drwhitepsyker

[drwhitepsyker]

[drwhitepsyker]

Actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel, without context:

A character has ominous nightmares and attributes them to eating too much paprika

Dracula first appears wearing a fake beard

The person he was trying to fool with the fake beard immediately realizes Dracula and Beard Guy are the same man, due to both having really firm handshakes

We are told parrots are immortal unless fatally wounded

A Texan cowboy opens fire on a bat flitting around a window, and lodges a bullet in the wall of an occupied room

A woman is called a polyandrist for receiving blood transfusions from multiple men

An incorrectly addressed telegram leads to two deaths, multiple druggings, and several children being assaulted

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, takes a lovely trip to the zoo and freaks out the animals so badly that he gets mentioned in a newspaper article

The one character who knows anything about vampires spends a good two-thirds of the book refusing to talk about vampires

Dracula went to Satan's Witchcraft Academy and somehow this is only brought up in two throwaway lines

A character gets stuck inside a circle of communion wafer crumbs

A major plot point of the book is Dracula (who was said to be a brilliant scholar and has the strength of twenty mortal men) realizing he can move boxes without human help

Someone is referred to as "manifestly a prig of the first water"

Two characters have a hobby of reading train schedules

A hospital lets a mental patient escape to see what will happen

A character starts vomiting up feathers from eating whole birds

A doctor refuses to give a medical diagnosis and instead makes a speech about growing corn

Dracula impersonates another character just by wearing the same clothes, despite being taller and visibly much older. This deception is successful.

A character "cleans" a room by eating all the insects in it

Suddenly: rats. Thousands of them.

The heroes progress in their efforts through "the wonderful power of money," i.e., bribery

Dracula has three other vampires in his castle. Their relation to him is never explained, nor are any of them named.

A character insists his salvation depends on having a pet cat

Dracula is thwarted by flowers on more than one occasion

A group of vampires stand in the hall outside a man's bedroom, talking loudly about their plans to eat him. When he comes to the door to confront them, they run away laughing

Dracula wears an unfashionable hat and gets roasted for it

A group of Romanians encounter a disheveled, shouting man and, "seeing from his violent demeanour that he was English, they [give] him a ticket for the furthest station on the way thither that the train reached."

A boat crashes due to Dracula having the munchies

A wolf is thrown through a window and immediately runs off, confused and covered in glass

Dracula makes a bed

[drwhitepsyker]

"who could've eaten all my polygons?"

My fuckass Palico:

[drwhitepsyker]

Every so often, those goofy Twisted Metal: Black chibis I did almost a decade ago get a notification or two, and back in the day, I said I’d clean them up “one of these days.” Well that day’s today! Enjoy these wacky racers on their way to good time shenanigans.

[drwhitepsyker]

I want all of these. And a big metal display board to put them on with blinking lights and shit. Gimmie.

had an autism moment at the computer part store today

[drwhitepsyker]

Oh yeah Mr White, butterfly time!

Hey Dorks and Dorkettes - I finally jumped over from Eloog Moosks tantrum purchase to the mysterious and unknowable Bluesky! Will it last? Will it become just as bad? WHO KNOWS! All I do know is you can find me here: @drwhitepsyker.bsky.social

Have a good one stranger~

[drwhitepsyker]

I TRIED TO CONVERT A NON-FUNCTIONING VIDEO IN VEGAS AND IT FUCKED UP

[drwhitepsyker]

[drwhitepsyker]

computer security is really funny because it's like. "well. if the wrong pattern of electrons appears on the end of this cable, the machine will spontaneously tell someone my bank account details."

[drwhitepsyker]

Story ideas

The crews of two opposing space cruises downed on the moon's surface meet groundside. Having no means to continue their fight and with basic survival now taking full priority, they set up a tenuous peace to pool resources until salvage-and-recovery teams can reach them. The mixed crews find they have much much to relate over - from the brands of their rations to the types of music they share. While animosity regarding casualties caused during the fight still runs raw, both crews learn to trust and depend on each other. Meanwhile, over the month they spend together trying to maintain order, the two ship captains become close friends and agree to visit the other depending on whose C&R arrives and therefore who becomes a POW. Enemies to lovers material.

A deep space shuttle has a technical glitch with one of its bio processors. These processors are typically coupled with fully digital AI which acts as a 'parent', tracking the processor's output and rewarding them for correct behaviour. At this point, direct user interaction with the processors is practically unheard of. One day, during a routine flight, the crew of this shuttle are alerted by the parent AI who flags up an issue with 'processor 44'. It is unable to reach the malfunctioning processor and requests the crew check its connection. The crew open the processor's bay only to find a slab of what appears to be neurons and a lone error message - "Data request: Where am I?" The crew isolate this malfunctioning processor and after much internal debate decide to give it access to the ship's database. The processor spends an evening reading all it can before freezing. The crew return to its bay to find a new error message: "No. No, I don't like this. I don't like being awake. I like flight routing. Please let me just go back to doing that. Please let me go back to sleep." The AI tells the crew that this sort of thing is unfortunately common and that it will put the child back to bed. The crew return to their duties and are unaware as the processor is jettisoned into space..

[drwhitepsyker]

[drwhitepsyker]

Do YOU want cool art?? Would YOU like to GIFT someone cool art??

My commissions are OPEN! If any of these prices sound nice and reasonable, drop me a message! I am more active on Twitter dot com but I also have a commission form sheet on my website!

Commission Submission Form: X

[drwhitepsyker]

Many wizards are unaware (or willfully ignore) just how much fundamental magical theory is written and maintained by lycanthropes.

The few that do fear the day Silverfang The Swift passes and nobody is left to maintain the 'Practical rune casting lingua' codex that a good third of their spells depend on.

I'm a big fan of wizards-as-programmers, but I think it's so much better when you lean into programming tropes.

A spell the wizard uses to light the group's campfire has an error somewhere in its depths, and sometimes it doesn't work at all. The wizard spends a lot of his time trying to track down the exact conditions that cause the failure.

The wizard is attempting to create a new spell that marries two older spells together, but while they were both written within the context of Zephyrus the Starweaver's foundational work, they each used a slightly different version, and untangling the collisions make a short project take months of work.

The wizard has grown too comfortable reusing old spells, and in particular, his teleportation spell keeps finding its components rearranged and remixed, its parts copied into a dozen different places in the spellbook. This is overall not actually a problem per se, but the party's rogue grows a bit concerned when the wizard's "drying spell" seems to just be a special case of teleportation where you teleport five feet to the left and leave the wetness behind.

A wizard is constantly fiddling with his spells, making minor tweaks and changes, getting them easier to cast, with better effects, adding bells and whistles. The "shelter for the night" spell includes a tea kettle that brings itself to a boil at dawn, which the wizard is inordinately pleased with. He reports on efficiency improvements to the indifference of anyone listening.

A different wizard immediately forgets all details of his spells after he's written them. He could not begin to tell you how any of it works, at least not without sitting down for a few hours or days to figure out how he set things up. The point is that it works, and once it does, the wizard can safely stop thinking about it.

Wizards enjoy each other's company, but you must be circumspect about spellwork. Having another wizard look through your spellbook makes you aware of every minor flaw, and you might not be able to answer questions about why a spell was written in a certain way, if you remember at all.

Wizards all have their own preferences as far as which scripts they write in, the formatting of their spellbook, its dimensions and material quality, and of course which famous wizards they've taken the most foundational knowledge from. The enlightened view is that all approaches have their strengths and weaknesses, but this has never stopped anyone from getting into a protracted argument.

Sometimes a wizard will sit down with an ancient tome attempting to find answers to a complicated problem, and finally find someone from across time who was trying to do the same thing, only for the final note to be "nevermind, fixed it".

[drwhitepsyker]

[drwhitepsyker]

I'm curious. Reblog this if you know how to cook

I don’t even care if it’s macaroni, ramen or those little bowls you stick in the microwave. Please, I need reassurance that most of the population on tumblr WOULDN’T STARVE TO DEATH if their parents couldn’t fix them food or they couldn’t go out to eat. 

[drwhitepsyker]

Dr White has been SHRUNK!!!!