dropdeadriko

[dropdeadriko]

though I still love Chronicles of Narnia the older I get and the more I learn the clearer it becomes to me why it would have driven Tolkien completely insane

[dropdeadriko]

That cloaked figure that’s been following your party? Animated cloak, the wizard forgot it at home and it got lonely.

[dropdeadriko]

poor old granny scorpion-shoes. no one ever saw her death coming

[dropdeadriko]

My cousin killed himself in February. I almost went first in November. I see people posting on Facebook, "you should have just talked to me man." I wonder had I done it would it have been the same for me. 10s of people saying I should have talked to them when in reality they hadn't spoken to me in weeks at least. Nothing makes you feel more alone than trying to speak to people who say they love you but will barely ever give you the time of day. Just hope if anyone reads this, please check up on the people you care about. Sometimes reaching out is harder than just ending it.

[dropdeadriko]

Absolute Zero

I saw a frozen pond,

And i couldn't help but to think how amazing it would be to hit absolute zero.

Just like that pond, still.

No tides of time or life to push us, pull us, and drag us under.

No past, no future, just an eternal present.

No thoughts of things to come or things gone by.

Just frozen neurons, still connected in the same way. Just a mural of a moment's thoughts, stretched into forever.

But no matter how badly I wish for 0, I'll always be at 310.15.

Even when it's cold enough to see my breathe, it's just transparent ash of all the things the world burns away from me.

It's not the diamond dust I feel I should breath.

Because sometimes i feel like the clear sky inside. Huge and grand, but always more empty than full. Something that should be admired for it's beauty, but will almost always go unnoticed because it's always there. Something you can look at, but will never embrace, because the clear blue is just a reflection of thousands of little tiny moments that should make me happy. Something that you'd never fly into naked, unafraid, because not only is it unreachable, but because the biting winds would tear you apart. The things I scream at myself to keep pushing forward, but it only ever echoes back, over and over, ever quieter, until the sound is gone and only the emptiness is left until I scream again.

And if I'm really at 98.6 like I'm told, why do I feel like I'm always freezing inside? Like everything is hardening and expanding until there's not enough room and I break. Like I'm as empty and cold and connected and unending and beautiful and terrifying as the absolute zero I wish I could push out of chest and into the world.

But I'll never have that, because the world is unbearably hot. It scorches you. It melts you. It makes you into something that can fit wherever you drip. It gives you no option but to conform to the container you're put in.

I just want the cold. I just want the comfort. To be frozen in a moment. To be unbreakable because I'm frozen to everything and everyone around me. I want nothing but the world to stop so I can finally enjoy a single second forever.

I don't want to be brittle by myself.

I want to be indestructible with everyone and everything.

I want the world to freeze together so nothing can break us apart. And we can all enjoy a moment together

[dropdeadriko]

I feel like in the beginning, there was me and you, but over time I've shaved off parts of myself. I've spent years trying to cut myself into the perfect shape to fit into you, making myself the piece of a jigsaw puzzle you needed to be complete. It was never your fault. I just loved you so much I wanted to be everything you needed. I love you so much it hurts not to be. Now, it's you and whatever haphazard misshapen shell is left of me. But looking back, I can't remember half of what I've lost. And my corners are growing back, regenerating. The issue is, I'm already in the mold. Every bit of growth hurts. I'm pushing against all these sharp edges, trying to return to the original shape I hated to begin with, just even more empty, less meaningful. And I'm left not knowing what to do. There was a brief period, I'd like to think, where I'd cut down enough to fill your empty space, and regrew just enough to fit as if we were one to begin with. Now you can't stretch to accommodate any more, and if I cut off anything else, I won't even be a shell of myself anymore. I don't even truly value the parts of me left, but my deepest human instincts reject any more loss. The same way we reject forgetting things. We struggle to hold on, because losing yourself is a form of death in and of itself. One arguably more brutal than the loss of life. So with so little in me, losing even one more thing would be the final sacrifice of who I am. I'd be someone else than. Maybe that'd be okay though. I never wanted to be myself anyway. Maybe I'd be happier as someone whose only purpose is completing you. But it's like I'm trying to drown myself. I can try valiantly, nobly, heroically, but in the end, I was born a human and therefore can't hold on those final seconds it would take for my world to go completely black.

[dropdeadriko]

I just want someone to vent to at 3 AM.

[dropdeadriko]

i hate taking off my glasses because my eyes go from 1080hd to buffering at 240p and i just cannot handle that

[dropdeadriko]

I don’t think this is how efficient markets are supposed to work.

[dropdeadriko]

[dropdeadriko]

[dropdeadriko]

[dropdeadriko]

No one would ever know if a tree chirped like a bird.

[dropdeadriko]

Please be happy for other people. Your time will come.

[dropdeadriko]

my favourite roast of all tiem is ‘‘you look like pepsi max’‘

[dropdeadriko]

Ask me if I'm alright, do you want me to lie?

[dropdeadriko]

i want to share with you some of my favourite graffiti from Pompeii

“Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!“ 

“Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.“ 

“We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.“

“Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.“

“On April 19th, I made bread.“

“ I have buggered men.“

“If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girlfriend.“

“It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times.“

“Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!“

“Epaphra is not good at ball games.”

“Two friends were here.  While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus.  They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.“

“Secundus likes to screw boys.“