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What is the point of all of this? To destroy a man who seeks the truth or to destroy the truth so no man can seek it? Either way, you lose.

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agcntspooky‌:

Mulder heats the tea on the stove- it’s a miracle they found any on their last run. It’s a decaf tea, which works out in Scully’s favor. Still, Mulder feels awful about yesterday and last night. He spent most of the night thinking of what to say, sign rather, to her. Pouring a mug full of the hot tea, Mulder ascends the steps to find his wife. She and their son sit in the floor of the bathroom. 

Can I have a moment with mom?

Will gets up and leaves the room.

I’m sorry about last night.

 He passes off the mug to her, it’s maybe a peace offering. Not the best, but he knows how much she loves her hot tea. Sinking to the floor, he studies her face. She looks so very tired and hurt. He did this to her.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that. I am excited… I’m just scared.

The mug of tea is blissfully warm in her hands, and the scent soothes her stomach a little, which she is grateful for. She snuggles up to his side and takes a sip of her tea, setting it on the counter above their heads before nodding, signing right back to him.

I’m scared too, Mulder. The timing is terrible. This world is a terrible place. But we have to try. To love this baby and give it the best life that we can give it, despite this horrible world.

She smiles, kisses him softly on the cheek, and rests her head on his shoulder softly. She signs briefly, then moves her hand to his opposite shoulder and rubs the tender muscle beneath his shirt.

We’re all going to be ok.

She only hopes that she’s right.

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agcntspooky‌:

There’s a beat of silence where neither say a word and despite her being an Android, He can hear her mimicking the sounds of breathing. Her voice breaks the ice between them though and catches him off guard. However, hadn’t he just asked her about freewill. She’s prying- exactly what he’d wanted for her. Before he can answer she turns her head…and then he does too because he can feel her looking at him.

She looks too much like her, and the feelings inside twist and turn his stomach into knots. It’s almost unbearable how much he wants to kiss her, touch her, feel her. But saying I want to kiss you feels so wrong. He wouldn’t say that to Scully, he’d just kiss her, or she him. BUT kissing her off guard, without permission, that’d be even more wrong. Fuck it. “Can I kiss you? Can I touch you? Can I just for one moment forget this fucking world? Can you tell me everything is going to be okay? Can you just BE her?” 

His voice is a razor blade, sharp and delicate between his teeth, full of purpose and edging against her fragility with careful preciseness. Her answer is formed in her brain before she even has time to think it properly, an automatic response that she knows is nothing more than programming. It hurts even her to say it; she knows it will hurt him even more. Still, she speaks, just as careful and armed with the same razor blade he offered her.

“I can do anything you want me to, Agent Mulder. I am your property, and therefore at your disposal.” It’s a phrase practically ripped from the CyberLife handbook, a routine program that prevents humans from feeling too uneasy with their androids. But that here is the issue. She wants him to feel at ease, she wants him to feel comfortable. She wants to be her. But she is not, no matter how hard she tries. So she doesn’t. She fails and doesn’t attempt to fix it. Instead, she follows through.

“Would you like to kiss me, Mulder?”

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agcntspooky‌:

Mulder hears her breathing even out and waits for her to full fall asleep before he rolls away. Just a bit. They’re going to have another baby. He should be happy. He should be so fucking happy… but then again they shouldn’t be living like this. No child should have to go through this. At least he and Scully had a life before all of this began. Their children will never know what it’s like to run around outside so careless- they were too young before. His son will never know the sweet sound of a baseball cracking off the wooden bat. And Benny…he will never know anything anymore. Hopefully, he’s in a better place. 

Sleep doesn’t come right away. Mulder lies awake thinking about anything and everything. What they’ll have to do to follow this pregnancy through, and what they’ll have to do to stay safe once it’s born. And then he feels horrible. She shouldn’t have to feel so scared and alone when he’s literally right here. God Damnit. He thinks about waking her to tell her all of these things, and to apologize. He doesn’t.

Just like clockwork, in the morning, he’s up early to start working. If there’s a way out of this- Fox Mulder will be the one to figure it all out. It’s the least he can do. And really, it’s all he can do. Otherwise, he’d go mad. William sits on the couch with his knees pulled up to his chest and signs about the whereabout’s of his mother. I’m not sure. Why don’t you go look? Will gets up from his spot and ascends the steps. He finds his mother in the bathroom.

Are you okay?

The wash of the water seems loud against the silence of the world, but the coolness against Scully’s flushed face feels too good not to pass up. She slumps to the floor again just as Will comes tiptoeing into her and Mulder’s bedroom. His eyes are worried as he looks at her and he signs softly.

Did I get you sick, momma?

Scully smiles and beckons to him, shaking her head. He steals into her side and she holds him close, pressing kisses into his hair. Pulling away, she signs to him with a soft smile.

Momma is going to have another baby.

William’s eyes go a little wide and he hugs her again, something resembling a smile crossing his features. They sit for a while in each other’s embrace before William breaks again, meeting her eyes.

Is the new baby because of Benny?

Scully’s heart shatters into a million pieces and she shakes her head furiously. 

No, honey. No baby could ever replace your brother. I’m so sorry.

He nods seriously and goes back to her side, the pair sitting on the floor in the neverending silence.

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I had you big time 

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↳ Scully in 4x15 

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The X-Files - “Pilot” (1993)

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You gotta love this place. Everyday is like Halloween.

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agcntspooky‌:

Of course she doesn’t have free will. The Androids were basically created as a slave race… the thing is, these androids are almost more human than human. Mulder bets not one of those scientists took into consideration that these bots COULD become conscious. As Scully would have put it… it’s not completely out of the realms of extreme possibilities.  ❝ But you want to be free, right? Don’t you want to know what it’s like to do something because you want to not because I asked or told you to? ❞

Mulder’s quiet trying not to get caught staring at her. Everything in him wants to touch her, kiss her- because she LOOKS just like her… but it’s not. His heart will not let him. ❝ Ha, that’s exactly what she’d say. You should rest. ❞ More like go get some sleep, Mulder. ❝ Maybe just…I don’t know… never mind. ❞ What? Lie closer? Torn is an understatement. Tomorrow though, they’ll be one step closer to his Scully.

She can hear his never mind like a fog that hangs in the air; clearly, he wants something that he’s leaving unsaid. Dana wants to ask, wants to pry, and for a moment she hesitates, wondering if it’s entirely her place. After a second, she decides she ought not to care, and clears her throat softly. “What is it, Mulder?” She tries to make herself sound like her, the very idea of impersonating her giving her a rush.

Excitement courses through her at the possibilities of Mulder’s potential request. He could ask her anything, and at the moment she wants to do things, unspeakable things from the perspective of an android. Regardless of her nerves, she turns her head to look at him, her head devoid of CyberLife light. It all makes her look incredibly human, and the thought thrills her. 

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“I finally know why I’m not a Christian, Scully. My parents never got me a puppy.”

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agcntspooky‌:

Mulder clears the table and loads up that brand new dishwasher of theirs. He even goes as far as wiping down the counters and table. Ole Mister Mulder Crocker here – a true house husband. The baby monitor doesn’t make a single sound other than Scully and Benny’s soft snoring. He decides to head back into his office to take a few notes of revisions they’d discussed over dinner. 

The first time he hears a little fussy sound from Benny he gets up and changes him. A few soft rocks in the new rocking chair later and the baby it out like a light. Mulder returns to his work. The second time Benny stops crying by the time he makes it back to the bedroom. It’d only been about twenty minutes since the last time. The third time, around three in the morning, Mulder lets him cry. Surely Scully will realize it’s feeding time. He stops crying within five minutes, and he thinks he heard Scully’s voice… but then four am rolls around and he starts crying again. Mulder moves to the bedroom to find Scully sound asleep and a very angry baby. ❝ Scully? ❞ Mulder picks the baby up and rocks him in his arms. He’s made quite the mess, the smell is repulsive to his nostrils. ❝ Scully, did you feed him an hour ago? ❞ 

Scully starts in bed and glances around, trying to place herself. She’d been so exhausted that nothing had roused her from her deep sleep, not even the sound of Benny crying. A glance at the clock tells her it’s far too late, and as she sits up, she can see that Mulder is still dressed in his clothes. Anger spikes through her, white-hot and sudden. 

“Mulder, for fuck's sake, have you even been to bed yet? Tell me you’ve been writing, tell me that the thing you’ve been working on all goddamn day is still the center of your attention.” Scully rises from the bed and takes Benny into her arms, storming down the hall and into the nursery. “No, I haven’t fed him because I’m so fucking exhausted that I can’t manage to open my eyes at the sound of my own son crying. But you must have heard him, considering you’re wide awake and asking, right? It’s not a problem for you because you don’t have fucking breasts!” The anger boils through her like a river, irrational and hysterical, her motions still careful as she changes Benny’s very dirty diaper. “Why don’t you just go back downstairs to your office? I’ve got him, clearly.”

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agcntspooky‌:

He wants to coil up, roll away, sink into the mattress, anything to isolate himself. He’s got to stay strong - no one should see him like this. So weak and completely vulnerable. And he’s still so damn angry with himself with how he reacted to her, the scorn in his tone won’t go unforgotten. Ever. Nonetheless, She’s pressed up against him and he can’t get away. His heart sinks further into his chest.

His eyes squeeze shut, trying to clip the tears, make them stop. And then stills and feels his body turn to stone. ❝ What? ❞ He can’t move, and the words came out without him thinking. ❝ Wha- how… No. I don’t mean that… ❞ He’s fast to catch himself. He’s being an ass hole. AGAIN.  ❝ I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry… Everything is coming out wrong. ❞ He’s still and quiets for a moment longer before rolling over to face her. ❝ I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry, Dana. I’m trying to be happy. I should be happy. But I’m fucking miserable, and I’m scared. ❞  

He calls her by her first name and she’s never felt more alienated from him than in that very moment. Hot tears sting again in her eyes and she blinks hard. “I’m sorry,” she hums. “I should have been more careful- we should have- I don’t know.” She curls in on herself, imagines she could spin herself and the baby into oblivion. She decides that they don’t need to talk anymore, not tonight. It’s too raw, everything too fresh to discuss. So, she quiets herself and her breathing and lets the pure silence envelop her into a fitful sleep.

Come morning, her stomach is rolling again and she stifles a groan as she slips and stumbles to the bathroom. She can’t recall it ever being this bad with William or Benny, but maybe it’s the stress of living like this. As Benny comes to mind again, she feels hot tears sting in her cheeks and she crumbles against the tile floor. Nothing is going right, and Scully can feel it in her soul.

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agcntspooky‌:

Mulder slips in the door behind Scully looking Frohike in the eyes as he passes. It’s unspoken, but they both know this is something they have to do in order to keep her safe. His teeth drag over his bottom lip in worry at the sight of the cage. Sure it’s large enough but to know she’ll have to be in there alone and scared makes that knot in his stomach pull tighter. ❝ So what now? ❞ Mulder walks around the length of the room to scope out everything in full. ❝ You just go in there and we wait it out? We’ve got three days left until the full moon. ❞

He intends to spend every second of that full moon night in this room with her. He’ll set camp on the other side of that bulletproof wall. ❝ Not sure if that’s the best idea, Compadre… ❞ Frohike crosses his arms over his chest, trying to choose his words carefully. ❝ Why not? Langley said the Hulk couldn’t break those walls… ❞ Langly swallows and looks to Byers, ❝ It’s not that she can get out…it’s just…what you will have to watch. ❞ The transition, the pain she’ll go through. ❝ I can handle it. ❞ Mulder’s tone is a bit more defensive than he’d intended. ❝ I’m staying, and that’s that. ❞

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” Scully snarls. That’s new too; a sense of intense and sensitive rage that has her biting back crude remarks on a daily occurrence. Sometimes they sneak through. She feels heat in her chest and she takes a steadying breath before continuing. “Sorry,” she sighs. “I just- I’m not- I want this to happen so we can figure this out, solve this.” Analytical to the end; she doesn’t want to feel like some freak in a cage. Being a bug under the microscope isn’t much better, but at least there’s a process in learning. Her eyes brim with unshed tears.

“I’ll probably go in tomorrow. I don’t know quite how predictable the moon cycle is and we don’t want to chance anything. I’ll want you guys monitoring anything you can- body heat, vitals, behavior and mood changes, brain activity.” Her gaze turns solemnly to Mulder, her gaze feverish and her face pale. “And I want you to watch. To see- and keep me sane. Please.”

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Her pout turns into a smile at her wife’s touch and Scully giggles a little. “No,” she hums. “I’m not actually hungry, the baby just likes to make me think I’m hungry.” She lounges; stretches back in her chair. “She gets her love of fries from you, I’m sure.”

"Now all it smells like is fries back here and I'm hungry all over again. This is your fault."

      ❝ no dana, i think that’s our daughter’s fault, ❞ she chuckles, smoothing a hand over her wife’s pregnant belly. ❝ ISN’T IT LITTLE ONE ? ❞ she looks back at scully with a small smile. ❝ would you like me to go out and get you something ? or we could just ORDER TAKE AWAY. whatever you want. ❞

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[dubitavero]

[dubitavero]

Abductees, people who have made UFO sightings…they’ve reported unexplained time loss. Gone! just like that.