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Tragedy Strikes (again)!

Today is a melancholic day for our nation, once more. Our Glorious Leader, Kim Il-Sung, has been found dead in his office; three gunshots in his head. Cry for our motherland. Cry for the people. Cry for the future.

In unrelated news, Park Masood Jumabhoy crowns himself the next Supreme Leader. Glory to our new Islamic leader! In further unrelated news, Ko Hyok has demanded that he be named heir-apparent to Kim Il-Sung, whatever that means.

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Hand in Hand we Stand!

The communal spirit truly runs strong in this nation! According to the great Kim Il's instructions, the DPRK military has arranged itself to line up in a straight line ranging across the DMZ border, with soldiers standing side-by-side to protect the border. While the public is thankful for this quick response, they are rather worried that this formation might be very vulnerable to possible artillery attacks.

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Capitalists at our border!?!?

Reports of increased military movement at our border have recently come in, and tensions seem to be worsening between the two nations. It seems like the ROK is rearming and planning something devilish.

May our nation stand forever strong.

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Tragedy Strikes! Kim Jong-Il found dead!

This is a melancholic day for our nation. Kim Jong-Il, who was almost guaranteed to be our next Glorious Leader, has now sadly passed away in his bedroom. Next to his bed, we have found a letter from the capitalist pigs in ROK, mocking our nation. Anger against the ROK is rising in our country. As this rages, the succession battle between the Kapsan and Loyalist faction has only escalated, leading to further political chaos. In other news, the Politburo building in Pyongyang has recently burnt down. Boo Hoo!

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Pak Kum-Chol to be now named Park Masood-Jumabhoy

Glory to Allah! Pak Kum-Chol has followed the ways of his fellow Muslims and changed with name to a righteous one. However, this name change has also come with backlash from the Confucian minority in DPRK, which has already been alienated by existing Songbun regulations. Who knows what this will lead to???

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Kim Jong-Il awarded with prestigious Kim Il-Sung Warrior of the Sun Award

While the Politburo struggles with religious identity issues and suicidal intentions, Kim Jong-Il has made a large stretch in his campaign to be officially made Kim Il-Sung's successor. This has increased his support within the Central Committee, while leading to increasing calls from the Kapsan faction to strive harder to consolidate control over the succession battle. Glory to Kim Jong-Il!!!

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Best Tankie Singers

As part of a genius programme by Ko Hyok, the DPRK has established the Best Tank Singers, a boy band funded by the DPRK government and are currently planned to start touring in Eastern Bloc countries like the U.S.S.R.. They will be singing about the beauty of communist ideology and the merit in hard labour, with hit songs like "A Juche Life" and "Lovin' Kim".

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"I'll huff and puff and blow your wall down!"

A surprisingly large amount of straw has been found in Pak Kum-Chol's office, positioned in a strange wall-like structure. Is this the construction of the capitalist pigs????

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Condemnation by the State of Israel?!??!?

After reading a recently published press statement by Pak Kum-Chol about how Russian Jews near the DPRK's border are causing the entirety of the country's problems, the State of Israel has moved to diplomatically condemn the DPRK. Further retaliatory actions from the Middle Eastern state have been hinted to come soon.

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Speech by Kim Il-Sung on Party Unity and the Future of Our Revolution

Comrades!

At this critical juncture in the development of our great Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, we must reaffirm our unwavering commitment to the unity of our Party. We stand today as the vanguard of the revolution, the protectors of the socialist cause, and the unbreakable shield of our people. However, as history teaches us, our greatest enemy is not the imperialists who seek to strangle our sovereignty, but the forces of division that lurk within.

Denouncing Factionalism – The Poison of the Revolution Factionalism is a disease, a betrayal of the people, and a dagger aimed at the heart of our Party. Those who have engaged in factional scheming, who look to foreign powers for guidance instead of to the people and the revolution, have no place in our ranks. The history of the Korean Workers’ Party has seen the struggle against those who sought to divide us—the pro-Soviet elements who once tried to dictate our course from Moscow, and the pro-Chinese opportunists who wished to turn us into a pawn of foreign interests.

Let me make it clear: there is only one line for the Party—the line of Korean-style socialism, the line of Juche! We must rid ourselves of all who attempt to subvert our leadership, who whisper in secret about foreign ideologies, and who conspire against the Party’s unity. The Party must be like steel—unbending, indivisible, and unwavering in its loyalty to the leadership that guides it.

Strengthening the One Party State Comrades, our Party has only one guiding center, and that is the leadership which has led us from the days of anti-Japanese resistance to the construction of socialism today. The Party cannot afford uncertainty or weakness at its core. The monolithic leadership system is not a personal matter — it is a necessity for the survival of our revolution. If we allow multiple centers of power, if we allow factions to emerge, then we invite ruin upon ourselves.

The Korean Workers’ Party is not like the weak parties of revisionist states that tolerate ideological impurity. We will not tolerate deviation from the Party line.

The Need for a Clear Line of Succession Comrades, history has shown us that every revolution must have continuity, and continuity is only possible when leadership is guaranteed for generations to come. Just as the sun must rise each morning without fail, so too must the revolution be carried forward without disruption. The victory of our cause does not rest on the fate of one man alone, but on the unbreakable chain of leadership that secures the future.

For this reason, we must prepare for the day when the revolution must be carried forward by the next generation of leaders — who are tested, trained, and fully committed to the cause of Juche. The successor of our revolution must be one who understands our struggle, one who has been molded in the crucible of Party discipline, and one who has proven loyalty not in words but in action. Our future must not be left to chance!

Those who harbor ambitions outside of the Party line, who believe they can challenge the leadership or plot for their own gain, will meet the fate of all counter-revolutionaries. The Party will decide its future, and that future will be secured through the unity of its leadership, the purity of its ideology, and the strength of its organization.

Comrades, let us reaffirm today our commitment to the Party, to our socialist cause, and to the eternal unity of the Korean Workers’ Party! There will be no deviations, no compromise, and no hesitation. We march forward under one leadership, with one ideology, toward one goal: the complete victory of our revolution!

Long live the unity of the Korean Workers’ Party! Long live the monolithic leadership system! Long live socialist Korea!

Kim Il-Sung; Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea; Chairman of the Korean Workers’ Party