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Ash: A Queer and Political Parody Retelling of Cinderella

Long ago in the Kingdom of Provence, there once lived a young woman named Ashley, but who preferred to go by Ash. Ash was bullied by her two mean stepsisters, Mila and Mia, and her stepmother, Anna, who chastised her for her “un-ladylike” attitudes and behavior and for not using her full name Ashley. Every day, Ash was required to get up at 5 in the morning and perform various menial tasks such as sweeping the fireplace, cleaning the kitchen and wash closet, and fetching whatever her stepmother and stepsisters demanded at a moment’s notice. She wore tattered and dirty clothes, as her stepmother and stepsister had spent nearly all of her father’s estate. Ash had no friends except for the animals who lived on the estate, who took pity on her situation. She was particularly close with the two mice, Sébastien et Henri.

 A few miles away in the capital of Marseille, Roi Jean-Luc Côté was having a fit. “Why hasn’t my son Matthieu found son épouse? He galivants across the entirety of Europe and is never here in the Kingdom! This is an embarrassment for all of Provence and leaves me with no heir should he be taken captive and killed by the Normans for our dealings with England!” “Not to worry mon Roi” said Grand Duke François. “He is a young man and wants to enjoy himself!” “Enjoying himself at MY COST!” said Roi Jean-Luc. “He has spent over 100,000 Francs within the last year! I don’t even know what it’s on! Business and travel expenses he says.” “But you do know how hard it was for him to be locked away in the castle as a young boy,” said the duke. “He is only making up for the 10 years in which we were engaged in the special military operation with Monaco”. “AND THAT IS WHERE HE IS SPENDING MY MONEY! THE ENEMY’S CASINO AND THE GIRLS THAT LOITER THERE FOR UNE MÉNAGE À TROIS!” Roi Jean-Luc bellowed. Taking a sip of red wine, Le Roi composed himself. “We are going to bring him back and host the grandest ball that has ever been held in the history of Provence. All un-wedded females will be invited as well as the entire royal court. He will find his future wife there; we have thousands of beautiful women in this kingdom. No expense is to be spared! Go to the treasury and withdraw 1 million Francs! Let us begin the preparations!”

  Back at Le Château de la Belle-Famille Diabolique, Ash was busy scrubbing the fireplace. “I want EVERY piece of Ash out of that fireplace Ashley!” said Anna. “Please, Mon Dieu, do not call me that!” Ash said. “HAH, you want to be called the same name as that schmutz you’re scrubbing? Idiot! You deserve nothing more than to do this for the rest of your life!” replied Anna. Suddenly, a loud bell was ringing from the dirt road outside the Château. The stepmother rushed to the door and yelled to the stepsisters “HIDE L’ARGENT! WE ARE NOT PAYING TAXES!” Anna opened the door and to her surprise, it was not the tax collector, but a royal assistant, distinguished by a gold fleur-de-lis on his right shirt pocket. “Bonjour Madam, I come with a message from Le Roi Jean-Luc Côte.” Mila and Mia crept around the corner, having hidden the remainder of their inheritance under the mattress. “His royal majesty would like to see all un-married and widowed female residents of this dwelling at Palais des Trois Lions this Friday at dusk to celebrate the 15th anniversary of the de-militarization of Monaco. The prince will be there.” Mila and Mia ran to the door, overjoyed and shrieking with happiness. “Mother! We will get to meet Prince Matthieu! What will we wear? How will we get there?! Do you think he might fall in love with us?!?” “Quiet!” yelled Anna. The royal assistant continued, “Please ensure that your dresses have the letter Z, representing our victory, embroidered into them.” “Of course, we love to show our appreciation for the noble and benevolent king!” said Anna. The royal agent left and Anna along with the Mila and Mia instantly got to work on designing their great patriotic dresses. Afterward, they sent Ash to the basement, where she sewed all night.

It was now Friday and in just a few hours the ball to celebrate the de-militarization of Monaco would begin. Prince Matthieu was hurried back to Provence from Monaco after Le Roi sent a decree threatening full military mobilization to the ruling Grimaldi family, causing them to revoke Matthieu’s visa.

At the Le Château de la Belle-Famille Diabolique, Ash was busy putting the finishing touches on the dresses for her stepsisters and stepmother. “You messed up the Z!!” screamed Anna. “Are you trying to get us locked away?” She angrily swiped the needle from Ash’s hand and got to work fixing it. Ash went down to the small supply closet in which she resided and closed the doors. “Why are they even bothering so much with this ball? It’s not as if the prince is going to be interested in them. Their personalities wouldn’t even attract a plague burier” Ash said to herself. She waited until the chariot they had reserved arrived at the Château. Anna had spent the last 5,000 Francs they had to their name on ordering it, in her confidence that Mila or Mia would be courted by Prince Matthieu.

Ash waited until they left when she opened the closet door and walked back into the salon. Sébastien et Henri appeared from under a small hole next to the fireplace brickwork. “Why aren’t you going to the celebration?” they asked her. “Anna, Mila, and Mia wouldn’t ever let me do that. I need to stay here and get the Château ready, should Mila or Mia become royalty, Mon Dieu” she said as she rolled her eyes. Overcome with emotion, Ash began to cry. “I will never fall in love as long as I am confined to this evil household, let alone this Royaume répressif.” “Look!” Sébastien et Henri said, “Your tears are turning into diamonds!” Suddenly it became very dark outside and then a flash of bright light appeared. The door swung open and in walked a woman of ethereal beauty. “Bonsoir Ash, Enchanté. I am Juliette, your fairy Godmother.” Stunned and speechless, Ash responded. “Bonsoir Juliette. Why are you here.” “I am here to bring you to the celebration. You have suffered far too long, but with suffering comes strength. You are ready for greatness now.” Juliette snapped her fingers and in an instant, Ash was in a diamond-studded, black silk dress, noticeably absent of the required Z, complete with amethyst crystal slippers. Juliette provided Ash with a mirror in which to see herself. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Formerly a soot-covered maid, she was now the most beautiful woman in all of Provence. Sébastien et Henri cheered, overjoyed by the turn in fortune for their best friend. “Shall we go?” Juliette asked Ash. They walked out of the Château and climbed into a chariot ten times more elegant than that which Anna, Mila, and Mia took. “Allons-y!” shouted Juliette, and with that, they took off.

Ash arrived at the palace and ascended the stairs. The guard, stunned by a woman of such beauty, did not notice the missing Z on Ash’s dress, and with that, she entered the palace. Inside the main ballroom, she saw Anna, Mila, and Mia conversing with Matthieu, who appeared less than impressed by their vain nature. Looking over in her direction, Matthieu instantly locked eyes with Ash. His pupils dilated with passion, and he quickly walked over to greet her. Anna, Mila, and Mia were shocked and furious but retained their composure lest they be ejected from royal grounds. “Bonsoir, comment tu t’appelles?” asked Matthieu. “Ash” she quietly responded, blushing nervously. “Voulez vous danser avec moi?” Matthieu asked. Ash nodded her head in agreement, and they proceed to the center of the ballroom. Le Roi Jean-Luc Côte noticed that his son had taken a strong interest in a girl, but also noticed that she did not have a Z on her chest. Having suspected she may be one of Matthieu’s romances from Monaco, and paranoid that she may be a spy, Le Roi stood up and shouted for his guards to remove her from the palace. Terrified, Ash ran for the exit before the guards could get her. As she ran down the stairs, one of her amethyst crystal slippers fell off. Ash hastily takes off in the chariot, determined to never return to the Palais again. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” shouted Matthieu. “I thought she was from Monaco! She has no Z on her chest!” responded Le Roi. “She isn’t from Monaco. She’s lives in a Château less than two miles from here” sobbed Matthieu. “Go get her then!” responded Le Roi. Matthieu runs outside, but Ash has already left. He discovered one of her slippers and handed it off to a guard. “We must find her tomorrow,” he says.

Ash cried to Juliette on their way back to the Château while explaining what happened. “I am sure this is all just a misunderstanding, Prince Matthieu will find you and everything will be ok,” Juliette said. “It’s not even that” Ash responded, “I see this prince who will one day be king of Provence, he is very handsome, and yet I feel nothing.” “That is fine!” said Juliette, “Not everyone experiences love at first sight”. “I have” responded Ash. “With whom have you?” asked Juliette. Ash’s heart was beating harder than it ever had before. She took a deep breath before delicately saying “You.”. Juliette immediately directed the horses to pull the carriage to the side of the dirt road. “You’ve managed to surprise even I,” she said. They locked eyes before passionately kissing for a brief moment. “It’s not safe for us here, we must go elsewhere,” Juliette said. Ash nodded her head in agreement, her heart filled with love, happiness, and peace for the first time since she was a child, and both of her parents were alive.

The next morning, bewildered by the events which took place the prior night and unable to find Ash, Matthieu returned to Monaco after claiming political asylum. Anna, Mila, and Mia were bankrupted and wanted for tax evasion, and fled to Castile, never to be heard from again. Le Roi Jean-Luc Côte, late in his years and severely distressed by the loss of his son to an enemy state, died just days later. Upon his death, Matthieu returned to Provence to take the throne and declared peace with Monaco. Immediately following Matthieu’s accession to the throne, Normandy, where Ash and Juliette fled, united with Provence to create France. Ash and Juliette returned to Provence and built a cottage on the outskirts of Marseille. Their gratitude for Roi Matthieu leads Juliette to Monaco where she finds Matthieu’s old lover, Gabrielle, and leads her back to Provence. Matthieu and Gabrielle had three children together and they all lived happily ever after.