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el-nopal · 4 years ago

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I took LSD, donated most of my possessions, and moved to Mexico. A 5-year journey.

Hi Tumblr! I shared this on Reddit and it received 800+ upvotes and dozens of private messages. I want to share it here in case anyone else is going through this journey. If you ever wanna chat, hmu.

Hi everyone, I want to share how psychedelics have helped my well-being. It's a journey that spans about five years. It starts with LSD and touches Ayahuasca, DMT, 5-Meo-DMT, and Mushrooms. It's a bit wordy and repetitive, but instead of saving it on my desktop, I figured I'd share.

I hope it does not come off as trauma processing each time. I've had a ton of fun and growth with this journey. I'm excited about future experiences!

Background:

I do want to start with some background information. I'm 28 years old, and I'm from Chicago. I'm a first-generation American, with my family originating from Zacatecas, Mexico. I grew up with my grandparents and did not have my biological parents present in my childhood. I suffered from severe depression and anxiety throughout my life. I only became aware of this at the age of 19. I spent time at psychiatric hospitals and was on and off medications. I also considered myself lacking in social skills. I found it very difficult to make friends and even socialize in ordinary settings.

LSD

October 2016 - September 2019 Quantity: 80 tabs spread throughout years Doses: 100µg to 1,000µg

October 2016

So my search for psychedelics starts with some suicidal ideation. I was living alone in the suburbs of Chicago and working a retail job. I had spent the last year in a deep depression and confused with romantic relationships. I was depressed and hopeless. I was desperate for some relief from my depression. I recalled reading articles on how psychedelics help with depression and anxiety. In a moment of desperation, I sought out LSD and bought two batches equaling a total of 80 tabs.

My first experience was at one of the lowest points of my life. Upon taking it, I experienced a sense of clarity and euphoria. For the first time in my life, I felt self-worth and love for myself. I remember the LSD kicking in and shortly after going towards my bathroom mirror. It was as if I was seeing myself for the very first time, wholly astonished with my being. I had never had this sense of compassion and appreciation for myself. It dissolved those thoughts of suicide. The newfound state of mind inspired me to keep going.

That first trip was life-changing. But, I made the mistake of not practicing integration, only using journaling and inconsistent meditation. I spent a couple of months trying to replicate that first trip. My experiences were rocky, between euphoria and discomfort. In a nutshell, I was a little reckless with it.

November 2016-November 2018

Shortly after my first experiences with LSD, I had my first romantic relationship at 23 or 24. I was insecure and had an unhealthy attachment. I ended up in the mental hospital at one point. When that relationship ended, I was destroyed and caught in rumination. I began to use LSD to escape and make sense of my breakup. I took my heaviest dose of 10 tabs and had a breakdown. I had been keeping my issues to myself. During this breakdown, I finally opened up to my family, and I was able to get some help. My use became more spaced out.

December 2018

After two years, I entered a new romantic relationship. But I was still trapped in an unhealthy attachment style. My tobacco addiction continued, and I was now at a point where I was smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes a day. Also, I was smoking weed daily throughout the day and avoiding life outside of work. I spent most of my days driving aimlessly from the moment I got out of work until strange hours of the night.

September 2019

A year passed in this mental state; then, I took my final LSD tab. I now realized that I had to end my addictions. To instead, explore venues that would be fulfilling. My tobacco addiction stopped. I learned that material items are replaceable. Also, that my restless and anxious mind needs stimulation by regular change.

December 2019

My apartment lease was ending. I decided to do something brave and a little irrational and even strange. I decided to donate all my belongings and only keep what fits inside a backpack. I decided to explore the city of Chicago. But through backpacking around a different neighborhood each week.

January 2020

I ventured the South, West, and North sides of Chicago using weekly short-term rentals. I continued this way of life for a few months, but it came to a halt due to the pandemic.

I was completely caught off guard, like the majority of people. Being inside a building in a cramped City, with the direction of not going out, was not easy. I switched from weekly rentals to monthly, with my final one ending in July. It was a ton of fun while it lasted. I kept a full-time job, and I volunteered as a tutor after work. I did a lot of biking during my time in Chicago.

July 2020

I decided to move to Zacatecas, Mexico. Digital nomads inspired me. I had never been to the city and did not know anyone, but I felt brave. I did have experiences visiting a rural town in the state in my childhood, so that helped. I ended my relationship due to distance. I knew immediately after landing that I did not plan to go back to the United States. It was one of the most complex decisions I've made.

I met a group of archaeologists at a pizza shop the day after landing in Mexico. They invited me to gather peyote from the desert. I ended up not following through with the offer. I thought it was a bit unethical, and my social awkwardness got in the way. But, it showed me how open people are with psychedelics in Mexico. It was not uncommon for people to view these substances as medicines.

September 2020

After about a year of not using LSD, I made a new friend who shared a few tabs. I got to explore LSD in this beautiful historical city and rural areas covered in cacti.

I fell in love with the city. I wanted to dive into it, but I was still working remotely as an Account Executive for a company out in Chicago. My role became such high pressure as I was working with some of our customer's pandemic responses. I realized that my job was replaceable and that I needed a break to recover from my burnout. I was miserable at work, and it was cutting into my free time.

I had the happiest days after quitting that job. I explored fields and even areas with natural hot springs. I spent nights stargazing in areas with little light pollution. I also spent months in the small town of Valparaiso, Zacatecas. It was the birthplace of my grandparents, so it was unique to experience.

Ayahuasca and DMT

October 2020 Dose: 6 shots of Ayahuasca and 2 hits of Changa. Frequency: Once

I was searching for some transition into this new jobless period. I came across a group that hosts Ayahuasca ceremonies with a local shaman. The shaman was from the Wixárika/Huichol indigenous community. I had a difficult time connecting with the medicine. The shaman invited me to smoke Changa, a blend of herbs containing DMT and an MAOI. The effects were immediate, and I resisted for a moment; this was my first DMT experience. After a few seconds, I relaxed and let go, and it allowed me to merge with the earth and icaros fully.

I was expecting to see a bunch of people in their 20s at this ceremony. It was my ignorance of having expectations of a psychedelic user's appearance. The group was primarily middle-aged professionals and a few young people. I even saw some families go together. The strangest thing was seeing a 13-14-year-old girl from the Wixárika community take part. She had recently lost her mother. She was weeping and closed off during the initial part of the ceremony. Midway, she was counseling the middle-aged people and assisting in the ceremony.

My Ayahuasca session was beautiful, and it taught me so much in such a short time. My friend who shared LSD with me also attended the same ceremony. He also claimed that it had a healing impact on him.

I had no intention of being in any romantic relationship. I thought of myself as too damaged. I felt I had to be responsible and stay solo until being healthier. But, I had a breakthrough that taught me that I don't have to be perfect to form relationships. I ended with a deeper connection to earth and appreciation for my life and background. I had a nice glow for several weeks.

December 2020

After that ceremony, my friend became my partner. I also picked up new projects and began to socialize without my barrier of awkwardness. The last week of December 2020, I was looking at my bank account. I realized that I had to get a job soon to avoid any deep financial trouble. My partner lost his job due to the pandemic and a toll on the company's finances. I decided to move to Tijuana and use the proximity to San Diego to search for a new job.

My partner agreed to go with me as he also saw more economic opportunities in Baja California. We hopped on a plane on New Year's Eve and landed in Tijuana. I will admit that the transition was not as easy as I thought. Finding a job was quite a challenge. I burned through my savings. I had the embarrassing task of asking my family for help. Now keep in mind that I am not someone who asks for help. I am used to living solo and handling my issues on my own. My family was happy to help, and they thought that I was making the right choice by exploring this new territory. They were supportive of my experience with Ayahuasca.

Mushrooms

February 2021 Dose: 0.20grams Frequency: An eight spread throughout two months.

Weak finances and no job was discouraging, and it pushed me into another state of depression. Job searching and interviewing seemed impossible. I was even bedridden and struggled to function for a month or two. I saught out the mushroom, as I heard that it grew out here. I was especially fascinated by the microdose. I obtained some, and I was able to nibble a piece every couple of days. Those nibbles gave me the energy to interview and finally get a new job. The job is in a new field and with a higher salary than my previous one. I did not get to experience a standard dose since finances were tight.

5-Meo-DMT

May 2021 Frequency: Once

After working for a couple of months, I stabilized and found a new apartment. I now had the funds and well-being to explore psychedelics further. I followed my fascination with Bufo Alvarius, the Sonoran Desert toad. I came across a facilitator and scheduled a session. I went to my bufo session expecting something like my LSD or Ayahuasca/DMT experiences. There was no comparison. Upon inhaling, I was transported into eternal light and heard an Om sound. I had no visuals. I experienced the feeling of complete inner peace. It showed me what life could be without any worry. It gave me grounding that I have been able to carry to this present day. I don't mean to say it's vivid but recollecting it in my mind is not too difficult.

Mushrooms

Doses: 2.00-6.00 grams Frequency: At least two times per month May 2021 - Present

Funny enough, I met a mycologist, and I have been able to buy various types of mushrooms at a great price. I sampled a 2.5 g trip with the Mazatepac mushroom the day after my bufo experience. The 5-Meo experience cleared my mind so well that this lighter mushroom dose had a significant impact.

I saw all the influence culture had on me, especially school, work, friends, family, and society. It gave me a few hard pills to swallow. I had a rough week or two after this experience as it was hard to integrate back into life. I felt like I was living a lie. After almost a year of being away from Chicago, I made a trip back. It was rejuvenating to see my family and friends. It helped me integrate what I had learned.

When I returned home to Tijuana, I continued my relationship with the mushroom. Wow, I cannot give enough credit to how the mushroom has helped me. It is as if my depression and anxiety have vanished. I am almost unrecognizable to myself. The person I once was in Chicago, who saw themselves tied by circumstance, is not here.

I have immense gratitude and a deeper connection with the present moment. I've even picked up some creative projects. I've been able to focus on my physical health, and I've lost weight.

My attention and my focus are no longer an issue. I'm able to dedicate some time toward some hobbies and different outputs. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the U.S. and took Adderall to function for a few years. Adderall is not prescribed in Mexico, and I have not used any psychiatric medication for over a year. I don't identify with the ADHD or other diagnoses I received.

I continue my mushroom use as needed with a frequency of at least two times a month. My finances are getting back in shape. I got offered a promotion at work after three months but declined it. I'm in a happy and healthy relationship. My communication has also improved!

Overview:

I started taking LSD to help me with my depression. The journey was rocky, and I got a bit sloppy. I used my teachings to practice minimalism and became a temporary nomad. I ended up moving to Mexico. I got introduced to more psychedelics. The introduction to shamanism opened my eyes to the potential of these substances. I've been able to untangle my depression, anxiety, fears, and addictions. I've also used it to understand myself and others better. My recent voyages with Ayahuasca, 5-Meo, and Mushrooms have been game-changers.

The world is a much friendlier place than what the media portrays it as. Different ways of life are possible, and you're not limited to your current situation.

If your work with psychedelics is helping you, please continue! I wish you courage and self-compassion as you progress through your journey. Thank you so much for reading this! I appreciate being able to share this as there are few psychonauts in my immediate circle. If you have any questions or would like to share comments, please do so!

#psychedelic #psicodelico #zacatecas #tijuana #mushrooms #ayahuasca #bufo alvarius #plant medicine

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