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~Girls Like Girls~ Hayley Kiyoko

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a suggestion that I think might be helpful for lesbians struggling with compulsory heterosexuality: I didn’t really like boys. I liked the concept of them. I had this image of a perfect boy in my head and I got more and more frustrated that I hadn’t met him. I didn’t really like any boys I knew but I knew that some boys were likeable so “obviously” I had to wait for the right one and then I would like him. just because you feel like have that potential to like a boy or can tell when a boy is attractive doesn’t mean you’re not a lesbian. tbh with time I found out that I liked girls, real girls, not just the concept of them. and it feels real and much more intense. it might be confusing at first but you will be able to tell the difference. just give it a chance.

and to any lesbian who feels fake, like she’s just ‘a lesbian because it didn’t work out with men’, no, it didn’t work out because you’re a lesbian and you’re valid

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Thinking about compulsory heterosexuality as it applies to wlw is so interesting to me because women’s heterosexuality is built on so much more than just “you must be attracted to men” because it’s often really tightly bound up with “you must be attractive to men.” And the thing is that those two things are so closely associated that they kind of become interchangeable with one another?

It’s why women are assumed to have no attraction to men if they’re judged to have not put in the necessary work to meet heteronormative standards, and it’s also why some lesbians are told they’re too pretty to be lesbians because it’s assumed that if you are attractive to men then you must seek out that attraction because you like them and vice versa.

But the need to look pretty (for men, it’s implied) is reinforced on so many other levels besides that; like men will dismiss your opinions by saying you’re probably not attractive, you learn how to do makeup from this super early age, you’re told that you wont get a job unless you show up to the interview emulating a really specific type of femininity.

And eventually this becomes so automatic that you don’t even know that you’re doing it; for a long time I would meet a guy and immediately wonder if he liked my hair or if my makeup looked too overdone or if my shirt was too tight. And because attraction and a desire to be attractive were so linked in my head, I just assumed for a long time that I was more attracted to men and attracted to a lot more of them than I am. Because if I was worried about how I looked around them that must mean I was attracted to them, right?

It’s taken me a really long time to sort through that impulse, and I still reflexively do it when I meet some guys. This isn’t because I find them attractive; it’s just that I’ve grown up in a society that’s told me over and over and over again that my worth is measured in my appeal to men.

EDIT (06/30/16): I edited the second paragraph because honestly I’ve seen too many tags from straight girls acting as though it’s an insult to be called a lesbian, so I tried to make the language less loaded.

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The amount of lesbians who know that they’re lesbians from a young age versus the amount of gay men who know that they’re gay from a young age shows a staggering difference in that most lesbians take way longer to realize that they’re gay.

Girls are told that dating men is supposed to be hard and essentially unfulfilling. That it’s normal to expend emotional and sexual labor without receiving anything or feeling anything in return. Girls are told that their attraction to men and relationships with men should be difficult and sometimes feel forced because men are so emotionally lacking or otherwise “hypermasculine”.

Realizing that you don’t like men because you’re gay versus just feeling emotionally exhausted or unable/unsure of how to “please” men is part of the reason why compulsory heterosexuality is so damaging. It forces many girls to continue to date men and to keep trying to feel attraction to them long after they’ve realized that there’s nothing there—particularly blaming themselves for the reasons why relationships with men don’t work out instead of thinking it’s an indicator of being gay, which most (though of course not all) gay men are able to recognize as an initial indicator early on.

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Here are some more examples of how compulsory heterosexuality may manifest itself and look for girls who feel unwanted or ungenuine attraction towards men (feel free to add on):

I am attracted to men but I don’t want to date them.

I am attracted to men but I don’t want to do anything with them or when I’m about to do something my attraction to them goes away.

I am attracted to fictional men or male celebrities, or any other guy who is “unavailable/unattainable".

I will find a guy eventually! I’m just a late bloomer.

I don’t like kissing my boyfriend or I’m not attracted to him, but it must just be because he’s not the one for me [or some other excuse].

I don’t find guys attractive, but I probably will when I get older/go to college/etc! or I don’t find guys attractive, what’s wrong with me? (including pretending to find certain guys or guys in general attractive around others)

Everyone must feel attraction to girls or think that girls are hot, the way I feel towards other girls is normal for straight girls! (or thinking that other kinds of sexual/romantic feelings/fantasies towards girls is normal for straight girls or is just a “girl crush”)

I’m too young/busy/etc to have a boyfriend.

I just have high standards, that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend.

I like [f/f couple(s)] but just as an ally. (or some other excuse)

I like boys but it’s just not as much as other girls seem to.

I like [girl] but just platonically! But not as much as I like boys! or I would date [girl] if she was a guy!

The reason my relationships with men don’t work out is because I’m just bad at relationships. (or some other personal fault)

etc.

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i made (subtle) pride flag lock screens!!

lesbian // bisexual

trans // gay

free to use, please reblog if u save!

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Consent is more than Yes/No. Be attentive!!!

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I need to start dating more often...

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this is basically what coming out is

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This is Doris Pollas, the cofounder of the organisation now known as lgbt+ Denmark which by being founded in 1948 is one of the oldest if not the oldest queer organisation in the world.

Doris lived in a farm in Jutland as a child. She was always butch and figured out she was a lesbian in her teens. When she heard about a club in copenhagen where boys kissed boys and girls kissed girls she went just some months after and it was through that club she started a paper connecting queer people all up to seventies and co founded lgbt+ Denmark.

She is now 97 year and wishes for every queer person to have an as loving and accepting family as she did.

I don’t see a lot of older gays from my country, so learning about Doris, a masc lesbian, was really nice.

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Masao Yamamoto - Nakazora #1139 (2002)

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Zuma Series (folder one)  John Divola 1977

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House of Ashia 2017 Campaign

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TENDER. INSTALLATION AT EL IMPARCIAL MADRID 2016.

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OYSHO CAMPAIGN 2017

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Inst - @ ernestoartillo