effybennett-blog

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: Yeah, well, it's hard to keep hooking up with your roommate when she's gone more often than she's home.

Rachel: And now I don't think Brody would exactly approve, so, you're still out of luck. Honored, though. Touched, really.

Rachel: So should I get wine and let you have a small glass and we can watch your favorite shows while you vomit?

Effy: He just continues to disappoint me.

Effy: So this is what my life has become, I never thought I'd sink so fast.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: I don't have a lactating kink, thank you very much, and the only girl I've ever actually actively sought out to sleep with was you.

Rachel: I can do that. Maybe not tonight, though - work in the morning. Tomorrow? We can have a night, wherever you want and you can order the most crazy drinks and I'll take them all for you. Because I'm your friend.

Effy: Sometimes I forget how dull you are, and how little time I've had to make you experiment with the joys of sapphic love.

Effy: No, I can't go out. Apparently only those projectile vomiting their drinks are welcome at the bars in our beloved hometown.

[effybennett-blog]

Sure, and Kim Kardashian’s ass is real and sometimes unicorns let me ride them to work under a beautiful rainbow sky. Wake up and smell the backstage sweat and sheet music, Smythe, I’ve been ignoring her rambles about Broadway since she took my hand and declared us best friends when we were kids and she’s not going to choose you in this battle. This is her dream and if you try and stop her from getting it then you might just regret it. 

Interviews have no limits. || Private

Rachel’s not leaving, stop it.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: Fine, and ew.

Rachel: You realize I can't like, drink *for* you, right? Because I still have a liver, and it's been working fine, and I don't particularly feel like losing it in the next eight months.

Effy: Like you won't enjoy it too, Berry.

Effy: Fine, but you can drink in front of me, at the very least. It's so hard having a lightweight for a best friend.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: We're definitely getting a nanny.

Rachel: You - on my - Effy, I sit there every day!

Effy: Only if she's hot and has a lactation kink.

Effy: It's not like you were getting any then and the lingering pheromones were probably good for your mood so I actually did you a great service. You can thank me later when you come over and do the shots I can't do as I throw up.

[effybennett-blog]

Well, it’s not like I’ll have to do any actual work. It’s hard to market a show without any actual stars and, without Berry, even I’m going to struggle to pretend it’s worth watching.

Interviews have no limits. || Private

I seriously doubt I’ll suddenly lose all my money and won’t be able to afford you working for me anymore.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: I'm allowing them to wait until they ask why one of their mothers is constantly working all hours of the day and you can bring them to my sensational Broadway run. I want mine to be the first show they see.

Rachel: I'm not helping you take care of a child who's headbutting dangerous creatures.

Effy: Great, when I get bored of the baby, I'll just send them in a town-car to watch your show.

Effy: Relax, he was months ago and right after our fight. We only ever did it once and it was on your desk, but it was not my finest revenge sex moment.

[effybennett-blog]

Cute, I’d return thee insult but I don’t know what the animal equivalent is.

Anyone else ever have

The CDC would disagree.

[effybennett-blog]

How rude, everyone knows that I’m a trust fund baby. 

Come on, it’s funny! Plus I’m comparing you to a very influential person. Look at the enterprise he built. I’m calling you a self made millionaire. 

[effybennett-blog]

Then why don’t you just go and Bake It Off or whatever derivative of that word the actual song uses? So are nuclear bombs but that doesn’t mean we need to use them, does it?

You’re one of the haters Taylor sings about. You really don’t like my handle? It’s clever.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: With a great taste in both shoes and the arts.

Rachel: That sounds...incredibly accurate.

Effy: I'll do my best to save them from the latter. You will not be playing your show tunes to the bump, I don't care how much you whine.

Effy: At least it wasn't the Australian surfer who headbutted that shark.

[effybennett-blog]

Considering your company is haemorrhaging staff faster than a brothel facing a sudden uptake in anal fisting, you may not even be able to afford to keep me on. I’m hardly cheap. 

Interviews have no limits. || Private

No one said I’ll fire you.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: I have two fathers, Effy, so I think we both know that's not what I meant.

Rachel: You were busy flitting all over the world, living exotically. Do you even know *who* the father is?

Effy: Our kid will be hot and smart so what more could they need?

Effy: A Shaman or a pool boy. Either way they were hot and sexually competent, the perfect sperm donor.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: I do love you, Eff, which is why I know you well enough to know that I'm going to do my own share of reading so this child grows up with some semblance of normal.

Rachel: He's in *jail*?

Effy: Having two moms is normal in today's society, how narrow minded, Berry, I'm shocked.

Effy: Our divorce has really left you out of the loop.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: When we go on vacation, I'm throwing away all your Vogues and replacing them with baby books.

Rachel: You don't want to let people know yourself? What about Erik, and your parents?

Rachel: ....Erik isn't the father, is he?

Effy: Sometimes I don't think you love me at all.

Effy: I might text my parents but I have to deal with the Brazilian authorities if I want to speak to Erik so it can just be a surprise for whenever he's released. As I said before, you tell everyone.

Effy: No, we're not heathens and anyway, he's been in a Brazilian jail for months.

[effybennett-blog]

If you fire me while I’m in the family way then I think you’ll have a problem with me leaving. 

Interviews have no limits. || Private

I have enough money to hire double the staff I have now, though, I have no problem with people leaving.

[effybennett-blog]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: I've been putting together a binder of everything you're going to need in the next few months, including a list of doctors and hospitals to visit, books you should at least attempt to skim, and a list of nannies in the area who come highly recommended.

Rachel: The only empty string is how you're announcing it to everyone - a party? An email? Have you figured it out, or are you just going to wait til people assume?

Effy: I read the first five chapters of a book and that should count for something, Berry.

Effy: Oh, right... Can you just tell them? You like attention and announcing things, it's more in your wheelhouse.