dryiesthe

[dryiesthe]

What do you do with all these feelings you have for someone, when they don’t want you anymore. I wish I could hate him. We were an almost, a maybe. A “what if” that never got the chance to breathe. There was a time when he was my night sky. Not just because he stayed up with me texting until dawn, but because he made me feel like I was the only star worth looking at. When he asked about my day, it wasn’t a small talk, it was care. He was everywhere in my head. Every song reminded me of him. Every notification made my heart jump. Just when I started to get comfortable, his replies got shorter, his messages less frequent. I convinced myself it was nothing. Maybe he was busy. Or tired. Distracted. Excuses I swallowed like bitter pills hoping they’d dull the ache. I ignored it, though, because how could I not? I liked him. I wanted him. And maybe if I wanted it enough, he’d feel the same. So I sent him a text. It said, I think about you all the time, even if the words didn’t spell it out exactly like that. I stared on my phone for hours afterward, refreshing the screen, hoping for three little dots. A reply. A sign. Anything. But it never came. He didn’t say a word. Not that night. Not the next. Not ever. Maybe I did something wrong, maybe I was too pushy. I wanted to take it all back, unsend the text, rewind the time to before I said too much. How do you grieve someone who isn’t gone? But, who just decided they didn’t want you anymore. People don’t just disappear because they care. They don’t leave you waiting if you matter to them. So why does it still hurt? Why does my heart still ache for someone who couldn’t even say goodbye? I don’t hate him though. I wish I did, it’d be easier that way. I miss him. I built a galaxy out of him hoping to belong in his universe. He was my night sky, but I was just another star.

[dryiesthe]

In a room full of people who love me, I search for the one who doesn’t. The one who left me bleeding, and never turned around to look. How foolish can a heart be? To crave the hands that broke it. To miss the lips that lied, the arms that let go so easily. I’ve been stabbed more times than I can count, but I still love the one who held the knife. And I hate that no matter how much it hurts, I still want him back to my life. I know the name of my murderer and I’d die for him over and over.

[dryiesthe]

"You know,

I like soft, gentle men.

And you were like cotton candy:

Sweet and poisonous.

I liked you because you were smart and careful;

Words were said at the perfect timing,

Hands were held at the right moment,

Kisses were asked for,

Hugs were meaningful, warm and safe.

And I didn't feel supervized, but rather contained.

It wasn't love from first sight or haters to lovers romance, it came out of the blue.

You were persistent.

And in spite of bearing a broken heart, I fell for you.

I didn't want to love you nor asked you to love me.

But it happened, and it was bitter sweet.

I knew that having you in my life would leave me a handful of scars.

But at some point, I was okay with it.

Love is supposed to be surprisingly painful.

So, why not?"

[dryiesthe]

Even at the cost of pain and fear, I am grateful that I met you that time, that we've shared wonderful moments and I played a special part in your life. We may ended too sudden and with grudges at first but know that I am happy that we perfectly did our parts that time. Perhaps I love everything about you that even your disappearance wounded me yet gave me hope at the same time. To open more doors and to be gentle with myself. You are like my blessing in disguise.

I am still glad that we met, for the lessons, for the spectacular trips, and laughter. I hope you're always doing fine just like what I am wishing for you. Until the next time.

[dryiesthe]

Masakit lang isipin, na hindi pala tayo ang gusto pero ginulo tayo, pinakilig tayo, and what's the painful part? Yung ginamit ka lang pala as their healing medicine, at after nilang maging kumpleto ulit saka ka iiwan dahil hindi kana kailangan.

To my lovely girlies please do not disturb their lives only to give them traumas in the end. It hurts and it makes them think if they are the mistake for not being the person worth the risk.

And to my girlies na pinakilig, pinaasa, ginawang rebound at naging back burner. I just want to remind you na, we are worthy to be pursued, at hindi natin deserve na gamitin lang just to fill the pain they felt in the past dahil hindi tayo panakip butas at lalong lalo na hindi tayo pang-healing stage lang.

Everything happens for a reason baka hinanda lang tayo ni Lord sa tamang tao na para satin. Kaya ikaw, smile kana at palaging tandaan mahalaga ka.🖤

#Ctto

[dryiesthe]

Sabi nila paano mo raw malalaman kapag totoong pag-ibig.

Sabi ko, siguro kapag kahit ilang beses na magbago 'yung tao ay hindi pa rin nagbabago 'yung nararamdaman mo.

Kapag siguro napatunayan mong totoo 'yung sinasabi ng mundo na kapag nagmahal ka ay para kang dadalo nang ilang beses sa lamay ng taong minahal mo dahil sa buong panahong magkasama kayo ay paulit-ulit s'yang mag-iiba ng anyo - ng gusto, ng paborito, ng plano.

Kapag napagdaanan at patuloy mong napagdaraanan 'yon pero hindi kailanman sumagi sa isip mong tumakas na lang.

Kapag sa mga araw na walang kilig, sa halip na hanapin ito sa iba ay pinipili mong makuntento sa kalmado.

Kapag sa mga gabing hindi sigurado kung paano ninyo maisasara ang maliliit na mga away ay nananatili kang sigurado na sa dulo, 'yung taong ito pa rin ang gusto mo makapalitan ng mga panata.

Kapag kahit na magbago ang landas na tatahakin mo ay nananatiling kasama ang pangalan n'ya sa listahan ng mga bibitbitin.

Hindi bibigat, dahil hindi papasanin kundi aakapin.

Sabi nila paano raw malalaman kapag totoo ang pag-ibig,

Sa tingin ko, kapag kahit na hindi na n'ya hawak 'yong mga katangiang mayroon s'ya noong una mo s'yang nakilala ay alam at ramdam mong kilalang kilala mo pa rin s'ya.

Dahil ang pag-ibig, hindi man iisa ang mukha, nagbabago at nag-iiba,

pero subukin man ng distansya o panahon, hamakin man ng sakit, mawalay man saglit,

mananatiling pamilyar,

sabik,

ramdam, kahit hindi ipilit.

[dryiesthe]

I am tired of losing myself to uncertain relationships.

I am tired of punishing myself over the things that I prayed to work, but didn't. I am tired of wasting my nights being sad over someone who wouldn't even be happy being with me.

I am tired of losing my peace, settling on unclear intentions, and living on good old memories.

I am tired of romanticizing black and white future. I am tired of looking for people who do not want to be found. And I am tired of running away from my worth.

I just want to be with someone whom I can celebrate good little things with, share my secrets and dreams, and who can effortlessly make me love myself more.

I just want to be in the arms of someone who's also tired of playing games, living on false hopes, and singing goodbyes.

So, if you're tired, too, please meet me here. I won't mind offering my shoulders for you to lean to, my hands for you to hold, and my heart for you to rest onto.

Grow with me. Chase the calm with me. Above all, be tired with me—so we don't have the energy to leave.

— Aaron Arciaga

Art: wifi313

Fb Page: Poetry that Stays

[dryiesthe]

When your heart wants to see that person, But your mind cannot afford another heartbreak. When your heart wants to be with that person, But your mind knows that they cannot be yours. When your heart wants to beat for that person, But your mind cannot function when they are around.

When your heart loves them unconditionally, Then your mind suffers the most!!!

[dryiesthe]

Few years ago when I was younger I wanted a love full of passion and flames. I wanted a relationship that makes the world stop turning that makes my heart stop beating . And I thought I had it, the flames burnt me and turns out it passion wasn’t enough for a relationship to go on.

Now that I am older, I want a different kind of love; a kinder love, the understanding more calm less jealous, less possessive and less consuming love. I want a love that feels more like a friendship. I want a love that is ok with silence and burnout. I want a love that feels safe yet still has passion and desire not boardroom.

I think people change ; I changed. And the type of love we look for change with us too.

Metanoia

[dryiesthe]

Someone can break you so bad that afterwards you become invincible. And the person who holds this power over you is the person you loved the deepest than you ever thought you can. You will heal afterwards and become better and better than before. Your brokenness will lead you to the best version of yourself a price you will then realize you had to pay. That someone will fade away from your memory but will never ever disappear. Someone will be a forever part of you and you will make stronger than you ever imagined. And you will never be able to tell whether you should hate them or thank them.

Metanoia

[dryiesthe]

I am not alright. And I wonder if my kiss is toxin. Do i kill everything I love?! This is me at my lowest. I feel toxic I doubt … I doubt my love and my heart.

Metanoia

[dryiesthe]

Your future self loves you. They will look through old photos of you with affection, not disgust, nor embarrassment. They wish they could tell you stories of your future, of how much you’ll change, of the people you’ll meet, of how you’ll eventually learn to accept yourself, then love yourself. They will read your diary entries and poems and favorite lyrics, heart aching, tears in their eyes. if only you knew…

Your future self loves you. If only they could show you. They are living proof. You’ll turn out okay after all. They wish they were there to console you, dance with you, and make you write it a hundred times: “I AM LOVED”. They will listen to playlists you made, just to experience you again. They will write you a letter - of forgiveness, longing, reassurance. you will never read it. but you will know."

(flowerais.tumblr)

[dryiesthe]

He will miss me every fortnight and it would kill him knowing that he has to live with the fact that he let me go. He would know that he would always give me up while I have always opened my door to him every time he knocked. I saw something in him. I saw warmth’s in his cold. But you can’t love someone who isn’t ok with themselves; they will keep coming and going and hurting you whilst.

you can’t fix the broken nor be the savior. Sometimes closing your door to them is your way of helping them fix themselves.

Metanoia

[dryiesthe]

I'm sorry for forcing you to stay. I'm sorry for forcing you to make time for me and to give me attention. I'm sorry for forcing you to love me even when you don't want me anymore. I thought I could make you love me right. I thought if I continue holding on to you, you would learn to treat me right. But you didn't. In fact, you always make me cry. You always make me sad and always make my heart pounding with pain.

I'm so unhappy, and you never care at all. Why do you have to make me feel so alone when I'm with you? Why do you always have to make me beg for your love? I wish I could just learn to unlove you. I'm hurting so bad, yet you always have a way to hurt me even more. I'm tired— not of loving you, but I'm tired of all the sadness and pain that you're making me feel.

I thought loving you hard will make you love me better. But it wasn't enough. I was not enough. Most of the time, I just wish not to wake-up anymore. So that you would never see me again. So that my heart would stop aching. And maybe, when I'm gone, only then you would realize that I was always been there for you all along.

It makes me sad how you treated me poorly despite of loving you so selflessly. It was sad loving someone with all I have and realized that I was still not enough.

— Shiori X

[dryiesthe]

You are a chapter in my book that I can’t flip over

A page stuck between my fingertips

The way you write yourself made me think you were the one

Plot twist you pulled out the gun

The author hid the gunshots from my ears

I had to rip your page out of my book

But I must have been too blind

Because now when I flipped through the memories I see the bullets and scars on the bind

I already know it’s time to go

You don’t have to tell me twice

But if I were prettier, would you ask me to stay?

If she never met you, would I still be there?

If I have a wavy blonde hair or maybe blue eye color like her, would you spare me a little attention?

But you wouldn’t care a bit

You will never learn to love me.

[dryiesthe]

People think disrespect is when you shout or abuse. But that’s just a part of it. Disrespect can be a million things. The tone, the timing, the context, they all matter. It also matters who is saying that and in answer to what it’s being said. Something that means nothing to you can mean a lot to another person. It’s all about how much a person matters to you. I am a chilled-out person, all humor, jokes, and leg-pulling. But with that, I have also become over-sensitive to disrespect. I sense it when I am being put down by someone. And even the whispers hit me like a slap.

Earlier I used to fight them. I used to get angry with “How can you say that to me?” But now, I have matured. These fights are not worth fighting. If you mattered, this would not be happening to you. You are being treated like shit because you mean nothing. That’s why I leave with “No. You can not say that to me.” And with that, I leave with my self-respect, peace, and closure. I can cry for days for you, but I won’t give you a minute more to mistreat me.

I know many will call it ego. But is it? Is it ego to expect the same care from someone? Is it ego to expect the same respect, the same efforts, the same sweetness? People advise you to adjust and compromise. But how can you compromise on how a person treats you? How is it negotiable? Only spineless people tolerate disrespect in the hope of love.

You know, when you really love someone, this intense feeling works both ways. If a little thing has the power to make you so happy. Then a little thing can also make you too sad. Love is not normal "Hi, hello, how are you?" It’s not mere words. Everything is loaded with intense emotions. So you can’t spit fire at someone and expect that person to take them as mere words. No. These things hurt you deeply. And sometimes, it’s your pride in that person that burns down to ashes. You had this pride that this is my person. But when you are slapped with “Lol. You mean nothing to me,” you can either walk away with your head held high or you can stay there, licking their feet. And I choose to walk away, with a smile.

[dryiesthe]

Sometimes, I wonder if you ever think about me like I often do. I wonder if you also miss those times that we spent together and all the happy moments that we've shared. I wonder if you still think about the dreams that we used to talk about. And I wonder if there is still a part of you that tells you not to stop loving me and not to give up on us. Because honestly, a part of me is still holding onto our love, wishing that it will never end just like this. It's easy to lie and say that I no longer love you. I can always say that to you and to anyone who will ask me about you. I can tell you right in front of your face that I hate you for everything that you did to hurt me, but I cannot lie to myself. Even though I'm terribly hurting, I know that deep in my heart, I will always be in love with you. You will always be the person that my heart will choose, no matter how wounded it is.

It's such a sad thing to feel so in love with someone who brings me so much pain. It is so tiring to tell you that I no longer want you in my life but still end up grieving for your absence. You have no idea how much I endure my heart tearing apart every time I say goodbye to you, knowing that you might actually be gone from my life forever. The truth is, I am afraid that you would hurt me again if I let you into my life again, but I am more afraid to live a life without you. I heartlessly say I hate you, but my heart says, stay and love me properly.