dystopianlexa

[dystopianlexa]

for one without the other is only half of me, and if you love me, love all of me.  ( x )

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Following Lexa into the tent, Clarke stayed only an inch away from the woman as she wasn’t sure how Lexa would react. Silently, she looked around the tent as they both stepped inside. Noticing the way Lexa looked over everything, the blonde was quiet. She felt like she was encroaching on her space. Clarke looked at the maps then to the wooden throne. Her eyebrows crinkled as she looked over at the throne on the dais.

Clarke glanced to the brunette before moving closer to the throne. She inspected the wood and looked closer at the carving. The blonde was about to question it when Lexa spoke about something to give her. Turning back to the brunette, she raised her eyebrows and stepped away from the throne to walk over to Lexa. Clarke looked to the trunk as it was opened to reveal a crossbow. Her eyebrows rose as she looked at the weapon. Reaching out, she hesitantly took the crossbow before looking at Lexa. “Are you sure?” She asked softly.

Swallowing, she eyed Lexa’s face for a moment. “Thank you,” she whispered. Clarke took Lexa’s hand gently and squeezed it. “It might need some adjustments but I can handle that. I just need some tools if we have some here.”

“I’m sure,” Lexa smiled as Clarke took the crossbow from her and examined it. It would be a great addition to their collection of weapons. Additionally, should Clarke ever tire of using the bow, the crossbow was the ideal replacement. “You can find tools in the trunk when you’re ready to make adjustments. You’re welcome. I bet your shoulder would enjoy the respite from the bow after today.” Feeling like she was being weighed down by her weapons and protective gear, Lexa slowly unbuckled and removed them to a pile near the trunk for the time being.

“I saw that the throne got your attention. Beautiful work, isn’t it? After I was chosen to be Commander, it was eventually gifted to me. A Commander deserved a throne, they said. Before I knew it, I was donned in full regalia - war paint included. If you thought I was intimidating the first time we met, you haven’t seen me as Heda. Maybe later I can show you.”

Rolling her shoulders back, Lexa sighed tiredly wishing to drop into her old bed but knew she couldn’t just yet. “I wonder if the showers are still working,” she murmured to herself before wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist. “Let’s wash up. There’s a shower stall we can test out nearby. Sounds good?” Her fingers busied themselves by helping Clarke get her gear off as well. 

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

“She was important to you,” Clarke replied as she took Lexa’s hand. Intertwining their fingers, she stepped close to Lexa to meet her halfway. The blonde returned her kiss and cupped her cheek as she stayed close to the Commander. She went to slide her hand to the back of Lexa’s neck when the woman pulled away from her. Clarke frowned at the distance out between them. At Lexa’s comment, though, she relaxed against the brunette.

Clarke nodded to Lexa, appreciating that the woman wasn’t retreating from her. She glanced at a few buildings. “Lead the way,” she replied to her as she rested her hand on Lexa’s back gently. They could relax and just rest from the day they had. The blonde knew it had been necessary for Lexa to take care of this, but she wondered how reckless it was. They both could’ve been hurt badly. As it was, they had a scare today with Lexa freezing up they way she did.

It wasn’t the time to discuss what happened entirely, though. They needed to rest, and maybe Clarke could ask Lexa about the camp some more. Maybe learn a little more of the group who had lived here and suddenly been taken over by a horde. She took a breath as she walked with the brunette. Clarke always felt like they were never safe, but she also knew it was how they had to stay diligent.

Lexa inclined her head before leading the way over to the large tent that she had once called home. Her muscles loosened some under the hand Clarke rested on her lower back. It was like an anchor keeping her secure and present.

Opening the flaps of her tent, Lexa led Clarke inside before pausing to take in the new surroundings. It felt like stepping back into the past as everything was still in place. Dusty, but the same. The table with maps, candles, carving tools, and the wooden throne upon the dais was unmissable. “Wow, nothing has been disturbed.”

Nostalgia hit her as she walked deeper into the tent to look in the back corner where her bedroom was curtained off. “I haven't mentioned this to you before, but there was something I’ve been hoping I could give you.” Opening a large trunk, Lexa grinned as she lifted a crossbow out and turned to present it to Clarke. “This is yours.”

[dystopianlexa]

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Handing the torch to Lexa, the blonde watched her silently. She knew the woman needed time. Clarke touched her back to let her know she was still there with her. When the words left Lexa’s mouth, she didn’t understand them; they obviously meant something to her. Silently, she stepped back as the fire started. Clarke went to the other side and started the fire over there as well.

Clarke returned to Lexa’s side. Raising her eyebrows, she looked to Lexa as the words left the brunette’s mouth. She swallowed some. “It would’ve been a different time,” she replied softly. “But no one can say what would’ve happened then.” Clarke took Lexa’s hand and raised her hand to kiss her knuckles.

“Love always had a place,” she whispered agianst her skin. “It still does. You have it with me.” Clarke cupped her cheek and pressed her forehead against Lexa’s. “I love you and I will be here. I am here.” She pulled her close to hug her.

Lexa breathed in the scent of charred wood and flesh, slowly letting it fill her lungs before releasing it with a heavy sigh. With lips pressed against her knuckles, Lexa inclined her head at Clarke. There was no telling what could’ve happened if they had met at a different time. It was useless to wonder about. They had found each other and fell in love. 

“Because of you, I realize that now. I felt love for my people and was so consumed with being Commander. I wanted to protect them and I was afraid that loving someone would get in the way. Make me selfish.” Unfortunately, a fateful decision and disloyalty had been their downfall. A bitter laugh sounded as she rested her forehead against Clarke’s. “Costia deserved better though. She died alone and… I just wonder if that could’ve been prevented if I had allowed myself to love her back.” Leaning back, Lexa gave a small shake of her head as she reached to hold both of Clarke’s hands. “Sorry, must be weird to hear me talk about someone else. Thank you for being here. I love you, too.”

She leaned in to peck Clarke’s lips, lingering to savor the closeness before a sudden chill made her pull back. It made her aware of how exhausted and weak her body felt. “Damn, there goes the last of the adrenaline.” Lexa tiredly chuckled before sliding an arm around Clarke’s waist before leading her away from the burning pyre. “My people have been put to rest. I am finished here. Let’s go clean up and eat. I want to show you my old space. The tent is still standing and everything should still be where I left it.”

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Clarke smiled some to Lexa and nodded as she hugged her in return. ”I’m glad you’re okay,” she commented. She cupped her cheek and watched the brunette for a moment. The blonde arched her eyebrow though at her dismissal. Of course, Lexa was trying to divert attention from herself.

Taking a slow breath, she glanced around the area. Clarke nodded to her. ”It’s possible to do pretty quickly,” she acknowledged to her. Silently, she turned away so she could scan the area some more. ”Split up or stay together?”

After a few hours of searching, they found enough supplies for a pyre. Clarke would be preferred to burn bodies. It could keep the place clean. Looking at Lexa, she took a breath. ”Do you want to light it?” She inquired as she held out the makeshift torch.

It wasn’t quick work like Clarke had made it sound, but between the two of them, they managed to move the bodies within a few hours and place them all together for the mass pyre. It had been a tough emotional task for Lexa as she recognized almost every body they had dragged. Before, she had been fighting to survive as she took those that have been turned down. The recognition was there, but she couldn’t focus on it too much. At least, not until she was faced with Costia. 

“I would,” Lexa nodded as she took the lit torch from Clarke. It felt surreal to stand beside Clarke in what used to be her village and to hold a cremation for her dead people. It was surreal that with Clarke’s help, Lexa had actually done what she’s been longing to do. She could move forward having put her people and her past to rest. “Yu gonplei ste odon,” it took a moment to recall the words of the developing language they had created among themselves. Stepping forward, she lowered the torch and set the pyre ablaze before tossing it on top.

For several minutes, Lexa remained silent as she allowed herself to mourn and accept the closure it offered. “I sometimes wonder if it would’ve been better or worse if you had met me when I was Commander of this village. I think you would’ve liked it here if it hadn’t been fated to become overrun. I had been so focused on being a leader though. I didn’t…” Lexa pursed her lips. “Maybe with more time, I may have allowed myself to be something more, but... “ She shook her head trying to put words together to help Clarke understand. “I was loved by someone. Costia. That’s who I saw that made me freeze up earlier. She was in love with me and wanted to be with me, but I wouldn’t let her. I was uncertain if love had a place in this world, a place in my life as Commander.”

[dystopianlexa]

Wherever we’re standing, I won’t take you for granted ‘Cause we’ll never know when, when we’ll run out of time

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Clarke watched Lexa as the woman approached her. She reached out to take her hand before the brunette fell to her knees. The blonde slid her hand into her hair then and pulled her closer.

“You’re safe,” she whispered. “It’s done.” The blonde slid her fingers through her hair as she just focused on Lexa. Clarke glanced around a few times to check their surroundings. She knew Lexa needed to grieve. This was her people.

Silently, she took Lexa’s hand gently. “Are you hurt?” She asked then. “Did they hurt you? I know you were scrambling to get on the roof.”

Her shoulders shuddered as she quietly wept against Clarke’s stomach. It had been a long time suppressing her grief and guilt after the failed suicide attempt. It had weighed her down heavily and made it near impossible to find reasons to go on. Instead, she harbored the self-hate to herself and shielded her crumbled heart. Her longing to go back and put her people to rest had pushed her to continue surviving in this dystopian world.

“Huh?” Lexa sniffled when the tears eventually slowed once Clarke tenderly held her hand in a silent show of support. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. It was close when they got ahold of my ankle, but I managed to kick them off. Tore through the jeans with their nails, I think.” It was hardly a concern when Lexa knew just how much worst off she could have been. Squeezing Clarke’s hips, Lexa took a shuddering breath before slowly rising back up to her feet to wrap her arms around her person that turned out to be her rock.

“Don’t worry. You can play doctor after we confirm that we got everyone and maybe try to create a pyre? It’s a lot of work, I know, between the two of us, but… I don’t know. I can’t just leave their bodies on the ground like this.” Lexa frowned as she looked over Clarke’s shoulder to all the bodies that covered most of the open area. Her heart ached at the sight. “Maybe if we burn them, it can be a safe place again for any group of survivors that comes across it.”

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Clarke cursed as she watched Lexa. The blonde continuously fired her bullets into the walkers to keep them off of the brunette. She grit her teeth for a moment before watching Lexa. Moving down the wall, she gunned down more walkers until she was out. Clarke took a deep breath and jumped down from the wall with her stuff.

She wasn’t about to let Lexa be alone. Grabbing the arrows from the walker’s heads, she yanked them out and quickly fired them into other walkers. The blonde glanced to Lexa. She wasn’t sure how to help, but she kept working at the walkers one by one as fast as she could.

Seeing that Clarke had dropped down to retrieve her arrows to take down some of the walkers from behind had pushed her to quickly climb up to the tavern’s low-hung roof. She wrapped her limbs around the porch’s framework and pulled herself up the post until her hands reached the edge of the roof. Before she could make anymore process the horde had reached her, their arms outstretched in an attempt to grab her legs. 

She slid down the post somewhat when her boot was seized by eager hands. She gritted her teeth when rough fingernails dug sharply into her ankle tearing partially through her jeans. She held on tightly and flailed her legs out of their grasps until she was able to kick them back enough to finally pull herself safely on top of the roof. 

Breathing heavy, Lexa took a quick minute to silently feel grateful that she had made it onto the roof intact. Jumping onto her feet, she pulled out her handgun and aimed down at the group before firing. One by one, they fell to the ground with a bullet to the head. After a reload, Lexa took down the last of the horde that had cornered her. There were likely a few more walkers scattered around or trapped inside a few homes, but they had done it. 

Carefully, Lexa lowered herself back to the ground to step over the slain bodies to rejoin Clarke. “Clarke, are you okay? I…” Lexa trailed off as the reality of the situation hit her. She fell to her knees in front of Clarke, her impassive facade suddenly breaking when something inside her shifted. At long last, tears trailed down her cheeks as her forehead came to a rest against Clarke’s abdomen. 

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Taking the extra gun, she glanced to Lexa. Clarke kept trying to keep the dead away from her as they moved towards sound and the smell of fresh blood. She kept steady aim as she shot each one in the head. The blonde tried to keep an eye on Lexa, but the amount of dead walking around was almost too much. They should’ve had more ammo. She grit her teeth before trying to keep their attention.

Clarke glanced up in time to see Lexa freeze. She didn’t know the reason, but she knew it was enough to stop the commander in her tracks. The blonde took out the walkers behind her, firing constantly. “Lexa!” She shouted. “Move… Please keep moving. I can’t keep them all off of you.” Looking to the walkers, she kept trying to keep taking out each walker still moving.

She cursed to the air as she watched all of them moving in two different directions. Clarke grit her teeth and focused on Lexa, trying to keep the ones behind her away. “Lexa… please move.”

Costia’s throat looked like it had been torn out which suggested that was how she had died. Lexa had to swallow down the sudden urge to throw up. Guilt nagged at her. Maybe if she hadn’t listened to Anya and had stayed longer to help get some of her people out, maybe she could have prevented Costia’s death. She didn’t deserve to experience such a horrifying death and all alone. 

It was Clarke’s yelling and Costia’s snapping her teeth at the hand she had subconsciously raised that brought her back to the present. Lexa pulled her hand back in time, her body tensing as she noticed the sound of the bodies hitting the ground uncomfortably close to her. 

“You deserved better,” Lexa whispered softly, before stepping back and driving her sword through the skull. Once the village was cleared, Lexa could finally lay her to rest along with her people. Lexa gently guided the body down to the ground before turning to scan how surrounded she was. Instantly, she cut down a few walkers that were almost on top of her before running over to the next rifle lying on the ground. Lexa joined CLarke in gunning down more of the horde until unexpectedly the gun had jammed on her. 

She cursed and threw down the gun as she was forced back near a building that used to be an Old Wild West tavern. Lexa knew she was in trouble and would be cornered with nowhere to go soon. Her eyes rapidly searched for options before settling on the low hanging roof. She could try climbing up to it but it would leave her exposed during the process. 

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Glancing to Lexa, Clarke nodded to her. “One step at a time,” she commented. Looking at the walkers, she tried to keep the walkers away from Lexa. She watched her flinch some and frowned. The blonde kept her quiet though as she took out the walkers.

Clarke squinted as a few were starting to follow Lexa. She fired off arrows to take them out before focusing on keeping Lexa protected. Quietly, she kept firing until she was out as well. “I’m out Lexa,” she commented to her. Taking her own rifle, she took aim and carefully fired to take out the walkers.

Lexa was surprised to hear that Clarke had already gone quickly through the arrows despite having made extra for her. Perhaps a critical miscalculation had been made on her part. Gritting her teeth, Lexa continued onward, there was no going back now. It had to end today. 

When she cleared a way close to one of the rifles on the ground, she swiftly hilted her sword and picked it up. A burst of bullets quickly mowed down a group of walkers. Lexa flicked on the safety before tossing it up onto the barrier where Clarke was. An extra gun to continue covering her from above. Almost like a vengeful guardian angel, Lexa thought.

There might still be a few scattered throughout the village, but steadily they were wilting down the large horde in the open area. It was looking completely possible that they would get through this and finally put her people to rest. 

Lexa drew her sword back out when another walker approached her, she turned to meet them before freezing on the spot when familiar but cloudy dead eyes met hers. 

“Costia?” Lexa gasped out.

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Clarke fired off arrow after arrow into the walkers. She didn’t know them, but she knew Lexa did. The blonde glanced to her a few times in between taking out the walkers. Silently, she swallowed thickly. She heard her and glanced between the walkers and then Lexa.

Silently, she glanced to the group and started taking out the ones outside of the group instead. They needed to get rid of the piling up. Clarke moved on the barrier slowly and watched the walkers moving. She was surprised how they moved through the compound.

A few minutes later, a click sounded when the rifle’s trigger was pulled. “I’m out of ammo.” Lowering the rifle, she set it down on the grated upper floor before withdrawing her sword. She paused for a moment with a heavy sigh preparing to face the walking corpses of her dead people up close and personal. 

So far, Lexa has yet to spot Anya or even Costia. It was unknown what had happened to them. Costia had been swallowed up in the chaos and Anya had urged her to escape the village.  “I’m going to go down and take out as many as I can. Watch my back?”

Lexa armed herself with her handgun as well just in case she got into a tricky situation. Cautiously, the former soldier climbed down the stairs and swiftly decapitated a walker from behind. She winced internationally at dismembering someone she once swore to protect. “I’m sorry,” she whispered before cutting down a few more walkers.

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Clarke nodded to Lexa though she would’ve preferred being a little more silent. The blonde closed her eyes briefly as the first shot was fired. Taking a slow breath, she lined up her arrow and took the shot. She was quick with reloading before aiming for another. The blonde took down four in a row and glanced to Lexa.

“How are you doing?” She asked then. “Do I need to clear a path for you?” The blonde glanced to a few guns on the ground and frowned some. They could use those, but how was she going to distract the horde. “Hold your fire.” She stayed before trying to look around. “I can cover you if you want to drop down for the guns.”

Lexa fired another shot feeling the rifle recoil against her shoulder. The familiar kick-back reminded Lexa of her Military days before she ended up preferring to use a sword against the undead. It sacrificed silence and risked alerting any walkers outside the walls, but it was better to use what long-range weapons they had before facing them head-on. 

“I’ll go down when I’m out of ammo for the rifle.”

Lexa lowered the weapon to reload. She gritted her teeth at the sight of her fingers shaking before forcing them to still. Once Lexa had done what she came here to do, then she could deal with her suppressed grief.

“It’s like I’m back in the Army, but the targets I’m sniping are my people - friends, neighbors, innocents. Defenseless.”

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

The blonde smiled to Lexa and cupped her cheek gently. Leaning in, she met the brunette then and hugged her. Silently, she kissed her softly. She hugged her tighter before pulling back. Watching her, she waited until the woman was up. She went to the edge before jumping up to take Lexa’s hand. She moved up to the edge. Glancing to the group, she took a slow breath.

Clarke looked back to Lexa. “Scoping,” she stated softly. “There are many blocked exits… looks like the place has been falling down. So we have to be careful. What is it you want to do? Are we taking them out?” She eyed the brunette for a moment.

Grabbing ahold of Clarke’s hands, Lexa grunted as she pulled her up and over the wall. Her feet slipped down to stand on the lookout level that went along the barrier and led to stairs that went down. Removing the rifle from her back, Lexa squatted down and silently observed the undead and the changes to her village.

“That’s the plan. We have the vantage point and thankfully they don’t seem to know how to climb up the stairs still. We take out as many as we can with your bow and my rifle. I do have less ammo than the number of arrows you have. I’ll eventually have to rely on my sword and handgun for the rest.”

Swallowing deeply, Lexa looked through the sights, ignoring the ache in her heart, before pulling the trigger when she lined up for a headshot. She blew out a breath at the jerk of the recoil. It had been some time since being able to use a rifle. It took her back to her Military days. 

“Actually, if we clear the way, I could use the weapons I have stored in my tent or the guard’s rifles that are in the armory and on the ground where they’ve fallen,” she whispered as she pointed out the scattered weapons on the ground where her guards had been killed by the attackers and the horde. 

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Clarke eyed her face for a moment. She understood Lexa’s want for this. The blonde was able to have her closure with her people. Lexa needed this. Nodding slowly, she leaned in to press her head to Lexa’s. “We’ll do this,” she commented. “But promise me we do this together. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Silently, she followed her and made sure all of the arrows were secure. Clarke was quiet before walking up to the walls. She eyed the area and glanced to Lexa. Giving her a nod, she smiled slightly. “Work together and we can get this done,” she commented softly. “I’m right here.” She reached out to squeeze her shoulder gently.

“Together,” Lexa inclined her head against Clarke’s before her hands lifted to cup her face between them. Her thumbs gently stroked over the blonde’s cheekbone. “I promise.” For a moment, she let her eyes fall close and inhaled a calming breath as the sounds of moans and growls could be heard behind the walls. “I love you,” she murmured before brushing her lips over Clarke’s, lovingly kissing her with all of her heart. She savored the connection. Clarke was her present, her future, her something to live for. 

After releasing Clarke from her hold, Lexa carefully climbed up the slanted pole until she reached the top of the wall. Her heart lurched as the familiar sight of her village came in view. Decomposing bodies littered the ground while the undead trampled over the remains of her people and the former safe haven. Tearing her eyes away from the depressing sight, she was pleased to find that the walkers hadn’t learned how to walk up the stairs leaving the upper level clear for them. Folding herself on top of the wall, she carefully leaned over and stretched out her hands for Clarke to grab ahold. “Okay, jump up and grab my hands.”

[dystopianlexa]

that’s what we crave (insp.)

[dystopianlexa]

apocalyptic-clarke​:

Clarke smiled warmly to the brunette. Kissing her slowly, she chuckled some to her. She slipped her arms around her girlfriend to sink into her as she felt Lexa’s fingers slip inside of her. Moaning softly, she rolled her hips into the brunette’s hand slowly. She relaxed with her and sunk into the state bliss with the multiple orgasms throughout the night.

The blonde stood by the counter as she looked over what they had. “Do you have your supplies?” She asked softly. Silently, she looked over her items and checked her bow. Clarke took a slow breath before turning to stare at Lexa. “You’re completely sure about this?” She asked then.

Lexa triple-checked her weapons and gear before giving Clarke a small but resolute nod. For the past few days, Lexa had gradually grown more reserved as the time to confront her past and her undead people loomed closer. “I think we’re as prepared and well-armed as we can be for this.” Adjusting the rifle on her back, Lexa blew out a tensed breath before turning to Clarke, her hand rising to gently cup her cheek. “If we’re going to have a future together, then I need to do this. I need to be able to let go of the past and find closure. I tire of feeling haunted by it all the time.”

Lexa led the way from the house past the smoke rack she had built to the walls that kept the undead trapped inside her former village. She eyed the thick wooden poles that propped the walls. “I think I’m going to climb up one of the poles to reach the top of the wall. When I do I’ll turn around and pull you up.” Nervously biting her lip, she turned to Clarke and pressed her forehead against hers. “This is it. Ready to put that bow to good use?”