakness rather than command it from a position of strength. By saying the situations are the same, you are ignoring the power dynamic at play. Pakku has enough authority to destroy Katara’s dreams with a word, along with the cultural backing to ensure that his decision is accepted. Katara is reduced to the only means of fighting back she can find, literal fighting. The fact that she does challenge the master, knowing she can’t win, is a testament to the futility of her situation and her determination not to accept it. It’s an act of extreme bravery in the face of authority and experience.

I’m not asking you to forgive Pakku, but to acknowledge Katara. She is the initiator here, because the culture is so stacked against her that she can’t see another way to be heard.

Hell, it’s a testament to the writing that she DOES lose, and that her fight ultimately doesn’t persuade Pakku or his tribe. Most stories would have the righteously defiant underdog win, and that’s it, everybody changes their minds. Good Job Hero. But we all know how unrealistic that is, and how in real-world situations that this parallels, the underdog almost always loses. What does change his mind is being forced to confront the consequences of his beliefs. But, Katara’s bravery still needs to be acknowledged. Her unwillingness to bow to a polite but hostile cultural norm is still important.

“Pulling an Ozai” aka challenging a child to a contest of skill you’ve had years of experience over them in

[drkobolds]

Psst. If you give it to zedruu-goat-mom, you can draw cards and gain life off it.

My Namesake

Jeskai Swapmeet, trading things for other things!

[drkobolds]

Hey, this whole article is bonkers anyway. The article writer seems to think learning a language is something you do as an intellectual curiosity, and nothing more. Here in the US, Spanish is, by far, the second most commonly spoken language. If a primary English speaker wants to learn another language with the intent to actually use it, Spanish is the clear choice for most of us. Speaking Spanish is a job skill, and potentially a life skill. Hell, if whites DON’T learn Spanish, it encourages xenophobia (because it makes it harder for people from different backgrounds to mix) and English cultural supremacy (because if we make no effort to accept and acknowledge them, they have to work harder to accommodate us).

I’m just now wondering if the article is a troll, because it’s just such a peanut-brain take. Learning a language so you can engage with your neighbors isn’t cultural appropriation.

[drkobolds]

(Image description: the words "support autistic trans people" in teal text on a yellow background, framed by teal, green, and white shapes.)

[drkobolds]

The plot revolves around finding the wizard responsible for altering the nature of names so that all monsters are named Malcolm, an enigmatic and narcissistic figure surrounded by conspiracy and intrigue, the Malcolm in the middle, as it were.

All monsters are called Malcolm It doesn’t usually come up, obviously, but if you do happen to ask, they’re all Malcolm

[drkobolds]

American high schools basically teach civil rights like its over. “Racism was a really bad thing, but thanks to Dr. King, we came around and we ended racism. It’s over now, and we can pat ourselves on the back and move one.” I eventually figured out that was bullshit, but I’m a history student. Most white kids, especially those isolated from the consequences of racism, never question that narrative. No, I don’t think its a coincidence that the schools don’t teach us better.

Also, like, anything before your own life that isn’t consistently impacting your life takes on an ethereal quality of equal distance. I know, for example, that the Vietnam war happened a lot more recently than World War II. But both are from the before-time, so my conception of them is equally vague and distant, even though my dad fought in the Vietnam war. So, white kids who don’t see the contemporary consequences of racism shelve the Civil Rights movement into the ‘before-time’ and treat it as a distant thing, even though it was recent enough that many people still alive lived through it, or have parents/grandparents who did.

Part of the problem is the poor curriculum in American schools, which is a deliberate attempt to create a patriotic and docile populace that doesn’t think very hard about issues of the past or connect them to ongoing issues of the present. It’s an absolute travesty the way history is taught here. A history education ought to help you understand your place in history. It ought to help you reflect on the mistakes of the past and do better. It ought to create context so you can understand the world and its people. It ought to help you be a better, more compassionate human being. But it rather does the opposite, by presenting a sandblasted, sterile account and failing to engage or provoke students. And yes, I do acknowledge that this is, at best, white supremacy by omission. We aren’t taught much about native genocide, or labor movements, or gay rights, or anything that might really make us think.

The rest is just the human brain, being the human brain. Humans are really good at not seeing things they don’t expect/want to see, even if its right there in front of them. The journey out of ignorance requires vigilance, and self-awareness. You have to know you don’t know something, and be willing to learn. Modern life isn’t set up to make that easy. Work (and family, for those who have it) takes up so much of our time and energy that we don’t feel like we have time to do anything else requiring effort and challenge. Studying history (or doing anything else that might broaden us) is seen as a waste of time, because it won’t lead to stable employment. You can’t really look around and take things in if you’re on the ball, because you’re putting all your energy into staying there.

In short, modern life is an ignorance factory. Social privilege, inadequate education, and the need to continuously perform to a certain acceptable standard keep people from seeing the world as it really is

[drkobolds]

THIS PRIDE MONTH PLEASE SHOW SOLIDARITY WITH THE BLACK LGBT COMMUNITY. BLACK LGBT LIVES MATTER AND ARE AT MORE THAN A RISK THAN EVER. 

[drkobolds]

So, uh, here’s this.

art credit @drkobolds​

My favorite moment playing Animal Crossing was when my villager Anchovy asked me my favorite food. I picked pizza, and he went on this amazing monologue about how important it is to be honest about what you like and the absurdity of people hating something unpopular just to seem cool (pineapple on pizza being his example). The entire thing gave me this weird vibe of a buff anime character telling me to believe in myself.

So I drew that, and now you have to get to see it.

[drkobolds]

Make the Discworld crossover set with a Great A’Tuin card you cowards.

Maro’s concern here probably comes from the sense of underwhelm if you can just summon a whole plane like you would any other creature. It’s tricky to imagine a good way to represent a plane as a creature without underselling how big a deal it is. It’s why Planeswalkers weren’t represented as cards back when they had god level powers, and why we still haven’t seen a Yawgmoth card at the height of his powers.

But, I do think the puzzle is an interesting one, and solvable. My first instinct is to go the Exodia route- a number of cards that, together, summon a plane-sized monster capable of ending the game on its own. Magic has a handful of these (Spirit of the Night, Kaldra) but never one on this scale. Here’s my first draft of the idea. A cycle of five Avatars that can meld into the plane if you get them all into play.

The White One 3WW

Creature- Avatar 4/6

Vigilance

Whenever (CARD) and at least two other creatures attack, you may return an Avatar from your graveyard to the battlefield attacking.

The Blue One 3UU

Creature- Avatar 2/5

Flying

Whenever THIS deals combat damage to a player, Scry 3, then reveal the top card of your library. If it is an Avatar, put it into your hand.

The Black One 3BB

Creature- Avatar 5/3

Lifelink

Whenever an Avatar you control dies, each opponent sacrifices a creature.

The Red One 3RR

Creature- Avatar 3/2

Haste, Double Strike

WUBRG, Sacrifice this: If you control (the other four) Meld them.

The Green One 3GG

Creature- Avatar 6/4

Trample

You may spend mana as if it were mana of any color to cast Avatar spells or activate the abilities of Avatars.

The Great A’tuin or Whatever

Creature- Plane (5C indicator) 20/20

Haste, Double Strike, Flying, Trample, Vigilance, Lifelink

Protection from Everything

I’m not sure how a five-part meld would work, as far as card layout goes, which is the reason they don’t all Meld. But a four-card meld would look rad as hell.  I was originally going to just give it Win the Game as a combat trigger, not sure if that’s better or worse than “this should win but it might not because Magic be like that sometimes.”

Do you think we could have a plane or part of a plane that's just a gigantic creature in which others live?

I don’t think the giant creature could be represented by a card.

[drkobolds]

My best guess? Monopoly achieved its initial success off being widely available, then banked that into legacy status. It's a triumph of marketing, not game design. To an extent, it also succeeds because it's easy to play, so you can play it with anyone. Anything you can do with anyone has the potential to create good memories. I used to play Monopoly all the time with my brother, and it wasn’t until I grew up a little more that I realized, hey, wait, this game is trash. It’s that, except on a national (international? How much is Monopoly played worldwide?) scale.

So I could dredge up old opinons about games but there’s one in particular that deserves my focused hatred:

I don’t get mad at games like Shoots and Ladders that teach children how to count and Catan that gets people into tabletop.

Everything about this game top to bottom is wretched. Its history, implementation, message, and how its sold today. It is vile, it is evil, and it deserves to burn for its war crimes.

The game was originally designed by a woman named Lizzy Magie in 1903. It was designed to show the inevitable outcome of the rent system, companies would merge and one person came out with all the money and everyone else would be poor. It was not necessarily supposed to be enjoyable, it was supposed to demonstrate flaws in the system. There was a version of the game that rewarded all players for gathering wealth, however, the capitalist version of the game is what a man Charles Darrow stole and presented to Parker Brothers. He was credited as the game’s creator and received royalties throughout his life.

The game is revered as one of the most American board games with little sense of irony behind it. For all who have not played: each player is alloted an amount of starting money. You roll and move that many spaces. You can buy properties or send them to auction where players bid. Collecting colorsets lets you build houses and hotels to charge additional rent. Typically first player to random roll into a colorset drains the rest dry as not having money in this game screws you. Active players can auction properties to buy them cheap and you end up auctioning whatever you can’t buy. Money goes uphill until after enough random rolls everyone’s bled dry in a miserable 60-120min slog with one smug player sharing their winning strategy on how to roll good.

Whats worse, house rules decrease the game’s quality. Keeping a “pot” for free parking injects more money in the game and can extend it for hours. EDH games can last six hours and be exciting. In Monopoly you’re random rolling and hoping for the best. For six hours.

For whatever reason many people love this game and the original message is twisted beyond recognition. Its there in the gameplay but not in perception. The winner is considered a smart businessman when all they had to do was simply take the opportunities other players didn’t have. Press X to accept. And its message about genuine evils of monopoly and rent are buried under cheap prestige and fanfare.

Monopoly is also an evil game in how easy it is to repackage and resell. There are millions of versions of Monopoly, so much so that it turns into absurdity.

Is Fornite popular? Are there locations? Slap the newest fad on monopoly! Some poor 12yr old got this for Christmas and it brought out the devil in that family.

You know what I loved about Game of Thrones? The capitaist property trading elements. Its not even about capturing the integrity or original ideas of the property. Does it have locations? Slap it on Monopoly and add it to the Monopoly wall!

Gee I love the part in Walking Dead where Negan was defeated by upcharging his property and driving him into poverty. What an incredible character moment for all involved. Good to know money is totally viable during the post apocalypse!

There really is no shame behind the rebrandings. Even for movies as small as Coraline get their own Monopoly game. Then you get truly heinous things:

Which, I recommend checking this out if these brought your palm to your forehead so hard you’ve pushed your brains out.

Monopoly is a game that’s made to be terrible to play, stolen from its creator for profit, and mass produced to exploit capitalism and bury the original intent. Its truly the most evil thing in tabletop.

[drkobolds]

The principal (a real piece of work that the entire student body hated) called one of the goth kids a freak. So he climbed on top of the school in protest. The principal eventually coaxed him down by apologizing and saying he wouldn’t be punished. But he suspended the boy anyway. A couple of my friends made protest signs to wear, and by lunch the idea had spread all over school and they had to make an announcement over the intercom telling us to stop.

These other two were after my time, but a student asked an agri/shop teacher if he could bring in a racoon his parents had caught and the teacher would teach the students how to skin an animal. This was a rural school, most of the kids were into hunting, and the lesson was opt in, so I don’t completely blame the teacher for agreeing to this. What put it over the top was that the student brought the racoon in alive. The teacher, not knowing what to do, killed the racoon and some of the students saw it. This made national news. (For the record, I think the teacher made a bad decision operating under weird circumstances. But the news story was more along the lines of “look at these dumb hicks” and I don’t appreciate that.)

A bunch of seniors drove their riding lawnmowers to school on their last day, and the principal threatened to bar them from graduating. This made national news. The “Lawnmower Boys” started a facebook group and wound up raising a lot of money for charity.

Oh, and the shit principal everyone hated was eventually fired for DWI.

[drkobolds]

I mean, you wanna talk about the experience of running a DMPC because your party is too small to play the game without one? My solution was to usually run supports or melee fighters without a lot of fancy tricks so they didn’t outshine the other players. Oh, and make them idiots. So they don’t take the lead in puzzle solving or social encounters. But impulsive idiots. So if the players are too slow, Bragi might just do something stupid to get things moving.

[drkobolds]

It cuts both ways. I’m sure having a name that is culturally distinct from your surroundings or just plain weird can suck. But having an incredibly average name is... aggravating. It feels like it isn’t my own, like I’m always having to clarify “no, not that ____.” My best friend from childhood and my stepdad shared my first name, so I just didn’t get to use it much. Having a common last name that doesn’t match my parents’ last name is also a trip. No, I’m not related to that person. Yes, that’s really my mom.

Really, though, the idea that we are supposed to stick with the name our parents picked for us our entire lives is pretty bogus, anyway. You almost certainly aren’t the person your parents thought you were going to be. If you like and appreciate the name they gave you, great, but it should be more normal for the rest of us to change it.