earl-jr

[earl-jr]

[earl-jr]

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

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[earl-jr]

The mind commands the body and it obeys. The mind commands itself and meets resistance.

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The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

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having a resting bitchface is so funny because i'll be doing something relaxing, and really enjoying myself and my face will look like this

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???

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What the fuck kind of world does OP live in that welding is a rare trade?

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Doctor calls you with your bloodwork results and just says “I’m really mad at you” and then hangs up

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Adorable murder weapon

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Fun activity

(via)

[earl-jr]