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Written in the Stars

Around March last year, I found myself looking for romance films to ease my boredom. Fortunately, a friend of mine recommended that I watch Before Sunrise. Before Sunrise is a film released in 1995, and revolves around the story of Jesse and Celine who met on a train and soon found themselves lurking around the streets of Paris. I’ve always been the type of person to enjoy romance books and films rather than jumpscares. My curiosity for how love actually is, is probably the reason why I always find myself in a pile of romance books and films. 

Upon watching Before Sunrise, it immediately became one of my favorites. It is the type of film with a plot so simple yet it manages to capture your emotions. It made its audience want to fall in love. Growing up, I have always been surrounded by failed relationships and broken homes which is why I get fascinated with people who find their soulmates and relationships that withstood time. 

In life, we have soulmates of our own. People we share so much connection and affection with. People we feel comfortable enough to shed our own skin. A soulmate can come in different forms. It could be a person or an animal. It could be a friend, a lover or even a sibling. This soulmate can come in your life when you least expect it. As a sixteen year old girl, I have never been in a relationship nor have flirted with someone. Although some may have expected me to have at least someone whom I’ve flirted with since people my age start to explore the opposite sex or even the same one. At this age, being in a relationship has never been a goal of mine. I’ve heard countless cries of girls because of heartbreak, and to be honest it would sometimes make me cringe that they would cry for a guy. 

Some of my friends say that I am only able to say those things because I have never experienced being in a relationship. While that may be true, I still think that we are too young to find “love” and experience it from others aside from our family. I have always believed that talking to boys my age and flirting with them is a waste of time. Why would I choose to talk nonsense for hours when I can just sleep. I know I’m not exactly “all that”, but it’s not bad to raise standards right? 

I have always viewed love as something rare. People can exchange “I love you’s” and still not love the person they’re saying it to. But with the film, you get that feeling of nostalgia as if it had happened to you before when in reality, it hasn’t. With the film, I felt a certain type of calm in my heart and had a lot of thoughts in mind when the movie ended. There was one quote in its sequel that summed up my whole thoughts about young love. It was: “I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.”

The film had a lot of delicate scenes and lines that perfectly capture one’s raw emotions when you finally meet that someone or your soulmate. It was as if every decision you made in your life, big or small ones had been knotted into one fine string that would eventually lead to your future and the people you’ll soon meet. And when you meet your soulmate, it would be nothing compared to the previous ones you had in your life. It would feel ethereal because it could be or is written in the stars. 

Before Sunrise is a film that made me realise that somewhere in this world, there’s a person you may or may not meet, but that person is someone you would truly connect with. One that would give you a rush of emotions, and with conversations so substantial that you would not even realise you’re already high with the feeling of affection and euphoria. Someone that would make you want the little things you didn’t even know you’d like. Someone who’d linger like a stain of red wine. While the film may have swept me off my feet with its simple storyline about soulmates and romance in general, there’s also that realisation that not all of us are fortunate enough to meet our own soulmate; it is that maybe it had been written in the stars, this life that we’re living, the adventures we experience, and the people we are lucky enough to meet and share emotions with. 

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Season of the Witch

Credits to the owner of the photo.

"It was not witches who burned.

It was women.

Women who were seen as

Too beautiful

Too outspoken

Had too much water in the well (yes, seriously)

Who had a birthmark

Women who were too skilled with herbal medicine

Too loud

Too quiet

Too much red in her hair

Women who had a strong nature connection

Women who danced

Women who sung

or anything else, really."

— Fia Forsström (Excerpt)`

Women are witches. Women are witches because of the power we hold. We are witches because it is with us that men are threatened. Us women are men’s weakness. To be a woman means being courageous. It means being fierce. It is with us that children are born, and it is with us that they are taught and raised well. Inside a woman lies a power that no man could ever conquer. It is a strength to be a woman, but it also exists as a curse. 

In the olden days, women are known to be lower, weaker than men. We are seen as shadows. Always objectified, and always terrified. We walk the streets at night with so much caution, afraid of what could happen. We were told to stay in the house and do chores because that was our reason for living. Motherhood is imprinted on us, not as a choice, but an obligation to become a “real woman”. It was always us who perished. Women who were too smart, women who had a lot to say, women who did not stand a chance for education. 

When you’re a woman blessed with an enchanting face, you’re supposed to be smart or else you’re just a “pretty face”. When you’re a woman with intellect, some men choose not to be with you for their fragile masculinity and their ego would be wounded. And yet when you’re someone “stupid” they treat you like garbage. 

One of the things I’ve noticed is that it is us, women who always adjust to men’s needs. When a man catcalls a woman, it is blamed on us for being so attractive or wearing revealing clothes. It is always our fault when something unfortunate happens. In my life I’ve seen great women, and women who had so much potential if not only for certain hindrances that stopped them from achieving their goals. Women who had potential, but were doubted by men, continuously mocked and called weak. 

In our modern society, women are continuously progressing and moving forward. Women are now able to at least be heard and fight for their rights. Although this may seem as a step towards equality, there are still a lot of women with unheard fights and battlecries. Double standards is our current nemesis. With people being fine with men sleeping around with women, but when it’s the other way around, women are called sluts. When people see posts on social media about single fathers, they all get the praise and applauds for being such a good parent when in fact, it’s simply just tying his daughter’s hair. What he does is the bare minimum of being a parent. But when a woman is a single mother, people tell us that no man would ever come to love us again. People call us sluts for engaging in premarital sex. We are called such names when in fact, it is men who leave and abandon their duty for their freedom. It is us who struggle with childbirth and finances while men go and enjoy their lives. This may seem sad, but what’s sadder is the fact that is also women, who tell us these things. 

In this fast-paced world, we must stand hand in hand with our sisters and continue our fight for the future generations to come. We must remember the struggles women from different generations have faced to keep our thirst and hunger for equality awake. So when the time comes that the kids grow, they’ll have a much easier time. So when they walk the streets at night, they’d feel and actually be safe. So when they’re smart they would not have any hindrances in showing their power, our power as women. And when the time comes they’ll be able to do the things they want without caution and without judgment from others. So when it’s their time, it is also our time. It is our victory, our season. The season of the witch. 

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Shadows

Credits to the owner of the photo.

Because just like shadows, he’ll always stay by your side.

___________________________________________________________

Dressed in pastel pink,

she offers the man a drink.

Was it only a tea party?

Or was it a beginning of a treaty?

Day by day, without any say,

He comes to play.

In the darkest of hours

And in the lightest of day,

The man never sways.

Blowing the candles of night,

She could see him once again,

And he never goes away.

Even after the flowers decay,

He would always stay.

She wishes of a replay

Of the night she said yes

To the man who never left her sight

Even after the night.

Hiding beneath curtains,

And smiling like he’s certain.

But of course he is,

For you can never chase a monster,

Not when he’s living inside your head.

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Melodrama

“A sleek and humid pop record full of grief and hedonism, crafted with the utmost care and wisdom.” (Anderson, 2017)

Lorde’s second studio album is an intimate, metaphor-filled tale of being a young woman. It tells a tale of the personal experiences by its writer, Lorde. Ever so graciously, the 23 year-old New Zealand native has, again, managed to capture emotions like no other. Starting off with the album Pure Heroine written only when the singer was sixteen years-old, Lorde never disappoints with her electric, and neon-synth tones with a drizzle of well-written, euphoric lyrics.

From heartbreaks, existential crisis, to raucous house parties, Lorde has written a total of 11 tracks for this album. After accidentally discovering the song, The Louvre, I’ve decided to give the album a listen. I’ve been a fan of Lorde since her Pure Heroine era. The only reason for the pause of appreciation for her songs are the years she took off. Fortunately, in 2017, Lorde finally released her second album titled Melodrama.

Even for someone who has never had a boyfriend, Lorde’s lyrics about heartbreak still manages to make its listener relate to her words. In the song Supercut, the lyrics “In my head I do everything right.” has managed to made me feel melancholic. It was sung sort of like a chant, making it seem as if the singer convinces herself that it wasn’t her fault on why things have come to an end. The other lyric that managed to get my affection was “We were wild, and fluorescent, come home to my heart.”. With the word fluorescent, it defines the relationship as vivid at first, with a burn that was intense, but soon after fluorescents start to fade, and loses its bright burn it had at the beginning. Succeeding the word fluorescent comes the lyrics “come home to my heart” wherein we see, even after losing its flame, the singer still has that longing for love. Perhaps, it could be the years spent together or the memories shared as to why we always think of coming back to someone.

Not only does the album deal with heartbreak but there are also songs about moving on. An example of this would be the song “Green light”. In a world full of uncertainties, there’s the song “Perfect Places” that might just give you a side of reality. After the dark sounds, youth-culture, and suburban boredom lyrics in Pure Heroine, Lorde managed to transition into a much lighter tone, only with lyrics that seem to have gone deeper, and matured as how the singer herself matured. Perfect Places immediately became my favorite after just hearing it once. I’ve grown fondness of the song after reading its lyrics, and observing how personal it was to the singer. From Pure Heroine, Lorde highlights how she aspires to have a future that wasn’t subject to social norms, only to be devastated at the end.

Perfect Places was the perfect continuation of her first album. Here we see her finally transitioning into adulthood, but in the end, the only thing she could ask herself was “What the f**k are perfect places, anyway?” From its lyrics, we see how she spends her nights at parties, engaging in casual intercourse, and drowning herself in alcohol. The words perfect places have become sort of an imagination or a reverie on growing up into a life that people told us would be perfect and wonderful. Of course, in the end we’re never really satisfied of the world we live in, and the persons we’ve become. When you’re young, you think that you could actually live a life that you want for yourself, but, the problem is, as teens, we view the world as an exciting place to earn experiences, but when you’re out there, you never really know how the world works and how will it treat you which becomes confusing and too much to take in.

Fear and uncertainty are two things that conquer my mind. I constantly worry for my future and the person I will be in the future. The thought of failing while other people my age are succeeding have always scared me. Perhaps, the main theme of this song is “Can we really achieve happiness?”. Even with success, do we truly feel happy for what we’ve become? Can we really achieve the things we aspire for? As I grow up, will I ever be satisfied of myself? Life is full of uncertainties, but of course we can achieve happiness. I admire Lorde for being able to realistically tell us a tale of how hard it is transitioning into adulthood. The period wherein we slowly lose our hopes and dreams, and just ask ourselves when does it get better. Even if your happiness is short-lived, there are a lot of things in life that would help us satisfy our thirst for belongingness. Even with uncertainties, live your life without fear, and conquer the world with grace.

Note: Please listen to the song uwu

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Folklore

- random musings of a sixteen-year old drowned in a sea of words.

As young as sixteen years-old, I’ve already questioned my existence thousands of times. Young as it may sound, but experiences have mold me into the person I am today. Growing up, I’ve never had the fortune of getting things I desire. With just enough money to send us to school, I’ve always aspired of being well off. Sometimes, this aspiration of mine has caused me to worry too much about my future. During my time in tenth grade, I constantly argued with myself whether I would choose practicality over passion. As someone who does not know what course to take in college, I chose what I wanted to study. I did not want to bury myself in a pile of books concerning cells and its functions. I wanted something that was closer to politics, and contemporary issues because that was what I excelled at during my stay in CHST. It was what I enjoy learning, and discussing.

In the wee hours of the day, in the darkest of nights, I often find myself fighting the urge to cry. Not knowing why, not knowing how, a lot of times I’ve always wanted to cry. I always tell myself and the people I’m surrounded by, that I’m a heartless person. A person who rarely cries, but I guess they’re right. I guess they’re right about how bad it is to bottle up your feelings just to put up a façade so others wouldn’t hurt you. Yes, in some ways I am heartless, but I’m also a human. I have emotions that I, sometimes, cannot control. There are things beyond our control, and if things go down the drain, all you could do is cry, and ask yourself where did you go wrong. In my generation, a lot of people have experienced breakdowns for quite some time. We easily feel challenged by the things that surround us.

Blame technology and innovation for the never-ending demand and expectations it gives other people. With our world continuously progressing, it is expected for humans to continually adapt to technology. Now, even projects are expected to be done virtually wherein if we compare the much simpler times, there wasn’t a lot of projects given to people older than my generation. I am not a professional to diagnose myself with clinical depression, but there are a lot of statistics about suicide in the late teenage years mainly concerned with depression. With the ever-changing world, this phenomenon of unhappy teenagers (most especially adults) seems to be a folklore that would eventually pass through future generations. Mental health disorders have been present since time immemorial, and it is here to stay. Humans have emotions as fragile as a snowflake, thus, with factors affecting hormones and such, would eventually lead to depression or other mental disorders if left untreated.

When you are young, people usually tell you that maybe your depression is just a figment of imagination. Older people tell you that it’s just in your head. They tell you that you’re too young to know about things, and worry about them. You wouldn’t possibly know how problems arise, and what the solutions are. We cannot fully blame these “old” people of why they think like that. They lived in a period wherein mental health was taboo, and never really put much thought in. What we should do is break the stigma surrounding mental health, and continue to liberate our generation, and the future generation from this folklore waiting to be passed on. Even with insensitive words being thrown, choose to prove them wrong. Even when they have beliefs constricted or subject to ancient teachings of how and what life is, prove the young ones worthy. It would definitely take a long time to change someone’s belief especially if they are based on pre-conceived convictions. It would take a lot more than words and actions just to do that. After all, when you are young they assume you know nothing.

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Lady Bird

LADY BIRD

Greta Gerwig’s feature debut in this coming-of-age film presents a love letter made specifically for teenagers. “A love letter of all sorts”, Lady Bird highlights heartbreak, rebellion, but most importantly the chaotic relationship between a mother and a daughter.

Lady Bird’s plot isn’t new to anyone. All that teenage drama has been going around for years, but what made this film worth watching is the key representation of mother-daughter relationships. Saoirse Ronan is magnificent as Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson. Her delivery is on-point, and perfectly depicts a spiky teenager with angst, and great determination to live independently. Her nickname “Lady Bird” as said in the film, “given to me, by me, and for me”; is a part of her demand for her self-identity that is not imposed by someone else, even family.

Seeing this film has put a lot of thought in mind. It exquisitely captures the rawness of being seventeen—that desperation to get away from home, that thirst for culture and experience, and that tad selfishness in always wanting to get what you want. Having an imagination as Lady Bird is something powerful when put into good use. But just like any other teenager, she spends most of the time daydreaming about wealth, and the life that awaits her in New York. Now, not all of teenagers may not relate to this, especially if you’re the fortunate ones. At the other end of the spectrum is Jenna, a wealthy teen at Lady Bird’s school whose only dream in life is to stay at their hometown and become a mom. This scene shows us the vast difference between privileged ones, and those who aspire to live a comfortable life. While it is not all bad to dream of becoming a mom, this reminds us that when searching for purpose, you’ll never find it in your million-dollar bills or blinding paychecks.

The movie rolls along, and we see the heartbreaks and frustrations faced by Lady Bird. From the failed relationship with theatre star Danny, wo turns out to be gay; the “cool guy” Kyle who wounds up being very unsatisfactory, and her best friend Julie, wherein we see Lady Bird can sometimes be insecure of. As you delve more into the film, you see Lady Bird’s mom, Marion. She is angry and possessing and controlling around Lady Bird, in ways she can’t explain. It perfectly shows that even as an adult, and a mother, sometimes we still have that child-like mind who always bickers with her daughter. It clearly shows that no mother is perfect, but they try. Marion works double shifts as a nurse, because Lady Bird’s dad has just been laid off. Just like any mother, Marion can be very infuriating when they’re financially troubled. Marion’s temper only worsens the situation between her and Lady Bird. At the end of the film we realize that Marion perhaps is acknowledging the truth that becoming a mother bears a huge responsibility; having a child means it isn’t all about you anymore, in which most do not realize until their children grows up, and leaves home. It leaves the bitter truth that they all could’ve done better. In the final scenes, we see Lady Bird finally leaving her hometown, (thanks to her dad) and finally saying goodbye to her mom. Marion didn’t exactly know anything about Lady Bird leaving which made her mad at her daughter for not discussing such an important matter. Saying goodbye for Marion is a gesture of self-sacrifice in which she isn’t ready to make, especially that they had an argument before her daughter left. This scene left me in tears, especially when Lady Bird finally left, and Marion tried to go after her, only to be filled with guilt and remorse in the end. Marion’s final scene crying for her daughter was heartbreaking, it shows the regret for the choices we didn’t make. It shows that regret of a mother when they realize they didn’t achieve the mother they always wanted to be.

This film makes its viewer ask themselves “Was I that bad as a teenager?” For some, yes. For some, no, but in some ways than the other we all were a snotty little brat. We all had our own devils dancing in our minds. But even if we cringe at our adolescent behavior, we must celebrate the fact that we’ve grown from that immature person. We have or we will evolve and still continue to be shaped by our experiences, and be mature enough to handle situations independently.

As a sixteen-year old, I relate to this film in many ways. But what I relate the most is that “angst” or grudge we hold against our mothers. I am not as rich as some of my friends, and classmates. Yes, they can afford to send me to a good school just like Lady Bird. But just like her, I am not capable of buying or getting things I want. Just like her, I am selfish, too. I blame others, especially my mom for my failures. I also dream of getting away from family and starting anew, but just like Lady Bird in the final scenes, she realizes that it’s hard without having your family to back you up. A part of me knows how much I want to leave, but a part of me also know that it is truly hard to be out there in the real world, alone. It is every young adult’s nightmare; the so-called adulting. A part of my teenager self would probably stay; that child-like thirst for knowledge and experience. Sometime in the future, I know that I’ll grow, maybe not into the person I dreamed to be, but I’ll definitely grow, and look back at all the teenage drama I had, and realize I’ve matured from that selfish child. I’ll grow and realize that we do not always get the things we want no matter how hard we dream and hope for it. It’s not all fairytales in this life. Even if you get a college degree, some aren’t fortunate enough to get what they dream of. We do not always become the person we aspire for. In the end we’re not always what we thought we were.