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[ecriture-femme]

On losing yourself to love.

Over the course of my healing period past my previous relationship, it became more and more apparent to me that there is a common phenomenon in which people lose their sense of self authenticity over the course of a romantic relationship. The same concept exceeds romantic partnerships as these circumstances can occur to all kinds of connections, whether it be platonic, familial or romantic. Many artists and singers have voiced their thoughts in regards to the same subject. For example, Selena Gomez’ award-winning song, Lose You to Love Me. As a writer, this anecdote of mine is the vessel wherein I can pour my thoughts out in terms of losing myself in the midst of a relationship. So, should you care to listen, stay for awhile.

I have noticed that there is a trend in the emotions that I feel crashing and colliding in my chest following a break-up. A sense of freedom like no other, as if I was a loose cannon ready to shoot my arrows in several different directions regardless of where the wind is blowing. A sense of comfort in knowing that I am now unencumbered, that all of the factors of my life returns to me and only me, no one else. A sense so liberating it makes me wonder why. In my youth, I was starved of validation and recognition, instead, I was fed with a heave of expectations. This resulted in me forming the mindset that in order to find self-satisfaction, to call it love would be a reach, I would need to be like clay. I would need to be malleable so that those who lay their hand upon me can shape me according to the fantasy that they have of a perfect lover. It brings me to shame recalling the countless amount of times that I have referred to myself as a blank canvas that could be painted with the expectations and desires of others.

[ecriture-femme]

The Dichotomous Mindset of Society.

“Let boys be boys.” A phrase that never fails to stifle a laugh out of me. Why, you might ask? Because it mirrors the exact flaws instilled in patriarchal beliefs. Philosopher John Locke believes that all human beings are born with an empty mind at birth, it is the education and environment surrounding the person that shapes their mind. The existence of genders beyond the binaries determined by society is acknowledged. However, for the sake of this discussion, I will explore the dichotomy in the mindset that are exclusively taught at childhood towards men and women and how it manifests in their growth as individual adults that coexist with each other.

From a liberal feminist viewpoint, I believe that men too, are victims of the gender construct formed by society. Growing up, my mother once told me: “He pulls on your pigtails because he likes you, honey.” As a gullible little girl, I was taught to feel satisfied or proud if any of my male peers would commit little acts that are unconsciously hurtful towards me. On the other hand, boys are taught to be loud, rowdy and playful because those are the defining characters of a future macho man. If a boy were to sit down quietly and read or play with his girl friend’s tea set, his parents would be quick to interject as they find the actions of their son emasculating. As a result of the mindset we were taught as children, most women would excuse a man who treats her with disrespect as they think that the disrespectful action is done out of love whereas most men would not see the consequences behind their behavior.

Although I do not think that John Gray is entirely wrong in pointing out the differences between men and women in his infamous book; Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I do think that there is a limit to which the differences in between both genders should be tolerated. If a man consciously behaves in an insensitive manner towards a woman’s emotions, is that man wrong and should that man be held accountable? Or is that man simply being a man according to society’s mindset and is therefore not guilty of anything? The stereotypes built and enforced by society has given a lot of men an excuse to feel as though they are right to think that they ‘own’ women, that they should behave in certain dubiously harmful ways in order to attain power or exude dominance. Likewise, the very same stereotypes have shaped women’s minds into thinking that they are below men and that they should be docile to the treatment that they receive.

Instead of educating young minds that they shall behave in particular ways in order to validate their gender identity, the society would benefit a lot more if they were to allow men to respect and acknowledge their emotions without shaming them and if women were to be given equal rights to power and education. This creates a more balanced and healthy society as less men would resort to detrimental tendencies as an escape from their repressed feelings and more women would be able experience an increase in their awareness in regards to their powers, leading them to engage in acts which would enrich the world. At least in my opinion, that is. You may choose to agree or disagree to whatever has been stated in this discussion, but, I do think that there should be a common understanding that rigidly obeying to the constructs of society may pose negative impacts to the future generation.

[ecriture-femme]

Écriture Féminine : A Woman’s Writing.

Bustling crowds, silent sleepers. In the midst of dawn, the woman sat by the mahogany windowsill. The scent of nicotine kisses the air as her pen dances upon the worn-out pages of a book. There, the woman writes.

Not much is there to be known of the mysterious writer. She goes by the pseudonym; Juliet Rose Atwood. A touch of je ne sais quoi trails each sentence she writes, perhaps it is in the way that she tells the tale of girlhood or the way she mocks those who live within the convents of society’s norms. A desire for liberation runs through her vein as she strides towards freedom.

Rumor has it that the woman resembles characters seen in literature and film, namely; Amy Dunne of Gone Girls, Lisa Rowe of Girl Interrupted, Astrid Leong of Crazy Rich Asians, Priscilla as written by Daniel Caesar in ‘Who Hurt You?’

Born under the Taurean constellation, her mind is sharp and jagged with thoughts that frighten yet fit those who are lucky enough to catch a glimpse. Her mind is an endless pit of thoughts, from monologues to critiques, a thinker is what she is. Although, a special place in her mind is reserved for feminist journals, philosophical theories and literature. To please her ears, she mainly listens to Arctic Monkeys, Cigarettes After Sex, Lana del Rey, TV girl and Jhene Aiko but her music taste remains as broad as the horizon.

Take this as a warning sign, the woman and her writings are not for the faint of heart. You may choose to leave upon your own discretion should you feel the need to, or don’t. The choice is all yours to make after all.