dxilymxsings

[dxilymxsings]

from right to left ✒︎ p.ambrosio

it was no surprise to anyone that graduating had hit piper hard. the girl was all about her comfort zone, and suddenly having to put herself out there all over again had her completely and utterly terrified.

her final years at lrsoa were spent focusing on finishing her internships, networking – more than she could handle – and making the most of her time as a free student. it wasn’t going to last forever. this meant enjoying the time she got with her friends; she’ll never forget the trips she took with aphrodite or the late-night midnight snacking she’d lured matthew into or the comforting cuddles after a long day that she shared with logan.

it wasn’t a complete week at lrsoa without lola and piper getting into trouble of some kind, and she couldn’t shake that she missed people who were long gone – deep into adult life by now. people like dominic, who though she was still in contact with, not having him on capus felt foreign and as though something was constantly missing. honestly speaking there wouldn’t come a day when she would let her precious out of her life but as she watched her friends move on with their lives, seeing kai gett married all those years ago cemented the fact that they were all moving on with their lives. and their lives wouldn’t always be connected.

reflecting on her time, she knew it hadn’t all been fun and games. she’d lost a close friend in jess due to some simple misunderstandings not that she would undo them – they had brought a very special person into her life. she was heartbroken by an old childhood flame in elam or an unrequited friend-with-benefits situation with bruce. but even still these events were simple timestamps of the things she had grown through and life lessons she had been taught by life through the pain.

piper looked back on her experiences at the university with such reverence. after all, it has shaped her into who she is right now. she still has a long way to go as she navigates through her future. now in her late twenties, it was time to establish herself as more than just a well-respected intern at firms she’s been trying to get her foot in the door of. through all the friendships and the laughs and tears and pain she had to go through to become who she wanted to be. this was only just the beginning of it all.

in the final years leading to her graduation, she had started an online journal (let’s be honest with ourselves, it was just a blog, but piper thought calling it a journal would bring the personal touch she was looking for when starting it). she shared anecdotes about her internships, her life and explorations. a little about the woes and trials of having a relationship as a twenty-something-year-old: something piper was still trying to wrap her head around; she wasn’t quite good with that yet.

a certain greek tragedy reminded her of that.

one man she hadn’t forgotten even though a small part of her wishes she had was art – her art. if you had told the woman that she’d still have a space for him in her heart after walking away, she wouldn’t believe you. their relationship had turned rather tumultuous towards her final year. she felt he was constantly pulling away from her, and she couldn’t connect with him the seamless way she once did. he slowly pulled her heart out of her chest, thread by thread and acted as though he didn’t realise what he was doing or simply did not care. she wasn’t even quite sure why she cared; he had made it abundantly clear when they first met that all their relationship would get to was friendly flirtation – nothing more. and it never was anything more, apart from the odd kiss here and there but even they could be chalked up to dares and the head of the moment.

to make matters worse, she had become beloved by a certain member of his family. the writer spent much time with diane layland and eventually spent many holidays with their mother – the two got along cordially enough. it certainly didn’t help that his memory was tainted all over her online journal. he was responsible for most of the images she had plastered over the site. at the time they were first posted, she was incredibly proud of them. in fact, she was still very proud of him and his art – she’d probably never stop being his biggest cheerleader. and yet they still, left a bitter taste in her mouth, similar to the one he would leave on those rare evenings when they were both swimming in the light-headedness of that night’s chosen vintage.

despite it all, the woman had mellowed out since university. a lot about lrsoa while it helped her become her own – being around everyone seemingly brought out the absolute worst in her (retrospectively, we can blame it on the gossip blog). considering she wasn’t receiving the help she needed, she rarely disclosed her feelings to her friends until they exploded out of her in a burst of dramatics at very inopportune times. it wasn’t healthy or fair to her fellow peers and she wasn’t proud of it.

piper knew leaving london wasn’t for her. she had grown to love the city despite the fact that the genral busyness of the capital overwhelmed her it had been home for near a decade. she didn’t know how to exist elsewhere. but moving off campus most definitely was for her. she had done so during her fourth year and had never looked back. she had taken graduation as the final tie to the school she needed to cut, so roaming the halls again was something she never thought she’d be doing.

the letter had arrived nearly two months ago, inviting her back to campus to speak to some current journalism and other literature students. piper had made a name for herself even before she left the school. still, being able to dedicate all her time to her craft has shot her into circles she could only ever dream of before. the opportunities that lie in wait of a response in her inbox were some journalists would dream their whole careers for. the invitation detailed that they wanted her to ‘impart wisdom’ and ‘advise the new generation’  about everything she does even though she probably roamed these very hallways with most of them. she wanted nothing to do with it, but her manager had noted the good publicity it would give the firm and her.

so here she was with the sound of her heels were hitting the stone flooring that she had not missed since leaving as she crossed the courtyard towards the literature building. her movements were being dictated purely through muscle memory. this was a familiar walk for her. the principal, who had been there to greet her when she arrived, spoke and pointed out certain new or completed features of the school that had been put in since she had left. it was surprising the amount of changes that had been made in the few years since she had thrown that mortar board into the air. the academic head’s words were flying straight over her head. her breathing was growing shallow, and her fingers were dancing over the many rings that donned her fingers. her inner voice was counting down from ten in a loop – trying to gain control of her anxieties, hoping she didn’t have a breakdown and turn, run, and hide in the gardens like she used to.

it scared her how a place she had once considered her safe space, home and most importantly, the one place she belonged for once, no longer felt comforting in any way. if anything, it was the most unsettling place she had been to in a while. her eyes constantly scanned her surroundings, noting the different events being broadcast on posters as they passed them. she could almost see the ghosts of her past in the hallways and the songs of chatter from her university days echoing before fading away.

the main journalism lecture theatre was empty when they arrived. to allow them the time needed to set up and set up the presentation. and to her manager it was just like a piper to ask for a few moments to prepare and calm herself. once the door had shut, she turned to face the screen where a brightly lit photo of her likeness was being projected. the words that lingered around her smiling face were full of pride and excitement. yet, piper could barely feel proud or excited about her achievements. she almost felt as if she should be sitting back in her self-appointed seat near enough to the exit to make a quick getaway, waiting to hear the words shared by journalists who had come before her whom she had admired and wanted to be like 

and yet, she had to shake herself out of her insecurities. she grabbed one of the chilled bottles of water on the desk – momentarily letting the chill seep into her fingers and cool her down before opening it quickly and quenching the thirst she wasn’t even aware she had built up. she gave her hands a shake in the air, almost as if to physically shake away the anxieties eating away at her. the brunette woman pulled her index cards from the tote bag she had placed on the chair at the front of the room just as distant but growing in volume chatter made itself known outside. a false but convincing, confident smile made its way on her lips as she turned towards the door just in time to watch it creak open and allow in the bright-eyed upcoming literature majors to make their way into the room and settle into their seats.

the wind had shifted the day she moved her tassel from right to left, but that didn’t mean her kind heart had changed. there was a spark she’d been missing for so long that she saw shining brightly in these young adults – maybe this was her opportunity to regain it.