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dzmoot · 7 days ago

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A VERY, VERY DANGEROUS GAME

Now the Wanderer felt very woozy after drinking the tea Setch gave him. In fact, it made everything around him start spinning and before you knew it, he was knocked out cold as if he were bludgeoned over the head by a large anvil. He awoke to a breeze down his neck and what sounded like the leaves of trees dancing in the wind, bird chirping and bugs flying around his face.

How did I end up outside?

He got to his feet but his eyes weren't entirely open but when he was fully cognitive, he realized he was in his birthday suit.

Why was he like this? Who could have done this to him? Then he recalled what Prince Kazaltar had said to him the day prior.

They’re implanted in the middle of the nearby wilderness, left to fend for themselves for a small period of time. I have a variety of traps and a pack of ravenous voorynas to assist me in the hunting, but sometimes, a potent shot from my rifle gets the job accomplished swiftly. There is a creature I wish to hunt tomorrow.

And the Wanderer came to the great realization that HE himself was the creature that was to be hunted.

Okay, it can't be all that bad. There's traps and stuff set up, yes, but I can overcome them. I just have to find where they are.

He took a few steps forward, scared that he might set off one of these traps but upon realizing there was nothing nearby, he made a dash. He climbed up a tree to get a good look at what he was dealing with exactly and that's when he saw them, patrolling the grounds below. They were called voorynas, vicious sharp toothed creatures the size of Great Danes who had enough eyes to see for miles.

The Wanderer realized that his vibrant blue appearance stood out too prominently against the backdrop of the luscious leafy green forest, so he decided to cover himself in mud, leaves and branches to better blend in with his environment and wielded a longer branch with a whetted tip to defend himself. He even created a mask from one of the giant leaves that sprouted from the mighty prazilitor tree.

Okay, Kazaltar, give me your worst!

Kazaltar was nearby, his trusty rifle in his hands. He tiptoed like Elmer Fudd and made a shhhhing noise to keep Setch, who was nearby quiet.

I'm hunting that Wanderer fellow. It's not everyday you get to add a rare Mezarp to your collection, no less one that walks upright and talks!

The Wanderer stood still as if he was part of nature itself, behind the trees, amongst the exotic plants and when the voorynas got closer and closer, he used Kazaltar's own net traps against them, entangling them in a clustered heap. He even impaled some of them with his twig weapon. However, there was one trap he couldn't avoid, a large pit which he plummeted into. Luckily, he was able to avoid the spikes at the very bottom and that's when he realized that his tail and long ears could prove useful in helping him avoid the hazards.

He used his ears like wings to flap away and flew high above the treetops. When he saw more voorynas approaching, he quickly flew down and used his ears and tail like whips to knock them out and send them flying into the air, some down into the spiky pits to their doom. Then, when all seemed well and good, he accidentally triggered a trap which send a long lasso like tendril twisting around his neck like a cord, violently pinning him against a hard tree trunk and cutting off his air supply. He was being hanged! As he slowly drifted out of consciousness, he began to experience another one of his funky dreams.

He was seated at a table along with what appeared to be alternate versions of himself. There was a mouse, a cat, a version with horns, even a human with glasses. They were all speaking in a muffled voice but overtime, he was able to make out what they were saying.

It's time to join us! Come be with us, ZAPPY, forever, and ever and ever!

Just then, a massive worm monster bursted through the table, sending all the creatures and food soaring into the air. The worm had a monstrous blue face with a mouth full of dagger like teeth.

It lunged towards the Wanderer, who realized his true name was Zappy and as it did, it morphed into the wormy god he had seen in his previous dream. Just then, he felt something gnawing away at his neck and air started filling his lungs once more. His eyes opened slowly and as they looked down, he saw a small creature chewing away at the tendril strangling him. It was a spider, or a dog. A dog spider? When the tendril was chewed enough, Zappy the Wanderer plummeted to the ground as the dog spider started excitedly licking his face and sniffing him. It was almost like he recognized him.

Where did you come from, little fella?

The little creature barked and twirled around in a circle as he ran into the distance, taking Zappy farther into the woods. He was nervous that the dog spider's yapping would alert the remaining voorynas to his location but he followed him nonetheless and the little creature led him to a small leafy tent. As he kneeled down towards the tent, he was greeted by, a talking teacup on a spring!? It was the head of a robot.

Ah, Zappy! It's good to see you again, old chap! I was certainly hoping at least one crew member survived the crash! Well done, Webster!

Zappy was so puzzled, his puzzler became sore.

Zappy? What's going on? How do you know me? Who am I? Who are you?

The robot head looked puzzled himself, in a robot kind of way.

It's me, Cino and this is Webster. Our ship crashed here several weeks ago and we've been stranded here ever since and one of those retched beasts ripped my body to spare parts!

Webster drew Cino's attention to the large healing gash on the back of Zappy's head. It didn't take Cino long to figure out what had happened.

Why Zappy, you've lost your memory, haven't you. You've forgotten about everything that's transpired, all your adventures, all your times with your Tuun family. It's a shame, we were all going to see what this so called "Moon of Toons" was truly about.

Zappy made a sour face.

What are you talking about? I don't understand any of this!

Cino then went onto explain everything that had happened leading up to their arrival on Raxium Nor, explaining Zappy's home moon of Namasis and his friends. He also told them about their adventure on Dinhcara and the moments that led up to the fateful crash.

They all were quite looking forward to the adventures that stretched out ahead of them like a red carpet. Even if danger lurked around the corner, they would face it together, Tuuns and Spiders alike!

Zappy was happy, yes, but his mind couldn’t quite get past the image of the Mezarp in that cage. He wondered tremendously, was there more to being this Sacred Rabbit Son of Zantu than he originally thought?

I gotta find the truth!

All of a sudden, Yam Yam came up from behind him and clunked him over the head with his wand, telling him he was ruining the moment!

I just can't help but think about that creature I saw back on Dinhcara, in the cage in the queen's treasure trove. It's like, we had some sort of connection.

Yam Yam put his hand on Zappy's shoulder.

Don't dwell on it. It was probably just a coincidence. I mean, there's probably plenty of creatures in the known universe that have a resemblance to you!

Zappy's head sank into his hands.

You're probably right, but just to be sure, I've got an idea.

After a few more pitstops on some smaller worlds like Slorsh and Tribblenax, Zappy turned to the robotic assistant Cino to cycle through the ship's encyclopedic files to see if any information on the Mezarp showed up. All he was able to find was that the Mezarp were a warm blooded mammal belonging to both the orders Lagomorpha and Diprotodontia which dwelled on the canyon world of Arnizap.

Wait a minute. Arnizap? Zappy? There has to be a connection!

Cino then informed Zappy that Arnizap was destroyed several years ago, taking most of the Mezarp with it, begging the question as to how the rest were able to survive, like the one in Queen Aggamillia's trove. Before Cino could do any further research, the ship was met with a sudden lash which jerked the ship uncontrollably for several moments. Upon looking out into space on the view screen, the spiders and Tuuns saw the menace that was causing the intense rumbling, a giant alien cephalopod.

That's one ugly calamari!

Try as they did to break free of the menace's tight tentacle grip but all it did was cause the Nova Pearl 2 to sustain further damage to its hull. With one mighty burst from the ship's thrusters, the ship was able to break free from its grasp but it was sent hurling towards the nearest planet....

It all became clear as day to Zappy.

I knew it. All those things I seen floating in my brain. When my head hit that tree, it was like my mind got shattered to a million pieces and I'm trying to put them all back together again. What happened to my friends?

Cino frowned as Webster let out a sad whimper.

One of the ship's engines exploded, coating everyone in a sort of residual paste. Webster and I tried vigorously to get it off but it was too hard and layered on thick, almost like cement. Then these gentlemen in green suits came and hauled them all away. That's when Webster and I made our way into the forest. We've been here ever since. I'm a robot, so I don't eat but poor Webster has to eat off the bugs he sees. He needs some proper replenishment fluid.

Zappy turned away for a brief moment, trying to recall the times he and his friends had together, but nothing came to his mind. He couldn't even remember their names. Webster came to Zappy's side as he kneeled down again and buried his face in his hands. Cino bounced his way over to his fellow comrade.

Don't grieve for them, Zappy. Try to remember the good times and....

Zappy snapped.

REMEMBER!? I CAN'T REMEMBER A DAMN THING, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!

Just then, they all heard a noise, like someone or something rustling in the nearby bushes. Cino and Webster quickly made their way back to their leafy tent as Zappy tried to blend in with the nearby foliage. A vooryna emerged, this one looking much more feral and fierce than the last ones Zappy encountered.

The vicious monster made his way over to the leafy tent and stepped over Cino's head, crushing it to smithereens as it took poor Webster into his mouth. Webster squealed in terrible pain as it bit down on his soft, tiny body but Zappy, angered as ever that the small critter was under attack emerged and attacked the mighty vooryna with all his might. As he thrashed and lashed at the creature with his ears and pummeled it in the face repeatedly with his propeller tail, the creature spat Webster out onto the ground. Then, after realizing that what remained of Cino was pulverized began to hurl the shards at the beast, cutting into its eyes and blinding it. As the vooryna retreated in pain, Zappy grabbed Webster and flew away. He was a bit saddened that Cino was destroyed but grateful he was able to give him some insight into his shaded past. Now Zappy realized what he had to do. He was going to hunt down and defeat Kazaltar himself.

Kazaltar had gotten wind of Zappy's handiwork and saw all the dead voorynas he left in his wake and all the traps he was able to avoid. Then he made his way to the mighty vooryna which had just recently succumbed to its injuries . It turned out that it was his very favorite of the pack.

Dear Acclomoris! Oh how I shall forever miss your companionship and loyalty. You are one with Silvamora now. Wanderer, I shall unleash my greatest vengeance onto your determined spirit. You shall not leave this wilderness with your heart still beating! Setch, you are needed!

And Setch appeared from behind his master. He made his usual unique alien grunt as the prince pulled a mysterious metallic object from out his backpack.

And I despise doing away with the trees out here, but I am required to do what I must to get what I must!

Setch placed the object onto his tiny wrist and out sprang a large saw blade, making an eery drilling sound as it spun around.

Soon after, the trees started falling backwards and all the birds who had taken up residence in those trees were forced to fly elsewhere. From above, Zappy saw the trees tumbling over and deduced what was causing it. He made his way back down to the surface, Webster still in his grasp as he caught a glimpse of Kazaltar, although he couldn't go near him because of Setch's massive buzzsaw which would have surely cut him to ribbons if he had gotten any closer. Then, he thought of an idea. He looked down at Webster.

Little spidery dude, you can shoot webs, right?

Webster let out another little whimper and bark. Zappy then realized that if he squeezed Webster's abdomen hard enough, he could shoot sticky webs out his behind, almost like poop glue! He grabbed Webster and pointed his rear end in the direction of the buzzsaw. Within just a few moments, the buzzsaw was completely coated in the goo, ceasing operation entirely. Setch dropped the defunct saw onto the ground and ran towards Zappy and Webster as if he were some sort of bloodthirsty rabid beast but a single gunshot was heard and Setch plummeted to the ground, dead as a doornail. Kazaltar wanted the honor of killing Zappy the Wanderer personally and wasn't going to let anyone else do it for him, not even his retched underling.

Well, it seems you have lasted a much greater length of time than I originally anticipated, but there was never one creature placed in this forest that I have failed in hunting down and defeating.

Zappy tried to get to the bottom of Kazaltar's malevolent ways.

Why must you do this, Prince? I'm sure there's another hobby you can take part in that doesn't require hurting anybody.

Kazaltar chuckled.

No, this has all been leading to this very moment in time. I've always wanted a rare Mezarp in my collection and I will not cease until your head is adorned with the other specimens upon the wall! Oh, and that little parasite you hold within your hands at this very moment shall make a far superior lackey to that abysmal Setch!

Webster growled as he sunk back into Zappy's arms.

Well, I'm not going to just let you shoot me and take my little friend here prisoner, you big headed lime for brains! You don't have the cojones to just...

And then it happened, Kazaltar shot Zappy point blank in the chest. Zappy was dead, dead as a doornail, or wait, he was still very much alive and, wouldn't you know it, he was unscathed. He rose to his feet and as Kazaltar stood in bewilderment on how Zappy was still kicking, Zappy bent down and picked up the bullet, still hot. Then he looked down at his own chest and realized there was not a dent or a scratch or a single flesh wound for that matter. How in the world was he able to survive such a brutal assault, especially one so close to the heart? Kazaltar made an angry face and went to fire again but to his shock and horror, there were no more bullets in his gun and he realized that Setch had forgotten to pack more in his bag. In a fit of rage, Kazaltar took his rifle and bent it to the point where it nearly snapped in half. Then, as he noticed Zappy letting out a slight snicker pulled out a sharp knife and charged at him, intent on stabbing him to death.

Zappy repeatedly slapped the prince in the face with one of his ears as Webster tugged on his boot, but the angry prince kicked the spider dog away and proceeded to plunge the knife straight into Zappy's chest, killing him instantly.....wait, the prince looked down upon the knife to see that it was bent.

As Zappy rose from the ground and pushed over the bewildered prince, he came to realize that, for the first time in his life, he had a metallic plate inside his chest. He rapped upon it and it made a metallic dinging sound like taking a spoon and tapping it on a kitchen table. Kazaltar was angrier than ever that he had failed to kill Zappy not once but twice and when all else seemed to fail, he picked up the web ridden buzzsaw and hurled it towards Zappy and Webster, but the two were able to dodge it in time. Without a second thought, Zappy grabbed Webster and made him web Kazaltar's feet to the ground and over his mouth. As the evil prince stood trapped in place, Zappy and Webster made a run for it, back to the royal palace where for the first time, he crossed the courtyard and found the 9 statues he saw so vividly in his memory banks, the 9 friends he once knew all frozen solid. Then a rush of memories came flooding back to him at an enormous rate. He could, for the first time, remember their names, Siobhan, Hampire, Kruonch, Yam Yam, Slinger, Weblette, Eightleggs, Leaps and Itsy Bitsy. He could remember the times they had together back on Namasis and throughout the galaxy.

He looked down at Webster, who was extremely upset upon seeing his spider friends in such a state.

Don't worry, little buddy. We're going to get everyone back to normal, somehow or another.

Then, from out the nearby door, a beautifully dressed Hori mistress came walking out, gazing at the blue lagomorph and his spidery canine. It was the royal Duchess Marathaca.

Well, what have we here? Outer spacemen of some kind. Has my pitiful, devilish nephew been up to his malicious tricks again?

And Zappy and Webster ran up to the Duchess, sinking to their feet as if they were about to kiss her toes.

My lady, queen, princess, whatever you are. You have no idea what we have been through!

Marathaca, who seemed to have been all too familiar with Kazaltar's wicked ways rolled her eyes.

I should have known. I go away for a few weeks and come back to this! This happens every blasted time! Cursed nephew of mine! Where is he, he shall be severally reprimanded, berated, chastised for his cruelty!

Zappy led Marathaca to Kazaltar's location and upon gazing at her nephew for the first time in a while and learning of the torment he put Zappy through, began striking the prince with her bare hands until the green skin upon his face was more of an orangey red.

Forgive me, oh blessed aunt. I am unworthy to be mentioned in the very same breath as you. I shall return to the palace and proceed to whack my own buttocks against a paddle!

Marathaca had Kazaltar by the neck.

I am ashamed to even bear some of the same letters in my name as you! You are hereby stripped of your moniker as prince and shall be reduced to your former rank as senior janitorial manager.

Not too long after, some of the green troopers arrived to take Kazaltar away as Marathaca had Zappy and Webster tended too by the royal medical staff.

Deepest and sincerest apologies for my nephew no longer's behavior. He shall never again spread his horrid hobby to any nook and cranny of this world or any other world for that matter.

Zappy excepted the Duchess' apology and when she asked if there was anything she could do to make it up to him, there was only one thing that came to mine.

My friends are the statues in your courtyard. I'd like to have them, set them free even. I don't know how exactly but I'll find a way.

The Duchess made a face as if she had swallowed an entire plate of poisonous snakes.

Actually, I'm quite fond of those statues in the courtyard. For once, I can honestly say that good for nothing nephew of mine has done something right for a change. I don't think I shall part with them.

Zappy was immediately saddened and confused. He was starting to believe that the Duchess was the polar opposite to the prince but now, she seemed to be in the same boat as him.

But they're my friends. Oh, your majesty, I'll do anything, anything at all to get them back. You just name it, I'll do it.

After much thought, there was one thing that sprung to the Duchess' mind, something Zappy could do for her in exchange for the 9 statues, but it would be a dangerous task and she wasn't quite sure he was up to it.

Yes, now that I ponder more and more on the matter, there is an endeavor I'd like you to pursue for me, Zappy.

Zappy stood up in desperation, ready to take on whatever the Duchess was about to throw at him. She had her men lead him to a sort of makeshift garage where a bright and shiny Cadillac of a chariot lay dormant. Zappy's eyes felt as if they were permanently glued to the object and he knew then and there what the Duchess was going to have him do.

The Great Race is vastly approaching. You are going to ride this chariot to victory. If you arrive at the finish line in first place, I will give you the statues of your friends, perhaps help you to set them free from their stony prisons. If you fail to do so, I'll have no choice but to keep your friends and have you frozen as well as to join them for all eternity!

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dzmoot · 11 days ago

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THE WANDERER OF RAXIUM NOR

Raxium Nor is a planet very much like Earth in many ways, but with a few differences that set it apart. Think of a fairy tale world mixed with Dr. Seuss and a few critters from that movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

The inhabitants of Raxium Nor are the green-skinned, big-eyed Hori. The generic green aliens that spring to mind whenever the term "alien" is muttered originated from them many years ago, and it's rumored that the aliens that crash-landed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 were among these species, although they are very human-like in many ways. You'll find their attire is similar to that of a human, although Hori of a higher class often dress in more elaborate garments, but nearly all of them wear capes. And wouldn't you know it, all their internal organs are in the same alignment as a human (although their brains are more triangular-shaped than round).

Like the humans of old, they ride around on carriages pulled by cethamortifiz instead of horses and eat a steady diet of vegetables and bread pellets with the occasional ball of cheese. You'll rarely find a Hori who eats any sort of meat. Who rules over the Hori? Not a king or queen, but a prince. Prince Kazaltar has inherited the throne from his brother Fazaltar and rules steadily with the Duchess Marathaca and the band of emerald troopers. However, Kazaltar has a very extreme hobby that not too many are aware of...

There was a foreigner present on the planet for some time now. He dwelled up in the mountain regions, and the Hori who looked up only saw faint glimpses of him as they went about their day. He had a little hut made of rocks which he dwelled in, feasting on the purple carrot-like vegetables that grew in the canyons nearby and always getting his share of water from the stream. On certain days, they could get tiny glimpses of him gathering flowers and throwing them into a pond like some sort of game. Who was he? Where did he come from? How exactly did he wind up on Raxium Nor?

To be honest, he really didn't know. Every now and again, he would get tiny glimpses flashing by in his brain like TV channels. He remembered a moon of some kind, a planet of spiders, a ship on fire, people being encased in some sort of cement, forever statues. He remembered waking up in a meadow, the back of his head bleeding and his tail nearly severed from his backside. The pain was unbearable, to say the least.

And the last thing he got a glimpse of in his foggy brain was a little blue creature, sort of a small rabbit and a kangaroo rolled into one. It was in a cage eating what appeared to be lettuce. One night in a dream, he saw this tiny blue creature being experimented on, his body being torn apart and put back together. There were metal and screws being drilled into its bones, and its squeals of pain unnerved the Wanderer so much that he awoke in a frenzy. Was it his own past? After all, he was blue, he did have long ears and a tail, and if he looked very closely at his chest, he could see a tiny scar. He wanted more than anything to find answers to his mysterious past, but first, he had to make his way off this planet and perhaps find that moon he had seen so vividly, albeit briefly, in his scattered memory banks.

It was a typical morning at the royal palace of Kazaltar. He awoke at exactly half past 20, got dressed in his royal princely outfit, and made his way out to the courtyard. He had gotten word that the 9 statues he had acquired from an anonymous seller would be arriving today and went out to see if they had been placed in their desired locations among the quavoltof grass and flowers. Upon looking upon them, he called for his tiny assistant Setch. Setch, an ancient creature Kazaltar acquired during his trip to Noepleiz Speshial, was said to have belonged to Kazaltar's second third uncle.

Setch, would you be ever so kind as to move the largest statue to the location of the second largest statue and move the second largest statue to the former location of the largest statue?

Setch made a sound like a walrus in the stomach of a humpback whale and went straight to work. It took him a good hour or so, and the pompous prince just stood there and watched, not offering any assistance to the frail, tiny creature, but sure enough, Setch was successful in rearranging the statues. Soon after, he picked up his master's cape as they made their way to the dining room for lunch.

Kazaltar sat upon his favorite metallic chair as the cook brought out his meal. It was the very same purple carrot vegetables the Wanderer ate almost every single day, although Kazaltar preferred to only eat the leafy green tops. He was a firm believer they helped keep one's skin in utmost green condition.

Soon, he made his way to the wine cabinet, and upon opening it, several bottles of Raxium Nor's finest fizz wine came floating out as if they were enchanted by some sort of magic. In reality, it was the floating devices he invented that caused the various bottles of wine to float about, and each one had a long twisted straw protruding from the top to ensure the bottles would not have to tilt over and possibly spill wine all over the place. Now they could gently distribute the liquid into the drinker's glass to their desired fullness. It proved quite useful during Kazaltar's many lavish parties and Ormonimas Day festivities. Kazaltar sipped his very favorite wine, mazorpleberry bliss, and sat back within his chair. It was so quiet within the chambers of his palace that he could have sworn he heard an ant fart. He sighed a relaxing sigh as he closed his eyes.

PRINCE KAZALTAR! PRINCE KAZALTAR!

It was Kazaltar's royal housekeeper, Mrs. Mangleoat. Her voice was like 20,000 nails on a chalkboard dialed up to 11. Her shrill voice startled the dozing Prince, who was so spooked that he nearly plummeted face-first into his piping hot bowl of sizusquash soup.

What is it, you loud-mouthed cretin from the cursed regions of the nether life! Cursed is the day in which the Goddess Silvamora decided to bring you into my confines!

Mrs. Mangleoat spoke.

Your majesty, an intruder has entered the freshly cleaned halls of your palace unauthorized! If my memory banks serve me correctly, I believe it to be that Wanderer fellow from the upper mountainous territories!

Kazaltar took one large sip from his glass, swishing it around in his mouth before swallowing deeply.

Well, what do you suppose I am to do to resolve the situation? Kindly poke him with one of the potent electro staffs in the nearest closet and throw the vagabond out into the leafy recesses of the forest. I suppose the kachungo beasts are longing for nourishment.

The eyes of Mrs. Mangleoat nearly bulged from their sockets.

He wishes to speak to you, in the green flesh, Exalted One! Shall I proceed with the electro poking and the throwing into the forest?

Kazaltar slammed his wine glass down upon the table and rose from his chair.

Well, escort him in then, Mangleoat, you she-devil! We shall not let our guest fester in this pristine fortress!

Mrs. Mangleoat returned to the halls as Kazaltar sunk back down into his chair, preparing to take a large slurp from his soup bowl but spat it out immediately upon realizing that it had gone cold. He summoned Setch.

Setch, kindly take this soup-filled bowl and dispose of the soup within it, then refill the soupless bowl with fresher, hot soup! Be quick about it too!

Setch took the bowl and proceeded to the kitchen. In the meantime, Mrs. Mangleoat escorted the Wanderer into the dining room where Kazaltar was seated. He was surprisingly calm and welcoming despite the dirty lagomorph standing in his presence, even rising from the table to shake his hand.

Well, Mr. Wanderer, sir. This is an unexpected occurrence, something throughout my days of routine I had not once anticipated. Come and sit, sup with me. How peckish you must be!

The Wanderer, flabbergasted that the prince had not had him hurled off the premises like a javelin, sat down in his chair, unraveling the wraps around his head and fully revealing his blue face. The floating bottles came by, and before long, the Wanderer had himself a glass of something called Krizzolsuds. It wasn't bad either, but it made him let out a couple of belches in a solid row. Kazaltar laughed as he got a refill of the mazorpleberry wine.

Your inner digestive system will adjust, I promise you.

Soon, Setch returned with Kazaltar's soup as well as a few plates of those purple carrot tops, which Kazaltar revealed were called onkrots. The Wanderer, who was more accustomed to eating the purple vegetable itself and not the leaves, picked it up, observed it with his fork, and pretended he was eating it when in fact, he was hiding it down his shirt.

So, there must be a great, extraordinary reason why you have come to be in my presence today, Mr. Wanderer. I must say, I've heard much about you but am not familiar with you and your heart's desires. I'd very much like to know what intentions and aspirations lie within your being!

The Wanderer turned his head to the prince and, for the first time, perhaps even since he had arrived on Raxium Nor, spoke.

I don't know who I am, or why I'm here. I believe something has happened. There was a life I once lived, but my brain is broken and I can't put the pieces back together. I see things, flashes of a burning ship, people turning into statues, a blue creature in pain. And the surface of a moon, with a great blue planet in the skies. I was hoping, maybe, just maybe, you could help me.

Kazaltar sat back, putting his hand to his chin. There was a silence in the room so thick, you'd need a laser sword to cut it. It looked as if the Wanderer was about to burst into tears. Then Kazaltar pushed the plate of pink onions to the back of the table.

I am greatly sorry for that!

Then he sat back down and put his hand to his chin again.

Mr. Wanderer, I am led to believe that you are the sole survivor of the great ship crash that had taken place a few months ago. A ship from an unknown world, ravaged by our very own hellion Tzitzimimeh, crash-landed upon our world and those aboard perished. It is my hypothesis that you were flung from the space wagon, landing upon your cranial region and sustaining immense damage to your central processing unit. This moon you see so vividly is, I firmly believe, the place from which you have descended.

Without warning, the Wanderer grabbed one of the floating wine bottles and started chugging it something fierce. He drank so much of it that there was but a drop left. After yet another belch, the Wanderer continued.

And do you know exactly where this moon is?

Kazaltar smiled.

I'm not certainly certain, but I have heard of a place where two of my species ventured to eons ago. It was a large blue ocean planet with vegetation growing tenfold, and it only had one lapidarian moon. Perhaps we could take an expedition out there to observe its habitat and inhabitants to see if you are among them.

Zappy, I mean the Wanderer agreed, but not before finishing off what bits and bobs of food adorned the table. After about an hour of the two laughing, bantering, and sharing merriment over several bottles, Kazaltar started talking about his very extreme hobby known to very few.

I'm a hunter, which is entirely ludicrous because the wildlife here on Raxium Nor is few and far between. I do it for the sport of it all, not because I wish to eat the creatures or watch them suffer. Would it be alright if I were to show you something?

The Wanderer nodded yes and followed Kazaltar through the corridors past several of the palace's highly coveted rooms.

There are about 50 guest bedrooms. You're permitted and welcomed to stay in one for the evening.

After passing many of the doors and going up a flight of stairs or two, Kazaltar stood before a door that was quite different from the others. While all the other doors were medium-sized, round, and made of a woody material, this door was large, made of steel, and had an open area towards the top aligned with bars like a prison. Kazaltar pulled out a large bronze-colored key and, after a moment or two of finagling at the lock, was able to get the large steel door to open. Upon entering, the Wanderer was floored by what stood before him: several mounted heads upon the wall with no bodies below the neck. Kazaltar stood proudly over his prized collection of severed heads, plus one stuffed multi-eyed creature.

Yes, I should say I have gotten my fill of good hunts in my day and would like to get some more.

There was one question lurking in the Wanderer's mind.

But how are you able to hunt all these creatures if there isn't much wildlife here?

Kazaltar put his arm around the Wanderer as he led him closer to the heads.

I have them imported here from the vast number of worlds across the universe: Cato Veridia, Agglo Vay, Zurasaland. They're implanted in the middle of the nearby wilderness, left to fend for themselves for a small period of time. I have a variety of traps and a pack of ravenous voorynas to assist me in the hunting, but sometimes, a potent shot from my rifle gets the job accomplished swiftly. There is a creature I wish to hunt tomorrow. If you would like to accompany me before I take you back to your moon, your proximity and friendship would be greatly appreciated.

The Wanderer wasn't quite sure if he was up to the task of hunting.

I've never gone hunting before, as far as I'm aware. I'm not sure I'm up to it.

Kazaltar laughed.

You'll do adequately; there is no second-guessing about that. Perhaps you might be infinitely superior in the hobby than I am. Now, if I were in your place, I would get a great amount of neural resting and recharging. A big day lies ahead of us, my new companion!

Soon after, Kazaltar summoned Setch, who escorted the Wanderer to one of the guest bedrooms (Number 37, to be exact). It was very cozy, much better than the rocky cot the Wanderer slept in at his own rocky abode, and he drifted off to slumberland much quicker than usual. But as his body got more relaxed and his subconscious turned on to max, the dreams of a past he couldn't quite put his finger on started to rise to the forefront. There was the tiny blue creature chomping down on the lettuce in the cage. There was the ship crashing and the passengers aboard turning to statues. There was the crashing of his head against a rock, giving him the dreaded amnesia. And for the first time, the Wanderer saw a memory of something he had never seen prior.

There was a giant worm-like god, bestowing upon him supernatural abilities and powers beyond his wildest imagination. A giant, virus-headed mutant stood before him with several arms, and while wielding a spinning staff and what looked like a bullwhip, he was able to defeat this mutant. But shortly after, the god stripped him of his powers, reducing him back to his ordinary self. Even after that, he began to shrink, getting smaller and smaller until he was nothing more than that very same creature in the cage eating lettuce. When he looked up, there was a mad scientist looming over him, staring down menacingly into his cage. As he opened up the cage, he grabbed the small creature by the ears and pulled out a large syringe, jabbing the creature with it as the Wanderer awoke.

What is all this?

He rubbed his eyes and laid back down upon the bed, staring up at the gray-colored ceiling. Setch entered the room soon after with a cup of mallemora tea to help ease his anxiety. The tea helped him somewhat, but visions of that small creature and the wormy god still lingered in his brain.

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dzmoot · 13 days ago

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dzmoot · 16 days ago

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THE ALL KNOWER

Much talk filled the air (or lack thereof) on Namasis, the Moon of Toons, home of, well the Tuuns, of course. 5 beloved Tuuns went on a trek across the galaxy in a space sleigh, an interstellar vacation to strange new worlds, to venture to a planet inhabited by spider people and reunite with old friends. And then, when they were supposed to arrive back, they never showed. Hours passed into days and days passed into weeks and weeks, you guessed it, passed on into months. No postcards, no holographic well wishes, not even a text message, although it would be devilishly hard to send one considering no Tuuns had cellphones. Those closest to those Tuuns wondered if something catastrophic had happened to their friends. Had the sleigh crashed into a sun? Were they devoured by a giant slug in an asteroid? Were they held up at the nearest intergalactic gas station sucking lunar slurpies from large cups? It drove them bonkers, the 3 friends who were perhaps the closest to these 5 Tuuns.

There was Igginsworth, the feline Zarrian from the world of Ippicus and his caninus Canango friend Grundelwarg with two out of three functioning eyes. Then there was Moto, the Insectoid who could tell how good or bad someone was by reading their hearts. The three of them had been on many adventures with these 5 Tuuns and debated whether to go and find them personally, retrace their footsteps on all the exotic worlds they had personally set foot upon. Then, they heard music swelling in the distance like that of a parade, getting louder and louder as it drew closer to them until their ears were filled with the orchestral symphonies, the riveting rhapsodies of the large boxy caravan that stood before them.

Out of the front of the enormous carriage came a Tuun platypus. He was adorned in vibrant garments and spectacles that glowed like electric candy canes. He twirled his walking stick around and danced and sang along with the music. He had even done what the humans of Earth would consider a "moon walk". Igginsworth, Grundelwarg and Moto had heard of this fellow Patty Pus in the past for Kruonch complained that he was nothing more than a snake oil salesman or a storyteller of poppycock, but this was the first time they had seen him up close. He was weird and outlandish and moved like he had fire ants stinging in his pants but they couldn't deny for a second that he was extraordinarily gifted in putting on a shindig for everyone to see!

Little did anyone know that Patty, or Pattanius Pus was in fact one of the oldest Tuuns on Namasis, living for many, many years and seeing his share of events play out. While many Tuuns throughout the years died off and became new Tuuns entirely, Patty remained the same and since the Tuuns of the past never documented anything or kept any information on their complicated origins, Patty took it upon himself to share his knowledge and knowings with all Tuunkind. He made a discovery, a large sentient box like device the size of a train car, presumably left behind by the astronaut circus performers who dwelled there years before the Tuuns existed. What it was exactly and how it was able to do the things it did, your guess was as good as Patty's. He opened it up and was surprised to see the enormous theater, the shadow puppets performing on their own without anyone pulling their strings and the magnificent shape shifting abilities the device had when its lever or switch was pulled. Patty implanted all his knowledge of Namasis into the device and used it to travel all over the moon, telling his stories and "tall tales" to all the Tuuns. Some were interested, others stood by in boredom, others threw rotten food at the shadow puppets when they performed on stage but Patty still persevered. Inspired by those same astronaut circus performers, he decided to accumulate a great number of weird Tuun performers of his own and for many years, they entertained and won the hearts of many, all while living within the confines of the strange boxcar device.

Eventually, all of Patty's exotic Tuuns rebelled against him, complaining of low pay and poor living conditions, although Patty had attempted several times to improve their situation, even installing a swimming pool. With all his Tuun performers gone, including a lion that could make shapes out of strong metal barbells, Patty had nothing left but his miraculous and curious puppet theater, but something would happen that Patty did not intend. The puppet theater began depicting events previously unknown to Patty and all the Tuuns, acting out events that nobody had known up until that point had occurred. It was through the puppet theater that Patty learned of WW3 on Earth and the aforementioned Tuuns' trip to the Wacky Worlds where they met Moto and reunited with Igginsworth and Grundelwarg. Patty also learned of the existence of an all powerful "wormy god" bestowing the Tuun Zappy with powers beyond any ordinary Tuun.

In time, Patty began to call the mysterious shadow puppet theater the "All Knower". Today, the All Knower was to perform a very special play, one that would prove quite useful to Igginsworth, Grundelwarg and Moto. You see, the All Knower knew what exactly had happened to the Tuuns Zappy, Kruonch, Hampire, Siohan and Yam Yam and Patty was going to narrate while the shadow puppets performed. Many Tuuns gathered around the All Knower, but Igginsworth, Grundel and Moto remained at the forefront. They were just dying to know. The giant cart opened up and two stages with brightly colored backgrounds emerged. To everyone's surprise, some of the missing Tuuns' faces were adorned along the portable theater walls.

Welcome, my great Tuun effendis! I am your gracious host, the illustrious Patty Pus and today, my very special shadow puppet friends will be putting on a performance of "The Whereabouts of the Five Missing Tuuns". It's a show to intrigue, to leave you entranced, to make your bite your fingernails or your lips or snouts or trunks, whatever you choose. You've never seen or heard a story of this unparalleled magnitude and probably never will again. Step up, my friends and see the extraordinary tale!

As the show was about to start, Grundelwarg pulled out a wad of moldy cheese from under his arm and began eating it, much to the disgust of Igginsworth who became fearful he might regurgitate all over the nearby theater.

Me Grundels hungries. Me Grundels have nona breakfast!

Soon, the lights around the stages dimmed and the shadow puppet performers emerged from underneath. Cheerful, whimsical, baby cradle music started playing and the show was underway.

Once upon a time, there were 5 Tuuns. Their names were Zappy, Yam Yam, Siobhan Shvizzle, Ignatius "Hampire" Krattz and Commander Horatio Kruonch.

Igginsworth stepped forward.

Yeah, we know who they are, duckbill! Just cut to the chase already!

A shellshocked Patty was gobsmacked but continued to put on his friendly persona as he lightly tapped on the front of the All Knower.

Now, now, my green friend. All good stories take a bit of time to pan out! Patience, and a smidgeon of humility might also serve you well!

Just then, a large boot emerged from the bottom of the All Knower and kicked Igginsworth straight in the crotch, sending him soaring far back into the crowd. Grundel and Moto quickly dashed to get him back on his feet but had to keep their ears on high alert as to not miss any details in the play. Still, Grundel vowed to put Patty Pus in a rotisserie when all was said and done.

As I was saying, there were 5 Tuuns, Zappy, Yam Yam, Siobhan Shvizzle, Ignatius "Hampire" Krattz and Commander Horatio Kruonch. They had decided that they were going to take a grand tour of the universe, explore all the diverse planets the starry ocean had to offer. They traveled to worlds made of ice cream, worlds of lava and brimstone, worlds of 24,000 types of goo and even a world covered in blue sand.

Sure, they had their share of hostile encounters and run ins with feral frighteners but it was overall an exciting and eye opening trip for all of them. However, their most desired destination was the home of the Spiderocians, Dinhcara! It was all the way on the other side of the universe, tucked away in a corner. The Tuuns had to trek through hell and high water to get there and when they did, they found themselves in the midst of a political conflict and a hostile tug of war battle with the Spiderocians' mortal enemy, the Arachnitors.

The mention of the Arachnitors sent a tingle through what remained of Moto's insect digits, tucked away deep in his saucer. He remembered that it was the Arachnitors who were responsible for his mutilation and loss of his arms and legs He had a knot in his stomach thinking that maybe his Tuun friends and these spiders met a similar fate at the hands of the horrible scorpions. Still, he listened to the play.

The Tuuns and Spiders worked together to overcome the Arachnitors and even took part in a battle in which they destroyed the Arachnitors' malevolent super weapon, Little Miss Muffet! With the Arachnitors nearly extinct and driven to the far off regions of space, the Tuuns and Spiders celebrated their victory and the Spiders' mentor Flydon assumed the role as ruler of the Spiderocians. It was then decided that the Spiders, Slinger, Weblette, Leaps, Itsy Bitsy and Eightleggs would accompany them back to Namasis, for they were in need of a grand getaway themselves. They all boarded their ship and set sail to this very moon!

Moto was relieved. Those dreadful scorpions took a heavy loss and retreated to a far off world to lick their wounds, but he, along with Igginsworth and Grundel still wondered what had happened to their friends and why they had not yet returned to Namasis. Surely, their ship would have made its landing by now.

So the Tuuns and Spiders were moon bound and it seemed like all was well, but harm had a way of catching up to them. Their ship, the Nova Pearl 2 was sabotaged by a great space hellion, the gigantic Tzitzimimeh of legend! It wrapped its long tentacles around the vessel and after several moments, the ship was able to break free from its grasp, but it was unable to maintain its current course. The ship, which sustained great damage during the entanglement was forced to land on the nearby planet of Raxium Nor, home of the Hori species.

Moto's eyes widened. He was indeed familiar with Raxium Nor for he had surveyed the planet years earlier for IGAM before being permanently stationed on Moriakkus.

Just then, the puppets sank back down into the stages, the lights began to fade, the music stopped and the theater began to fold back into itself. Patty twirled his stick around one final time.

THE END!

As the play was met with thunderous applause from the audience, Moto quickly made a dash to Patty Pus.

THAT'S IT? That's the end?

Patty threw his flippers into the air.

I guess so. When the theater goes dark, that means that's all she wrote!

Igginsworth and Grundel met up with Moto. The All Knower's attack on Igginsworth was still fresh in his brain, but he was willing to put it aside for the time being.

But what about the Tuuns? Are they still alive? Did they make it off that planet? Tell us!

As the All Knower had finished folding up, Patty pulled a leash like long rope out the front of the cart, preparing to head out.

I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you what happened next but I don't know. Perhaps one day, we will find out but for now, I must be on my way. I've got another performance in a half hour or so, all the way on the dark side!

And Patty Pus departed, pulling his massive box on wheels along with him as if it were some gigantic beast from the zoo. All three of them stood behind looking at the behemoth as it got smaller and smaller in the distance. Something certainly didn't sit right with them about that portable theater. Who was controlling it? How did it know about the missing Tuuns? How was Patty able to communicate with it? He certainly didn't call it the All Knower for nothing!

Back at the abandoned home of the Tuuns, the trio made plans to travel to this Raxium Nor. Moto was familiar with the path to get there but how exactly were Igginsworth and Grundel going to go along with him? They sure as heck couldn't fly. Igginsworth came up with an idea.

My old kite. I think I still have it somewhere, if I could just find it!

When he did find it in the guest bedroom he stayed in, it had more holes than a mountain of Swiss cheese. It was certainly in no shape to transport the three of them to Raxium Nor. Then Grundel came up with an idea.

We goes to North Poles on Earth planet and gets the Claus Count guy to makes sleigh for us, like he dids for the others.

They knew Grundel was onto something for the Tuuns wouldn't have been able to travel the universe without that so called "Spaceslinger" at their disposal, but there was one catch to this idea. They needed a sleigh to get to Raxium Nor but they needed a way to get to the North Pole on Earth and since Bright Stars Night had since passed and the cow did her annual jump over the moon, it looked like they were out of luck on getting to Count Claus' workshop. The only way they could speak to Count Claus is if they waited until Christmas Eve when he arrived to deliver presents on Namasis, but Christmas Eve was several months away. Then it dawned on Moto. He had recently received a vast amount of upgrades from the tech turtle Shellhard, getting several new weapons, gadgets and tools installed into his floating saucer. He had indeed tested out a great deal of them but there were some he did not try out yet, one of which being the "transport orbs". Shellhard said that they would allow Moto to transport things from one area to the next without the risk of dropping them or causing damage.

When the three of them went outside, Moto began testing out some of his new gadgets, trying in earnest to bring out these transport orbs to see what they were all about. Igginsworth and Grundel stood by in bewilderment.

How many gizmos and stuff do you have inside of you exactly?

Moto nervously chuckled.

If I'm not mistaken, about 713.... maybe 714?

Both Igginsworth and Grundel nearly collapsed onto the moon floor like heaps of fondant on a hot day. Moto had sifted through about 100 or so gadgets trying to find these orbs, everything from plasma rifles, electro prods, a sword gifted to him by his old friend Samur-Eye, a paint ball blaster and a giant robotic hand that could pound on the ground and cause it to crack. There was even a portable television installed into the saucer.

Just what in the world am I going to do with that? I can't even get a good reception out here.

Finally, out from Moto's saucer came two long fluorescent blue ribbons. Within seconds, two large balls started to inflate at the end of the ribbons like large balloons until they were big enough to carry large objects within them. Grundel walked up to one of the blue orbs and poked it.

It feels like gooey, ooey yummy zersnip jelly back homes!

Igginsworth rolled his eyes. His furry friend was a food obsessed fiend.

I think your brain and your stomach are fuzed together!

Soon after, with all the strength he could muster, Moto lifted the large balls into the air, hovering them ever so delicately over top of Igginsworth and Grundel and then SQUIRSH! He dropped the gelatinous balls overtop the two of them. With Igginsworth and Grundel frozen solid within the transport orbs, Moto revved up his inner engines, turned on his inner GPS, set a course for Raxium Nor and off the three of them went. Although Igginsworth and Grundel were snug in their gooey blue orbs, they were still quite aware of everything around them and their eyes moved in every which way as they caught a glimpse of the passing stars, planets and planetoids. It was the first time in a long time that the two of them had taken part in an adventure through the starry ocean. And Moto was pretty strong to be able to carry both of them, although he had a little help from the lack of gravity.

Second star to the right, straight on to Raxium Nor!

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