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The Versatility of Poetic Vernacular
If there’s one thing that I’ll never lose my passion for, besides learning and procrastination, it definitely has to be writing. What started off as a simple assignment back in elementary soon began to snowball into what was seemingly two different people when it came to putting things down on paper.
If you haven’t really noticed already within my previous posts, I tend to write a lot of my daily phrases and sentences in a somewhat rhythmic pattern. It’s the ability to be able to fluently read what’s on the page despite not having studied or looked at it before that makes my everyday writing, and especially poetry, stand out.
This charismatic stance when it comes to writing was something that I had to build up over time. As most of my earlier years as an awkward human were mostly spent in solidarity, I took this time to analyze how people interacted with each other. A bit creepy, but when it came down to putting these interactions into words, that’s when the true research began.
In a sense, writing and poetry is another language to me. And damn, some people need to learn how to speak it. Unlike real time interactions, in writing, you can take back what you said and rearrange it so that it people understand what you said, not what you meant. When it comes to conversation, you’ll see me tend to drift away until I have something that truly contributes to the conversation at hand. Most of this time, that’s because I’m thinking of a way to say it without missing the idea that I’m attempting to convey. This is also the way I portray myself in writing, as sentences that repeat the same meaning as others are only taking up space that I could use to actually get a point across.Think of this as the “um”s and “like”s of everyday conversation but in paper form.
What’s really been holding me down these past few months are a few particular essays that I need to write. For some of them, I can write down what I think about the subject, create a new symbol, or where I stand on a certain topic. Even for the ones that just involve some research or citing from a specific paper, although it’s not one of my favorite things to have to write for, I can still get them through. My only problem when it comes to writing them is just the quantity of them that’s expected from me, with mediocre quality to go along with it. For most people, they can easily bullshit these essays, as their writing styles aren’t as intricate as some others. For me, writing is like a fart: sometimes you can, sometimes you can’t, but if you force it to the point that some certain teachers make you, I can guarantee you that the next thing that comes out of me will be shit.
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The Spiciest of Memes
I feel like everyone has their own ways of using their down time. On top of that, some others may have hobbies that help them de-stress when they really need it. In my case, on top of jogging and eating, one of my best ways to clear my mind would have to be browsing memes.
To put it simply, memes are the inside jokes of the modern deep web, not really surfacing until the time is right. Normally, a meme is born when a certain controversial event happens, such as we saw with Harambe and that one Bosnian Croat leader who poisoned himself in court. What the internet really wants to achieve with these topics is to try to find a way to make this into some sort of dark humor, commonly by using other memes or twitter as a forms of construction. At other times, the memes will follow a popularized format, such as the one above.
However, over the past few months, the lifespan of memes have been exponentially decreasing. Specifications of memes that used to be able to last for a solid few months can now only live for a few weeks at most before it gets old and overused. The main problem that we have as a meme-ing community is that, much like an inside joke, explaining it to people outside of the group ruins its originality. YouTube channels, such as Behind the Meme and certain blogging websites, such as Tumblr, are where memes go to die. By the time you see weird memes on the front pages of FaceBook, Twitter, or any generic mainstream media, the meme is probably dead.
Memes are the citations of the nerdy introvert community. Most people usually resort to explaining their feelings with memes, regardless of it being spicy, dank, or a Twitter meme. There’s just something about them that helps us to explain how we feel about a subject better than we could say it ourselves. Controversial text with a visual aid: you can’t really fuck it up.
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All Shades of Humor
One of the very first things that I did to find ways to make me happy was to first analyze my “getaway” topics, or what I do or act like during tough times in order to bring myself back up again. This gave me my first realization of what part of my personality consists of, and why most people hate me: insensitivity towards controversial topics.
If there’s one thing that makes dark humor so special, it the immense skill that comes with being able to execute them so well that makes them worlds better. They have to be original, well timed, and told flawlessly in order to take maximum effect. It’s even better when they come from some of the more unexpecting people.
When it comes to my sense of humor, I only have one rule, which is to keep it out of the business side of me. If we need to get work done, I’ll still crack some jokes, but I’ll limit myself. Catch me after school and I’ll show no mercy with my verbal vernacular. Even when things seem inappropriate, as long as it’s funny in the end, that’s all that matters to me. To me, my jokes are like a shooter at Walmart, they leave people dying. Now those are jokes to die for.
One of the main things that make me able to relate to this subject so much is the amount of hardships that I went through. This, mixed in with time to get comfortable with my past decisions, gradually turns into comedy. Sure, my mental health may be withering away, but that doesn’t really stop me from trying to stay positive. Some people may say I have a face and voice fit for radio. Some might say that my voice is incredibly moving, like making me want to move out of the room. Others might even say that they wouldn’t even unplug my life support to charge their phone, they’d just unplug the life support.
Well, looks like those people will have to try harder. Haters with the looks and uses of plungers, always having to bring up old shit :p
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Who I R e a l l y am
Starting with this post and onward(and including previous posts that I will soon edit), I will include a “Keep Reading” link since I have received a few critiques on the my rather lengthy posts. Hopefully this makes it less of a bitch to go through my blog :p
As I look back at my list of things that make me happy, I start to think: Damn, that’s a lot of medicine names. I’ll release a podcast sometime during winter break on why that is, as it is a whole different story on its own.
Fruit snacks are easily explainable, but if not, I’ll try to summarize. They’re the Blair of snacks: wherever you are, or however you may feel at the moment, it’s never bad to have it around you. They don’t need to be heated up, refrigerated, or frozen (although cold fruit snacks are the s h i t), they don’t make noise when you chew them so you can eat them in the library, the wrapper isn’t all that noisy, they’re easily shareable, they’re somewhat healthy for you if you get the organic kind, they’re addicting as hell, and overall, they’re pretty cheap. You can’t go wrong with congealed blobs of fruity substances.
For Pepsi, it’s more of an acquired taste, as is the same case for other foods such as pineapple pizza, dark chocolate, etc. I recognize that this will probably upset some Coke fans, but this is my own blog, after all. Pepsi was the first of all companies to start using actual cane sugar to sweeten their drinks. On top of the more natural taste of this godly nectar, this also comes with something more important. You see, when your body begins to break down corn syrup (what generic soda companies use to sweeten pretty much everything), it forms a froth-like substance in your stomach. Try to visualize adding bubble bath solution to a bathtub while the water is running. However, when your stomach tries to move the digested fluids down to your small intestine, things starts to get complicated. Now let’s go back to the bubble bath visualization. When you try to drain the water in the tub, the water goes down, but the bubbles stay in the tub. The same thing happens when you drink something with corn syrup without eating anything. Now, instead of going down into your digestive system, it just stays and coagulates in your stomach as it tries its hardest to digest it. Eventually, all the stomach acid used to digest this corn syrup foam eats away at your mucus lining in your stomach so much that you end up throwing up. Nasty stuff.
Ah, gaming. One of my many cursed blessings, and also one of the things that’s drained me of so much money, time, and energy. Many like to think of the generic gamer as an overweight teenager who only showers once a week and survives purely on fast-food. While that may be true in some cases, it depends on what part of the gaming community you’re talking about. I’d like to talk about the competitive gaming community, as that’s what I’m most familiar and closely associated with. More specifically, I’d like to address the speedrunning community as a whole. To explain it simply, the speedrunning community is mainly focused around figuring out how to finish all popular video games in the shortest amount of time possible. While this may sound a bit peculiar, **finding out how speedrunners impact society has the same shock value as me sending Schultz a folder full of every single essay she’s handed me (btw Schultz, if you’re reading this, I’m still coming for those 100 extra credit points for 100% essay completion :p). **From having beaten the original Super Mario in about five minutes to having raised a few million dollars towards notable charities like the Prevent Cancer Foundation and Doctors Without Borders, we really do quite a bit behind the scenes. As for me, my current best speedrun of any game would have to be 2048, beaten in three minutes and forty-eight seconds. Beyond just playing video games, it also helps me to find new communities full of other people motivating each other and inspiring others to do better in whatever competitive category they may be wanting to excel in. If anything, the people that I’ve met and interacted with online have been more helpful than most school teachers and counselors have been. Or at least for what I’ve seen so far.
Now this topic goes a bit more into the soft side of me, not that I don’t like to share it, just that most people chose not to listen. Now sure, most of these teenage guys are really just trying to get their dicks wet, but some of them are genuine gentlemen. Of this minuscule sample of the school population, they actually do some pretty adorable stuff, not what you’re used to but always nice to see and puts a smile on everybody’s face. From the small things like the morning “hellos” and the “I brought you food since I know you woke up late” to the full out pompous homecoming/winter dance/military ball/prom proposals (of which I have my own story to share about that, coming to you in a podcast soon).
Continuing with the “soft side of Aleks” theme, we have my poetry. Now, before I go into this, there’s a few things that I’d like to point out first.
Yes, I actually write poetry.
Yes, I cover extremely sensitive topics like suicide, self-harm, and mental illness.
Yes, I have an extraordinarily dark sense of humor.
Yes, I could give less of a shit if I offend anybody. I only go overboard with what I’ve personally been associated with.
No, I don’t swear as often as I do in my everyday speech in my poetry. **Profanity isn’t as emotionally **impactful as careful quips and wordplay. Telling someone that you hope that traffic goes slower for them than they’d like it to when they try to go home is better than the classic “fuck you”.
For the most part, I mainly focus on two types of poetry: sonnets and poetry slams. **My sonnets are the brown braided slip-ons on the grill master: you don’t know what they’re capable of yet but you know whatever they conjure up is gonna be kickass. **I mainly got into writing sonnets during my middle school years, about the same time that I started to develop my knowledge of the English language. Due to this, I found a new way to express my rather interesting story telling ability behind many situations.Just the way that sonnets let you play around with the flow and enunciation of words tends to rile up satisfaction in most people. Moving on to poetry slams, this is one side of me that always tends to catch people off guard. There’s no real way to explain it on paper, as my live readings speak for themselves (no pun intended). Other than that, the best way to explain what I’m truly capable of putting out in an art form usually ends in two ways: a standing ovation with a few crying spectators or denial of performance altogether.
If you’ve seen me around in school, during my daily jogs, or just about anywhere outside, you’ll notice that I’m just enamored by hoodies. Whether it be zip-up or pullover, all hoodie lives are the same. It’s just something that has to do with these pre-pubescent coats that intrigue me. It could be the fact that extra pockets, a little more warmth than usual, and being able to cover up my feminine-looking arms that make being a bit uncomfortable in some situations to be cozy in most of them all that more worth it. Not only that, but in the case of an emergency, a hoodie can also be used as a makeshift pressure bandage or tourniquet (I took a nursing class during the entirety of my freshman year don’t judge). Overall, **hoodies are the Swiss Army Knives of high school society. **At least in my perspective, at least.
The classic everyday “Aleks” look: nappy hair, glasses, a hoodie, and dark jeans. Besides the hoodie, there is one thing that can’t me glanced over within this appearance. Of course, I’m talking about the red boots. Sadly, this is something that we’ll have to wait to hear about in the upcoming podcast.
For the negative, I won’t focus too much for two reasons: this list has gone on for long enough and I’d rather not get into sad boi hours earlier than I’d like to.
As someone who has severe insomnia, going to sleep is a waste of time. All of these days, you have the opportunity to do something in the hours that everyone else needs to lie down and close their eyes for a few hours for some unknown reason. Also, when I do sleep, it’s either for 12 hours or 36. There is no median.
No matter what school you go to, everyone has that hallway. Everybody is holding hands, touching each other, sucking off each other’s faces, etc. I’ll spare you the details. I don’t have anything against young couples, but there is such a time as before and after school to get your swing on.
Schizo is a bitch. More explanation in the podcast.
Touchy shit to have to explain this, regardless if it’s to myself again or to other people. Not something to explain during school, work, or meetings. More on this in the podcast.
Yes, I’m a perfectionist, if you haven’t noticed that already. Part of me has always wanted to make things to perfectly all the time, no matter the cost. However, knowing how the world works, that isn’t always the case. I fully know and understand this, but it always hurts when someone still has the nerve to blurt it out to me maliciously.
This is something that, if you’ve seen or known my brother, you should be familiar with. People start sleeping in, skipping school, not doing work, showing up to a single class a day, those types of people. The basic point that I try to make with people is that if you can handle your business but won’t bother to do so, I don’t want you involved with my life.
Popping gum in a quiet place. You’ve been there before. Makes you wanna fucking cover their head in a plastic bag and beat their face in with a rock. There is no need for you to pop your gum, even in public when it’s loud. Enough said.
Everybody has had their favorite pair of sweatpants or their favorite hoodie by the ultimate comfortable clothing destroyer: scrunchies. Sure, you can take them off with a razor, but that in itself is time consuming just to take into account that they’re just gonna form again. The worst part is when you run your hand over them and you feel each individual one rub against your hand. Boo to the cotton cancer balls.
I’m just gonna get this one out of that way, as it’s pretty noticeable if you’ve known or seen me in person. I am on the autism spectrum and have ASD as a result. Fortunately, I got the better side of it and in turn for having my social communication skills crippled, I have greater connections within the parts of my brain that control memorization and logical reasoning. That’s why you see some people say that although I may be smart, I sure do some idiotic things.
Overall, I feel as if I focus too much on other people and not enough on myself. Over these next few weeks, I’ll do my best to try to become a little more selfish and more self-centered than I usually am. Maybe I might become a little happier, maybe it’ll just be a downward spiral of never ending sadness. Only time can tell :v
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Things that bustle me and tussle me - November 27-29
This is a long list so I’m putting a “read more” link so that it’s not a hassle to go through the rest of my blog :p
Also, all things listed in italics+bold are things that I’m going to explain in a later date, either by text post or by podcast, whichever comes first
Bustle
1. Caffeine
2. Ibuprofen
3. Acetaminophen
4. Fruit Snacks
5. Pepsi (commonly referred to as Bepsi)
6. Gaming
7. Seeing a couple in school do something cute in the halls
8. Having a clear mind so I can write some poetry with a e u p h o r i c flow
9. Hoodies. Specifically thick pullover hoodies
10. Wearing my red Timberlands
Tussle
1. Going to sleep
2. Going through “Makeout Hallway” in school
3. Schizophrenia
4. When somebody says “kms” or “If x happens, I’m literally gonna kms”
5. When people call me out for being a perfectionist with bad intent
6. When people stop caring about school all together and start flunking all of their classes
7. People who pop their gum in a quiet place
8. When you wash a sweater a single time and it starts to develop scrunchies
9. When people call me autistic with bad intent
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