dyyspathy

[dyyspathy]

i missed you

[dyyspathy]

hello it’s been forever since i’ve been on here but i’ve reread so much and felt so much and here i am. 25 years old

[dyyspathy]

i’ve been struggling so much lately and the only thing i can do is avoid the people/behaviors that send me spiraling. my friend group has fallen apart because of one decision i made, and this time i feel really sure that it won’t recover - at least, not with me as a part of it. facing the reality that the friends i’ve had for the past 4-5 years are not really my friends has been the most difficult thing i’ve had to come to terms with. watching them blissfully continue their lives as they shut me out has been incredibly painful. blocking & unfollowing will only cause drama so i’ve just gone the muting route. taking a break from them on social media is what i have to do to heal. i have to focus on my new home i’m moving to in a few months, my relationships that actually matter, with people that actually care about me and make an effort with me. this friend group has been so mentally & emotionally draining to keep together these past 5 years. i’ve sacrificed so much of myself, and put so much effort in for people that are willing to throw it away.... i’m done. no more wasted energy. no more reaching out to receive nothing in return. no more questions, texts, likes, replies, anything to remind them i’m here and i love them.... no more. i have to take care of myself, which means moving on from these toxic relationships, as you would do with a lover that wasn’t right for you. moving on.

[dyyspathy]

maine June 2019

[dyyspathy]

you ever feel like you don’t have friends because they never invite you to hangout or include you in anything even though you’ve been the central part of a “girl gang” for the past 4 years

because same.

[dyyspathy]

not sure where else to write this except for here, but i need to get it out.

lately i have been struggling with my body image and weight. i’m currently at my heaviest (108 lbs) which is not at all FAT, but for someone who is barely 5 ft and has always teetered between 95 - 98 lbs, i can physically see and feel the difference. it’s because i’m in a healthy relationship where we love to go out to eat and cook together, i’m working a job where i am more financially stable + they feed me every day. i have been going to the gym intermittently since october and have recently tried to make it more of a habit. when i went to the doctors 2 months ago i was shocked when they weighed me in at 106. i thought i was pregnant. definitely not, just gaining weight.

i know i am not unhealthy, but i don’t like how i look. i’m not slender or lean anymore, my fat hips stick out from the sides of my jeans and anything tucked in just makes me look pregnant. yes my ass is fat but it’s always been that way even at my lowest weight. i know the solution to this is not to eat less and workout more, but that’s all i want to do. i’m trying to give myself a balance of yoga, lifting, resting, and working out so i don’t overdo it. each time i go to the gym and do weights i feel more confident. i know i’m not fat but i am just not happy with my body. i want to lose this extra random 8-10 pounds of love weight and be sexy and slim for summer. i want to feel good in a tube top or a bikini showing off my new rib tattoo. i want to dress cute for work in skirts and shorts and feel confident.

this has been long winded and pointless i just had to put this somewhere along with this pic of myself from after i went to the gym last night so i can remember the progress im so desperately trying to make

[dyyspathy]

i hardly use tumblr anymore and i don’t see myself doing so for much longer, but i wanted to take a moment to express how full my heart is this year. i’m surrounded by amazing friends, a loving boyfriend, and my wonderful family. my sister is having a baby girl and i could not be more thrilled. my life has taken a million unexpected turns but finally i feel at peace. finally i’m not searching, yearning, for something more. everything i’ve ever wanted is right in front of me. i’m completely blessed 💜

[dyyspathy]

Just wanna say I'm really happy that you seem like you're in a good place!!

i am very happy, thank you!!

[dyyspathy]

my ❤️

[dyyspathy]

crazy how this time last year I was losing my mind over someone who wasn’t good for me and fighting to repair something that was already too broken to be fixed. 1 year later and I’m in love with an amazing guy who’s so emotionally available, thoughtful, kind and tender hearted. I’ve never been happier

[dyyspathy]

im happy and in love

[dyyspathy]

[dyyspathy]

i must be really scary

[dyyspathy]

[dyyspathy]

“If love ever knocks at your door, please be grateful and take on the chance to be happy. Moments like these are too precious to be wasted.”

— Real Love | Estevão Fernando (via stoic-words)

[dyyspathy]

Jonas Wood (American, b. 1977), Jungle Kitchen, 2017. Oil and acrylic on canvas, 100 x 93 in.

[dyyspathy]