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Dinner at home. 

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my upload, x

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a life filled with peace, love + leisure.

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Elle Woods study motivation bc we all need it

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Older women are gems when it comes to relationship advice, especially when it comes to choosing the right men. I recently had a long conversation with an 84 year old woman and then she began to tell me the same relationship advice I hear almost every older woman say my whole life. Her advice can be applied to vanilla and sugar dating:

If a man doesn’t give anything to you in the beginning, he won’t give it to you later.

If you and your husband have to split all the bills, he’s not your husband he’s your roommate.

If a man is stingy with spending his money on you, just tell him, “I got what you want and you got what I want. It can’t work out if we can’t get what we want from each other.”

If a man likes/wants you, he will let you know right away.

Action speaks louder than words. Pay more attention to what they do and act towards you than focusing on their words and “promises”.

If you’re with a man in the beginning stages of the relationship and he’s more focused on looking or talking about other women, drop him.

A real man will protect you, look after you, and give you what you need/want.

If you ask a man for money and he says something like, “Don’t you have a job”, don’t do shit for him (especially sex) or drop him because he’s not that into you.

Anybody can be good in bed, if that’s all a man has to offer or that’s his only “redeeming” quality, drop him. You can’t spend all your time in the bedroom.

Good, generous men all have city jobs.

Men in the military are the biggest cheaters.

Women should never chase a man.

A man that is serious and genuinely likes you will always be consistent and not play games (example: not go days without talking to you, you’re not always the one initiating the phone calls/texts, will never drastically change his demeanor, etc.)

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no one can tell if your lipstick is Chanel or Tom Ford, no one can tell what brand foundation you’re wearing, no one can tell what qualify your eyelashes are.

but they can tell if you’re out of shape, unfit and unhealthy. they can see the quality of your skin, the thickness of your hair. how your body jiggles with each step and isn’t toned.

work on your base, then decorate yourself 🤍

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Lessons from the Screen: Jasmine (Blue Jasmine)

Played by Cate Blanchett, Jasmine is the titular character to Woody Allen's film, Blue Jasmine. It's one of my favourite films not because Jasmine is a character to aspire to, but rather one to take lessons from.

Who is Jasmine?

Born Jeanette, she was adopted along with her sister Ginger. She changes her name to Jasmine, likely when she was 18 since she had met her husband Hal as Jasmine and he is said to have fallen in love with the name Jasmine. (Jasmine does lie about the origins of her name afterwards, saying that her parents named her after their favourite flower - night blooming jasmine). She drops out of school to marry him and thereafter lives the life of a Manhattan socialite.

We don't know much of her past but it can be inferred that Jasmine likely came from the lower middle to middle class.

Her Husband's Arrest and Death

Jasmine's husband Hal, was arrested on charges of embezzlement and fraud. As a result, all of their assets were frozen and seized. Hal had committed suicide while arrested, likely knowing that he couldn't do the jail time and couldn't bear the humiliation. Jasmine was able to hide a few things to sell but has to take a job - a retail position at a shoe store and had to wait upon women with whom she had hosted previously at luncheons.

Moving to San Francisco

Jasmine moves in with her sister, after not being able to afford her Brooklyn rent and finding herself in a mountain of debt. Ginger lives a strictly lower-middle class life with her two children.

Jasmine decides she wants to become an interior decorator and knows she can get a qualification online. However as she knows nothing about using a computer, she takes a class on how to use them.

Lessons we can learn

Do not drop out of school to get married.

In the first scene of the film, Jasmine mentions that she was in school studying anthropology but drops out of school after marrying Hal. So now that her husband is dead, she has to support herself now (since their assets were seized).

Lesson: Do not give up your education for anyone. You are the one living your life so do what's best for you. Knowledge is something that no one can take from you! If someone wants to marry you but wants you to drop out of school for it, don't bother with them as they may be trying to make you completely dependent on them.

Keep employable hobbies.

"But what if they're so wealthy I don't actually have to work? Isn't that the whole point?"

Jasmine thought that too. Until she her husband was arrested and committed suicide. She notes that she had always been interested in interior decorating, citing her 'great taste' and experience in decorating her homes. However now that she has to provide for herself, she can't work as an interior decorator since she doesn't have a licence.

Lesson: Even if you marry wealthy, you should cultivate some kind of hobby that can be turned into a career. Event hosting/planning, interior decoration, designing, matchmaking even - things that can be considered hobbies and yet can turn into business ideas. This is made even better by the fact you may be socialising with a different cohort of potential clients if you do decide to turn it into a business.

Have an exit plan and money of your own.

Jasmine is forced to move from New York City to San Francisco because she can't afford to live there and was forced to take a low paying retail job. She had no money of her own - rather her husband provided her the money to live the lavish lifestyle she once did.

Lesson: Be sure to have a 'worst case scenario' plan just in case. You should also have a bank account that is completely separate from your partner's - an emergency fund. Make sure it covers at least 6 months of expenses but keep adding to it when you can since money can mean freedom. Hell even keeping a packed Louis Vuitton suitcase in the event you need to get out of the house quickly may not be a bad idea either.

Understand what you're signing

Normally a spouse is not likely to get into trouble if her husband is arrested for embezzlement and fraud. However since Jasmine's signature is on a lot of the business documents, she is almost indicted along with her husband.

Lesson: Read what you're signing! Understand what you're signing. If you have trouble understanding what you're signing, consult someone in the legal profession.

Have classic pieces that never go out of style

Jasmine manages to keep a few things when she moves to San Francisco, which captures the attention of a potential suitor at a party. She manages to keep a Chanel jacket, one of her Hermes Birkins (B35, Gold with gold hardware), Roger Vivier shoes, Chanel belt and her full set of monogrammed Louis Vuitton luggage. In fact, her religiously wears her Chanel jacket and Birkin everwhere although it's seen more as Jasmine trying desperately to hold onto her previous life.

Lesson: While you don't have to have a Chanel jacket or an Hermes Birkin, you can still have classic pieces without the price tag. Nowadays there are more affordable coats and jackets that are timeless - wrap coats, trench coats, pea coats. If you can't afford a designer bag, choose one that has a timeless silhouette, minimal decorative details and minimal hardware.

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2021 Dream Girl - June Reflections

So I'm not as disciplined as I like to be considering my food diary dropped off after a week or so.

However, I think I'm currently on the right track. I was really discouraged after my scale reported a weight gain of 5kg seemingly overnight. So I've decided to weigh myself once a week instead.

Food wise, I'm still cooking although starting my job has really made is difficult because I'm super tired by the time I get home if I choose to commute that day. Luckily I don't have to be in the office - I only have to go for in person meetings or client meetings.

I'm slowly starting to clear out my fridge and freezer of slightly unhealthier foods - mostly fatty meats and processed foods. I also made my own batch of kimchi which should be good to have with my meals.

Beauty wise, I've been keeping up with my skincare and do my own nails on a weekly basis. They do take longer to do because they're gel nails and I do extensions because I'm trying to grow out my natural nails but I'm happy that they last so long. I just change the colour often which is why it's a weekly thing and not a fortnightly thing.

I did have a few mini-breakdowns while I was trying to still figure out my life. But I've decided to take it a day at a time, a week at a time.

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6/6/21

Today was my 'get-your-shit-together' day, otherwise known as 'fuck-off-depression' day.

Breakfast/Lunch: Sandwich and coffee from the deli next to the laundromat.

I really should have bought a washing machine earlier... but the sandwich was really yum and I managed to get my apartment all nice and clean, free of cardboard and organised!

Afternoon snack: Homemade matcha pound cake

I made this with far less sugar and put in some honey - was just sweet enough so I think I'll keep this recipe variation.

Spam was on sale so I went down to buy a few cans to stock up - I don't have spam that often but I do like it in kimchi stew.

Dinner: Vegetable rice bowl with IKEA plantballs.

I think I prefer the IKEA plantballs over their meatballs...

[duchess-fox]

Gemma Chan as Astrid Young Teo in Crazy Rich Asians (2018) dir Jon M.Chu

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5/6/21

Had to take a break for a few days to really reset my mental state. I got rid (see: ate) the unhealthy things in my kitchen. I don't trust myself so I have to go cold turkey on all the unhealthy things.

Breakfast: None (collagen + hair gummies)

I'm usually okay without eating breakfast actually. I sometimes don't wake up hungry and that's okay. I'm starting to really listen to my body.

Lunch: Smoked salmon with quinoa, potato, spinach and rocket. Soy flat white.

I went to the only decent shopping center in the state - mostly to buy things from Muji that I couldn't get at Kmart and to explore the fancy spice store there. I've still yet to find a place here that serves food that is pretty - my Melbournian identity is really showing through when I eat out. My lunch was okay. It wasn't anything special - I could have just made it myself.

Dinner: Healthy rice bowl with pork belly strips

This recipe from Maangchi is one of my favourites - it's great if you don't particularly like eating the 'meat-and-three-veg' type meal or don't have a lot of time to prepare various dishes (I'm Chinese, so dinner was usually a few different dishes shared with family and rice). You can really use any vegetables and you don't even need a rice cooker!

I cut my damn finger trying to portion some frozen pork belly too. Pork belly strips in Australia aren't ideal since pork here smells and the way to get rid of the bad pork smell is to boil it with some coffee and 된장 (soybean paste). Next time I'll buy fresh pork belly that's either a slab or thicker cuts.

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Elegance and class is quiet and understated because it's self explanatory. It doesn't need to be loud in order to make itself known. It doesn't need to be validated or announced. True elegance and class in fashion is about simplicity, basics, efficiency and practicality.

For instance, if you pair structured blazer with a midi dress and mid-heels all in the same color, and your skin is clear and hair tidy, you look expensive. If you throw on random elements of all colors and patterns, the overall look is messy, and classy is not the first thing that comes to mind.

Truly wealthy people do not feel the need to douse themselves in branded clothing, or wear their most expensive watches and jewelry to casual events. Why? Because they're smart, because they're sensible, and that's most likely how they've earned or maintained their wealth. If they did do those things, they would attract relationships where their primary allure is their wealth, and so materialism, vanity and greed prevail; and they're smarter than wasting their valuable time on something that is not worth investing in the first place. If they did those things, they would come across as flashy and vain themselves, and people of that caliber don't have time to wear branded everything just because "it's trendy". They're about business, about getting things done, about looking polished while they achieve even more success. It's all in the details: skin moisturized, nails manicured, hair put together, clothing is tailored for their body shape, they wear colors and designs that flatter them specifically.

Certainly, fashion is very subjective but these timeless tips make a huge difference in looking elegant.

Rich people get richer by being smart, not by overcompensating with their money to look smart.

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Learn How to Move in Silence

When you're levelling up it might be tempting to post your progress online to share with others and people who you consider "loved ones" how much progress in life you are making. This is a terrible mistake. Misery loves company and most people who are in a path of amounting to nothing in life will not only resent you for trying to do better, they will try to actively hijack you out of your goals, sometimes with devasting consequences.

There is a reason why we out grow certain communities, certain groups and people we knew for the past, because their tiny (and often times toxic) way of being and thinking represents a cage for you to be locked in. You must learn to move on and place your future self before anyone or anything who's isn't conducive to your betterment. Furthermore, people who we may considere friends and acquaintances might hold grudges against us when we make big moves, remember: we see faces, not hearts.

I need this new decade to be a time of saying less and doing more. Let them think you're struggling, do not show them your progress, act broke, keep a specific image if you need to, but do whatever you need to do to keep your dreams and ambitions to yourself while you reach them. Keep the jealous and energy sucking vampires away from the baby you are creating with your hardwork. Once you've made it far away nobody can hold you down. Your results will do all the talking you'd ever need.

Leveling up can be a lone journey, but it's much better to be alone than surrounded by bad company. If you place an apple in a container with rotten apples, it too will rot. But if you let an apple be in an empty container it will remain healthy for a very long time. You got this.