edenededdie

[edenededdie]

𝑀𝑒𝒹𝒾𝒸 𝓃𝓈𝒻𝓌-𝒶𝓁𝓅𝒽𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓉

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!: nsfw, mention and description of human entrails and mutilation? And shady medical practices?? And blood??? So basically meet the medic in a nutshell-

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

He won't seriously hurt you. At least not during sex. He'll absentmindedly stroke your back, neck, and shoulders, maybe brush your hair out of your face, and then leave you alone. He's become quite sophisticated about afterglows/aftermaths over the years, and he never develops a particularly close, romantic connection with anyone. Yes, he can be a friend (a...slightly crazy and sadistic friend with a little too much enthusiasm and fascination for questionable experiments...but a friend nonetheless), but ultimately he'd just be a friend you've slept with, for whatever reason. It might happen a second or third time, but it won't change anything about your relationship. About ten or twenty years ago, he would have lain naked in bed with you, having a lively conversation, but those wild times are over. Medic has already used up all the ammunition he can. He'll leave you in bed (unless you've been doing it somewhere without a bed, in which case he'll hand you your clothes and politely ask you to either leave or stay quietly and not let on. You can help him with his work or something) and act as if nothing at all has happened. It's not that he doesn't like you (otherwise he wouldn't have slept with you anyway), he doesn't mean it in a bad way, it's just how he is.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

For him: His eyes. He's wowed many women with his bright blue eyes. Some people's biggest argument when they need explanations regarding romantic and/or sexual feelings for this strange guy is always his eyes. They have a kind of piercing, x-ray-like quality about them, in an exciting way. When he looks you directly in the eyes, you feel like he's pinning you down. His eye color is best when he's standing in the light. Even people who aren't so keen on blue eyes suddenly think, "Oh. Oh hello, call a doctor~" Would you wake up after an accident and look into those eyes and hear the words from his mouth: ,,Don't worry. I'm a doctor." you'd believe him and do everything he said. You can't know any better if you've never met him before. He's aware of the power of his eyes. Medic can use them to appear trustworthy. Or terrifying. Or hot af. Most of the time, his madness can be hidden well behind that blue. All in all, his eyes, combined with his eloquence, are a dangerous psychological weapon with which he could even outsmart the devil himself.

For his partner: He likes your insides more than your outsides. That's how he lost his medical license. Jokes aside, he kind of likes cheekbones and jawbones without focusing on them. He's never been able to derive any lustful interest from parts like breasts and hips. They're just there because they're part of the female body. He'll (maybe) touch you there if you're sensitive there and ask him nicely, but ultimately, it's just...flesh in his hands. During his surgeries, he's touched more interesting things.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He had a vasectomy early on, so he's infertile. All blank cartridges, as Sniper would say. He'd even offer you the option of doing it without contraception. So, with or without a condom is your decision. And responsibility.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

His sexual past. From eighteen to his early thirties, his main activities were: learning, studying, experimenting, fucking, and being fucked. Women, men, people in between, tops, bottoms, switches...more than once, he let a guy grab his hair and push his face into the mattress. And vice versa, too. He'd also had a few very dominant women in bed. Simply out of curiosity. Horniness played a certain role, but mostly, his brain was the metaphorical driver behind the horny truck. Medic was 40% cock-driven, but 60% brain-driven. It was like playing doctor, both ways. Which makes him (apart from Pyro, nobody knows about that one) the only non-cis teammate. Later, Medic let himself be dominated only by men (although it must be said that he was always quite a power bottom on these occasions) because it was somehow more exciting and challenging. However, the older and crazier he got, the more he wanted to feel powerful without being too conspicuous. He was like: Tut mir leid Schätzchen, but I'm an intellectual. I know better. So...either you lie down, or we can just forget about it."

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

He's a doctor, nurse, surgeon, and scientist all rolled into one. He's also experienced a lot. Medic is mature in years and experience. He always knows what he's doing, unless he's in that mental tunnel his mind enters whenever one interesting idea follows another and he starts completely dissecting his patients, even though they're actually just lying on the X-ray table with a cracked rib. The sex with him is good, but not so good that you end up with a mind blown and have to get your life back on track. "Normal" intercourse with Medic is best; with anything else, you have to worry that if he gets too involved (or bored), you'll end up strangely missing a kidney. Or your lungs have started making strange noises. So if you spent time with the Doc and you weren't quite in your right mind (which many would tell you if it came out what you were doing) and maybe even involved blindfolding and bondage, the Medic might use the opportunity to distract you enough, drug you, or do something to you "for the good of science" (his excuse). The chances are good that you won't die from it, or even never find out. He may be crazy, but he's talented. Oh yeah, and since he has extensive knowledge of the human body, he knows exactly where the sweet spots are. This man may not know about your personal desires and preferences, but he does know where your body is naturally sensitive. The world can be glad that the Medic isn't into torture (in the classic sense). It might even happen that he hits spots on you that you were previously unaware of and whose effects you had never even heard of.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Sideways. His large hand on your pelvis, your legs bent around his knees, his free hand above your head or next to your face. Sex is a much less boring waste of time when he can watch you writhe, squirm, and twitch, the way it works on your face, the way your jaw tenses as you grit your teeth and try to suppress your moans...uh... not into torture in the classic sense, alright?

G = Goofy (are they more serious at the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It's hard to judge. He might talk all over you while undressing and during foreplay, but that could mean anything. Is he nervous? Is this his way of breaking the ice? Is he trying to make you laugh? Is he just talking for the sake of talking? Is he socially awkward? Is he crazy? Is he quirky? You don't know. While he's unzipping your bra or taking off your shirt, he might tell you about a discovery or experience he had. ,,Ja, and then I looked into it a little more closely and immediately realized that it wasn't a failure of the limbic system, but a tumor in the pineal gland..." *puts his hands under your top* ,,...aber the Dummkopf from the medical association just wouldn't believe it! Kannst du das glauben? I mean, yes, a month earlier, I had cut out Heinrich's liver instead of his kidney, but that was only for...arms up, that's good..." *pulls your top over your head* ,,...für scientific purposes, besides, he was perfectly fine for a whole week. He probably would have died even sooner without me, and being healthy for a week is better than being sick for a few years, well, but they didn't want to know all that, why even do the Ausbildung..." *unbuttons his shirt* ,,...what I was actually getting at was that we essentially have the corpse of the test subject...I mean, human, to thank for the brilliant idea of ​​making a ray gun out of a standard ballpoint pen. It's not a weapon in that sense, of course...warte, we'll get to that in a minute..." *takes off his shirt* ,,...I'm not good at giving things names, how could I? I have so many more important things going around in my head...hands off, I'll do it myself, thank you very much..." *unzips his pants* ,,...anyway, Mr. "Strepto-is-no-reason-to-remove-someone's-nerves-from-the-spine"...as I said, it's a shame they didn't let me continue, then said that human dignity is inviolable and that a tumor the size of a pea wouldn't change anything... oh yeah, you can lie down now..." During sex, he doesn't talk as much anymore; he just tells you what to do. Your reactions, positive or not, are relatively unimportant to him. While it's important to him that you at least have an orgasm, it's not to the point where it makes him feel better. If you're too loud, he'll "shush!"; if you have suggestions for improvement, he'll also "shush!" He praises you a lot, but mostly he thinks he's right about everything and that your brain is just so full of hormone-induced chemical chaos that it can't think properly anyway. Maybe you find it funny. Maybe not.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

The Medic has black, straight, fanned chest hair (c'mon, you can even play him in-game with his shirt unbuttoned, I don't even have to describe his upper body). His armpit and pubic hair are also black, like his head hair, and just as smooth. His hair is really shiny. Even his pubic hair looks like it could be a model for some kind of conditioner (you know, something like hair lubricant). Maybe it's because he smokes and drinks a lot less than the others. Otherwise, his body hair is neither too much nor too little. He only shaves his face, having been blessed with such a handsome, masculine face, why should he hide it? Medic recognizes his own attributes, not just the intellectual ones. His temples are the only places where a bit of gray has appeared so far. It's not particularly noticeable. So what does it matter? A subtle graying radiates a certain grandeur. And for a man in his early forties, he looks really good.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

So if you're so into Mr. Ludwig that you even want to have sex with him, you can't possibly be particularly romantic. Either you're at least a little crazy and uninterested in normal people, or you're incredibly naive and think that Medic could change, or that deep down he's just different from how he usually presents himself. Before, during, and after sex, he doesn't seem like it was or is anything special for him. He has no significant need for love or romance, and his libido is usually in a bored, half-asleep state. Sure, he might say something hot or even sweet to you during it, but you should never base your mental decisions on that. He's just very special and strange, okay? He's special and strange even to his best friends. Even Heavy thinks the Doctor is very special and strange. In the act, he's pretty much the same person he always is, just less bloody and without that...I don't know how to describe it better..."manic, enthusiastic, dark, lighthearted hysteria"?? Medic is a brilliant madman. During this, he's almost normal, by his standards. There's no classic passion involved; he has more of a mildly interested, darkly humorous quality to him. His usual mental twistedness somehow becomes "quieter." It's still there, but it's like being behind a veil. Honestly, sleeping with him is a bit creepy. The way he looks at you, you might as well be a guinea pig, with him semi-soothingly scratching behind your ears with one hand while he prepares the syringe and scalpel with the other.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He has sexual needs, but they're so small that other men would never consider them real needs. In the end, Medic is just a man, but he makes up for his sexual frustration by robbing corpses. He's a bit more annoyed and short-tempered at this point, but it never occurred to him that it was because of his cock. He honestly never gives a thought to his cock (or body in general. He only sees what everyone else sees: face. Hair. Hands. Clothes. Period.) and, accordingly, he doesn't masturbate.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He doesn't really have a kink. He likes you if you're curious and inquisitive about his work, talk to him respectfully (he prefers being addressed as "Doctor," it sounds so authoritarian), and like him. If you then take the first step toward intercourse...why not? Oh, and he likes to be taken seriously. And praised. Not a praise kink, but the feeling that you look up to him in awe is pretty nice (even if that could quickly turn him into a smug, even more narcissistic, asshole at times, so he needs to be put in his place every now and then). He'd immediately say yes to tying you up or blindfolding you, but think twice.

L = Location (favorite place to do the do)

Anything that's his domain. His bedroom. His study. His office. His laboratory. Everything that belongs to him.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He's aroused in a cool, calm way. Not in a "NICE, finally some sex!" way, but more like, "Oh, okay. Fine. Why not. Having sex once every few months certainly can't hurt. By the way, did I tell you about the man who woke up and his entire skeleton was missing?" He'll only sleep with you if you're something special in his eyes and he doesn't see you as a complete waste of time (meaning you, psychologically, not physically; he can always relate to bodies). If you already know each other well enough and have been intimate at least once, he'd also consider sex or petting a little reward for you. A treat for the loyal puppy. Oh, you sorted the files and cleaned the entrails from the floor? Good job. Yes, maybe it wasn't entirely pleasant for you, but respect for getting it done in such a short time...come here...~

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

He doesn't like it when you have the upper hand. Or when you get too close to him. Don't touch him, stay lying down, he'll take care of it. Holding onto his back or arms is the most he'd willingly allow. You can be a little cheeky, of course, but physically passive, please?

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Oral sex hasn't been a thing since his twenties, neither he with others, nor others with him. At some point, more than just his curiosity was satisfied, and he realized there were more important and interesting things to do. Less messing around with idiots (to him, most people are idiots, except for himself. The world consists of Ludwig, 98% idiots and 2% experiments... - I mean people, of course, FRIENDS, who are worth spending more time with than necessary), more preoccupation with innards. If you want to give him a blowjob, he'll just say straight up, "Nein." You don't need oral pleasure from him, don't even ask, don't even think about it, because he has something much better to give you. And that's two very skilled hands. They're the hands of a surgeon. Think about it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Matches your breathing. If you start breathing faster, he will move faster. His movements are always obviously very purposeful and precise, especially if he has already become familiar with you and your body. He feigns playful exploration, but if you pay attention, you'll immediately notice that he is frighteningly accurate. It's a bit like deliberately pretending to take some time to study a hidden object puzzle, but in reality, you've found everything in the first few seconds.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If he has nothing else to do and he's hoping for something from sex with you, and you're in the mood anyway...it'll be over in 16 minutes at the most. However, if you're only interested in him sexually, he'll dump you faster than you can say "Medic!" From a purely physical perspective, many people have fallen for him, and now he can't stand for that anymore. If he likes you and you like him (to describe it more accurately: if you both share a friendly, at least slightly morbid interest and fascination for each other) and it's all about keeping you on the ball or quiet, rewarding you, or mindlessly satisfying your desires, he may certainly do this favor for you, but it's not a regular occurrence. It depends on his mood; you can't and will never recognize a pattern. Sometimes he'll shoo you out of his room and demand some peace and quiet, no matter what you say, and sometimes he'll lock the door, turn to you, and exude the purest "I'm going to fuck you up in a polite, calm, and distant way, sweetheart. And this will be our little secret, alright...~?" vibe.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He wouldn't know what risks and experiments one could take during sex. Okay, maybe experiments, but you don't want that. Really. Believe me. There's nothing sexy or kinky about his style of experimenting during sex. Please don't.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Three, but why should he? He finds sex unimportant and boring enough that he doesn't feel any mental or physical satisfaction or exhaustion from it. Medic is not only different from most men, he's also different from most people. No matter how much you feel for him, he would never do more for you than he thinks is appropriate. Besides, you'll already have enough after one session with him. And if not, he can give you enough in one session.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nope. He has strange medical devices, be glad he doesn't have more. Otherwise, things could quickly get very creepy. Like if Saw was a porno. No, he doesn't have anything like that (anymore...) and he doesn't use anything like that (anymore...), and believe me, that's a relief for everyone. For everyone. And everything. And everyone. He could choke and bite you if you wanted more, would that even be an offer in a pinch...?

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He'll quickly figure out how to theoretically make you scream, both in pleasure and in pain, but he prefers to give you just enough to send you into ecstasy, but little enough that you never forget that you can never expect passionate love from him. He doesn't want to give you false hope in that regard, either. He has no use for a horny fangirl. You're neither fuck buddies nor friends with benefits. He really sees you more as a kind of human pet that somehow one day followed him around, craving attention. But if the situation arises where you somehow convince him to give his fucking best at you and you just want to be a moaning jerk, it will be the most frustrating show ever. He can keep you on your toes until you feel like you're about to explode, until you want to scream and cry, beg and plead like your life depends on it, and then at some point he'll say he's fed up. And then he'll leave. Just like that. It's not his duty to take care of you. There are so many other men at the base. Go to them if you don't like it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Medic is known for having a very hysterical, German-English voice. Well, it can get deep. It can suddenly become so unexpectedly deep, raspy, and purring for his standards that you feel like all your organs are melting into a lump, and your legs suddenly have the same experience as that patient from back then who was missing his entire skeleton. He still has those choppy, hissing, sharp "sch," "tz," "ck," and "h" sounds and that guttural, harsh pronunciation typical of German, and 99% of the time it sounds threatening and scary, whether he meant it that way or not, but if he says things to you in that tone of voice like: ,,Be quiet, or are you naughty enough to let everyone know what's going on?" ,,Leise, or I'll stop..." ,,Hands off, you greedy thing." ,,Did you know that if you touch that part of your body long enough...oh, nun...you'll find out anyway..." ,,It would be very interesting to see what's going on in your brain right now; your pupils are certainly dilated." ,,Beine auseinander. Jetzt." Then it will definitely have devastating consequences in your abdomen. So he speaks surprisingly quietly, raspy, and deeply, and he doesn't moan at all. While he's almost panting while inside you, all he breathes is a "hhh...hehh...hhh..." His orgasm is a mystery. Somehow, you never notice it. It probably always comes when you're so distracted that you barely notice anything else.

W = Wild Card (a random headcanon for the character)

He actually only pines for men. He's never once thought about how attractive a woman is. While everyone else on the team would be all over the place and flirting if they saw all sorts of attractive women in bikinis on the beach, Medic wouldn't care. They could just as easily be fish from Bikini Bottom playing beach volleyball and emerging wet from the waves; he'd rather talk to the lonely man with the Hawaiian shirt and cheekbones at the beach bar. Medic is too narcissistic and sadistic to be in a relationship, and he knows it, which is why he's never tried to be in one. If you approach him and make the first move...or even the second...or the third...you have to be aware of how he'll treat you. While the relationship wouldn't be abusive-toxic, it would definitely be quite toxic. He'll take his emotions out on you; if you're not mentally and physically strong enough, it will destroy you, especially if you're in love with him. So, even if you're a woman, be a man. Stand up for yourself.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

For just a doctor, he's surprisingly buff. When you get closer and see him rolling up his sleeves, you think, "Oh. Holy shit. Fuck." The fact that he's so muscular isn't even his intention, he doesn't even train. Instead, he carries around so much really heavy equipment and weapons (and also... people. Regardless of whether they're live or dead weight) that this alone gives him biceps bigger than my body. And his back, too. His biceps are almost a joke compared to his broad, muscular back. He may not have a six-pack, but he definitely has abs. Punch his stomach as an untrained ignorant person and you'll feel like you just smashed your knuckles into bone dust on a brick wall. He even has slight, recognizable pecs. The. Medic. Has. Man. Boobs. Amen. The first time you lie under him, you think to yourself, "Oh no, that was a mistake. I underestimated the situation. I can't even look past him. He's so big. I'm so dead. I can't do anything. I can't even defend-" Everything about him is somehow so big and broad when naked (and by that I mean...everything). And he's not even the biggest on the team. He's neither the biggest nor the most muscular, and for that reason alone, people tend to underestimate him physically. But by God, he can break all your bones with his bare hands as if you were nothing more than a pack of spaghetti. Yet another reason why it would be better to be either a man or a very upright woman when dealing with him, someone who can also point a finger at him and say ,,Hey. If you do anything to me without my direct permission, you're in for a surprise. I have contacts who would definitely be very interested in the things in your freezer that no one is allowed to look into...oh, and your documents... so if anything strange ever happens to me..." Then he suddenly becomes very sweet. When reading this chapter, please don't forget that Medic has most likely done some very bad things, considering he's cannontly going to hell and the devil himself has called him a monster.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

As I said, he has a certain human longing more with men, otherwise he would never have sex just for the sake of it. Well, not anymore. He'd taken advantage of so many people, over and over again, it had become boring. He's never felt bad about it; he even believes there's nothing wrong with it. He was given great intelligence, a thirst for knowledge, and a willingness to experiment, which has grown stronger and stronger over the years, until it's taken on almost obsessive traits; there must be a reason for it. So he does what he feels called to do. What he was called to do. Libido just gets in the way.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He won't fall asleep immediately afterward. He'll lie next to you smoking, or he'll get up and sit at his desk shirtless or with his shirt unbuttoned, smoking, doing office work, studying, reading a book (if it's still daytime, he'll get fully dressed, but in the evening, pants are usually enough after sex)...sometimes he'll even read a book in bed next to you. It all depends on the time of day and how much is to do. That affects you too. If it's evening, you can sleep, read, smoke, shower—he doesn't care; do whatever you want, as long as you don't disturb the peace. If it's daytime, get out of here. Some people have to work. He won't want to sleep in the same bed or even in the same room with you, regardless of whether you've had sex or not. So one of you two will have to leave the arena sooner or later. No one has ever seen the Medic sleep. Some even rumor that he doesn't sleep at all (which is nonsense, but for his teammates, the idea that he needs sleep is kind of strange. It makes him so...normally human. As if he's suddenly on the same level as them).

//r3g4rds//

[edenededdie]

𝐻𝒾𝓈𝑜𝓀𝒶 𝑀𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝓃𝓈𝒻𝓌-𝒶𝓁𝓅𝒽𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓉

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!: nsfw, mention of violence?

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Don't get your hopes up. He'll leave you a flattering little message and then disappear. He'll ghost you as if nothing ever happened between you two.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

It's neither a secret nor an exaggeration that Hisoka is quite self-absorbed. He's trained himself to have a great body and isn't afraid to show it off. He rocks the skinny, thicc Insta-model look. He likes himself and EVERYTHING about himself, but he always feels best when he's all made up and styled, looking like a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure-style drag queen. His favorite body part on a woman can vary. He can never quite settle on one. Hisoka is generally a bit fickle. Sometimes all he sees is a walking lump of flesh to play with, and sometimes it's a sexy leg.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

This is my third nsfw alphabet, and I still don't know what to write about this topic. But in any case, I'm firmly convinced that he can make himself a Nen condom at any time. He'd be ready at any time, what can I say...

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Hisoka isn't really the type for dirty secrets. Don't get me wrong, he's dirty, but he doesn't make a secret of it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

He doesn't have as much sex as some might expect, most women aren't really interested in him (he's just too weird and freaky, okay?), and Hisoka enjoys an exciting fight more than intercourse anyway, but he knows what he's doing. He always knows what he's doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary Standard, missionary, but where the lady's legs rest on the guy's shoulders...definitely something where you can admire each other's bodies, look into each other's eyes, and even chat about the properties of bungee gum.

G = Goofy (are they more serious at the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

A bit of mischievous and low-key sadistic teasing would be fine. Where would the fun be then? What would Hisoka be if he didn't prove how strong, superior, and smart he is? A clown without hobbies.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

From the orange-red splendor on his head down, the rest of his body is as smooth asf.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Hisoka wouldn't sleep with you if his interest was purely physical. Even though he might not seem like it, he's quite clumsy when it comes to matters of the heart. Unfortunately, his heart is a bitch, and he quickly loses interest after he gets what he wants. So it's entirely possible that you sleep with him and afterward you think "Wow, Hisoka isn't as bad as everyone says...deep down, he's sweet and almost seems vulnerable and shy...he can definitely change...I can definitely change him...all he needs is a gentle hand, just someone he can talk to normally, someone to praise him, someone to gently put him in his place...he needs perspective in his life, all he has is his Bungee Gum and Texture Surprise...I'll talk to him tomorrow..." And before you know, Hisoka would be on his way to explain to someone else what his Bungee Gum's properties are. And you'll feel betrayed, exploited, and generally like a complete idiot. You think Hisoka's laying his cards on the table, but then he's back to being the biggest clown in Trollville. And you were just the icing on the cake.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Believe me, he'll do it completely without touching...

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

It may sound strange, but he loves to hold back. He could kill you now, but he'd rather wait until you've gotten even stronger, so it's more worthwhile, more exciting, and he can absolutely prove how strong and cunning he is. And it's similar in bed. He could stick in now, but he'll wait a little longer. He could come now, but he'll wait a little longer. It's a very unique, physical and psychological sadomasochism.

L = Location (favorite place to do the do)

In hotel rooms, but he has no shame in doing it in busier places. Just saying.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

If you're playing hard to get, be mysterious, aloof, and have special, extraordinary skills, and reject him repeatedly. Simply show little to no interest in him, and you can be sure that Hisoka will breathe down your neck.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

If you want a baby or marry him, he'll be gone faster than you can say bungee gum.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He doesn't care about blowjobs. It's something that's never happened to him anyway. But he would have his head between your legs, just to tempt both you and himself and delay intercourse even longer.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Rather slow and sensitive, occasionally a little faster, only to then become frustratingly slow again.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He enjoys it more when it's something rare and special. Not because he's a romantic, but because he tortures his own balls. The prelude to sex with him is long, teasing, and frustrating.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

In fighting, yes, there's nothing risky in sex. At least nothing that might pique Hisoka's interest. In fighting, at least you can die.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Hisoka knows how to save a treat for himself. And when he eats it, he wants the treat to be remembered as something special for years to come. He's like a crack addict with style. He wants and could take another shot, but the itch is somehow pleasant. I hope that answers the question somehow.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He has his body and he has his mind. A good clown sometimes just doesn't need more.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh yes. And the more you beg and whimper, the worse it gets. He'll remember every one of your reactions and feelings and use them against you. He'll spend ages rubbing around your sensitive spots and then suddenly touch you properly. Really properly, okay. Only to then go back to some kind of vanilla sex foreplay. Just for fun.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

The thrill and anticipation of a fight gives him much more than sex ever could, which is why he's much louder. He finds sex amusing because of the person beneath him, not because of the physical sensations themselves. A short, calm "mhm" from him or a deep breath is the most you can get from him.

W = Wild Card (a random headcanon for the character)

He doesn't sweat during sex. His skin is warm, but dry.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

I don't know if it's necessary to describe his body, since we've already seen EVERYTHING of him in HxH. Everything except his pp. You get it? His cock. His candy stick. It's white. And long. And lean. And circumcised.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

If fighting were sex (and it almost is for him), he'd be a horny addict. He can actually do without real sex. The embers are better for him than an open fire.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He'll stay awake until you fall asleep, and then he'll piss off. A second time with Hisoka is as unlikely as Gon's father's feelings of paternal love and responsibility. Where he's going, no one knows (like Gon's father, LOL), but that makes him mysterious and compelling. Hisoka, not Gon's father.

//r3g4rds//

[edenededdie]

𝒮𝑒𝒷𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝒶𝓃 𝑀𝒾𝒸𝒽𝒶𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓈 𝓃𝓈𝒻𝓌-𝒶𝓁𝓅𝒽𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓉

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!: emotional manipulation, nsfw

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

He's never the kind of person who desperately needs aftercare. He doesn't bite, he doesn't scratch, and he generally doesn't hurt you. He'd tuck you in, maybe even help you get dressed if you asked, and then he'd find some excuse why he had to go somewhere else right now. Honestly, he'd even have to go somewhere else afterward, because Sebastian doesn't sleep with anyone unless it offers a tactical advantage or information. Afterward, he has to report back. ,,Forgive me, as much as I'd love to admire your beauty a little longer, but my master, young Lord Phantomhive, demands my presence. I'm so bold and ask for your understanding. Goodbye~" *hand kiss*. And that's pretty much the last you hear from him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

He's as content with his overall human appearance as he can be with a human appearance. Otherwise, he has no interest in people and their bodies. What do he care about naked people? They're all walking, fragile sacks of flesh and water.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He doesn't come. Forget it, he just doesn't come. He has spermless testicles. He's an orgasm-less, un-ejaculating man. Butler. Demon.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He's one hell of a butler; he has secrets, but not dirty ones. He abhors human filth, and bodily fluids are definitely among them. There's nothing perverse about him. There are perverts on him, hello Grell.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what their doing?)

He knows exactly what he's doing and balances on a fine line between romantic and narcissistic-psychopathic. Sebastian has an internal checklist he works through when he has to seduce a woman (with a few minor variations, depending on the situation). Moreover, despite his disinterest in sex, he's very experienced. After all, he's ancient. Apart from that, there are a lot of women (and probably a few men too) who would immediately undress and lie down for him. He's hotly desired, and he knows it. He just doesn't give a damn.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy. He doesn't want to have to look at your stupid, sweaty face.

G = Goofy (are they more serious at the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Absolutely not. He's serious and charming. And a complete creep.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He only has very fine, soft, light, tiny hairs. Like the ones you have on your fingers or cheeks. Just enough to get goosebumps (which he only gets when he's very disgusted) and so no one suspects anything. Otherwise, Sebastian's skin would be unnatural and like a porcelain doll's.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

The way he talks to you alone feels like he's slowly crawling inside you. He's very calm and quiet, whispering compliments, promises, and comments about your own physical reactions. However, he only behaves this way on the outside. He's been through the "sleep-bye" bullet point list and has essentially shut down his own emotions. He doesn't really mean anything he says or does.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He has no sexual desires whatsoever. I don't know what it's like where Sebastian comes from (I don't want to call it hell, that sounds so profane) and whether demons need sex to reproduce, but if so, I definitely headcan Sebastian as a thoroughly aromantic asexual. He can be very, very, VERY romantic, but that's a lie. An act. A performance.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

No. He only gets an erection because he has such fantastic control over his body. Out of sheer willpower. Not because he's aroused.

L = Location (favorite place to do the do)

As long as they're alone, what does he care about the rest? He finds intercourse unpleasant either way.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Even if you were to take his "instrument of love" in your hand (which Sebastian would never allow; his entire body's national anthem is "stop, don't touch me there, this is my no-no square✋❌"), it wouldn't make him hard on his own. He only has his cock because male humans have them anyway; he doesn't do anything with it. His motivation is simply to obtain useful information. Gaining trust, ingratiating himself, spying, this and that. Sex is easier and more discreet than violence and theft. If you, as a fine lady, had been threatened or robbed, you would be much more likely to go public with it and denounce it to young Earl Phantomhive than if you had to admit that you had sex with the butler.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

Making out with anything with a male body, entering into a committed relationship, French kissing (generally anything mouth-to-mouth...like kissing and such), Licking, too close skin-to-skin contact, taking the passive role, fingering, oral sex...that sort of thing.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

No. There isn't one. Forget it. Nothing. Nada. Niente. He doesn't even want to hear about it. Ask for oral sex, and Sebastian will be gone faster than you can call him a one hell of a butler.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends on how much you want him, or if he's pressed for time, or if you're still a virgin, or something like that. So, during foreplay, he takes his time; he undresses you calmly and lets his gloved hands run up and down your thighs, caresses you, and so on. But he also has no problem being a bit rougher with you if you give the appropriate signals. Sebastian is very sensitive to the moods of the people around him (it really gets on his nerves), and when he's alone with you, even more so. He more or less adapts to your needs.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Sometimes he needs to get a woman pretty quickly, almost at the last minute as a emergency solution (we saw that with Beast), and ideally at exactly the right moment. But he doesn't feel any pleasure in doing it; it's not something he does out of horniness. His opinion can be summed up as: "A good butler has to do what a good butler has to do" and "Ah, shit. Here we go again." It happens every now and then, but he usually only has sex once a year. Involuntary flirting, however, occurs more often.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Aside from the fact that he wouldn't mind sleeping with a woman who's already taken, he's smart enough to stay away from unpleasantness that doesn't directly concern him or Ciel. He prefers to watch Ciel take risks or come up with new ideas. So businesslike.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's one hell of a butler; he can and must endure a lot. He could have sex all day, at any pace, but why should he? He's glad that once has always been perfectly sufficient; he can step away and go back to baking and cleaning. If he had the choice between sex or the destruction caused by Meyrin, Bardroy, and Finny, he would...choose, with a sigh, the chaotic servants.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No. I'm not sure there were many sex toys in Victorian England either. Yes, Black Butler is fantasy-Victorian, but still. Toys are something I'd rather assign to Grell in this universe. I wouldn't be particularly surprised if she unpacked other electrically powered things besides her electronic chainsaw.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He wants to get it over with as quickly as possible. Believe me, deep down, he loathes every second of contact with your sweaty, hormone-smelling flesh. Sometimes it can be absurd, abstruse, and abstract, entertaining him; sometimes it's a bit funny, similar to how those overly detailed, gross close-ups in SpongeBob are amusing, or how Salad Fingers can tickle the exact part of the brain that has a thing for gross things, but all in all, for Sebastian, it's as if he has to perform an art-historical analysis of Ren and Stimpy. Nobody wants that.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

You don't hear anything from him. He doesn't moan, he doesn't gasp, he doesn't breathe harder, not even his heart starts beating any faster.

W = Wildcard (a random headcanon for the character)

Sebastian tries to undress as little as possible. If it were up to him, he'd just unwrap his underwear. He always keeps his gloves on; he has to anyway, otherwise the mark on his hand would be visible (not to mention his fancy fingernails). He doesn't want to take off all his clothes. Taking off his shoes and pants and unbuttoning his shirt are the absolute most naked things you can expect from this demon man. Give him that, okay?

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

His body looks strangely fake. It's neither thin nor muscular, so completely without marks or features, no moles, nothing the eye can fixate on. It looks good, but it's also kind of...huh? So sterile. Like a white, completely clean, minimalist room. After sex with Sebastian, you still remember the sex, his face, and his voice, but you can't say anything about his body. It's like a blind spot.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Sebastian is, in my eyes, a sexy, asexual icon. Accordingly...stop, don't touch me there. This is my no-no square 💋

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

With everything he has to do in the mansion, do you really think sex would tire him out in the slightest? He doesn't generally feel tired, not in the human sense, and he won't sleep with you after sleeping with you anyway.

//r3g4rds//

[edenededdie]

𝒥𝒶𝓎 𝑀𝑒𝓇𝓇𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝓃𝓈𝒻𝓌-𝒶𝓁𝓅𝒽𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓉

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!: Marble Hornets series spoilers, nsfw

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

He doesn't know what aftercare is or that it exists. While he'd be annoyed and insulted if someone immediately got up and left him alone afterward, if he sustained any minor injuries or pain, he'd want to take care of it himself. And sex with Jay is never so extreme that you'd need aftercare beyond, ,,Are you okay? Yeah, okay, cool, so…good night." Afterward, they either sit awkwardly silently, do some small chores, take a shower, and then go to sleep. Or all of the above, in a varying order.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

He thinks that appearance is completely irrelevant and that it's about all the factors that come together. Body parts don't matter; it's about the man himself. Jay doesn't have a favorite part on his body because he doesn't particularly like himself (which doesn't mean he hates himself. He's just aware that he's not good-looking, but that ultimately doesn't matter because, as I said, it's about the man himself, the person, the human being), and he's never received a compliment on anything about his appearance, and he doesn't really have a favorite part on his partner's body because he lacks the experience to keep an eye out for it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He finds sperm a bit disturbing. Therefore: contraception is always used, and swallowing is never done.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Some people say that in MH he looks at Tim's ass because he often holds the camera so that it's filming his buttocks, and that this is a hint that he's staring at other people's butts. But I think his real dirty secret is that plaid shirts somehow turn him on. He's lowkey into the lumberjack look, okay, he can't help it…

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

No. No, absolutely not. I headcan him as a 24-year-old virgin in Marble Hornets anyway, and that's what he is in my AUs, too. And no matter how many times you've made out with him, he'll always be an awkward bean. He knows how to take off clothes, but that's about it. If you don't make it clear to him what you want and what you have in mind, he'll just stroke your neck strangely, kiss you like a cold fish, and/or just lie there.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He doesn't even know how many different positions there are. But he prefers missionary, or, if he needs a change, doggy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious at the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Hmm. Not really. It depends more on the guy above him. If the top makes some kind of joking remark, and it's clear to both parties what he means, Jay just utters a somewhat breathless ,,Ha…yeah…hm…" However, since I also headcan Jay as a socially inexperienced, lonely autistic person, he wouldn't even recognize a joke if it pointed a gun at him in Benedict Hall and shot him in the stomach.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He has some pubic hair that grows in a stripe, fanning out at the bottom and straightening upwards, up to his belly button. This hair is fluffier, softer, and slightly lighter than his pubic hair. Otherwise, his leg hair (moderate) and his armpit hair (more than on his legs and somewhat curly) are the same shade of brown as his head hair. He only shaves his face; his beard is darker than the rest of his hair.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He doesn't do much. He usually lies there, holding onto the bedposts or clutching the sheets, and usually tries to suppress his moans (he finds it a bit cringe, and it pulls him out if he hears himself too much). I don't know how romantic anyone could find that; I'm an aromantic, asexual virgin. Jay, however, would only get intimate with a man he's known well and for a long time, and who has also given him clear feedback that he likes him back. That's…romantic, right?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

The "J" in "Jay" doesn't stand for "Jack off," and the "M" in "Merrick" definitely doesn't stand for "masturbation." He doesn't get hard without external physical intervention, and besides, masturbation seems somehow wrong to him. He finds it weird enough that he's attracted to men; he doesn't think he needs to take it too far.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Jay isn't really the kinky type, and when his thoughts drift toward something sexy, he quickly tries to think of something else to distract himself. Although it has to be said that Jay has a strange idea of ​​what's normal and what isn't. For example, he sometimes likes to stalk guys he likes. It's not like creepy psychopath-killing stalking; he doesn't have any ulterior motives, but it's certainly uncomfortable, especially when the man in question finds out. Jay finds it kind of exciting; it gives him butterflies in his stomach and a feeling of being truly alive. He'd always done that sort of thing, but back in school, it was worse and more intense than it is now at 24. He'd…let's say Alex, okay, let's just say Alex for Jaylex fun, always stared at his neck in class, very fascinated, watched him around campus, took photos of him, regularly checked all of his social media accounts, memorized exactly who he was hanging out with, where he was at what time…so if there's one kink you can pin on Jay, it's putting himself in critical situations.

L = Location (favorite place to do the do)

He doesn't really care as long as no one else can see them. At home in bed, at home on the couch, at home on the carpet, in the car, in the hotel…as long as there's a reasonably soft surface.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Be a little harsh with him (in a loving way), kiss his neck, let him feel your stubble on his neck, hold him tight, speak to him in a deep voice, look him in the eyes, and he'll be all yours.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

Anything that's too kinky, perverted, strenuous, and/or painful. Give him the standard in-out sex and petting that's not too much and not too little. Just give him the most clichéd of clichés, all the gay stuff you've read a thousand times in RPGs or one-shots by 14-year-old, inexperienced Boys Love fangirls.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He would never want to give or receive a blowjob. That falls into the category of "too kinky, too perverted." But his handjobs are fine.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Take it easy at first. Once he's open and in the mood, you can do whatever you want; he's neither a hindrance nor a help.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

For some reason, he finds spontaneous decisions very exciting. The idea that one can just do things like that definitely triggers something in him. You could describe Jay as a very bizarre, masochistic, little, almost harmless adrenaline junkie. So, sure, quickies are welcome; he's quite receptive to them. He'd even prefer that to fully planned lovemaking.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

We're talking about Jay "I stalk a murderous man with a gun and break into people's houses" Merrick. Taking risks is his thing; he's perfectly willing to accept the possibility of getting hurt. But, as I said, nothing too dirty or pornographic. Experimental? No. Not really.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Surprisingly long. Even when he's physically exhausted, he usually still feels mentally unsatisfied. He often lies there thinking, "That's it? That was the sex and orgasm everyone keeps talking about? Was it really worth it?" Jay can endure a lot and for a long time, but longer sex and multiple rounds with him aren't really desirable.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Jay has a rough idea that such things as sex toys exist, but he only knows about them from movies and books. Even there, he's terribly inexperienced and very reserved. Apart from that: Too kinky, too perverse, remember? If sex, then it should be natural and organic.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

So if he's teased during sex, he'll complain a little, but won't say a word about it afterward. He won't beg; he'll file a formal complaint. He can't do much with teasing during sex; it might even make him lose interest a little, and ultimately, he'll just want to sleep. At most, his teasing consists of some kind of tsundere ,,Oh, you want me? Now? Well, I'm still busy now😤 flirt with me later or with more force😒💅" antics.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Jay's voice can get deeper and raspier than you'd think, and during sex, it can get surprisingly deep and raspy. And yes, he's loud. Even when he tries to suppress his noises, he lets out a loud, raspy, panting half-moan. During petting, he breathes only a little heavier, occasionally making "hm" or "ah" sounds; when things get serious, he breathes faster. During sex, and when he really lets go, it can sound like you're having a wild, mutated animal in bed, a werewolf-bear mutation trying to simulate Batman's voice. It's crazy what dirty, animalistic sounds this skinny, pale guy can make. It's this mixture of pain, pleasure and exertion that makes him so damn loud (Jay is generally too loud; just listen to the entry where he steps into the hole and finds the burnt tapes with Tim, with your eyes closed and headphones on full volume. Nobody: Absolutely nobody: Jay Merrick: ,,OAAAHRGH😣". But when Alex shot him, he hardly said a word at all, huh?). His groans sound like he's been choked for an hour and, on top of that, he has a severe case of laryngitis. But just before and during the climax, he gets a bit quieter again; he's panting more.

W = Wildcard (a random headcanon for the character)

He doesn't want hickeys on his neck. His skin is so pale, you can see a really dark, red mark for days that he can only hide with a turtleneck.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

He's scrawny and pale. It's not just that he's a scrawny slob, no, he's truly unhealthily thin. When he's tucked up, you can count his ribs. When he's naked, you could conduct a first-class anatomy study on him. His skin color palette can be summed up as "He's been dead for three days." His most beautiful thing about him, though, is definitely his fingers and hands. Because he's so thin, you can also clearly see his veins. He has truly aesthetic artist hands: long, bony fingers with short but beautiful nails and slightly pink knuckles. The same goes for his feet. His feet are pretty perfect. They're true manga feet. His arms and legs are long, each of his ankles and sternums practically begging to be kissed and explored with your lips (well, at least if you're into that). He has to wear those super high-rise, waist-tight jeans to keep them from sliding down his hips. Since they still look too big for him (every pair of his pants looks like he could fit into them twice, even though he buys them specifically in the women's section), you often don't get a good look at his butt. But once he's undressed, you can see that he has a pretty attractive man's butt. His cock is pale and pink and slim. With little bluish veins and all. Honestly, all I see in my life are drawn dicks, so I don't really know what else I can or should write.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Higher than expected and lower than what society would consider normal.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Since he has trouble falling asleep anyway, he can and will do something else afterward. Even if his ass hurts, he can easily ignore it.

//r3g4rds//