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eirakairos · 4 months ago

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Your Guardian Angel Chapter 2

Pairing: Caleb x MC

Summary: He feels lost in the flight of his life, unsure where to navigate next, not without his pipsqueak to guide him.

A/N: I held on this long because I don't know how to process Caleb's trauma, it is so much and overwhelming (but understandable, as someone who had one as well) Is it a bit rushed? Yeah, I used to timeskip much in this chapter, because honestly I was planning for this fic not to be long. Despite everything, I believe Caleb's will is very strong. Other characters are here as well!

Words: 2,465

Chapter 1

Tags: Hurt/comfort, minor violence and injury, character death implied!, descriptions of loss, grief and trauma

His brain tried to process the letter, not accepting the fact that you said you’re not alive anymore and all of the schemes that you placed on him. He should be the one protecting you, not the other way around. He should’ve… He held his tears as he looked more into the box. He would rather make you haunt him. It had piles of papers transferring to a far city, a death certificate, ironically, and once again, the colonel is declared deceased. You transferred your home to him, supposed to be your home with him. His eyes widened and he felt his heart do somersaults on all of this, realizing that you are smarter than what he thinks and how much you love him.

Another letter was at the bottom, despite being completely overwhelmed, he still opened it.

Gege, we talked about this. Promise me you’ll attend, too. Or else, Zayne will drag you there.

He flinched at the name. It was a flyer with contact information of doctors you knew in the hospital, one of whom was a psychiatrist. You knew that he was struggling with mental health, due to his unspeakable events of trauma, from dying to being experimented on. He did share a disagreement about going, as to how he would be able to explain and be understood, to the point he even failed his mental health assessment when he was in the university. He thinks that no one would process his thoughts, that no one would understand and there is no cure for him, except you. You are all he ever needs and you’re gone.

Tears broke in again, especially seeing another letter of yours arranging an arm operation for him. “Ah, that one, well, she almost got into big trouble in that one,” Tara said. “She had to steal the blueprints and research papers from Ever. They had created better bionic body parts but they kept them under wraps. Had to pull strings with the Association to make it happen…” Tara sighed. “All because of a guy, but hey, I listen and don’t judge,”

Everything is overwhelming. He has never felt that much loved, only by you. And only you.

“She was worried that you’ll follow her or do something drastic about it,” Tara said. Her statement shot a bullseye at his plans. “She said she would drag your soul back to the living if you do it.” He loved you so much, he would follow you everywhere. His eyes never left you even after the explosion incident.

“The Association granted you to go to the funeral,” Tara said. He remained silent. “Even if they don’t want it, I will go there,” he said. “I know,” she replied. “You’re always there to care for her since, even beyond death,” she said. It would be the most romantic thing, but this had a lot of caveats that both Caleb and you had to accept.

“Tell me what happened,” he said.

Tara looked at the window with a solemn stare. “We found you two unconscious in the rubble. Ever was exposed because of underground vigilantes running amok, as reported in the news,” she continued. “She was already gone.” Caleb’s grip on the apple hairpin got tighter. “But… She was barely holding you, we assumed that she crawled to get to you in her last moments.” Tara remained staring outside afterwards, but she heard your beloved’s quiet sobs.

As Caleb is stable enough physically, he now stands in front of your closed casket. Apple blossoms are scattered over. He was given privacy for viewing before the wake opened for everyone. He walks beside it, his cuffed hand hovering. “Pipsqueak… Why…” he muttered. “I wish to follow you. I… I can’t live like this anymore, not without you by my side.” Tears freely fall, he can fully feel the emotions, no more resets and holding back. “Why can’t you just follow me…? I only wanted you to be safe, even if I…” he holds out the hairpin. “I’m so sorry, pipsqueak… I failed,” he breathes again. “I planned to stay away from you again when I reached… That,” he said, remembering when they found out about you. They used you for their bargain and were able to unlock the remaining memory block. “I would be willing to trade anything… Just come back… Come back to me,” He kneels and cries, holding onto the casket. “I don’t want to say goodbye,”

His sobbing, screams of pleas are heard, even by Tara and the others on the other side of the door.

Caleb was inconsolable, remaining quiet and looking down as people started to visit. Only a few went, most were your colleagues from The Hunters Association. They all gave their condolences, some told stories about your personality and work ethic and their memories with you.

“Keep an eye on him before he is stable enough for the release.”

“Are you sure we can release him?”

“Well… If we go with the psychological test results, no. But this is her wish, whatever he wants to do next, he will only decide on his own. If he wreaks havoc, then we will stop him.”

The apple blossoms suddenly fluttered around the casket, as if there was air moving the petals around. Caleb remains still, his bloodshot eyes looking down and holding onto the hairpin.

Apple blossoms still fluttered around even in your burial. On the same day, he was also released from The Association. He feels lost in the flight of his life, unsure where to navigate next, not without his pipsqueak to guide him. He wants to wake up from this nightmare, the same feeling of when he had the incident in the Deepspace tunnel. He wants to follow you like he always has, or to disappear from this life. He can’t return to Skyhaven or the Farspace Fleet, as he is now a nobody again. You hated Caleb in uniform after all. One by one, everyone left except for him, as raindrops slowly fell and increased as time went on.

“What are you doing here?” he asked with a hint of menace. A black-coated man was behind him, holding an umbrella and covered him too.

“Making sure her wish will be granted,” Zayne said.

“Leave me be, I will not be here any longer,” Caleb said. He turned as he was going to use his gravity but Zayne was fast enough to summon ice around his hands.

“How foolish, throwing her efforts in vain,” he replied.

“Were you aware of what she had been doing?” Caleb asked angrily.

“I promised her as well and I will abide by that, even if I have to subdue you in any means necessary,” Zayne said.

“You don’t know what it feels like. I hurt her, I… Broke my promise,” Caleb said.

Zayne looked at the droplets of rain falling from above. “I will never understand why she tends to forgive someone who keeps breaking their promises. Despite some reservations, I had to comply with her word,”

Caleb clenched his fists. There is always a sense of rivalry between the two of them, especially for your affection. “When we were young, I did the unimaginable, and since then, I’m always scared of hurting her,” he said. “Now, it feels like endless snow…” Zayne wasn’t able to process the news as well and despite stopping you every time, you are final in your decision, as much as it hurts him. Caleb knew that he always had affection towards you, and this cements that it remains the same. It was always either himself or him, but he still considered Zayne as a childhood friend.

“She always wanted a cafe… She would decorate the place while I bake desserts and make pasta dishes,” Caleb said. “I remember… I told her I would visit it,” Zayne said.

“It was her dream since we were kids. I want to fulfill that wish for her… But now she is gone… What… What am I going to do now…” Caleb asked, not sure if to himself or Zayne.

Caleb stands in front of an office with a sign that says “Psychiatrist.” He has been going back and forth for a few months, and he is frustrated that it is slow. He holds the apple pin, clinging to his necklace, reminding himself why he goes here for a check-up. He was terrified on his first visit, afraid of being judged harshly for the events and the things he did. Zayne and sometimes Tara or Gideon accompanied him in the first few weeks; they made him swear that he would go on his own, but he had to attend the sessions. He is now under watchful eyes but not with grave consequences as Ever. He would not mess with it, though, as he keeps seeing you being unhappy if he goes against your wishes, even in his dreams. He can only see you in his dreams now and it's often a reminder that he needs to keep going. He often does things on his own and alone, not used to the feeling that someone other than you is there for him.

‘Was this what you were feeling whenever I accompanied you?’ He chuckled to himself, thinking of you every time he goes here. He now realized why it was a little annoying for him to insist on going with you anywhere.

His therapy is going relatively well, he thinks. He is glad that the doctor Zayne recommended is good, even though he had a breakdown after a week of his first therapy session. It was the time when he moved into his new home, which was yours, that it was transferred to his name. It is kept well despite being left since you were gone. You made it as cozy as possible, with framed photos of you and him, from childhood till the recent months before the event. He roamed around the house, and even the smell is imprinted on you. It was overwhelming, with his model planes displayed. You never told him about this place, maybe this was one of your secrets, or just a refuge from him in case things got messy. He reached the bedroom and his heart sank further. It is similar to his bedroom. Your study table has paper planes, with a photo of you kissing his cheek during his graduation.

And everything breaks inside him once more. You could’ve still been with him now, in his arms, yet its the same arms that broke you. He still hopes you will come back from the dead.

Gravity shakes the room, with the furniture moving and threatening to fall.

“Caleb? Caleb!” he heard Gideon’s voice but he was too engrossed in his grief. He accompanied him after the session and saw that things were moving inside the living room. The cabinet shakes, spilling out some of the contents. A small paper landed in front of him.

A small cardboard paper with a child’s scribble on it, it was your handwriting.

Forgiveness coupon for Caleb: Valid for 100 years!

He stopped, gently grabbing it. He held it close to his chest as his gravity Evol simmered down. He wished you would forgive him, if only he could see and talk to you again.

As awkward as it was, Gideon stayed for a week. He doesn’t have to, but he feels he didn’t have much of a choice since he was given a warning. Though he would rather have him stay than Zayne or the Association.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Caleb said.

“Eh, it's just like when we were roommates in college,” Gideon said. “Also, she asked me for a favor,”

Caleb remained quiet, realizing how prepared you were.

“You know, it is okay to say you’re not okay. It’s alright to ask for help,” he said. Gideon didn’t know about the specifics, but even during college, he felt Caleb was facing this turmoil for the longest time. Caleb remained quiet but was in deep thought. His only hope is his promise to you. He thinks about it every night, he feels that everything was holding up, except for himself.

After the therapy session, he went back home. The psychiatrist deemed him ready for his arm operation. He was internally nervous about it, having flashbacks of the experiments done on his arm. He still can’t grasp well with his right arm nor feel because it was severely damaged. When he was in intense pain, he had to use an arm sling. He sighed, remembering Zayne calling him afterwards.

“I received approval for the operation,” Zayne said. “No need to worry, the surgeon is a friend of mine.” Caleb only remained silent, feeling the walls were still up in this ordeal. “The arm is also ready. We will schedule it this week,” he said. “Okay,” is all he said. There was silence. “Are you okay?” the doctor then asked. He wanted to ask if any of this matters or if he will see you again, or of why he is still here, doing these things. “Yeah, yeah,” he answered, so Zayne would not press further. “... She was worried about you every time,” he said. Caleb blinked. “During her visits, she talked to me about you. She was worried about what you were doing and dealing with. She wanted to help but you kept dismissing it, until she had to take matters into her own hands. Just like you had to take matters without her knowledge,” he explained. Caleb sighed again, thinking this is just his karma, of you just reflecting everything he did. But at the same time, he felt love. A love that he gives to you but hasn’t experienced it being given to him, until you did. He had so much to give to only you, as you only mattered. But you taught him something… That other people cared about him, too, and that you cared for him more than he thought.

Upon looking at every corner of memories in this house, especially the photos. Most of the photos are from the cafes and restaurants you ate at with him. He remembered going to your favorite cafes with you.

“I wonder if I’ll have a cafe on my own someday… You make good desserts, Caleb,” you said. He misses your voice so much. “We can make it happen someday, pipsqueak. I’ll prepare the menu then,” he said. “I want to name it Paradise,” you said. “It would be the place we can hang out every day, away from everything,” you pondered. “Like we create our own space,” he smiled.

His mind returned from reverie, being more determined. “I’ll make it come true, pipsqueak,” he said, holding the necklace. “Paradise…” he whispered.

#love and deepspace #l&ds #love and deepspace fanfic #l&ds caleb #caleb x mc #caleb x reader #caleb x you

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