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ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now

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amazing

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Hey Burgie, did you get cooler?

All Hail Burgie - Spooky Halloween Shirt!

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I’m a copy editor and proofreader. I regularly offer a free sample to new clients (usually the first five pages of our first project together) so we both know we are on the same page with what the client wants and I provide.

I also offer a discounted service where I edit an author’s query letter, proposal, and sample chapters for their agent queries. I obviously don’t do this for free.

I provided a free sample to a new author, who liked my work, but was unhappy with the price I quoted for his full 1,000 page fantasy novel. This happened a few days later.

Client: I got an email from an agent! They want to see my first five chapters! Can you edit those for me?

Me: That’s great news! Sure, I have a special rate for that. That will be (quotes price).

Client: Can’t you just do it like you did it last time?

Me: What?

Client: The free pages you did. Can’t you do that? I can’t pay right now, but if I get a publisher I can pay you to edit the whole thing.

Me: Sorry, those samples are a one-time thing for each client and I only do a few pages. I can’t do five chapters for free.

Client: But it won’t take long! I really need these chapters to be perfect!

Me: I’m sorry. I can charge you half now and you can send a dated check for the rest if that helps.

Client: I GUESS YOU JUST DON’T WANT ME TO GET PUBLISHED THEN! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! I NEED YOUR HELP!

Me: Unfortunately I also need to pay my bills. I hope you do get published though. I hope that for all my clients.

I thought that was the end of that, but 2 days later I got an email from a different address.

Client 2: I hear you do free samples?

Me: Yes I do. I can do 5 pages of your novel up front for free.

Client 2: Okay, here are 5 pages of my novel. Can you get that back to me soon?

Me: I’ll get them finished as soon as possible. Paying clients get priority though and I’m finishing a project right now. I’ll send you the edits next week.

Client 2: Oh I really need them sooner…

Now I’m suspicious, people asking for a sample generally aren’t in a rush. So I open the sample page attachment and, surprise surprise, I find the next five pages of the other clients novel.

Me: I’m sorry, is this (client’s name)?

Client: No.

Me: Odd, because this sample begins where I left off on another sample I did last week.

Client: what are you saying?

Me: (client’s name), I’m not going to do your first 5 chapters for free. I recognize your characters and plot, changing your email address isn’t going to change that.

Client: OH MY GOD, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST HELP ME OUT! EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MONEY FOR YOU! YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME.

Me: At this point, not really.

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Quite possibly the best video I’ve ever seen

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this was the FIRST episode of yugioh

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everything about this is funny

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When squad is roasting you but you have no comebacks

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No one wants to be the weakest link.

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Maisie Williams’s cute “date” to the Emmys (x)