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ah yes the three different types of autism: julian, bubbles, and ricky.
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Telling everyone else you're fine even if you're barely surviving is better than having people that treat you like a wounded animal
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I’m being told not to swallow my feelings but as soon as I don’t, I’m being told I’m dramatic and have to apologize. so don’t fucking wonder why I choose to be fucking stone cold instead. fuck this shit.
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Alone with people
From childhood I have thought that I shouldn’t be,
I shall not speak my tongue, because they want me gone
I tried to learn their prayer, but we don’t know the same god
Should I still pretend that I’m just like them?,
I don’t know their names and they forget my face
I don’t want to pretend that I know their ways,
I wish I could dance with the stars,
and I want to run away, I’ll become the moonlight
I’m so homesick for a place I’m not even sure exists;
Why did I make it through all these years?
I really don’t want to stay here as me.
I can’t make my feelings make sense and my creativity is fading away,
reading my poems feels like hearing that song that makes you cry over and over again.
How am I supposed to live if I can’t handle my dreams?
People never understand the things I say or who I’m supposed to be, maybe my sadness is the light’s fault.
I guess I’d rather be on my own.
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.... Continuation.
I know people hate me or at the very least just tolerate me. I see it in their expression or hear it in their voice as I walk in the room or pass them by. Maybe it's just me... I have never been good at making friends or connecting to people. To be honest, there is only one person I would consider to be my friend. If you call what we have as friendship. A single message back and forth on the holidays is about all we do. Is that friendship? I don't know. What I do know is that I am so very lonely.
To be continued again....
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