eb17021993

[eb17021993]

8th May 2020

I don't know if I should be writing but it does help me reflect. I am scared cos I don't want to do the same thing I did with Wulan. I kept writing everything I could. Made poems and songs out of her. And now, I'm in my room listening to Gravity over and over again. Again.. When I do this it kinda means I'm depressed. I'm scared cos I might fall in too quickly, tht I might be rushing again. I don't wanna ruin what we have and hope to do things together with you. I'm scared I might be 'planning' and enacting out the things in my head. I'm scared tht I might do things like it's scripted. I want it to go as natural as it can be and be genuine like our first kiss. I'm scared tht I might scare you off as I might come off as too much. Idk wht I should rly do.

[eb17021993]

7th May 2020

I'm agn woken up by the peeking sun on the window.. Thankgod for tht cos I rly do love it whn I get tht. Sun's saying hello to me, I turn away from its gentle and beautiful light thn I'm faced with such gentle and beautiful being beside me.. I couldn't ask for more yet I won't shy away from the fact tht I wanna keep doin ths..

Once agn, I get to watch you sleep. I stroke ur head evr so lightly not to wake u up. Brush my fingers on ur thin hair. Trail my knuckles onto ur brows and ur long eyelashes carefully.. Trace the bridge of ur nose and tenderly made a v shape with my hand on ur jaw, closing my hand as my fingers run in ur chin like how people play with their goatees,tht kind of motion.

I'm being totally careless now.. Wht I'm doin.. But it's bcos I'm not thnkn..

Got up, showered and was basking under the lovely sun tht morning out on the porch. Saying goodmorning to people who pass by. I was in my element feeling myself. You went out for ur sesh and just sat on the corner quietly. I asked u to take pics of me. You went bck to tht corner while I throw my head back as I enjoy the warmth ths morning was giving. Almost half an hr like tht, u were just sitting there thoughtlessly. So, I went over, faced you as I ride your lap and gave u a big hug. I was a bit conscientious of my weight over u but as I breathe, I got carried away and just let go and pulped down on ur arms. I think I smelled u agn 🤦🏽‍♀️

We stayed like tht for a moment and as I let myself up, I was lookin at you agn. Kiss ur forehead, thn nose, but u stop me from reachn ur lips..

Boundaries dear one. Slow down..

So yeah, I got a bit distantly to u the whole day but u wouldn't have notice tht anyway..

Lazed more in the sofa as Ash left us earlier on. You were crouching as u lay on the side as it was gettn chillier, I got u tht duvet from our room and tucked u in and properly positioned ur head as u slept for a long while, while Sam and I got comfortable, chatting and getting close. I like Sam. He's a cool and gentle boi.. Waited for the lady to arrive and thn bid our goodbyes.

We headed to Coatees and saw coincidentally saw Rosie and Seb. They cool.. We got lost there fumbling arnd some bits.. There was ths one interaction we had tht I like. There was somethin goin on outside and I tiptoed as I couldn't see.

'Can't see down there? Don't worry, I'll just tell you wht's happenin up here'

You teased me like tht. So I stared at you and grabbed you by the collar but you got away

'Istg I'm gon choke the life out of you'

As I got offended in a cute sort of way cos it hit the nail just right.. I alrdy had thoughts of complaining to myself as all of you people tht I hang arnd with are way taller thn me it makes my neck strain sm thn u go ahead and pull somethin like tht.. My defensiveness jumped out a lil bit haha

I like it though..

We had McDo after tht thn dropped Rosie, thn me. We parted ways. I spent the whole afternoon and a couple of days sleeping. I think it was the weather's fault but tht isn't entirely true. I was feeling a bit blue cos I couldn't kiss you whn I wanted to. Cos we did make it clear we wntd to be friends. But also I wntd to be more thn tht so I was feeling odd cos I couldn't get my way. Well, at least for now. But I was feeling blue cos I wntd to stay away and as much as I don't wanna admit...

ᴵ ʷᵃˢ ᵇᵉᵍᶦⁿⁿᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵐᶦˢˢ ʸᵒᵘ

[eb17021993]

6th May 2020

We all went out for a trail walk except for Ash who had ths long meeting. You made us all packed sandwiches which we had later on and was delish. I had an apple in my jacket and rmmbered u didn't have anythin ths morning. Well we all didn't cos we didn't have the time. I broke the apple and gave the half to Rosie which she greatly appreciated while we shared the other half.

T'was a long walk and I enjoyed it, talkn to Rosie thn Sukie thn Sam took pics of me.. I wasn't avoiding you but I was bein careful cos I can be a bit clingy but thankfully it wasn't tht much of an effort to get distracted as I get lost in my world in the woods..

We got bck to the caravan, lounged for a while. I made ya'll some pasta with red creamy sauce tht hasn't got any meat innit cos Sukie was vegan and just threw pizza in the oven.. I missed cooking for friends. More lounging arnd, singing, vibing, talkin comfortably.

The sisters had to go so, the five of us went to town. After dropping them of we went straight to yours as Sam went away for few hrs.

We were left alone. We went outside and sat together while we talked. Not abt the kiss. I can't rmmber wht exactly we were tlkn abt but I rmmber I easily confessed tht

'I like you vry much. I rly do. I want to have you and keep you in my life as long as I can. As long as you let me be.'

Which earned me a smile of yours. Though I also made a point tht I wasn't sure if I want to be in a relationship right now and you made it clear tht u wntd to be friends. Truth be told, I know what I want. I just don't want to say it out loud. Yet. And I'm scared. Scared of rejection. Scared of causing hurt. Scared of vulnerability. But no matter how much I play it off cool and say tht I've no idea wht I'm doin, it might come off tht I play everything like the way I want to cos deep inside, I do. And it shows..

I'm not uncomfortable with ppl stripping off in front of me but u do know tht I'm into you, right? Why do tht? Thn ask me to get ur hair mask to hand in while u're takn shower. Istg my sexual desires and imagination was running wild I wanted to get into the tub so bad, evn with my clothes on.. I wntd to do wht Clark did to Lois.. So, I just flopped down to ur bed, face down, defeated. You fnishd. I'm sitting on my side of your bed while you took ur towel off while gettn change. I took slow and deep breaths. I'm convinced tht u're askn for it but I ain't doin anythin whn u made it clear we're "friends"

Your back was facing me but the mirror tht you were in front of was definitely helping/not helping (there's a thin line between the two) of giving me a show. I didn't evn care if u saw my eyes trailing up and down on your body. I put my hands onto my face cos I was enjoying the view too much. I was hopin I'd get caught, eyeing everything u were doin.. Cos deargod, I'm starving and I was in the mood to eat,. Oh no, devour you.. But yeah..

Deep breaths dear one, deep breaths..

I picked up few bits and our dinner at mine's bfore we all headed bck..

Fast forward after dinner, we all had couple of beers, went out and enjoyed our last night with a commemorative spliff session. I stayed true to wht I had told myself tht I ain't smoking anythin whn I got into ths trip so I just kept drinking. Thn we played card games, talked a bit more. Such a memorable night with friends..

7th May 2020

It's the middle of the night now.. Well, abt past 1 or 2am. We were preparing to go to sleep, you were alrdy in bed while I brushed my teeth. I crawled in slowly not to disturb you but noticed u were still awake. So I scratched ur head to put u to sleep while I was on my phone.. Thn suddenly you took ur clothes off and insist on having ur back scratched. I thought to myself, "what on earth is she doin?"

But hey.. You don't need to ask twice.

There was inappropriate touching of course but I treaded carefully, explorin ur body but not going furthermore. Just the sides of your breasts, your chest, your stomach, your legs, your butt, inside of your thighs.. Toying with your back, lightly wrapping my hands on ur neck, soft yet firm grips on ur hair.. Mainly avoiding your nipples and your crotch smh.

I love how u flinch, shiver and push forward to keep away from me whn my hands get to tht certain spot. But I pull you back, you follow and everytime I moved my hands and fingers so delicate and light yet agonisingly slow, you do just the same and melt away. I now know where to touch. Where I can get you to beg.

'Do it harder, please'

'Nuh uh'

'But I'm sensitive there with light touches'

'Exactly. And I'm having vry much fun with it'

As you continue to react from my touch and keep askn me to go harder... No. I'm in the mood to painfully tease, thank you vry much. You have antagonise me in a vry arousing way couple of times alrdy. Nowhere I'll stop now. You faced me as u lay in my left arm. I gave soft kisses on your forehead and ur nose while my other hand was carresing yourr back and tht spot u like.. I was workn my way down and gave you one wet kiss on the lips thn you pulled away and turned.

'You're gonna get my face wet now'

I don't rly care if I'm such a fool believing tht u do like this, vry much so. If I'm being too full of myself yet agn, I'd say something like 'more like get you all wet' but I'm not, so I just scoffed it off.

I reached for your hand, kissed it, locked my fingers with with urs thn hugged you as I came closer. We held hands as I played with your thumbs, you were stroking my right forearm which was sensitive to me. I kissed the back of ur head and deargod.. Why did I inhale ur smell? I'm flaky now. As I drag my hands all over your arm, to your sides thn ur tummy as I draw circles on ur belly button while I got slightly down kissing ur neck thn ur right shoulder. I agn inhaled. Ohdearme. Wht am I doin? I kissed tht part where your neck meets your shoulder. Tht part I deliberately bit gently and unhurriedly sucked a little.

Istg you couldn't manage to speak and barely move away. I rly did wanna lose control tht night, but I exactly know wht I'm doing. I rmmber everything, tht's how I can write thm down. How in God's wrath I'm still sober by then? I was drinkin whiskey, I had vodka and was downing bottles of beers the whole night. But whn you said

'Stop'...

I heard you.

And did just that.

Ofc I still did a little more of teasing and you squirming just enough satisfy me . So, as the kind person tht I am...

'Just give me a kiss thn I'll stop'

you hesitated for a couple of secs but I grasp your hand, squeezed it tenderly, reasurring you it's okay, you face me agn. We kissed. But you quickly turned around. I didn't push further. So I stayed there, petting your head while on my phone. And as you fall asleep, I lift ur head up and positioned it nicely on the pillow and brushed ur hair away from your face.

Tsss. Friends my face.

So contradicting isn't it? Yet makes sense.

I want to be friends. I rly do. It isn't just a facade tht I put up. There's truth in tht, no matter how little it can be. But, I also want to be more than friends.

I couldn't sleep after all tht. How could I? So, I stayed there for a while. Eyes closed.

Until I hear you making sex noises. Like tht night could've gone way, idk, better or worse? Now, you were a hot mess. All moaning, whining and crying of pleasure in your wet dream. Next to me. While I lay there. I wanted to go down on you so bad and just make you moan, whine and cry. Literally..

So wht did I do? I just laughed off of defeat.

Wht else could I have done rly?

[eb17021993]

6th May 2021

Once again I woke up to your face. We again cuddled. You facing me, a hundred things going on in my mind. Too many thoughts, too many voices. Can't breathe as my heart rises. I kissed your nose, can't rmmber next but, u went out for ur morning sesh. I thought to myself I should have done it before she had it "there goes another chance and agn whn she comes bck she's alrdy had one"

You came back from ur sesh and flopped down while I sat up with my back on the headboard, arms crossed. I began to observe while you just lay there for couple minutes of not moving so I come closer and stroke your hair gently, you demanded a head massage which I gladly obliged. You positioned yourself in between my now crossed legs while I am trying to catch my breath hoping tht you wouldn't hear my heart pounding.

Few moments later, my hands were doing few things to your head. Caress your face, your eyebrows, nose cheeks, ears. Gripped your hair to release some built up tension. Slightly pressed both of ur temples.. Wrapped my hands on the side of ur neck. Run my hands behind ur ear and burried my thumbs onto tht dent just by the outline of ur jaw..

I know wht I'm doin.

Your eyes closed while making gentle mixed noises of satisfaction and comfort. Deep intake of breaths, sighs of relief, sweet little moans. I love how you're reacting to my touch. But I kept staring at your lips. I could not handle it anymore.

Still thinking deliberately, hundreds of thoughts all at the same time, doing my best to stay calm. I was too nervous cos they were all up outside, we both can hear them all tlkn as our door was slightly opened but bein blocked by the toilet door.. I was panicking cos I know wht I'm abt to do. But then I told myself tht I don't want to wait anymore. "Oh fuck it!"

As I braved myself and pulled your chin up. You wondered wht's happened and took a look for a sec as I bent my back down, dived in, eyes closed, pressed my lips onto yours, held your cheek and jaw. Then you kissed me back. I breathed in and smooched once, twice, thrice more. I pulled back to see you. You opened your eyes. I smiled at you as you did too. Looking at you straight in the eyes, it will be forever ingrained in my memory how beautiful everything was tht moment.

I bent down once more and kissed you. Such sweet gentle kisses. Then kised your nose and ur forehead and pulled away and smiled agn while maintaining eye contact.

'I've been wanting to do tht ever since the beach. But, you were too drunk"

'Oops. Sorry'

'Just couldn't handle it no more cos if I didn't do it now, it felt like I would've run away'

'You didn't want to have regrets'

'Mmm'

As you reached and held my face while still laying down. I petted your head.

'I've never been kissed upside-down for a vry long time. You were like spiderman' while making tht web hand gesture as you felt giddy.

I smiled as I felt proud you enjoyed tht little stunt I pulled which btw, I never expected it would've been like tht but I couldn't ask for more nor I'd have it any other way.

I knew you got shy cos you strted to ramble. My eyes weren't going anywhere. I kept staring. It seems like I forgot to look at anything except you. You do return my stares but you felt overwhelmed, maybe bcos of ur position. But one thing I loved is you didn't look away or turned away cos u got shy, u just simply closed your eyes and giggled as you couldn't handle everything all at once. And as u opened ur eyes agn I'm still looking straight into them doe-like eyes. Thn u'd smile like a little girl. And I'd smile back.

I noticed tht you were becoming a mess and playfully pointed it out.

'You're fidgeting, u're being nervous now'

'Yeah' to which u agreed definitely

'If I'm being too full of myself, I'd say you were coming on to me vry aggressively ever since. But I'm not' as I smirked diligently.

Tht's how I knew I'd taken my control over and have become aware tht all of my jitters disappeared when I had tht first kiss.

You got confused onto wht I meant.

'What do you mean by full of urself?' you asked

'If I'm being cocky' I explained

'You are cocky.' as I grinned more 'You have control over your emotions' you continued

'Oh I am very nervous. Everytime you touch me I get so nervous and don't know wht to do. It just doesn't seem like it'

And tht statement of yours made me realized, it wasn't a matter of control over you nor the situation but control over myself as you reassured me. But I couldn't help but tease a l'il bit more.

'You are nervous now, aren't you?' which earned me a sheepish smile from you 'It's okay. It's cute.'

You began to play a game where you'd cover my eyes and pretend my chin was my nose and asked me to speak and make faces. You said it was funny and weird. We laughed like fools. You kept touching my neck. I kissed both of your hands.

'You're beautiful'

'It doesn't matter. Looks doesn't matter.'

'I know. Still. You're beautiful'

Don't take it the wrong way. I ain't innit for your looks only. I believe I'm just lucky tht I get to look at your beautiful face in this lovely morning. But I said it like tht cos ever since we met, there's nothing but comfort between the both of us. No awkwardness. No set boundaries. No judgements. It's so easy to be around you. I evn let you touch my head. Not only my hair. But my head. I let you pat it, stroke it, scratch it. The only ones who I rmmber touching my head was my Mom, my father and my Mammoo. Some friends who took care of my hair had touch my head but not ths intimate. Not like family. No one else.

You asked me to switch places. Now I'm laying in your lap. Made me do to u wht u did just now.. You found it funny.. I find it amusing u're using it to hide ur shyness and I kept pointing it out.. So, to shake it off, I pulled u down to kiss me now tht I'm in ur previous position. We were facing upside-down. You were too tall to bend down and it proved to be tricky as u weren't tht flexible u said so I made more effort to reach you.

Kiss. Smile. Stare. Repeat. My heart tht was untameable for the last couple of days whn you get too close to me, is feeling very calm and at ease now tht we shared our first kiss in this lovely morning..

And the thing is... That was my proper first kiss... Perfect...

[eb17021993]

5th May 2021

It's prolly late now but Sam went out agn and came bck with friends. Rosie and Sukie. They're cool sisters. I like thm sm! We all just sat arnd the telly wtchn some documentary abt sea creatures while tlkn abt fetishes, hobbies, likes and passions, past relationships and just simply life.. It was such a good night. We all got so at ease with each other..

6th May 2020

Although I must say, I was quite concerned nearing bed time abt past 2am as we might have another person on our bed and I might not have you all alone.. Fortunately for me, Sukie fell asleep on the couch while Rosie slept together with Sam. Which made me feel I'm running out of time to do somethin cos I was wastn opportunities tht was bein thrown at me.

Still nothn happened.. No rush.. Just cuddles and light hand kisses.. Me being soft

[eb17021993]

5th May 2021

We were all just lazying arnd for the day. Still grey and raining. Sam went away for the afternoon. We just flopped down the couch, you on my left arm with Ash beside us either doin work or dozing off a bit.. You and i were just sharing looks. More cuddling and hand fiddling. Then spent some time in bed while listening to the heavy rain.. You fell asleep for awhile.. T'was good..

We all went down by the beach whn Sam got back.. I was singing. And I get to sing with you and teach you guitar again. I sang "Lost Stars" people were passing by, you in front of me. I can see how you look at me. It scares me so much cos it might not mean anything. You might not evn be aware how and whn u do tht. Heck u won't evn rmmber it cos u're high. I'm scared I'm being sentimental and I hate it. I try to resist it sm, of not giving meaning with your looks but thn fall apart whn our eyes meet.

Whn you stare, you pay attention. You do tht for a while and godknows how I'd like to know wht's goin on in tht flippin head of yours. You feel at ease. You don't look away. When you stare, you stare.

And it scares me.

[eb17021993]

5th May 2021

I woke up and u were still asleep. I kept touching ur face. I just can't get enough of you, u know.

I have ths habit of watchn people sleeping beside me. I find comfort in knowing how vulnerable they are cos it takes some trust to fall asleep next to another person and we were still quite strangers yet friends. It makes me wanna protect ths dearest human next to me. Tht's how I feel whn my people can sleep beside me. I find comfort knowing they trust they are safe.

Idk if u evn knew I also did tht the first time I woke up next to you. Istg it makes my heart swell..

You woke up. We spend a not so little time on the bed just touching, scratches, some cuddling. Gvng u light kisses on the forehead, your hands. I'm quite apprehensive whn I do tht. Giving u kisses. Cos whn I do, I kinda breathe in, pause for a mere split second before pulling my lips away.

It was raining heavily and I love tht rough raindrops u hear on the roof and experiencing ths with you makes it more memorable for me as its been a while since I heard the rain like tht. We didn't wanna get up tbh. I def know I don't.

'I'm scared I'm gonna look for this now'

You don't evn know how it is for me to be wanting ths. I've always yearned for it, just didn't wanna admit. But saying these things out loud is gravely petrifying.

We had little chats, I forgot wht we tlkd abt.

'Have you ever been intimate with someone?' you asked thn proceeded with 'Been in a relationship with someone?'

I had the mistake of sayin 'No' just answering the second question. Ofc I got intimate with someone, not sexually ofc but yeahman I'm a vry intimate person

I continue to tell you why tht is. How I had my first love with my best friend, knowing tht I am in love with her whn we were gonna graduate, how I tried few times to confess but just didn't have the courage and ended up carrying my love for a memory withn 10 yrs bfore braving to finally let out my truth. I told you abt the girl I was into, she was an author/writer, how we used to talk almost everyday but didn't get much into it cos let's be honest, evn tho it was real for me, I'm not sure we felt the same way. How I knew I was falling in love with her th I ran away. But I forgot to mention the fact that I had to do tht cos I wanted my deserve attention, respect and love which I knew was just a one way street.

'I was starting to fall in love. I got scared and ran away' I said

Also didn't include tht I dated and played with boys and men. But it didn't occurred to me to share it with you cos it was irrelevant for me as we were tlkn abt being in a relationship, it was just a playful experience. One tht I don't mind doing.

'I don't do relationships cos I'm scared of vulnerability'

And whn I said tht, I notice you became a bit careful. I sensed it.

I prepared to make bfast for everyone, while I was waiting I jumped on to the counter to sit with a bottle of beer on one hand, u were in the kitchen tryn to do somethin to help.. We were chattin face to face thn next thing I knew I locked my legs onto ur hips, pulled you closer. T'was alright cos u were much taller thn me so there wasn't tht much of a height difference but it still made u look up.. You got taken aback. I raised my eyebrows, crinkled my nose and smirked.. I liked tht moment..

We didn't do anything the whole day cos our was just raining ☔

[eb17021993]

5th May

T'was arnd midnight whn we strted to down tht bottle of becherovka with Ash and Sam.. You got easily drunk and u're also high anyways as u smoke weed few times a day. But I was just hvn fun to be there..

You're lookin at me again. I was asat on a chair facing you as you are on the floor makin notions abt how you'd wanna cut my hair. You kept staring and Ash noticed something which didn't stop him to point out loudly tht you were staring in my crotch. My sitting position with tht red gryfindor shorts wasn't rly helpful (well tht depends on the context) as I have the habit of "not sitting properly". You denied and I looked at your face, looking for a hint of embarrassment with the statement made. Well for one, I'm sure you didn't looked like it but I teased further nonetheless, as I spread my legs wide enough, smirking and raised my left eyebrow suggestingly. You specifically made a comment about my shaved legs which earned Ash to make an interesting face while Sam was quite neutral. I think he's sleepy.

I was bugging you to take a shower so tht we can go comfortably to bed but u said u alrdy had one, we were all tired and drunk and called it. Sam went in first. Ash stayed at the couch and asked me not to close the blinds hoping tht the sun's light would help him wake up later. We went in. You got changed into tht Simba shirt tht I rly like. You got in then I came. We smiled. We cuddled. This is the second time I'm bedding you. I pulled you closer, you got into my arm, snuggled onto the crook of my shoulder, I pet your head as my intention was to help you go to sleep fast and just cuddles rly.. You got snuggly and your hands kept roaming around. Oh yes. The inappropriate touching which wasn't inappropriate at all btw.. I pulled back, faced you and said

'You're rly making hard for me to hold back'

'But you like touching' and continued to squeeze, draw circles, caress and whatnot.

Oh believe me. I wasn't complaining. From my legs to my butt and my back. My back is my favourite part of my body being touched. If u only knew how wet I was but I brushed it off and kept holding you like you're some precious person and kept brushing your head with my hand. Until your hands got low and tried to go inside my pantybriefs. Cos I might have deliberately took my shorts and just slept with a shirt and undies on. Not a mistake. I wntd to sleep naked cos tht's how I slept but I didn't. Your hands weren't stopping anytime soon.

'Behave' as I hugged you firmly

And you got the message as you turned away sulkingly.

You don't know how much I wanted to kiss you. From whence we were at the beach and you stole me away from our mates and asked me to play the guitar and sing to you while you kept staring with tht doe eyes of yours. And tht lovely morning after I spent my first night with you. Just sitting in front of me with tht stare tht just pays attention rly. Tht or bcos u're high. But still.. Then now. I ain't gonna do something to anyone tht's under the influence of anything. Cos when I share moments, I want it to be remembered. Especially these things tht I'm experiencing with you are all new to me. I ain't gonna have some lame "drunken story" to keep on maybe how I will have my firsts.

So, no. Not yet, at least.

[eb17021993]

4th May 2021

You invited me to hang with you guys for a couple days so I took the chance as I wntd to spend my time away on a different view and I did needed it.. So thanks for tht..

[eb17021993]

I'm creating this blog to help me become aware of my feelings arnd you.. I'm gonna be careful cos I don't wanna do anything tht might jeopardize my friendship with you (which is easier said thn done) and one day, whn given a chance, I rly do hope it will grow into more thn tht.

It's just tht I want to have you and keep you in my life long as I can, long as you let me be. And I said tht to you whn I confessed I like you which was way too easy for me if tbh. Idk why but I've found comfort in you. Which is scary for me.

I'm trusting you more every time we are together, I'm way too soft with you, I've let my guard down, not completely but it's underrated to say tht it's halfway down. You alrdy know I don't like my head being touched by people but why did I choose to let you do tht to me? I'm not complaining cos I've forgotten how it feels good to have your head scratched, combed, taken care of. But it's scaring the fuck out of me cos I might look for these but yeah..

I've been putting it off for couple days, weeks, since I met you; writing my ments abt you, journaling my journey with you. Because I don't want to make the mistake of making just a story out of you. Of composing songs and poems about you.

Tho I have to completely rmmber tht with the other, I chose tht from the start saying "ah let's do ths, maybe I'd get a song or two out of her" which sounds like an absolute twat of me rly and it did come true. I fnishd 3 songs and wrote quite a few poems for her, which she didn't know.

But this time it's different. And I'm not just saying tht to comfort me and make tht a reason for anything. You are different. I get to touch you. Hold you. Hug you. Kiss you. You are different and I need to not compare nor hold my fears from other and associate thm with you. Bcos you are different. You are here. And tht is enough.

I want to say this, I don't want to keep anything from you. My feelings for you atleast. Cos I'm hoping tht I will stay with you by your side while you go through things. I am willing to set aside my wants to be there for you.

And what I want is, well, you.

All your cracks, flaws and everything tht makes you, you.

I want you..