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J Jonah: PARKER! GET DOWN TO MAIN STREET AND GET ME PICTURES OF THE MUTANT PROTEST!

Peter: Do you want me to take pictures of the counter protests?

J Jonah, disgusted: Those terrible monsters. All those mutants want to do is live their lives without being harassed for what they were born as, and they have the gall to try to counter their outcry for a better life.

Peter:.....but you release hit pieces on Spiderman all the time!

J Jonah, offended: How dare you compare a criminal wall crawling MENACE to those poor people, Parker! I didn't know you were bigoted that way.

Peter: What?! I didn't mean it like-

J Jonah: Enough! I don't want to hear it! Just get down to main Street and get me pictures! *Storms in his office* Miss Brant, new headline for tomorrow's article! "Bigoted monsters harass mutants at main Street!"

Peter: *sighs*

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A challenger approaches.

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Jaune's Shampoo

The Huntsman

"DAMMIT, NORA!" Jaune opened his shower door. As he exited, he noticed his body had drastically changed. Using a mixture of his shampoo and experimental goo found at the fiendish Dr. Merlot's laboratory, Nora had unwittingly created a mutagen just to prank her team leader.

Exiting the shower, Jaune felt very... off. He couldn't quite explain what it was, but for some reason, the entire world felt different. Ignoring this feeling, but keeping it to the back of his mind, he approached the mirror. Everything was the same with him, physically speaking, though he did notice a sort of pain in his body. It was like there was a hole in his chest that couldn't be filled without... something. Pushing this feeling aside, he dried himself off and exited the bathroom.

"Breaking news!" Nora's scroll called out as she lazily watched from her bed. "The first bank of Remnant is being robbed... again! And yes, just like before, it's Roman Torchwick again." Even the newcaster was tired of villains getting away with their crimes. And that was more than enough to make Jaune angry.

"You say somethin', Ja-" Nora looked up to find her leader gone, leaving only a well-written note for her.

WE'LL TALK

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"The least they could do is make this more fun." Roman Torchwick lamented as he watched his goons load another sack of lien into the truck. His partner, Neo, was busy drawing graffiti onto the huntsmen and huntresses sent to stop them. Unfortunately, they all did the same thing the others did before.

"Your villainy ends tonight, Torchwick."

Yeah, that.

Suddenly, the lights went out and Roman could hear his goons getting pummeled by an unknown assailant. Erring on the side of caution, he leapt behind the teller's desk, keeping his hat close to his head. In the dim glow of the emergency light, he saw Neo crouched beside him.

"Boss?" One of the goons called out. "Boss, where'd you- WAAAGH!"

"Gotcha~!" The crime lord called out with glee as he fired his Melodic Cudgel to the balcony, where the shadowy figure was pulling his goon up by his ankle. He was quick to catch fire, though, and was forced to let go, knocking the goon out as he fell. Thankfully, aura does wonders for fall damage. "Take care of him while I lock up the truck, Neo~."

She nodded and disappeared in a shatter of glass. Torchwick slid from his hiding spot and loaded the last of the loot into the truck before shutting the doors. Climbing over the bags, he made his way to the passenger's seat, his driver ready and waiting.

"What are you waiting for? Step on it!"

"Where to, Boss?" The goon asked.

"Where do you think, genius?!"

"Prison." The guy pretending to be a goon answered.

"Oh, fu-"

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"Roman Torchwick is behind bars as well as most of his gang thanks to the actions of an unregistered huntsman." The newscaster said, reporting live on the scene as more goons were hauled away. "The Council of Vale have yet to make a response, though Professor Ozpin, the Headmaster of Beacon Academy had this to say..."

"While it is incredibly noble for anyone to make an attempt to better the lives of those around them, it would perhaps be best to leave such matters to those professionally trained to do so."

"Are you still watching the news?" Ren asked.

"Yeah, I got bored watching cartoons." Nora answered. "Besides, this huntsman guy story is really interesting!"

"Interesting how?" Pyrrha asked. "Vigilantes are a rare occurrence, but not exactly unheard of. Though it has been some time since anyone has seen one in recent years."

"I know, right~?!" Nora squealed.

"Mmngh..."

"Oh, sorry, Jaune!" Nora patted her leader's head. "Poor guy was up all night, doing who knows what."

"The same night that vigilante captured Torchwick. You don't think Jaune is..."

"Oh, Ren, be real! There's no way Jaune is working with that guy! This guy is suave, and Jaune is... Jaune." She then tapped and swiped on her scroll. "Look, even Torchwick's side-lady is making goo-goo eyes at him!"

On Nora's scroll was a letter written in brown, pink, and yellow ink, all glittered, with two words for the vigilante who caught both her boss AND her attention.

WE'LL TALK~.

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1000 posts!

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Guess who Loona saw in the Heaven Embassy?

(This was sometime after “Mission: Orphan Time” … at least in my headcanon.)

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Cinder: *takes aim* 😈

Pyrrha: *on her knees, aura depleted*

Cinder: *releases arrow*

Jaune: *launched upward by Weiss’s semblance* PYRRHA!!

Jaune: *dives in front of Pyrrha*

*arrow ricochets off Jaune’s chest*

Pyrrha: J…Jaune…? How did you know you were arrow-proof…? 😧

Jaune: *glowing white* …I didn’t…! I just knew that you weren’t…! 😦

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Arkos disciplinary technique

Yang: whew! I'm stuffed! Thanks for inviting us to dinner, you guys.

Pyrrha: It is no problem Yang. We enjoy having friends over. You, Blake and your daughter are welcome anytime.

Blake: Ying, why don't play with the others and let the grown ups catch up?

Ying (Bumblebee daughter): Okay, mama. *Gets up and kisses both Yang and Blake on the cheek before leaving the dining room*

Yang: Aw. I wish Ying could stay this sweet forever. I'm just afraid of whats to come when she's a teenager.

Blake: I've been meaning to ask you about that, Pyrrha and Jaune. Your oldest, Pythia, is now 16. How do you discipline her if and whenever she acts up? I doubt either of you are the kind to raise your hand against your kids.

Yang: I'm kinda curious too. Ruby was thankfully easy to deal with. And dad didn't believe in physical discipline either.

Blake: neither did my parents. But I kinda ran away and joined a terrorist group so we're trying to avoid that possibility.

Jaune: Oh, it's actually simple and guaranteed to work.

Pyrrha: J-Jaune! I think maybe we shouldn't-

Jaune: Don't worry, Pyr. So Yang, Blake. Watch. *Calls out to the living room* Pythia? Mind cleaning the dishes?

Pythia (Arkos eldest daughter): Daaaaad! I'm busy talking to my friends on my scroll!

Jaune: Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Hey, Pythia, did you know your mother loves being carried fucked whenever we make love?

Yang and Blake: 😳😳

Pyrrha:🤦‍♀️

Pythia: DAAAD! OH MY BROTHERS! THAT'S GROSS!

Jaune: Oh yeah. Real screamer too. And whenever I rile her up enough, she'll throw me onto the bed and do the Amazon position. I do that by running my hand along her inner thigh during meals or helping her wash when she takes a shower.

Pythia: OMB! FINE! I'LL DO THE DAMN DISHES! JUST STOP!

Jaune: Use that kind of language again and I'll take away your door so you'll hear me and your mother go at it.

Pythia: URGH! IM GOING TO CALL CHILD SERVICES ONE OF THESE DAYS!

Jaune: Ha. Kids these days. **Turns back to Yang and Blake** So yeah, that's my method.

Blake: Well... that's an... interesting way.

Yang: Yeah, psychological torture would be effective.

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Thank you Klein, for taking care of our ice queen

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Tim: (Holding pickle jar) Ngh... Rrgh... Ugh...

Selina: Pickle jar troubles~?

Tim: Yeah... And I'm really craving some right now...

Selina: I saw Jason walking around. You could ask hi-

Tim: NO! You NEVER ask Jason for help with jars!

Selina: Why not?

Jason: MY BIG BROTHER SENSES ARE TINGLING! What's this? A jar of pickles~?

Tim: Wh- What?! Nooo~! Who said anything about pickles? I don't want any pickles~!

Selina: You just said you were craving some right now.

Jason: I KNEW IT! (Takes jar) You dare make my buddy Tim hungry?! You are going DOWN, JAR!

Tim: (Pushes Selina out of kitchen, Ducks) Oh no, no, no, no...

Selina: Uh, what is happening? (Ducks, Dodges cabinet door flying at her)

Jason: (Destroying the kitchen) TASTE! MY! VENGEANCE!

Selina: (Peeks in, Hit by batarang)

BANG!

Tim: (Jar lid rolls to him)

Jason: (Holding open jar and smoking gun) Here ya go, Tim! All you had to do was ask~.

Tim: (Looks around decimated kitchen) Yeah... Thanks...

Jason: (Reaches into jar, Stuck) Huh...? (Grunts as he tries to free himself) OH... YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO QUIT, DO YOU~?

Tim: RUN!

Selina: (Runs away, Screaming with Tim)

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In Northern European folklore, Selkies are mythical creatures possessing the ability to shapeshift between a seal and an attractive human by wearing a sealskin coat. According to legend, a fisherman may capture and marry a Selkie by stealing and hiding their coat, but if the Selkie ever finds the coat they will return to the sea and never be seen again.

Jaune: *wearing a cable-knit sweater and whistling a tune while walking down to the seaside with a bucket and tall boots* 😗 🎶

????: *splashing and bathing*

Jaune: Hm? I wonder who that could be? *peeks around a rock*

Selkie!Pyrrha: *naked and bathing happily in the surf*

Jaune: HOLY CRAP A NAKED WOMAN!! 😟

Selkie!Pyrrha: *turns around* 😕 ?

Jaune: HOLY CRAP SHE’S GORGEOUS!!!! 😱

Selkie!Pyrrha: Oh no! A fisherman! 😨

Jaune: *covering his eyes* AH!!! SORRY! I didn’t mean to spy on you! 🫣

Jaune: *gropes blindly and finds a rich seal-skin coat* H-here! You must be cold!

Selkie!Pyrrha: *takes the coat in dumbfounded surprise* Did he just…give it back? Just like that? 😦

Jaune: M-my name’s Jaune! I’m so sorry again, m-maybe if I see you later I can m-make it up to you? If you never want to see me again I’ll understand!

Jaune: *flees in panic*

Selkie!Pyrrha: *puts on her coat and turns into a seal* That was weird, he didn’t try to keep me as his wife even when he had my coat!

Selkie!Pyrrha: *slips into the water* What a shame! He was cute!

A few days later…

Jaune: *once again walking on the shoreline* Hmm?

Selkie!Pyrrha: *coyly watching as Jaune walks around the corner* Oh! It seems you came across me again! And my coat is all the way over there out of my reach…!

Jaune: *covers his eyes* Whoops! Sorry, let me just…

Jaune: *hands Pyrrha her sealskin coat and backs away*

Selkie!Pyrrha: *annoyed seal noises* What’s with him? Doesn’t he want a selkie spouse? 🤨

A few more days later…

Selkie!Pyrrha: Oh, how tragic for me! I have been discovered by a cute blonde fisherman and my coat is out of my reach!

Selkie!Pyrrha: There is nothing to stop the blonde fisherman from taking my coat and making me his-

Jaune: *climbs down from tall rocks* Phew! Got your coat back! I don’t know how it got all the way up there, but I bet you must be cold without it!

Jaune: *presents Selkie coat to Pyrrha while trying not to stare at her* 😅

Selkie!Pyrrha: *frustrated seal noises* Take the hint! 🤬

The day after…

Jaune: *mending nets and minding his own business* 😗🎶

Selkie!Pyrrha: *suddenly throws her coat over Jaune’s head from behind* 😠

Jaune: MMPH!! 😨

Selkie!Pyrrha: *bundles Jaune up and tosses him over her shoulder*

Selkie!Pyrrha: *happily carrying her new husband away* Oh no! A cute fisherman has taken my coat and I am bound to be his spouse! I suppose I shall have to make the best of my new life! 🥰

Jaune: *still muffled by sealskin* Mm-mmph, mm…?

Selkie!Pyrrha: Why, yes! Fresh fish and shellfish sounds lovely for our dinner, new husband! 😊

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Arkos Sword & Shield Debate

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the twitter art meme 🛸🐉

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Jaune's Funeral

Saphron: (Lifeless, Sitting quietly)

Jaune: (Ghost, Floating by) Whoa... Looks like everybody from Beacon is here! And they're all laughing at me! Probably just doing this to look good!.

Ren: Easy, Pyrrha... Take it easy...

Pyrrha: Jaune... JAUNE~! (Sobs)

Jaune: Is she... really that upset?.

Russel: Cardin, calm down!

Cardin: SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET GO OF ME!

Jaune: What the- Cardin?!.

Cardin: DAMN YOU, ARC! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GIVE UP 'CAUSE YOU'RE SCARED OF ME?!

Dove: Cardin, c'mon! People are mourning here!

Cardin: I'm not leaving! Not until he comes out here and fights me like a man!

Lark: He can't do that 'cause he's-

Cardin: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, ARC, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH YOU NEVER MET ME! YOU HEAR ME?! (Tears well) Who do you think you are, huh?! Friggin' punk! Who'm I gonna fight now, huh?! WHO'M I GONNA FIGHT?!

Dove: He's gone, Cardin! He's gone!

Cardin: RAAAAAAAAGH! (Punches picture) Y- You're supposed to be here! F- For me... (Weeping)

Russel: C'mon, boss... Let's go...

Cardin: (Dragged out, Sobbing)

Lark: S- Sorry about all that...

Cardin: NOOOOO! (Chokes) NOOOOOOOO!

Jaune: I... never would've seen that coming...

Emerald: You see that?

Mercury: Ah, who cares? Only downside to all of this was that those idiots didn't get killed, too.

Cinder: I'd watch what you say, you two. The last thing we want is people looking at us as their enemies.

Mercury: Oh, please, I know exactly the kind of guy he was; he's the dumb starry-eyed kid who thought he'd make a difference by throwing his life away to save some kid he never met... just to look good in front of whatever girl was watching him.

Cinder: Well, I'm certainly not going to argue that.

Jaune: Those... jerks! It's my funeral and they're just here to make fun of me?! If I could get my hands on them, I'd- (Reaches out)

Goodwitch: (Grabs Mercury and Cinder) Honestly, I was upset by Mr. Winchester's emotional outburst, but everything you two just said has pushed me into a violent temper.

Jaune: Professor Goodwitch...?.

Goodwitch: (Passes, Walks up to Saphron) My condolences for the loss of your brother. Please allow me to say a few kind words.

Saphron: ...

Goodwitch: (Approaches Jaune's picture, Sighs) I can't help but feel responsible, Jaune. Your heart was kinder than anyone else's, but my inability to prepare you for the world has led you to make the ultimate sacrifice before you could even think of graduating. You... It may be impolite to speak ill of you, but I am nothing if not honest. (Shaking) You were my weakest student, which only makes it all the more frustrating to never see you become the strong huntsman you could have become! If only I had just believed in you more!

Saphron: ...Jau...ne... (Breaks down)

Jaune: ...

Terra: Over here, Adrian.

Adrian: (Toddles next to her)

Terra: (Sets Adrian down, Prays)

Adrian: (Looks to her, Prays)

Terra: ...Do you understand what's going on? What all of these people are doing here? (Picks him up) He saved your life, and all these people are grateful to him for it. He was a kind man to have so many friends, and I want you to be like him and become a kind man yourself. (Approaches Saphron) Thank you for inviting us.

Terra: (Walking home with Adrian in her arms) There will be people who make you angry. There will be people who make you sad. But the people who you make happy will be the ones who will show you just how much your life is worth. And I want you to be the one who makes everyone around him happier than you could possibly be. (Hugs)

Pyrrha: (Sobbing)

Cardin: (Screaming)

Goodwitch: (Shaking)

Jaune: (Floating above, Watching them all)

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I'm sorry.

Source

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Winter: He's a soldier.

Yang: A cowboy.

Raven: A knight.

Cinder: An asshole.

Blake: A terribly complicated man.

Ruby: Probably the easiest person to understand.

Tyrian: A riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped inside an enigma~!

Nora: A real-real, no play, son of a bitch~!

Robyn: A true huntsman.

Mercury: He's a killer.

Jessica: A pretty good kisser.

Velvet: A man too good for his own good.

Neo: (Sighs, Shrugs)

Flynt: A damn hard target.

Coco: A damn good leader, even if he doesn't think it.

Emerald: The scariest guy I have ever met, and I've met Tyrian!

Cardin: The SECOND best huntsman from Ansel~.

Yatsuhashi: A thoroughly untrustworthy fellow who I'd trust with my life any day of the week.

Neptune: A terrible swimmer you wouldn't want to meet.

Fox: He's kind of an ass.

Sun: He's a damn cheater is what he is!

Russel: Talk about your laugh riots!

Qrow: Someone who knows where he's going, and he knows how to get there.

Marrow: A wet rat. He smells EXACTLY like a wet rat.

Weiss: I don't know if I'll ever get married because every time I meet someone, I can't help but compare them to him. And there's no way they could ever measure up.

Oscar: He never told me what he was like when he was my age. As far as I can tell, he's never told ANYONE. But there's something to him that makes me feel like he's been where I'm at right now; where you're not sure of who you are or what you're doing, but you just know you have to do it. He's gotten used to taking a life just as much as life has been taken away from him. And that's why I think he's the greatest huntsman I've ever met.

Ren: He's a man I know better than any other man alive, but I'll be damned if he doesn't find a new way to surprise me. And seldom is it in a good way.

Ozpin: I could tell you what I know of the man. Things I imagine few others do. But I must admit, I'm far more interested in what YOU have to say. So please, Miss Lavender, if you don't mind...

Ozpin: What do YOU think of Jaune Arc?

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Jaune: They're all wrong, you know. Every single one of them.

Jaune: Well, except for Neptune. I can't swim to save my life.

Lisa: Okay, then why don't you tell me yourself... WHO IS JAUNE ARC?

Jaune: I... can't really say.

Lisa: Can't or won't?

Jaune: Can't.

Lisa: Why not?

Jaune: Because I don't know. The only thing I can say for sure about Jaune Arc is...

Jaune: He's a work in progress.