elephasmaximus1

[elephasmaximus1]

[elephasmaximus1]

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

[elephasmaximus1]

I have some news for members of the united states armed forces who feel like they are pawns in a political game and their assignments being unnecessary.

[elephasmaximus1]

[elephasmaximus1]

pope francis it is your moral obligation to make the entire ocean holy water. the devil cannot be allowed to surf

[elephasmaximus1]

im getting really fucking sick of all this “it gets better!” bullshit. im going to have depression for the rest of my life. it’s not going to “””get better””” fuck you

[elephasmaximus1]

[elephasmaximus1]

“Europeans live longer because they eat FRESH FOOD!!!!” Bitch, they live on cigarettes. They live longer because they have universal healthcare. I’m convinced America is obsessed with inventing things that are killing us so you don’t have to face the actual problems.

[elephasmaximus1]

thinking about when my professor told me how the boards of companies/orgs/etc. will sometimes hire on a CEO/whatever who they know will basically take a chainsaw to existing infrastructure, let them fuck as much shit up as possible, and then promptly fire them as soon as they've accomplished what the board wanted them to do. then they can point the finger at that guy & look like they're the heroes and the problem is resolved because he's gone now. and they still get to keep all the changes they wanted that nobody else did.

anyway I think it's fun and all to watch the two most divorced men on the planet publicly divorce each other. and also. maybe keep that in mind, is all.

[elephasmaximus1]

[elephasmaximus1]

They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

[elephasmaximus1]

its crazy how teeth problems can fucking kill you and not only are dental services not free they cost a ludicrous amount and require an entirely different type of insurance than the rest of ur body. aside from the eyes, of course, which need a third type of insurance. What are we even doing man

[elephasmaximus1]

this duck LOVES pink drink

[elephasmaximus1]

[elephasmaximus1]

[elephasmaximus1]

when i look up a knitting term, the last thing I want is an ai overview. I want a 60+ year old woman with no understanding of lighting or helpful camera angles who still manages to give the most concise and clear explanation of how to execute purl 2tog through the backloop. ai summary fuck off, where is phyllis?

[elephasmaximus1]

happy pride