dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e - Tumblr blog

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

My favorite dnd character concept that I came up with but haven’t been able to implement yet: an artificer who works primarily with knitting

Like they’re spellcasting focus is knitting needles, if they cast healing magic it looks like wounds being literally knit together, they’re an armorer but their armor is knitted instead of made of metal

I also really like the idea of this character being a warforged. Something about the juxtaposition of the softness of knitted items with the rigidness of a warforged’s body. Something something magic as a reflection of the soul.

(Something about the process of knitting as metaphor for the life cycle: casting on as birth, knitting the project as the lifespan, and binding off as death, sometimes it’s cut short due to circumstance or running out of yarn or the pets getting a hold of it and tearing it to pieces; some projects are naturally shorter knits than others, some take years to finish but whenever they are picked up it’s with love and joy and I’m emotional about the metaphors of textiles)

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

I think the moment I graduated from being a ‘new’ player was when I asked the DM if, for the purposes of Druidcraft, a flame skull would count as a candle, torch, or small bonfire.

In the same adventure I also accidentally unionised some imps because I wanted a pet, and asked if the guy exchanging gold for soul coins had a monopoly on the local currency exchange market.

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

Gooze – Small ooze, chaotic evil

…and thus, a new horror was unleashed onto Falbheim’s already more than hazardous substructures. Tisdor Dwindleteeth III’s joy was immeasurable when he finally managed to merge magically condensed consciousness with one of his many specimen of ooze. Of course, even the slightest bit of joy for the infamous necromancer meant trouble for everyone else – great trouble to be precise. After a short period of pondering, the gooze – as this monstrous abomination was later named – instantly assumed the most destructive shape it was able to imagine…just to wreak havoc wherever it waddles.

🔮 If you like my work, kindly consider to support me on Patreon to gain access to monster pages, tokens & artwork of 200+ of quirky creatures, items and potions. Plus, I released my first Foundry VTT modules – 70 creatures, 5 huge ones and 20 potions are done already, many more are in the making!

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

The whole greatsword scabbard discourse gets me because, like, we know the answer to this one. We've got primary sources talking about it. The answer to "how do you carry a weapon that's more than a yard or so long" is:

If you don't think you'll need it on short notice and you're lucky enough to have access to a wagon or other means of transport, you don't carry it at all – you stick it in the wagon.

If you do think you'll need it on short notice or you don't have a wagon, you just carry it in your hands everywhere you go and constantly complain about how dumb and awkward that is, unless you're a professional mercenary and/or independently wealthy, in which case you hire a guy to follow you around carrying it in his hands everywhere you go and he complains about how dumb and awkward that is (though probably not while you're listening).

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

I noticed that there wasn’t a giant raven in the monster manual, so I decided to make one. And a war raven, for particularly extra militaries to use as mounts (pending a CR change).

The artwork used is “Cuervo” by eross-666.

If you’d like to see more 5e homebrew, consider supporting me on ko-fi!

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

Botanic undead, the children of necromancy and druidic magic. As usual, there’s lore under the ‘Read More’ (Warning for descriptions of body horror).

The skeleton base is a stock render by Wolverine. The moss and plants were drawn on by me.

Keep reading

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

Botanic undead, the children of necromancy and druidic magic. As usual, there’s lore under the ‘Read More’ (Warning for descriptions of body horror).

The skeleton base is a stock render by Wolverine. The moss and plants were drawn on by me.

Keep reading

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

House Hunters: D&D Edition. 

Alright, on a more serious note, I was inspired by a recent ask to redo my original building generator that I made a while back (and add a lot more tables and detail to it). It’s by no means an end-all-be-all set of rolling tables, just an outline to get things started and developed. Have fun looking for a home base for your adventurers!

The artwork used is stock by Fumar-Porros. They create all of it using SketchUp and Photoshop. It’s really impressive!

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

When I was younger, I used to imagine monsters running alongside the car. I decided to make stats (and a little sketch!) for them. 

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

D&D NPC Idea

Perfectly Ordinary Dog

Low strength, very low dex, low constitution, high intelligence, low wisdom, godlike charisma

Is capable of doing anything a PC can do (climb/intimidate/bluff/etc) but with disadvantage on anything that would be difficult or impossible for a dog.

A loyal dog that follows the party. No one knows where it came from. It does its best to help the party, but it only knows a few generic commands. They are:

Sit: Perfectly Ordinary Dog sits. Leave It: Perfectly Ordinary Dog disengages from all opponents. Shake: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Earthquake. Come: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Teleport on itself to move directly next to the person who issues the command. Stay: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Turn to Stone on itself. The effect lasts until Perfectly Ordinary Dog is told otherwise. Speak: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Speak With Animals on itself. In addition to the spell effects, it removes disadvantage from all rolls involving speech (bluff, etc.) Sing: Perfectly Ordinary Dog uses Bardic Performance. Heel: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Cure Light Wounds on the most injured party member within range. Down: Perfectly Ordinary Dog casts Gate and summons a portal to a random netherworld dimension.

The PCs do not know about any of Perfectly Ordinary Dog’s abilities and must find them out via trial and error.

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

Rolls to Alarm Your Players

Want to spice the game up? Why not try alarming your players for no real reason? Make sure to make a show out of counting the dice before you roll.

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

The scariest phrase that can come out of a Human’s mouth is “Makes sense, that’s how i’d do it”

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

Dwarfs can hear a weapons voice, Swords speak in vigor, Bows speak with precision, Hammers are blunt and to the point. But when a Dwarf found an old human tank, as their fingers ran across its barrel it heard it say a tired firm voice “I will watch until I am needed again”

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

Susan getting ready to shoot her bow in a scene from one of the Narnia movies. Not sure which one, though.

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

Instead of the Monkey’s Paw, you find the Clown’s Nose, which instead of granting your wish in the worst way possible will grant it in the funniest way.

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

One Liner Prompt list #3

1- “You can’t just leave a perfectly good coffin lying around, and expect me not to take advantage of it.”

2- “I regret to inform you, that, for once, I had nothing to do with this.”

3- “I can say with utmost certainty, that you are indeed, A Bitch.”

4- “Babe! The neighbours are summoning demons again! Should I put out some extra plates?”

5- “I never thought I’d say this, but I think we went a little overboard this time.”

6- “I’m not letting you in unless you’re here to return my cursed object collection, it’s just not the same trying to fall asleep without the unholy wailing of the dead.”

7- “Don’t touch the roses unless you want to lose a hand, they’ve been grumpy ever since we stopped feeding them human flesh.”

8- “When you said you were dating an assassin, I thought you were joking.”

9- “I can’t believe you said that to their face….Please tell me you recorded it.”

10- “Well, at least no one accidentally got married to a deity this time.”

11- “Wait…How did we end up with three arms? There was only one body.”

12- “Honestly, I wasn’t really paying attention, I was too busy trying to remember what the prison sentence was for murder.”

13- “What the fuck were you expecting?! Puppies?!”

[dungeons-and-dumbassery-5e]

my grubhub being delivered by a wizard or some sort of apostle