dxtreme

[dxtreme]

Passion

You know tumblr, I’ve been pretty tired recently, phisically and emotional, Iv’e been trying my best for my own sake, and that’s why I haven’t felt like writing, or well, I’ve felt like writing but when I do, I don’t have the tools to do it. And this is a topic I wanted to ramble about like 2 weeks ago, since I last posted. Passion, you know, the fire burning inside you, raging to go and do something. Do you have passion for anything ?

I’m still looking for something to feel like that again, all of my fires have exinguished. But why is passion like fire? Because it’s warm, and because it can become a light that can guide you, and it can even guide other people. So, if passion is so good, and its needed to “feel alive” or some dumb shit, why do I wanna ramble about it ? Because passion is a double edged blade.

No one ever tells you, passion like fire, is dangerous if it goes out of control, sometimes it shines a light, so bright that it will blind you, sometimes it starts warm until it burns you out, sometimes it may consume everything and leave you with nothing but ashes. That’s why tumblr, I ain’t gonna go around and tell you anything else today. Passion is something that can make you feel alive, but you gotta be careful, pace yourself, stop and think, make plans and change them at every step, have a burning desire to do everythink you wanna do, but have and ice cold mind, to not let yourself burnout or blinded until you don’t want, can or be able to do anything else anymore.  

A burning soul, with a cool mind.

[dxtreme]

Obsolete

Hello there, my dear tumblr, my beautiful perfect round, heart shaped bottom, orange dyed head, black eyed, tattoed tumblr, I hope you still read me.

And hello, everyone else who might read this.

I feel like talking about moving on. And why I think it is necessary.

Every now and then, we get stuck in a point, where misery, pain and agony try to drown us and we feel like it gets worse by the second, and you know what? it does. Every second wasted stings like a thousand needles nailed on your eyes, and every minute reminds us of how much of a fuck up we are, but at the same time our lives are just a small tragedy we didn’t got ourselves into, one which where we can’t seem to get out soon.

And yet there is still people coming to our lives, trying to make us feel better, shining a light where we once could only feel darkness, but still we feel void and useless. But hey, that’s just it, it’s the cards we got to play and now we gotta play with them the best hand we can.

So let me tell you something, sometimes we may find “the right people at the wrong time”, and it sucks, and it may feel like they will hate us, and won’t care like anybody else, but the thing is, they are the right people because they understand it’s the worse timing and that kind of people will kindly wave good bye and smile when they see us move on.

So, that’s the thing, we need to move on, for ourselves, and for anybody out there we may have met who still has faith in us, and really understands us, even if it means never ever seeing them, or talking to them. Because the grief and pain we may feel for a good bye, will be overthrown by the joy and brightness of your wings spreading higher up, soaring through the skies, moving onto something greater.

So we must move on. And I must accept you are maybe trying to, and start moving on myself.

So I will keep “writing” my stupid, and maybe “romantic” ways to see life, but not for you anymore, my sweet, cute, sexy, smart, strong and independent honey.

This is like a goodbye, but not really, because you already left, and I will always be here, caring, loving, and hoping you get what I think you deserve, and that is a lot.

Move on tumblr. even if it hurts, we need to move on.

[dxtreme]

Perfection

Today I’ll continue with a topic that I wanted to talk about since the begining, but “inspiration” have kept me from posting about it.

People usually think that perfection or being perfect is having some sort of power where all your “character stats” are maxed out, or a point in your life when you don’t have any troubles, and everything is fine. But hey, let me tell you, that is far from perfect.

I may be a little bit blunt with this because I really think this is not just “an opinion” and is a fact. One I may not be able to back up with scientific data or any other shit, but still I do believe, is a fact.

First of all, what people define “perfection” is something else asociated with harmony or symmetry, or both, and yes, harmony is usually good, but as symmetry, is overrated.

A “perfect world” as people might usually think, is a boring, problemless, challengeless, brightless world, where you have everything, and everyone is happy and there is nothing bad or wrong. But is that good ? How do we know what is bad or good, what is light and dark, if there is no contrast to know which is which.

Perfection is about the little details, is about balance, about chaos and entropy. We live in such a shitty world, that yes, its far from perfection, but I’m not talking about symmetry and harmony, I’m talking about a world where there is confrontation and room for problems and mistakes, for some evil to exist but not as big as it exists in our world.

A world where the balance between what is light and dark can exist in some kind of harmony and we can see that our decisions will always leave to something, either good or bad, and we can all grow.

Because perfection is about a continuous state of chaos and entropy, and yes I DO LOVE THOSE 2 WORDS, where everything exists, and it is the mistakes and things we don’t like about ourselves, the force that drive us into a transformation where we become sometimes better sometimes worse, but we do have the choice to go on and keep trying. It’s evolution baby.

Perfection is embracing our darkness and our mistakes, embracing the body that genetics gave us, and the experiences our fathers and friends and everyone else we came in contact made us live, and evolve, into something else, to keep moving and transform.

Perfection ain’t prettyness, ain’t calm, perfection is about clashing lifes constantly evolving into something else. Perfection is you waking up every day and looking in the mirror and asking, why the hell I keep doing this and that, why do I hate myself so much, and keep moving, keep evolving until we find our better selves.

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Ember

Hello tumblr, its been a week or so. You know, I had planned to write about some other topics, but I know my mood sets me up to write better things sometimes, and I know my quality may not be the best always, but right now I don’t feel like following up a script, even if its my own.

That’s why today I wanted to talk about fire, or well, funny thing, Amber sounds like ember, and its meaning is far closer to what I’m feeling, than fire.

Have you felt the fire? Burning inside you, telling you to do something, burning your life with brightness, with passion? I know I haven’t in a long time. That same fire that consumes you slowly, until you realize, you were burning a candle on both sides, and there is nothing more left, until you feel yourself burning down to the ground, reduced to ashes of what you used to be, or what you thought you wanted.

Isn’t fire beautiful ? I do think it is. But don’t let it fool you, sometimes the pretiest fire can destroy you. And don’t let nobody extinguish your fire neither, you will be left behind black and bruised, unbroken, lightless, void and empty.

You know what tumblr, I know this one may suck a lot more than I expected, because I didn’t plan on this. But let me tell you the last thing about your fire.

As long as we burn, even if we burnout and reduce ourselves to embers, we can take some time, we can make some fire, until we lit everything up and make a flame big enough to consume everything, a flame that will burn eternally to remind everyone what our fire stands for, what we stand for. Keep your fire alive, even if it’s only embers. As long as we still feel the burning inside, we can say we are indeed alive.

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Alone in the Dark

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnGdoEa1tPg ...Such a lonely day, and it’s mine, the most loneliest day of my liiiiife♫ Hello tumblr, since I still don’t know if any people will read this, besides, maybe you, you know who you are, I’ll keep calling you “all” or “no one” who reads this, tumblr. Today I wanna talk about Loneliness. I want to talk about addictions, but that would be a topic for another day. But why are addictions relevant? because, if you, tumblr, are in some way like me, and are reading this, you should probable know or feel that you may be addicted to being lonely and miserable. I may not need to tell you, but I’ll still say this: Being lonely ain’t the same as being alone, since you can be surrounded by people, shitty people, good people, decent people, indifferent people, even great, loving, and caring people, but still feel lonely.

Why you ask? hell, I wish I knew, but hey, tumblr, I wanna tell you that maybe, you just need to sometimes open your eyes and realize, sometimes we make ourselves lonely, and yes, we may be like this because many people in the past left us, and no one stayed forever, or even for a considerable long time, and we both may feel we are useless. And maybe you are, maybe I am, who knows, different people value different things, so I want you to think tumblr, maybe we don’t suck, maybe right now there is someone who stayed there for you or for me, and each of us shoved that person away, because we don’t know how else to react, specially to react to someone caring, since every time someone “cared” they betrayed us, or left us, or abandoned us, or simply was faking and it hurts as hell.

But guess what tumblr. Loneliness won’t simply go away, even if someone great comes to our lifes, because we are fuck ups, we are addicted to feel miserable, and I hope we could change that, because when someone great may com to any of our lives, we are going to manage to screw things up, and scare that person, or simply dissapear from his or her sight to feel miserable and lonely about our mistakes and our decisions. And well, we don’t know how to be better. I hope we could. I hope I could tell you how without feeling phony, but if I could, I wouldn’t be like this. PS. Get a cat, cats are awesome and make you feel less like shit. ... Such a lonely day, and it's mine... It's a day that I'm glad I survived.

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Darkness

As long as there is light, there must be darkness. So that’s why, as long as there is presence, there should be absence.

Yes tumblr, that was me justifying for not writing anything for so long, but the thing is, I didn’t felt like it, so, here we go again.

And the issue at hand, that I chose to start writing about is indeed darkness. That same darkness we may see in ourselves, the same darkness that haunts us at night when we are void, when we feel lonely and broken. The darkness we feel it consumes everything, who we are, what we feel, where we stand.

But we may not see that it’s the same darkness that has been there for us, and we should not fear, or fight, since anything we feel, even emptyness, is something precious and justified, because its okay to feel broken, to be in the darkness. It just means we are still human.

The darkness may consume everything and yes, people may want to be in the light, but, hey tumblr, have you ever thought, maybe darkness chose us, because everyone usually hates darkness, and misunderstands it for evil, and thinks its not worthy of praise or thought. Have you ever thought, ¿ we may as well be the chosen ones to redeem the darkness ? and we fear it, and hate it, and feel overwhelmed by it, because it reminds us of ourselves, since we are that same darkness we fear, because it was born of us and that same fear make it grow even bigger, even scarier.

I think, maybe we should brace ourselves and see the darkness eye to eye, and embrace it, be the darkness, because everyone is living their lives trying to outshine every single person in this planet, but we, we are the darkness who can make the faintiest light shine the strongest.

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Happiness is hollow. It’s funny, how I didn’t had time to write when I was “happy” and things were looking up, and shit. But hey, shit happens and things tend to go back to its usual state. I was thinking on writing this, and well, now that I’m unhappy as shit is when I got time to say what I think about that word. As there is no light without darkness, there is no happines without pain, sorrow, sadness, melancholy, depression and such. People are not aware that happiness is not a goal, as we can’t be happy always, but its more like a good transition. We need pain and misfortune, even if its somebody else’s so we can truly apreciate it, and hell, after a lot of suffering and sorrow, happiness can feel so unreal that when it goes away, you feel like you deserved it to end. Happiness can be found everywhere, as long as there is anything that gives you joy, and it’s beautiful when you find it in making someone else happy. But still we should never forget, happyiess is not everlasting so we must enjoy it and treasure it, because when we lest expect it, it will go away. Like today happened to me.

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Emptyness

This was supposed to be about the meaning of life with a hopefull aproach but then again, I think there is no way I could ever talk about that without despair and sorrow.

I’m not in the mood for anything, even thinking what words should I choose to write is consuming my will to do anything at all, SO, I’ll be quick. There are 2 meanings, in life. Or well, I see 2.

One of them is the usual, THERE IS NO MEANING, LIFE SUCKS AND IS MEANINGLESS, and unless you decide what does living means to you, it would be pointless. Choose something you like, and make your life about that.

The second one, is more of a personal answer and discovery, is about related with some people call survival instincts. Since life itself its meaningless and that has been already stablished, then why we must search for something to give it meaning ? and why people usually choose family and love ? it’s simple, we, as a race, need a reason to keep society, and to keep mating and reproducing, our survival instincts have made us evolve into beings who need emotions and family, so we can keep having babies, and we can keep dominating the food chain until we destroy ourselves for not knowing how to stop when its time to.

that’s it. Life sucks, love is fake, and we all gonna die, and it’s not gonna mean anything in the short, middle and long run. Of the planet, of the galaxy of the universe, of the time, of existance itself.

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About a girl.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhcttcXcRYY Indeed, my first “entry” on this blog, was gonna be “about a girl”. But what about her ? I mean, what should I say about this, or about her ? Perhaps, is the fact that once again there is -a girl- kind of in my life, that this should be the topic.

I was gonna pick “what is love” since that actually was the topic I wanna talk about to you (or me, actually since I don’t think no one would ever read this). But it was way to cliché, and not serious enough.

So, that’s the topic, what is love, and specially what does “couples love” is. That is something that has been bugging me for my entire life, and I think I may have some answers. Some people I know could say that “love” doesn’t exist, and some other may say that only the love of a mother for her son is “the only real love”, but well, yeah, you could find mothers who don’t love their children, and you can find many types of love, like the one I can have to my pet, just to say an example.

Love is not “a mistical magic thing” or “the power to do anything” if I may, love as they, whoever they are, have sold it to us, doesn’t exist. Love is a way for your brain to decieve you and make sure you keep reproducing, so our species will continue to live. Or at least that is what I think, what “love” at first can be.

But don’t take me the wrong way, I know that sometimes people might confuse love with care, and with infatuation. I may not be the most romantic person in the earth, but about “what is love” besides being a trick our minds play on us to keep people making babies, I can say some other things.

I think people got it all wrong, in many ways, since sometimes people think having babies and getting married is love, and screaming to the world that you love someone is love, or even letting someone else have all your passwords to your social media is “Love”. Well, no. Love is in the small things, love is built on trust and conversations. Love is, for me, asking someone to tell you when she gets home, its about making someone laugh and smile when they are having a bad day, and being able to tolerate her frustration because it was a really shitty day,

Love is knowing that you yourself may not be the best, and wanting to become the best you can be, just for you, and understanding that despite not being whatever you can’t be right now, there is someone, she is someone, who can still like you, care for you, ask you if you ate and accept you for who you are, and not for what you were or what you can become. Love is liking someone and caring for her, even if she is not “perfect” and she hates herself and wished she was dead, but still is doing her best for her, even if she doesn’t know why,

AND YES, love is sex to, is liking and accepting the mind, the soul and the body of someone else, and yours too. That’s why this time, this entry is about a girl.

Love is dead, but not because “there is no love out there” and people can’t love, it’s just because many people try to see it through the wrong filters and focus on thing that don’t matter. Love is dead because we kill it every day.

...But I can’t see you every night♫

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In the end

it starts with...♫ so, um, Finally i decided to give it a shot a this thing called “bloging” even if this may not be the righ place, I’m still gonna do it here, since blogger and blogspot and other blog sites look awful. Since this is the first entry, and I don’t know if there is anybody reading this, besides me, but if there is, and you are still reading this,’sup. Thank you for reading this, this will be a blog about, many things, specially about nothing. I’ll be adressing things I like, my opinion on my country and city without telling you where am I from, and how I see the world. Trying to not get really personal, and just exposing an idea for you, or maybe no one actually, to think and try to create your own new opinion on anything. I’ll try to write 2 or 3 times a week, if we are lucky, even more. And the idea will be to tie a song with every entry. That’s it for today, thank you for reading me and I hope your life stop sucking, and shit. Sincerely, Dxtreme. PS. But in the end, it doesn’t even matters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVTXPUF4Oz4