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if i was a pole dancer i would have a routine called "rat apocalypse" where it starts normal but then a swarm of furious rats is released onto the stage and i have to perform elaborate dance moves in order to stay high enough on the pole so the rats dont bite me

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*eating a ploughmans lunch* so, how long until it kicks in?

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pinterest bitches are so cunty for absolutely ZERO reason😭

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I can’t believe “fake gamer girl” was an actual concept guys thought existed literally the most unfuckable guys who have ever lived were convinced girls were faking being interested in loser nerd hobbies to impress them

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its just embarrassing when you make a fandom related post and it doesnt get any notes like okay. so no one want to play tuoys with me. no one wants to play with our little guys together. okay thats fine. yeah its cool... puts my hands in my jacket pockets. kicks a beer can that was on the side of the road a little

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Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

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the sense of horror when you finish a book that was Ass Bad and you go to see what fellow haters are saying but all the reviews say it is the best thing they've ever read. feel like i just saw my reflection in the mirror move all by itself or something

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THIS WAS THE CONTEXT OF THE DRIL LAWYER TWEET??!?!?)(&$;?

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another song i like started playing in the playlist i created titled “favorite songs”

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shoutout to the most unhelpful reminder ive ever put into my phone

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we’re really at that point in the year where no one cares about anything huh

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Anyone remember basketball? — what happened to that ? Where did it go?

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got my new boyfriend from Ikea. Unfortunately he’s made of particle board and with a single thrust of my hips I broke him into five pieces