dwintu

[dwintu]

why didn’t gandalf just carry the ring to mordor himself with these tongs

[dwintu]

SCREAM (1996) dir. Wes Craven

[dwintu]

The friends that are chronically 30 minutes late are so important to have because they teach u patience and the meaning of loving someone so much u let ur anger go. I have not mastered either yet but I’m sure it’s coming

[dwintu]

everyone say happy birthday flat

its my flats birthday today!!

[dwintu]

its my flats birthday today!!

[dwintu]

fucked up at work for the first time today, feels BAD man

[dwintu]

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. 

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

[dwintu]

they should invent an extreme codependent lesbian situationship that's actually good for you

[dwintu]

(deep in my coal mine) huh. maybe canaries just do that.

[dwintu]

[dwintu]

itd be bad to go to bed at 8pm on a friday right

[dwintu]

i think it should be illegal to make a frying pan with a handle heavier than the pan tbh

[dwintu]

today has been so fucking weird, definitely one of the days of all time

[dwintu]

one of life's purest joys and connections is messaging "can i be a bitch?" and then proceeding to rip shit

[dwintu]

good > finally building the habit of checking my trouser pockets for tissues and stuff before putting them in the washing machine

bad > being unable to do so without saying "what's it got in its nasty little pocketses" in a gollum voice

[dwintu]

And here you can see where we decided to put little pepperonis all over the plane so it would taste better

[dwintu]