drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul - Tumblr blog

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

I'm having an amazing time picturing Neil at the sunshine court instead of Jean. like the probbing questions, the unrelenting demand for explanations and getting down to their feelings, Neil would have run Day One. and obviously Jean on the Foxes would have been a complete disaster.

the difference between Jean and Neil is that Jean is a stray dog who needs attention and love and Neil is a feral cat that will only stay around if u pretend to ignore him

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

God there's something about the idea that Hector was wearing Achilles's old armor when he faced him to die. when Achilles saw Hector he saw a mirror of himself, and he knew exactly where to aim

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

Neil including Jean in his deal with Ichirou. Neil being Jean’s “misplaced forever partner, an unfulfilled promise Jean stopped believing in years ago.” Jean watching out for Neil at Evermore. Neil repaying his debt to Jean by beating Riko. Neil touching his foot to Jean’s to ground him on more than one occasion. Him immediately ordering a hit on Grayson after receiving just a hint of what he’d done to Jean. Neil reminding Jean that Elodie too was a Moreau and that Jean is worth saving. I just can’t do it.

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

It’s crazy how low self-worth fucks with peoples lives

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

Neil "You can never play Exy again" Josten and Jean "Exy is the sole purpose of your existence" Moreau

Neil "I have no choice but to run" Josten and Jean "I have no choice but to stay" Moreau

Neil "I have to be alone" Josten and Jean "Do not leave me alone" Moreau

Neil "~10% of my internal monologue centers around hiding my scars" Josten and Jean "what?" Moreau

Neil "I don't swing" Josten and Jean "the cruelty behind these nonstop temptations" Moreau

Neil "no one can know how fucked up I am" Josten and Jean "everyone keeps saying I'm fucked up?" Moreau

Neil was being chased all his life but Jean had already been caught :/ :/

Foils of all time

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

wymack had to sit through Riko’s funeral and I just know this man was hurting for Kevin’s sake but also SEETHING. Like ‘this motherfucker broke my son’s dominant hand, had my oldest fox murdered, tortured Neil for two straight weeks, arranged for Andrew to be assaulted multiple times and has just been the most annoying pos for years. I’m not gonna do it but somebody should spit on his grave’

but also Riko could’ve been a Fox if you squinted your eyes and tilted your head a little bit, and it’s a harsh reminder for wymack that he can’t save every kid that needs someone to just give a shit about them and also can’t stop people from hurting the ones he does pull out of the abyss. He can only help pick 'em up and find a way to keep moving.

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

one thing about jean that fucks me up sooo bad is that he is just a kid. he's so young. he's scared of getting lost in airports. he closes his eyes on the back of a motorcycle so he doesn't have to see traffic. his favorite magnet is a little bear with a red barret.

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it."

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

"Did you think you were special?"

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

I think the only person I've met in real life with 100% career satisfaction was this gal I knew who was a presenter at a children's science museum and delivered every line like she was running a WWE match. Every time you passed the room where she was giving a presentation, you'd hear something like "WHO'S READY FOR CEPHALOPODS?!?" and the kids would go absolutely nuts cheering.

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

never let anyone tell you that trawling through mediocre victorian poetry isn't worth it. we just happened upon an absolute BANGER of a worm poem. go read it or else 🪱🪱🪱

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

April showers bring May flowers. April showers bring May Flowers. April showers bring May Flowers. APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

my roman empire is that "Et tu, Brutus" basically translates to "fuck you too, bitch" 😭😂

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

The beautiful thing as you get older is that you realize so many “rules” are made up and you can just do whatever. Posters can go anywhere in the house not just my room. I can sit down while cooking a meal or taking a shower. I can make the same thing for breakfast lunch dinner for a week straight. I can roam around the house shirtless. I can wear a dress with jeans. The world is my oyster key word my and I can live as I please embracing little things such as this

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

Neil and Andrew and their scars. Marks left behind by others and wounds made yourself. Running and staying. Surviving and enduring. Doing whatever it takes to stay alive. Missing pieces hidden beneath fabric so you can’t be solved. Strengths and weaknesses warped into raised skin and faded lines. Telling a story you never want to read again. Sharing them to say ‘I trust you with my most vulnerable self’ without actually having to speak. So different but so achingly familiar

[drpepperisthedarlingofmysoul]

Jean would have died in Riko's room.

He is not his own person, and Riko wouldn't have let him forget that even at the very end. No, you don't get to die in the place you've tried to make your own with postcards and stickers. No, you don't get to die looking at the little things you chose to put there that mean you are real and a person and matter. You die in Riko's room, because you are Riko's. You die on the floor, because you don't even matter enough to be worth staining his bedsheets with your blood.

Just... Riko using his final act of violence against Jean to strip him of any personhood he had been clinging to despite everything.