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his prescription hasn't been updated since 1705

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12 hours until elmer dnd i might throw up from how excited i am

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pokes my head in

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hi hello it's been a while what the fuck is up gang

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unmatched ship dynamic: "i've done terrible things in the past" x "all i care about is who you are in the present"

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oh right now i’m being perceived by personal blogs i forgot that would happen

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speaking of huey… final(?) elmer commission, this time by the incredible @brbarou who does my favorite interpretation of these characters && who i asked to capture a scene from the end of our first aforementioned one-shot.

i don’t think i ever explained in great detail what went down in that game, but this confrontation went a little something like this…

huey: (after elmer has completely disrupted his plans to alter the tide of the war by refusing to give a dangerously powerful weapon to king jovis, which likely would’ve destroyed him && a bunch of innocent people in the process… something huey only involved himself in for the powerful position it gave him… && after elmer’s meddling inadvertently resulted in the death of the king) well, elmer? is this what you wanted? are you happy?

elmer: you know very well that i’ve never been happy. but at least more people won’t be hurt this way.

huey: …fuck you, albatross.

at which point, huey blasted ray of frost at the room ; elmer tanked it despite getting hit right in the face. when huey made a move to take the weapon himself, elmer stopped him, && when huey realized that elmer really bad turned against him, && he misty stepped out of the there && ran off.

a couple of days later, elmer sent him an apology letter:

Huey, I wish I had gotten to say a proper goodbye, although something tells me you haven’t gone far. I guess the length of time before I receive your response will make that clear… So don’t take too long, alright? And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t ignore this letter either, because you know that my arithmetic and calculation skills are not as keen as yours. If nothing else, it would make me happy to know that you’re well. As for myself, I’m just fine. Hopefully that can make you smile too. It occurred to me that you might still be angry, and I understand why you might feel that way. I wish you weren’t, though. You’re still my best friend, and I tell everyone I know as much. I would hate to be lying to them. If you want me to apologize, however, I’m sure you know that I cannot. Believe me, I would have preferred to make you smile too, but the world is much larger than you, or Usben, or Kesh, or the empire as a whole. Esperanza once told me that making everyone in the world happy was impossible. Perhaps it’s the world that needs to change first, in order for that to happen. Still, I’d like to make it up to you. Your smile might be able to make me happy as well. You like experiments. This is one I would like to try. Esperanza and I are in Usben now, parlaying with Kesh. If you’re still in the city, you should be able to find me with no trouble. I’m sure Speran would love to see you as well. Otherwise, I will await your written response. Your friend, Elmer C. Albatross :) P.S. — If you can tell me in more detail why you wished to possess such a powerful weapon, I might be able to understand your reasoning. I know you better than to believe it was for Jovis’ sake, or the empire’s. I’d still like to help, if I can.

&& huey's response...

Elmer, I thought myself well beyond the reach of old friends, but as always, you seem to have found me out. I did consider ignoring your letter, perhaps burning it and swallowing the ashes, perhaps casting it unopened into the Abyss…but you are hard to ignore. I do hope this letter finds you—the attached instructions say to leave it in a tree hollow or body of water with a silver piece, which seems a strange system for delivering mail, but no matter. If your courier found me, I am sure they can retrieve a letter from a pond. I suppose I am pleased to know that you are well. I will not apologize for my actions in the throne room, but rest assured—I am not angry with you, Elmer. I understand that in your own misguided way, you did what you thought was right. You say the world is larger than us. I say it is too small. Too small for a mind like mine (or a heart like yours); too small for those of us who would climb to the Expanse and shift the turnings of the stars. (Too small to let us keep the things we love.) But I have realized that you are also right. I have been scrambling for power wherever I can grasp it, with no focus on my ultimate aim. I shall be more diligent in the future. Thank you, my friend. You have honed my ambitions to a far sharper edge. You must understand why I cannot return to Usben while you are there. After what I have done, I cannot risk a careless word from an old friend exposing me. And frankly, I doubt Esperanza would be very pleased to see me. I shall lay low for now, but rest assured my friend, we will see each other again. In the meantime, if you could send me news of the Amris girl, that would be most helpful, and would make me very happy. As ever, Chiusadov Huey L.

all in all... things have been pretty crazy.

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something i love about elmer is how he will simply arrive in a place, chaotically meddle in people’s lives, do some (questionably) good things, && sweep right back out again in the most nonchalant way possible.

some highlights from last night’s game include:

elmer waltzing into a group of people all looking desolate (some literally crying) because of their lack of money, most having lost a significant amount gambling with a single (already very wealthy) man, buying them all drinks to get them to cheer up, && then playing against the man himself with the intention of winning back some money for them. he loses, manages to convince the guy to give him money anyway, && distributes it accordingly.

elmer attending the opera in order to investigate a potential spy, quickly realizing that she’s not a spy, just very very obsessed with the ‘trade school operetta’*… && agreeing to go back to her secret hideout where she made an entire theory/conspiracy board about it && spent at least an hour sitting there patiently listening to her infodump because he could see how happy it made her.

elmer healing the friend of one of his party members, who had just returned after escaping imprisonment in a war camp && being tortured by people he used to call friends ; she had significant injury && scarring on her back not dissimilar to the injuries he himself possesses, && it very visibly unsettled him… not an easy thing to do.

elmer expending every possible use of lesser restoration && lay on hands to neutralize poison consumed by a large group of people at a banquet breakfast the next morning — eight times, in fact, using both second level spell slots as well as using channel divinity to regain one && cast it again, plus five uses of lay on hands. the people he cured were liara (former princess, now queen), a recent friend (an ambassador), the close friend of a party member, && five other people who seemed like would have people who would’ve very sad if they died. when the medic arrived with an antidote (but only enough for 2 people), elmer told him not to prioritize people based on their status — just to save “whoever you can.”

regarded as a hero, (&& his party members too, as they successfully weeded out the actual spy, who was responsible for the poisoning) elmer was invited to stay in the city && be of help/assistance as needed; he spoke to the young queen who he’d saved && said, “i’m very glad you’re alright, && i’m glad i was able to help. i also wanted to offer my condolences on the death of your grandfather**… i feel… slightly responsible for his death, so… I should probably be getting on my way. but I’m very easy to contact, should you need me!” && he simply said a very brief farewell to his party members && left with little more than a wave && a cheerful smile.

got a letter from huey, who he hasn’t heard from in about two months :)

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i swear to god i’ll write soon.

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another commission !! elmer && his friend kor sitting atop the tallest tower in usben, telling stories — a little scene from a game a few months ago :)

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HE'S ENJOYING THE COMPANY. elmer's almost always traveled alone, && that's been okay, but after a handful of centuries, it does get... maybe lonely isn't the right word — or else he's not willing to admit to it — but quiet. out here, in the wilderness, there are few other people wandering about, && without a steady stream of smiles or at least people to badger about smiling, elmer feels strangely listless. disquieted, even. as if he's living up to his epithet, && experiencing withdrawls.

he listens to twain's story with casual ease, a relaxed smile on his face as they walk. his own backpack is heavy but he barely feels the weight. he's pretty sure that he could just keep walking && be fine, but it is getting late, && he doesn't want to exhaust his traveling companion.

"protected tree, huh...? yeah, i've heard about stuff like that." elmer nods sagely. "&& i've slept in my fair share of trees over the years, so that's a pretty familiar story. i've always preferred high places anyway, though. think that's why i like the mountains."

he yawns. oh. maybe i'm more tired than i thought.

"we probably should camp for the night. it's probably another five hours to town, so unless you wanna trek along the cliffs in the pitch black, probably not, haha."

as if to punctuate that thought, he slings his backpack off and it lands on the ground with a soft thud. "from there, though, you should be able to stick to the roads && return to civilization, if that's what you want. i realized i never really asked where you're headed."

@eccedentesian / secret twain starter call.

"Gettin' dark."

It's decidedly not Twain's first foray into backpacking places, but it is the only one he hasn't done alone. Usually, long trips across whatever country are his way of getting some time to himself, or getting away from something, but this time... Well, it was definitely a little bit of getting away this time, too, but it's definitely more fun now that there's spontaneous company involved, even though neither of them are actually sticking together because they just like eachother that much.

Not that Elmer's a bad guy. He's a weirdo, sure, but he's actually pretty nice to be around, and Twain's had weirder friends. Actually, Twain's had downright worse friends, so unless Elmer suddenly does something drastic like trying to kill an entire city, he's definitely not the worst ranked on the list. If there even was a list.

In any case, he's a lot chattier when he isn't left alone. He never talks to Whipped Cream much outside of where other people can hear, since she can probably read his mind anyway. He's not really used to filling the silence with chatter, but it's not like Elmer's quiet.

"Y'know, last time I was out in a place like this in a situation like this, I had some cops on my ass. For somethin'. Not sure what, it's been a while. Anyway, I led 'em on until it got dark, then I hauled my ass up into a tree an' slept there for hours. They were waitin' for me at the bottom but I think the tree was protected or somethin' cause they couldn't get me an' they couldn't get a firetruck into the forest for the ladder or anything."

There had been a point, initially, and he only now remembers it. "How far's the nearest, uh... How far's the next town? We gonna rough it out here?"

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something about happy endings.

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what’s your underlying motif?

the orange. whether it’s your warm embrace, your unwavering reliability, your smile that says “welcome back”, your motif is the home. your the equivalent to coming out of the rain to the fire on and your slippers waiting by the door. your uncanny way of making people feel alright, you’re treasured in these trying times. i respectfully request you take care of yourself, the world will never been as kind to you as you are to it. anne lammott said “lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining” and though unconventional, lighthouses are inhabited and your cup runs over with generosity. because you probably don’t hear it enough, thank you.

tagged by: @redeulogy thanks this hurt a lot tagging: @firemourn @saintsdawn @viilein @longerhuman && you !

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sorry i just was overcome with the mental image of elmer wearing all white && i blacked out for a sec

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One of my favourite things in Baccano is when a character reacts to another character's actions by going "waow this guy is insane!"

Like, my brother in christ, you're in the insane characters story.

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i’ve been having a really hard week but at least there’s him (new discord icon drawn by the incomparable @indigoworks)

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it’s that time of the month again (reading man in the killer && having an existential crisis over elmer && graham being the same age)