earnest-subaltern

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

“You can’t be serious,” Shepard said.

Edwin held out his arms, crossing his chin nearer his shoulder. “I AM serious,” he said, a sly smile spread across his face.

“Bloody hell!” was his friend’s exclamation, a but of amusement there too, but mostly with the implication he thought his friend was stupid. “Why? And when the hell did this happen?”

“It was a bit of a surprise really, but! You’re looking at a new Grenadier Guardsman dear boy!”

Edwin stepped back and presented himself to Shepard, giving him a little salute and then smiling giddily in his new scarlet uniform.

“You’re going to die,” Shepard chuckled.

“But, I’ll look good when I do, won’t I? And mother will be proud to have a soldier for a son, don’t you think? The lodging, the training, the food, the job… it’s there. Sure, I just have to put up with a few screaming serjants, BUT–”

“But that’s not why you chose it.”

“How do you mean?”

“Oh really, come off it, you never had any interest in being a soldier. Not until that handsome buffoon lured you in with all his talk. You’re mad about him,” Shepard said.

‘Am not!” Edwin said, crossing his arms defensively.

“Oh yeah? Then who are you out to see today?”

“What?”

“You mentioned you had plans earlier.”

“Well who do you think I’m seeing,” Edwin said adjusting his cap.

“I told you!” Shepard blurted out, grinning at his friend’s boldness. “Edwin you’re mad!”

“I might be mad,” Edwin said pushing back his shoulders. “But I’m a damn handsome madman aren’t I?”

For the most part, Gaunt had forgotten that the fiery boy he had been involved with earlier had joined the training at all. It had lasted months, and the lieutenant had other concerns than the giant groups of newbies that came in each day, overflowing like a river shaken by wind and thunder. He knew, too, that most of them would leave training, exhausted, and he thought that the sole motivation of the renter being the unthinkable sin, this would not be enough strength of will to make it through the training of a Guardsman.

Obviously, he had been proven wrong, and he quite reconsidered the lengths that Darling would go to when he saw him presenting himself at the door of his office. Only, Gaunt was in the position of power, and he knew he could do about anything and nothing with the boy now; that the little bit of freedom he had over the officer before his joining up had now vanished.

He was pleasantly surprised, though, to discover that his expectation of what a sight his uniform would be was right. If anything, the ravishing silhouette of the scarlet tunic and white belt gave Edwin a defined chest and a look of quiet superiority that no other sort of clothing could match.

“Well, what a surprise,” the lieutenant started with an almost condescending tone to his voice. “I did not expect you would make it through training, Private. Did you finally learn to appreciate the soldiering life? Pay is not the motive, now, is it?”

Voluntarily left aside, the officer’s talks of a beer shared with the boy if he made it through had seemingly disappeared from his speech. And Gaunt’s looks, sitting with an air of authority at his desk, khaki-clad, broad shoulders and stiff upper lip, were entirely different from his previous interactions with Edwin.

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

Edwin turned around. 

“Major Carson!” he exclaimed suddenly getting to his feet and was about to salute out of impulse and then the man replied, “Oh it’s alright, private, I just… need a little word with you.” 

Edwin appeared puzzled. 

“Oh um,” he glanced over at Gaunt dancing with Grace, “of course, Sir.” 

–

“Well you’re a fine dancer,” Grace remarked towards the captain, “I’m glad I could catch you before the other ladies got you. I know they can be particularly annoying, even the younger nurses can sometimes get too caught up in the moment seeing men in uniform. It’s the nurses who have been so for a longer time that have gotten used to it all. I know you must not like to be overwhelmed at a time like this. Even the noise I hear is causing a bit of a disturbance in some of the bed-bound men.” 

She and Gaunt were dancing around the room when she noticed Edwin was missing at the table. 

“Oh that boy’s run off. Perhaps one of those ladies has found him,” she laughed lightly. “Tell me, how are you liking things so far here, the gala or… the hospital in general. Are you getting along alright?” 

–

“I know what you’ve done,” Major Carson said and Edwin’s stomach felt like it had dropped out from under him, his face growing pale, afraid maybe he was the one in trouble now. 

“Sir?” he asked quietly. 

The two were out in the garden just beyond the gala, away from the others. 

“Well by Clarkson’s testimony, it’s clear he has no way of getting out of this situation. Even if I know there were a few premeditated factors in this situation… I think you’ll know by now why I dislike the man so much. Not only was he so high on his horses but he was an impudent man to my staff and then, to you. And also, I’m sure it’s not secret that somehow you have also pieced together why that sort of thing would get me upset. I believe if we had bumped into each other in London, you and I might have met on more intimate terms, if you know what I mean. It makes my blood boil to know men like him are out there taking advantage of everyone they want. Normally what you have done would be punishable, but I personally see no reason to. And seeing as you and a few girls are the only ones who know… your secret is safe with me. And… before I let you get back to the party, allow me to say that, I think you also know as well as I do why I called you here in the first place, to help with your Captain? I believe you are his only hope to a possible, successful recovery.” 

“You are r-right in guessing how overwhelming this feels to me,” Gaunt confided. “It would not in normal times, b-but-- pay attention, I am changing s-step-- but as I am ill, my surroundings c-can feel very confusing at times, a-and I do not process sounds very well anymore. Is it an odd t-thing to happen? I do not k-know. But I am c-certainly grateful not to have to talk to a h-hundred ladies at the same time anymore,” he joked.

He was a fine dancer indeed, and holding the leading role was not easy, especially when he had to avoid the other dancing couples. Still, the captain looked graceful enough despite his imposing size, and led the nurse in another rhythm as the orchestra switched musics.

“No wonder h-he ran off. He is a boy to wed,” Gaunt grinned when Grace noticed Edwin’s disappearance. “I w-would say it is not a bad place. I am u-unsure whether I would like to be back at the frontline. I d-do not quite remember how it looks and feels anymore. And if I came h-home-- well, I would not remember it either. One must satisfy himself with what he has, not what he w-wishes... though my memory back would be n-nice.”

Finally, he let go of the young lady when the music ended, and bowed ever so slightly to kiss her hand. “It was a p-pleasure to dance with you, madam. I hope you will not get too caught u-up by seeing these handsome young men in u-uniform,” he joked, knowing very well she was not likely to.

Crossing his gloved hands behind his back, the officer got away from the party to take a breather from the dance, instead staying in the back of the room. He kept a careful eye on the two figures he could see in the gardens from one of the French windows, wondering what exactly Carson wanted with his valet.

[earnest-subaltern]

From “Uniforms & Equipment of the British Army in World War I” by Stephen J. Chambers.

(also the closest physical match I found to my Grenadier Guards officer OC, Lt. Gaunt)

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

“So look, I’m telling you that if you-” 

“Wait, wait!” Edwin hushed him. “…Look.” 

Edwin and Shepard had been walking alongside the street when they noticed a small parade of troops about to pass them by at the far end. 

It had been a couple of months or so since he had heard or seen Leftenant Gaunt and Edwin was beginning to wonder if he wasn’t as special to the man as he had thought, owing it to his obvious title of renter that had made Gaunt think he was nothing more than exactly what he was. Though, he disputed it in his mind for weeks, trying to tell himself he was busy, which of course, the life of a guardsman was a busy affair. And none of his renter friends had any idea what he was up to, since he had required none of their services since Edwin. 

But here, something was telling Edwin he was about to see the man. 

“Get in the bushes.” 

“What?” Shepard asked. 

:Just go!” Edwin took him by the crook of his elbow and pulled him like a rag doll behind him over the nearest line of bushes running right up alongside the street where an additional cover of trees and foliage from the park could also provide them with some secrecy. And as the parade passed, Edwin noticed one particular man up front, in his gleaming, handsome uniform, and he gazed at his face hidden half below his helmet. “It’s Gaunt,” he said quietly. And Edwin walked silently beside the parade until the bushes stopped at the end of the street, watching his angel at the head of all the others. He had never seen such a gallant looking officer and felt his heart racing with excitement hearing his voice, so unlike the gentle tones he used to talk with Edwin. 

___

Not long after, Edwin was sitting on his usual park bench tossing little bits of crust from an earlier sandwich to a little hopping bird he had made the acquaintance of when he noticed a familiar face walking towards his direction. 

He let the man speak first then replied, “Oh Leftenant Gaunt, of course I remember you, Sir, how could one forget those gentle eyes?” Edwin tossed the rest of the crust to the bird who went wild trying to pick it up. “And I did in fact see the parade. You were right in front, yes? You looked absolutely stunning on that horse, it was like a painting…and I’m happy to hear you’ll be in need of my services again. When would you like me to help you?” Edwin asked, that old familiar sweet and cheeky tone coming back.

Of course, Gaunt did not expect that the boy had missed him in any way. He was but a rough trader like the others, and he thought that it was quite natural for them not to get attached to any of their patrons, or in fact to pretend they had affection for them but then pocket the money without added feeling. That was why he did not expect Edwin to remember him, either, among the dozens of Grenadiers he had as customers.

He did not easily forget about Edwin, however, shared between guilt and forbidden desire. Though, really, he would not mind it if there were nothing more to it than a massage; it was what he needed most at the moment, he was sure, and getting to gaze at the boy’s handsome face was in itself a honour, though his dreams did not admittedly limit themselves to such innocence.

The Guardsman would have smiled at how ridiculous the thought if someone had let him know about the way the renter had made his way through the bushes not to be seen. It would be an useless effort, for an officer never gazed at the public but straight ahead. And he had done so many parades, of course, why would he pay attention to civilians anymore?

“My gentle eyes, young man,” he amused himself. “Why, you sound like you are romancing a lady! Of course, I am most honoured you should remember me. That is true, I was horseriding for the King’s birthday. See, it is not quite my habit, and I was quite fortunate to learn it in my spare time, for the Captain went ill and I was made Acting Captain for Trooping the Colour. A hard task to undertake, but I do think it was well executed on my part. Ah! but I am rambling now.”

He thought about Edwin’s question, then answered: “Well... anytime really. Now would be best, but if you are busy, I will not disturb you so soon. What are your wages this time? I will pay you now, as it is handier for me.”

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

As Gaunt paid Edwin, he was surprised to find the man giving him a tip that put him right back up to what he would’ve charged him, above actually. Edwin took this as a sign of mutual feeling. 

“Well… not that he’s too much to handle but a certain leftenant of yours has been getting a little rough lately, demanding me do more than what he pays for. And let’s just say some of things I refuse aren’t worth all the money in the world. Leftenant… oh what’s his name? Tall, brownish hair, green eyes, he has some sort of scar on his right cheek, do you know the man? I don’t like to say he scares me, but he certainly makes me anxious when he comes and I’m not one to get anxious easily,” the young man replied sheepishly. 

“I hope to see you back here sometime, Sir. Make sure those muscles don’t get too sore… but sore enough to where you would be in a right mood for a massage,” he said deviously, grinning to one side as he pocketed the money. “I really did enjoy myself,” he added, “and I hope you did too, Sir.” 

And with this, he bid the man farewell.

—

Edwin was smoking again at his usual place on the bench, bathing in the dappled sunlight of the early afternoon when a familiar face came meandering over towards his direction. Shepard. 

“It went well yesterday, if you were wondering,” Edwin first said, taking the cigarette from his lips and looking at it in a quizzical sort of way. “Good afternoon.” 

“Well I figured it went well since you’re still here and not arrested,” Shepard laughed. “But was he really a copper?” 

Edwin hummed casually, “Mmm-hmm.” Shepard’s eyebrows raised. 

“You naughty thing you! Think you’re so handsome you can silence even the investigator that wants you in prison?” Shepard sat on the arm rest of the bench, playing with his tongue against his cheek. 

“Well I’m still here aren’t I? I must be worth something,” Edwin responded cheekily. “Oh and,” he added taking another puff of his cigarette, “the mans an absolute angel if you ask me.”

For quite a long while, Edwin had left Gaunt’s mind. All he did was to find the officer the boy had been talking about, and, though he could not have him arrested by any means due to the lack of any real violence, he gave him a scolding suggesting that he knew well about his activities that he thought was enough to stop the lieutenant from further worrying the masseur.

After that came June, and the King’s birthday, which meant a Trooping the Colour parade. Of course, Gaunt was to supervise his Grenadiers, to rehearse with them for a month, to make sure they looked perfect and to make their drill on point. This occupied most of his time, and his thoughts; and he knew that the whole of London would be there, ever so impatient at the gates, to watch the world-famous parade and the glorious Guard.

And what a parade it was, ever so grand, with its ranks of perfectly coordinated soldiers that would make any young man dream of becoming a Guardsman. Gaunt was on a horse then, riding in front of the platoon, “Acting Captain” to replace the man who had unfortunately gone ill that day. The sun reflected on his golden chinstrap, the dark fur of his hat shone ever so elegantly, the sharp angle of his jaw with his proud stature, and the masculine tones of his authoritative voice made him irresistible, for his uniform hid the less flattering traits of his appearance.

It was two or three days after only that he met Edwin again. In his red uniform that time, visor cap on his head, the officer was clearly taking a break from the barracks by taking a walk around the park, like so many Guardsmen did (which often caused them to meet the ‘rough traders’ that would lead them to vice, invariably sitting around Hyde Corner and other spots of that sort).

He recognised the familiar face that he had liked so much, and that, when days were not too heavy with work and drill training, had haunted his most guilty dreams with the sweet temptation of a fine, well-formed body.

“Well, well, well,” the officer grinned as he stepped closer to the young man sitting on the bench. “Mr. Darling. Have you watched the parade the other day? It was quite very sunny, don’t you think? How horrid it was for us, but what a honour. I hope you appreciated it all. And I certainly do require your services now, for I have spent such an exhausting month. Oh! of course, you might not remember me. Lieutenant Gaunt, yes? How are you, young man?”

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

When Edwin finished, he sighed heavily, happily, and leaned over, his eyes half closed, and handed Gaunt a cloth from the table beside them. 

“Here, clean up with that. Shall we retire to my sofa, Sir?” he asked. Edwin usually wouldn’t ask for such a thing, but he rather liked Gaunt and was feeling in the mood for a good cuddle. 

He allowed Gaunt to lay down first so Edwin could lay over the man’s chest. After all, he had spent most of his time just then doing all the work and wanted to be comforted now. And he was sure Gaunt wouldn’t object to having the boy laying sweetly on top of him. Edwin wrapped his arms around the man’s neck, looking up at him and giving him little kisses every now and then, enjoying the warmth of the man’s arms. 

“I thought it was grand,” he said. “You couldn’t do anything to make me uncomfortable if that’s how you truly are. No, you would not believe the kind of patrons I get in here sometimes. I do think you are one of the only ones, if not the only one, to even ask me such a question.” Edwin replied. “But of course, I think you could’ve been just a little more quiet so the next time we don’t get the entirety of Scotland Yard at the door,” he joked. 

When they were through with snuggling, Edwin only asked half the amount. “I like you Leftenant. I do hope to see you again. And we don’t want my rates to drive you away, even though I know you can afford me. But don’t tell the other lads, they’ll think you’re special or something,” he teased, winking at him. 

It was close to his heart that the officer kept the boy, wrapping his larger arms around his smaller frame, a hand placed lightly on his head so that he could brush his fingers through his strands of hair and relax him enough to let his muscles cool off.

He closed his eyes, thinking of nothing for a moment. Then, Gaunt thought of what it was like kissing a woman, which he had sometimes attempted. One had to admit that some things were not made for him. He would not admit he was fully homosexual, either, for such a concept did not exist in his mind.

He enjoyed the kisses, returning them to the boy who was flooding him with affection, quite amused by his eagerness, wondering if he also used to do that with other patrons.

“How I truly am? Why would I be otherwise? I know some men are the odd type, but I need no complicated device to take pleasure in simple activities,” he joked, gazing into Edwin’s eyes.

When he got up to dress back up, the lieutenant fetched his money and paid Edwin in proper coins and bills to avoid letting his bank know about his transaction, adding a generous tip in for the boy’s performance.

“Before I leave,” he asked while tucking his hat under his arm with his cane, “is there any patron or former patron of yours that you feel like has been behaving threateningly towards you, or otherwise any sort of violent or unsafe, especially if they are part of the army? I might be able to help.”

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

“Thomas?” Edwin asked as he came out the double doors. 

“Where did he go?” Grace asked followed by another nurse. The little cat had jumped out of Edwin’s arms and had hurried out the door, so the two had began pursuit of the furry little friend. But when they rounded the corner, they found Thomas was in the arms of… Thomas. 

“Oh there you are Thomas!” Edwin said, and then added, “The cat’s name is Thomas,” to Gaunt as he approached him. “Fitting for a cute little kitty, don’t you think?” 

“Sorry, Sir,” Grace said, “he’s not supposed to be in here, are you, you naughty boy?” she cooed, taking the cat from Gaunt’s arms and pursing her lips at it while it nudged her nose with its own. 

“Oh can we really let him back in?” Edwin asked excitedly. “I always wanted a cat… or a dog… but my mother was allergic so we couldn’t have either. And Thomas is ever so adorable.” He shot a knowing, flirtatious look at Gaunt as he said so. “Oh and, Captain Gaunt, this is Nurse Grace, I think you two might have met before?” 

“Ah yes, pleased to see you again, Sir,” Grace said sweetly. “We should be getting more of those flowers. Feel free to check on the progress, Captain. It looks well enough, don’t you think? I look forward to seeing you tonight,” she said. 

Grace, Edwin, and the additional nurses walked out to the garden again, gathering around a small patch of tulips looking for the perfect ones to cut. 

“He seems to be doing better,” Grace mentioned. 

“I think so too,” Edwin replied. “I just wish I could dance with him tonight… maybe someday.” 

“Who in Heaven names a cat “Thomas”?” the office remarked almost dramatically, crossing his arms. “I will kindly r-remind you that other ranks are not allowed to purchase alcohol from the o-officers’ mess before naming a cat or other any dire situation of that sort.”

However, the officer stepped up to gently take the nurse’s hand in his own and kiss it as a form of greeting. “Good morning, Madam,” he smiled as he straightened his back. “I should h-hope you will dance with me tonight, as I would o-only be honoured to be accompanied by such a well-educated and b-beautiful lady. I s-stammer just a bit, but rest assured this did not a-affect my dancing ability.”

He let go of her hand then, and lightly touched the visor of his cap as to tip it as Edwin and the nurse turned around. And once they had made a few steps to get further from Gaunt, he shouted out at Edwin: “And-- Private-- a bit of discipline! You s-should stand to attention and salute your officer when you see h-him. You salute the King’s commission, n-not the man! Understood?”

The dinner room of the hospital was prepared the best possible for the gala that was to happen in the evening. The stage was cleaned and equipped to welcome the orchestra that would play the many waltzes supposed to give the soiree some rhythm, the tables were pushed back to the extreme ends of the room to allow said dancers to take part; all men and the rather fewer women had dressed in their best clothes, a festival of the different colours, all sharing red as their main component, shown by the different regimental mess dresses and nurse associations’ uniforms. There were even a few Scotsmen in the lot, visible by their much different jackets and tartan-patterned trews.

Of course, many ladies, some invited specially to the hospital -- French and British civilians, or officers’ wives -- eyed the handsome soldiers with much pleasure. Food and drinks were in abundance, and for a moment, it was almost as if the screams, pain and traumatism were drowned out by an absurd show of wealth.

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

“Thomas?” Edwin asked as he came out the double doors. 

“Where did he go?” Grace asked followed by another nurse. The little cat had jumped out of Edwin’s arms and had hurried out the door, so the two had began pursuit of the furry little friend. But when they rounded the corner, they found Thomas was in the arms of… Thomas. 

“Oh there you are Thomas!” Edwin said, and then added, “The cat’s name is Thomas,” to Gaunt as he approached him. “Fitting for a cute little kitty, don’t you think?” 

“Sorry, Sir,” Grace said, “he’s not supposed to be in here, are you, you naughty boy?” she cooed, taking the cat from Gaunt’s arms and pursing her lips at it while it nudged her nose with its own. 

“Oh can we really let him back in?” Edwin asked excitedly. “I always wanted a cat… or a dog… but my mother was allergic so we couldn’t have either. And Thomas is ever so adorable.” He shot a knowing, flirtatious look at Gaunt as he said so. “Oh and, Captain Gaunt, this is Nurse Grace, I think you two might have met before?” 

“Ah yes, pleased to see you again, Sir,” Grace said sweetly. “We should be getting more of those flowers. Feel free to check on the progress, Captain. It looks well enough, don’t you think? I look forward to seeing you tonight,” she said. 

Grace, Edwin, and the additional nurses walked out to the garden again, gathering around a small patch of tulips looking for the perfect ones to cut. 

“He seems to be doing better,” Grace mentioned. 

“I think so too,” Edwin replied. “I just wish I could dance with him tonight… maybe someday.” 

“Who in Heaven names a cat “Thomas”?” the office remarked almost dramatically, crossing his arms. “I will kindly r-remind you that other ranks are not allowed to purchase alcohol from the o-officers’ mess before naming a cat or other any dire situation of that sort.”

However, the officer stepped up to gently take the nurse’s hand in his own and kiss it as a form of greeting. “Good morning, Madam,” he smiled as he straightened his back. “I should h-hope you will dance with me tonight, as I would o-only be honoured to be accompanied by such a well-educated and b-beautiful lady. I s-stammer just a bit, but rest assured this did not a-affect my dancing ability.”

He let go of her hand then, and lightly touched the visor of his cap as to tip it as Edwin and the nurse turned around. And once they had made a few steps to get further from Gaunt, he shouted out at Edwin: “And-- Private-- a bit of discipline! You s-should stand to attention and salute your officer when you see h-him. You salute the King’s commission, n-not the man! Understood?”

The dinner room of the hospital was prepared the best possible for the gala that was to happen in the evening. The stage was cleaned and equipped to welcome the orchestra that would play the many waltzes supposed to give the soiree some rhythm, the tables were pushed back to the extreme ends of the room to allow said dancers to take part; all men and the rather fewer women had dressed in their best clothes, a festival of the different colours, all sharing red as their main component, shown by the different regimental mess dresses and nurse associations’ uniforms. There were even a few Scotsmen in the lot, visible by their much different jackets and tartan-patterned trews.

Of course, many ladies, some invited specially to the hospital -- French and British civilians, or officers’ wives -- eyed the handsome soldiers with much pleasure. Food and drinks were in abundance, and for a moment, it was almost as if the screams, pain and traumatism were drowned out by an absurd show of wealth.

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

“Well whatever you say, I just know that no lady could be fairer than you,” Edwin replied with a sweet little smile. 

When he felt the man hold him at his waist, his eyes seemed to sparkle a bit and he looked up at him. “I shall attempt to keep myself busy, or out of trouble as you might say,” he laughed. He reached up and kissed the man on the cheek. “I will see you in a little while, Thomas, I’ll check how the set up is going.”

The scarlet clad private soon found himself wandering the corridors around the main room where the gala was to be held. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do, and he wondered if perhaps they needed a little help. So, he peeked in. Inside, there were people moving this way and that, arranging tables and chairs, positioning decorations and shifting other cumbersome furniture. But inside, he also spotted Grace with a few other nurses around a table full of flower vases. Edwin decided he would join her. 

“Hello ladies,” he greeted kindly as a few of them noticed him walking over. 

“Hello Edwin!” they said as he approached, the bottom table cloth making an odd movement. Among them was Grace, the nurse Edwin had been trying to tell Gaunt about.

“Good morning, Grace… what are you all doing?” he asked. 

“Been going back and forth to the garden this morning, the major agreed it would be nice to utilize some of the flowers in the garden to make some lovely centerpieces. And it looks like we have,” she counted, “…thirteen to go.” 

“Oh I’ll help. Is it just the peonies then?” 

“And the yellow tulips as well. White and yellow do go well together, yes? I think it should lift the men’s spirits!” 

The table rustled again. Puzzled, Edwin knelt down and lifted up the cloth. “Oh my days! How did you get here little one?” he asked. It was a soft fairly fluffy white cat with round, dark eyes. It meowed softly as Edwin scooped it up. 

“Oh naughty boy, Thomas! How did you get in here?” Grace said coming closer to shield the cat away from anyone that might’ve seen. 

“Oh he probably followed us in when we left the door open the last time,” a nurse added. Edwin laughed. 

“You named it Thomas?” he asked.

“Well yes, why not?” Grace said matter of factly with a shrug, laughing. 

“Well let’s get Thomas outside before the real Thomas finds out,” Edwin chuckled. 

When Gaunt finally joined the Major for a session of therapy, he soon found out that Carson had called in the testimonies of other soldiers who were present during the attack which had made the captain shellshocked. However, he refused to unveil their content to the officer just yet, believing that it would bring nothing to his healing; instead only useful to the doctor himself.

He called upon Gaunt to improve on his German, for a full recovery of his language capacities, and perhaps improve his French with ladies of the nearby village, reminding him that he once had been a billeting officer.

Then, it was just general talk about his relationship with his valet, how Gaunt perceived him and if he had remembered anything from their relationship. The captain confided that he had only recalled a brief argument, which he did not care much about now, for the boy had taken good care of him and was his only familiar support in this post-amnesia world.

It was after a one hour session that the patient was left out on his merry way, with the only order to prepare some sort of speech or conference that the other patients would appreciate to hear. Unsure of what the matter subject would be, the officer wandered about until he was surprised by the arrival of a small animal running straight into his legs.

“Oh hello there,” the puzzled man started. “Kitty? Chaton ? Tu es perdu ?”

He picked up the cat in his arms, throwing a look towards the end of the corridor. A panicked nurse appeared, and Gaunt quickly understood that the anmal had attempted to flee from its owners.

“I did not know you had adopted a cat,” he smiled. “Let it wander about in the gardens. Perhaps we could get him back in after the gala?”

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

“Well simple, Thomas, it’s nice to dress a man up, you in particular. I just get to touch you in a way other men don’t quite do. And while it’s equally as fun to undress you,” he joked, “I find it nice I can make you look perfect all the time. That I can see your handsome face and those shoulders all the time apart from the other men.” 

While Edwin was shaving him he replied, “Is it so hard to believe? It’s funny, people usually tend to associate love in general with being feminine. So you could say that we men loving men are doing something more beside ourselves than any lady would be if she took a looking to another woman. I always thought, if men love men in secret, surely women must do the same. Of course you wouldn’t always know, since most women are naturally affectionate. And yet, I think in that case it’s a bit unfair, the way they can be so intimate and no one suspects a thing, and for men, though we can generally go far as long as class isn’t an issue, there is a boundary even for us, isn’t there?”

Edwin laughed. “Well, either way I hope I don’t get a lady that will be swooning over me for weeks. I’ll only break her heart. I’ve got my eyes set on someone else.” The young man kissed the side of the captain’s head. 

When Edwin saw the box, his lips parted ever so slightly, eyes lighting up, looking back at the man. “I finally get to touch the moustache now, do I? I must be the lucky one then,” he teased, playing with his bottom lip. Edwin sculpted the man’s stache to neat little curls at the end, making sure they were neat. 

Next, he began to clothe him just as he had done before, always letting his hands linger, his body become much closer to the man that usual. He had somehow figured Gaunt loved touch more than the average patron Edwin had met, not that he was a patron, but that he was used to a man not care too much about all the simple little touches, but Gaunt seemed to enjoy them. 

And when he was finished fastening the man’s belt, Edwin said, “There you are, Thomas! You’re looking so dashing in it! Why you’ll have me fainting before the ladies.” And then he gazed up at him. “Ah but you’re forgetting the finishing touch.” Edwin leaned forward and kissed the man lightly on the lips. “There. Now I can have the satisfaction of stealing the first, and hopefully the only, kiss from you today.” 

“Thomas? Are we getting personal and i-intimate, Edwin?” the officer amused himself, running a hand through the boy’s hair to tease him.

At the notion of female homosexuals existing, the captain looked skeptical to say the least. He only frowned further at his valet’s explanations. “But, perhaps a lady can like a-another-- but I am sure she must like men as well, as it is i-in their very nature to be attracted to the stronger sex. Why, only a man can h-help them create a family and protect it, which is what women are naturally inclined towards. They are not the same creatures as us men, you see. T-They may prefer the platonic company of o-other ladies, but they remain attracted, if only a little, to what God has meant to c-create.”

He smiled, however, at the kiss given on his head by the boy, and he caressed his cheek lightly and kissed it just as gently. “Well, you may meet a lady f-fairer than I am,” he joked.

It was under careful watch that he let Edwin dress him up in his full scarlet uniform, sometimes letting his fingertips brush the boy’s hair or his nape; or he let them go a bit lower to find their way under the mess dress jacket and caress Edwin’s waist through his shirt.

“I look f-forward to see you faint then,” he teased, embracing his valet to kiss him back. “Now I have to see the Major. You should k-keep yourself busy.”

[earnest-subaltern]

♔ Private Edwin Darling, a young British Guardsman!

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

Edwin knocked gently at the door and then was let in, finding Gaunt not yet fully dressed, his shaking hands trying to dress himself up. When he saw the boy and smiled, Edwin found his heart lifting and he smiled too, accepting the compliment, closing his eyes as his cheek was stroked.

“Morning! You’re looking handsome today too sir, even before the uniform. And you’ll be just as much the subject of attention yourself, all the girls fanning themselves around a tall uniformed man like you.”

“You’ll wear the bearskin? I didn’t know you would!” Edwin said gleefully curious, coming over to the chair it sat on and he picked it up, forgetting the weight of it. “And of course, Sir, it’s a favourite task of mine to dress you up you know.” He smirked. “Aw certainly…” The private walked back over to Gaunt, putting his knuckles feathery light against the man’s stubble growing upon his handsome face. “Let’s begin by shaving you then before you go and get the rest of that on, should save you the trouble if some water or cream gets on those clothes of yours somehow.”

Edwin set him up like usual, in a chair with the bowl, razor, cream, and towel right near him. He cloaked Gaunt in a sheet so he would not risk any drips and began to fluff the cream upon his face with the little brush. 

“And I don’t need money either. I remember I used to do this for you. I told you before I had learned from a barber’s apprentice back at the manor I used to work at. Also learned to cut hair too.” Edwin became closer to the man, his broad chest bumping against the side of the man’s head. His nimble fingers worked away to get the man clean shaven, of course avoiding the mustache which grew above his upper lip. “I wonder what sorts of ladies there will be to dance with… there’s a nice girl I talk with at dinner. She’s very fond of the other girls… Victoria I think? Yes, Victoria. She’s a nice girl… if I should have to dance with any girl, I think it should be her because to be quite honest, Sir, I don’t think she likes men the way other girls might.” Edwin laughed. “At least I know one girl who won’t giggle and whisper about me while my back is turned, if any.”

Edwin finished trimming up the man’s face, being sure to touch it more than he would usually, knowing Gaunt liked it much better that way.

“You may think I look h-handsome,” Gaunt replied with humour, “but I think the u-uniform brings something more that I certainly do not possess right now. I doubt a g-girl would like to see a gentleman so badly dressed.”

He watched the boy walk over to the office to touch the bearskin, and he rose an eyebrow: “What do you mean by saying that your favourite task is to dress me up?” He took the bearskin from Edwin’s hands, then set it on his head and buckled the chinstrap under his lower lip, turning him around to have him face the mirror. “There you go. An odd combination with the m-mess dress, but one day you will w-wear that hat, I am sure,” he smiled as he took the hat back off his valet’s head.

As the private touched his face, the officer smiled and put his hand against the younger man’s, almost intertwining their fingers. “That is why I did not d-dress up yet. I know the damage of shaving cream, you see-- e-else I would not dare to present myself so improperly to you.”

He sat near Edwin and took a look at the display on the table; he could indeed see that the boy knew a fair amount about shaving despite his lack of facial hair. He tilted his head aside when he talked about learning from a barber’s apprentice.

“So that’s w-where it comes from,” he answered. “Well, am I not a lucky officer.” He did not shy away from resting the side of his head against Edwin’s chest when he needed to trim the other side, and press lightly into his touches. “Why, it is h-hard to believe a lady may not like men at all, and instead prefer other women. You can find feminine q-qualities in a man but not masculine qualities in a woman,” the captain frowned, stating an opinion that was perhaps not so unlike the men of his class. “But I do suppose you have to c-choose a dancing partner either way.”

He thanked Edwin for the shave, and retrieved a small tin of wax that he put in his hands. “Just a l-little bit on the ends of the moustache,” he asked, “and then to the clothing.”

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

“Well, perhaps it was me then Sir. Wouldn’t that be funny! Interesting of all guards I should bump into you again.” 

Edwin cleared his throat. “Oh Well you’re time will come, Sir. They say there’s someone for everyone. I’ve had plenty of successful men in this room who weren’t married. I’m sure you’ll be very lucky soon.” 

The young man moved further down, taking hold of the man’s waist and pressing his thumbs into Gaunt’s back.

“Well, I dunno about that, Sir. But you’re right, I am still young. Perhaps I may change my mind someday. But I suppose it’s not that I don’t like marriage or haven’t found the right girl, it’s only that I don’t think I can get married… I don’t feel I would be good with it the way others are. I guess it feels liberating being by myself sometimes, but of course I do enjoy the company of others. Luckily I’ve made a lot of friends of my own.” 

He pressed harder into Gaunt’s back, his lips parting, his thighs pressing up against the table, slowly moving his thumbs down and down. 

“I hope you don’t mind me going lower, Sir. I know some men don’t feel comfortable, but the number one source of lower back pain is resides in the upper rear. You would be surprised to find how much tension lies there, though not many would know because they never try it. And you had a stiff back, no doubt this will help alleviate your lower bit.” 

“I suppose London is a small city indeed,” Gaunt commented. “But if you have lots of Guardsmen as your patrons, then I suppose you are bound to know most of them in the end.”

He laughed half-heartedly at the mention of marriage. “Lucky, I am not so sure. A wife would not be happy with a husband who never comes home. I could not take care of a child if I had any. As long as I am in the army, I don’t think it’s such a good idea. And, with the prospect of a war... why, Germany is quite worrying... well, it is not the right time for an officer to seek marriage, unless he wishes to cause great distress to a lady’s heart.”

However, the officer bit his lip as he felt the younger man take a hold of his waist. It was naturally a very intimate place and a very intimate gesture that none had previously done to him, not even the one or two boys he had spent time with, and he hardly prevented some blood from rushing up to his cheeks as he tried to get accustomed to the feeling. The feeling of extreme vulnerability, most especially, was a very odd one to feel.

“I am not sure how I feel about it, but go on, I suppose-- I have had worse ones in my life, and if you say it is useful--”

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

Edwin wasn’t sure when he awoke if he was to dress in his khaki uniform or get dressed up in his scarlet mess dress for the gala that evening. He was thankful for the room Gaunt had put him up in, much better than rooming with the other privates who were most likely yelling and moaning about most of the day, though apparently a good lot of them had been doing better lately, or so said a nurse. 

The young man decided he would go for a bath first before the rest of the men got up. Previously being a valet, he was used to getting up much earlier than the rest of the higher rankers and so the bathroom was open to him, a tub near the wall. The morning was quiet, the sunlight gentle, and Edwin took the opportunity to bathe in relative peace before everyone was on the move. He had to look clean for the gala. While he sat in the tub, Edwin recalled the night before and the way he touched Gaunt before, the way the man touched him. He dragged his fingers down over his lips, down his neck, imagining the man touching him again, wishing it could be him and Gaunt dancing versus with nurses. But, he would have to bear it. 

The private clothed himself in his trim and trousers, his crisp white shirt, stiff and spotless red coat. He gazed at himself in the reflection of the window facing the back courtyard by the sun illuminating him like a stagelight. He combed back his hair, marveling at his handsome face and he smiled. 

“Ah if only it were Gaunt I was to be dancing with tonight… but it would be rude of me to let all the ladies down. Hope I don’t make a fool of myself,” he said quietly with a little laugh. 

By this time, he could tell most men were up because conversations began to echo down the hall along with the sound of boots down the hall. And then, a knock at the door. 

“Come in,” Edwin said. A nurse approached him. 

“Private Darling? Captain Gaunt would like to see you in his bedroom.” 

Edwin smiled at her. “I was hoping you would say that.”

Considering that he would later need a shave, which was a messy activity, Gaunt decided, after taking a shower, to keep his night trousers on and only his underwear top in order not to dirty his more decent shirts. He decided to stretch and perhaps do a push-up or two to keep himself in shape despite his lack of training, and looked at himself in the trench mirror he had brought along, finding himself in a rather poor shape.

It was then that his valet knocked at his door, and the lieutenant was pleasantly surprised to find him in mess dress. The contrast was even funny in its own way; one overdressed, one more than indecently underdressed given his status. He let the boy in, then closed the door.

“Well, well! What a h-handsome young Guardsman! After tonight, I am sure you shall h-haunt the dreams, daydreams and fantasies of many ladies who would like to m-marry such a good-looking Grenadier,” the officer congratulated, touching Edwin’s cheek lightly. “Good morning, P-Private.”

He gestured towards his bearskin, bearing a larger, taller plume than the one given to privates, resting on the desk. “I need your help to p-put my uniform on and ensure it looks perfect,” he instructed. “But, f-first, how good are you at trimming facial hair? My beard is growing b-back and my mustache is terrible-looking by how unkempt it is. I w-would do it myself, but my h-hands are still shaking, I would cut m-myself. I have to look p-perfect to honour the uniform. Will you d-do it? I will give you a bit of money for your trouble.”

[earnest-subaltern]

Gaunt tried to make an effort of memory upon hearing the boy’s doubts. After a few seconds of silence, he attempted:

“Yes, there were three boys. The one who came to help looked like you. The blond hair, I do recall. And.. I think he said something about what a shame it was that “only little lads got to hug guardsmen”,” he said, even making an impression of the Cockney accent. “Why, yes, it might have been you. I have seen so many trying to talk to me; but I cannot answer, nor do I remember their faces very well.”

Rising his head a little, he looked around the room without moving much, letting the boy work for a while. It was a rather austere room in terms of items, perhaps because Edwin wanted his patrons to think the flat was nice and tidy, as would be appreciated by military rigour.

“Officers do not mount guard at the palace,” Gaunt informed him. “That was why I was dressed as a private at the time, I was only an officer cadet. But we have to mount guard a few times just so we know what it is like before we almost never have to do it again. Why, it may happen, but only in urgent cases. Therefore, those who like Guardsmen only ever see other ranks; they do not go after the officers.”

He tilted his head at Edwin’s revelations about his status. It was rather taboo in this society to be a full-fledged bachelor. And that was why Edwin’s question about his own status was embarrassing; Gaunt, who was older than him, was supposed to be married at this age. “I have no wife,” he admitted shamefully. “I did tell you I was not very popular. But you are still young, and you might just change your mind later about marriage, won’t you?”

a-darling-soldier‌:

The young man watched Gaunt taste the tea, studied his tongue running over his bottom lip. 

“Glad you like it,” Edwin told him, showing him to the table. 

“Oh I didn’t know that, Sir. How splendid that must’ve been. And no doubt you must keep fit for that sort of work. I imagine if there was a war, these muscles here of yours would prove excellent help.” 

Edwin smirked at his latter comment. “Indeed they do,” he replied. “You can’t imagine the kinds of girls I see gawking at the guards when I sit out on my bench. Though I think you probably see more than just the women eyeing you…” Edwin let it sit for a moment. “In fact, I see the little boys even coming up to you. I remember a couple of years ago I was walking past the palace with my friends and a little lad ran up to one of them and I didn’t want him to get himself into trouble to I came after him and tried to keep himself from attaching to the guard’s leg.” 

Edwin kneaded into the officer’s back like bread dough, working through all the knots and kinks in his muscles. 

“Have you ever had any strange admirers, Sir? I’m only just a young man of barely any social status. My mother’s a typist, my father a mason. I work at a bakery some days. You surely must have some interesting stories to tell.”  

When Edwin talked about little boys rather than grown men, Gaunt felt almost disappointed that he had not provided solid ground for an arrest. However, this stirred a memory in Gaunt’s mind. There were so many visitors that he hardly remembered them all; but now that he thought of it, the boy who had gotten the child off his leg was blond and had an accent alike to his masseur’s.

“I– did have a similar experience happening. I was acting as a private for three months before getting commissioned, and I was to mount guard at Buckingham Palace. Three boys with an accent like yours.”

Thinking that it was probably just a coincidence, since London was a very large city, Gaunt added no more to the matter he was talking about, instead keeping silent for a moment to feel the boy’s work more deeply.

“I do not think I did. Most do not want to approach an officer; they prefer the other ranks. I may be fit, but I am not the most handsome of men. Why, do you have… experience with the matter of strange admirers? I know quite a few who prefer a baker boy to an upper class snob. And you are good at massaging too; your wife will be very lucky, I am sure.”

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

Edwin laughed at his inquiry about the politicians.

“Well, I don’t suppose they would like me to give their names. And anyway, if I told you, I don’t think you could ever look them in the eye again knowing their secret. And that’s even just before you knew what they asked me to do.” Edwin shuddered dramatically, but it wasn’t really genuine, more like to make a joke, but at the same time, Edwin knew that many men had indeed asked for some strange things.

“Oh yes… is it odd that sometimes I forget what… this is? You and I? I don’t say that because you treat me like those men from before. It’s only that I can’t believe a man for once isn’t trying to take advantage of me. Well, not every man did, but I suppose the first one I’ve actually liked that hasn’t taken advantage. I still marvel at how well you are with me. All I want is to make you happy.”

Edwin thought about it, curious as to where the two could possibly go with this. Well, if it all went well, he could come back with him after the war to be his valet or something again. He wouldn’t force that on him of course, the daydream was enough to give him hope. The private kissed Gaunt on his temple, combing once again through his hair.

“Oh can I?” Edwin asked him happily. “And me? Soppy? I think you’re one to talk, you’re quite cheesy yourself!” Edwin giggled. “But that’s okay, I like men like that. It shows you have a heart. Lots of men don’t seem to have that anymore.”

Edwin snuggled up next to Gaunt, watching over him as the man drifted off to sleep. “Goodnight, Sir,” He whispered.

That night as the boy himself laid in bed, he wrote a letter to his mother, detailing how an unexpected teapot had spilled all over the place and it was cleaned up nicely, and that the original cup was still steaming nicely. After which, he also told her about the gala that was soon to be upon them.

“Well, E-Edwin,” Gaunt started, stroking his cheek gently. “You are a h-handsome boy, I must admit... but if our relationship w-were to be purely platonic, I w-would not mind it either. You b-belong to yourself. But well, as it is n-now-- as long as you are h-happy with it, then so am I.”

In the morning, Gaunt was woken up by two nurses, who had taken the habit to never visit men alone since unwanted advances or worse had been forced upon them. However, they were not worried upon visiting this particular captain. It was hard to tell if some knew about his inclination for men, or if they just trusted his gentlemanly behaviour, but they mostly considered the officer completely harmless, and the rudest thing he had ever done was falling back asleep instead of thanking a nurse for her care.

This time, they took care of his wounds and made a few examinations to judge the progress of his shellshock affliction. Noticing that his stammering was still as bad, they told the captain that he would have to see the doctor more often, which made him sigh; but that at least, the fact that he recalled at least one memory through talking with Edwin proved that keeping valet and officer together was an efficient strategy.

“W-Would you be so kind as to call my valet,” he eventually asked when they were about to leave. “But d-do not wake him up if he sleeps still. It is to help me dress in my scarlet uniform for the g-gala, so it is not an urgent matter. If either of you are there this evening, my ladies, it w-would be a pleasure to dance with you,” the captain said while gesturing as if he were tipping a hat he was not wearing, which made the girls chuckle before they left to summon the working class soldier.

[earnest-subaltern]

a-darling-soldier‌:

Edwin scoffed. “No! It must be you!” he said laughing, affectionately leaning down and bumping his forehead against Gaunt’s chest.

And then, “Yes, I find the higher the rank, the… odder the interests become. I think it’s cos it’s from how, when you go up the pyramid, the less those people see you as a person, and they start to view you as some sexual object. Working class boys I was with were less taboo in their interests, whereas a politician has some very questionable activities in mind. So yes, you might get scared.” Edwin chuckled at Gaunt’s expression.

The young man set the cloth aside beside the bowl and then went to work at some of the man’s muscles on his shoulders. “Well, I can’t exactly control those hormones, can I? And being around you all the time certain doesn’t ease anything,” the private replied, making a pinched smile. “I can do whatever you want, aside from things I make some man pay extra for back in London. But you’re not so mad as that, so I think I’m safe.”

Edwin leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.

“I know you must be tired, Sir, but I’m not tired yet… Can I stay with you until I feel sleepy? I’ll go back then to my own room. Promise I won’t fall alseep in here.” He thumbed across Gaunt’s cheek.

So he waited there, stroking Gaunt’s hair until he thought he was sleeping, observing his handsome face. And when that moment came, Edwin kissed the man’s forehead, closing his eyes. Then carefully he got up off the bed and went for the door, opening it and gazing at Gaunt for a few moments before smiling to himself and closing the door.

“Do not insist too much o-on it being me if you commit a mistake,” Gaunt said while tilting his head. “You may not l-like it as much as you think. Why, I used to be a colour serjeant at Oxford.”

But for now, the officer looked anything but menacing; not only was he half undressed, but the bruises on his chest and the obvious marks of exhaustion on his face inspired pity rather than fear. In fact, he was already laid in such a position that he seemed ready to sleep, grateful for the room that kept him away from the other shellshocked men.

“You have been w-with politicians?” The captain looked surprised at the news; and seeming very entertained by the idea of known figures committing severe offences while talking of virtue, he asked: “I d-don’t suppose you would give any name?”

He seemed to smile in relief when the young man got to his shoulders, and he brushed the back of his hand across his hair, looking at him in the eyes. “I t-told you I just w-wanted you to enjoy yourself. As l-long as you do, it is all well with me. It m-may have been your source of income in the past b-but we do not have that kind of relationship.”

Gaunt was only now noticing that he was getting sentimental, considering their intimacy like some sort of sacred bound rather than just something that he had previously considered relaxing without any kind of affection or feeling towards his partner. In fact, the way the boy took care of him made him think of what it was like to share the household with a wife; except the wife happened to be male, and dressed in khaki, which was an unsettling thought to say the least.

“You may stay, as l-long as you keep to your promise,” Gaunt answered while holding off a yawn. “But I think y-you are becoming too soppy for your own good.”

And just a few minutes after, the officer was already off to deep sleep, his hands at his sides and his chest rising steadily as he breathed in. He had already forgotten about the gala.