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Word Of The Day “Jocular”

Last night at our Toastmasters Chapter Meeting, our language evaluator gave us the word of the day “Jocular”. Today, I find it in this article on Facebook. Expanding and upgrading my vocabulary every day...

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Whatever your political affiliation, I really find the love story between Lee Kuan Yew and Kwa Geok Choo to be truly romantic - the life-long kind of love that's so rare these days.

He would not have been who he ended up being, if not for her unwavering, caring love and support. And he was never the same after her passing.

Here are excerpts from his eulogy for her, which I've merged with a little bit from an article on how LKY was like in the time after. Full sources cited below.

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"My wife and I have been together since 1947 for more than three quarters of our lives. My grief at her passing cannot be expressed in words. But today (Wednesday), when recounting our lives together, I would like to celebrate her life ... As a young man with an interrupted education at Raffles College, and no steady job or profession, her parents did not look upon me as a desirable son-in-law. But she had faith in me.

We had committed ourselves to each other... We gradually influenced each other's ways and habits as we adjusted to and accommodated each other. ... We knew that we could not stay starry-eyed lovers all our lives; that life was an on-going challenge with new problems to resolve and manage. ... We never argued over the upbringing of our children, nor over financial matters. Our earnings and assets were jointly held. We were each other's confidant.

She had simple pleasures. We would walk around the Istana gardens in the evening, and I would hit golf balls to relax. Later, when we had grandchildren, she would take them to feed the fish and the swans in the Istana ponds. Then we would swim. ...

She had an uncanny ability to read the character of a person. She would sometimes warn me to be careful of certain persons; often, she turned out to be right.

When we were about to join Malaysia, she told me that we would not succeed because the Umno Malay leaders had such different lifestyles and because their politics were communally-based, on race and religion.

I replied that we had to make it work as there was no better choice. But she was right. We were asked to leave Malaysia before two years had passed.

...

After her first stroke, she lost her left field of vision. This slowed down her reading. She learned to cope, reading with the help of a ruler. She swam every evening and kept fit. She continued to travel with me, and stayed active despite the stroke. She stayed in touch with her family and old friends.

She listened to her collection of CDs, mostly classical, plus some golden oldies. She jocularly divided her life into "before stroke" and "after stroke", like BC and AD.

...

Her second stroke on 12 May 2008 was more disabling. I encouraged and cheered her on, helped by a magnificent team of doctors, surgeons, therapists and nurses.

...

Her nurses, WSOs and maids all grew fond of her because she was warm and considerate. When she coughed, she would take her small pillow to cover her mouth because she worried for them and did not want to infect them. Her mind remained clear but her voice became weaker. When I kissed her on her cheek, she told me not to come too close to her in case I caught her pneumonia. When given some peaches in hospital, she asked the maid to take one home for my lunch. I was at the centre of her life.

On 24 June 2008, a CT scan revealed another bleed again on the right side of her brain. There was not much more that medicine or surgery could do except to keep her comfortable. I brought her home on 3 July 2008. The doctors expected her to last a few weeks. She lived till 2nd October, 2 years and 3 months.

She remained lucid. That gave time for me and my children to come to terms with the inevitable. In the final few months, her faculties declined. She could not speak but her cognition remained. She looked forward to have me talk to her every evening.

Her last wish she shared with me was to enjoin our children to have our ashes placed together, as we were in life.

The last two years of her life were the most difficult. She was bedridden after small successive strokes; she could not speak but she was still cognisant. Every night she would wait for me to sit by her to tell her of my day's activities and to read her favourite poems. Then she would sleep.

I have precious memories of our 63 years together. Without her, I would be a different man, with a different life. She devoted herself to me and our children.

She was always there when I needed her. She has lived a life full of warmth and meaning.

I should find solace in her 89 years of a life well lived. But at this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief."

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After her passing... LKY missed his wife deeply.

"For a week after his wife died, Mr Lee Kuan Yew fussed over her photographs on the wall of the living room at their Oxley Road home.

He placed pictures of their favourite moments together at the foot of his bed and by the treadmill which he used every day. A few days later, he would move them around again.

He repositioned his grey plastic chair at the dining table to have the best view of her pictures on the wall. As he ate his dinner, he listened to classical music, which she enjoyed - her favourite composer was Johann Sebastian Bach.

But nothing seemed to comfort Mr Lee in the days after Madam Kwa Geok Choo, his wife of 63 years, his best friend and confidante, died on Oct 2, 2010.

He slept erratically. A memory would bring tears to his eyes. When her ashes arrived at Oxley Road in a grey marble urn three days after the funeral, he wept.

It took three months before he began returning to normal.

"Slowly, he accepted that Mrs Lee was gone," said his youngest and only surviving brother, Dr Lee Suan Yew.

It was nine months before his health stabilised, said his only daughter Wei Ling.

...

He would usually get home at around 9pm and he would spend a few moments looking at his wife's urn in the living room.

He kept to his new routine in the disciplined way with which he had led his life. But he told his friend Dr Schmidt, who visited in May 2012, that his wife's death had left a deep hole in his life and nothing could fill it.

After Mrs Lee died, elder son Hsien Loong, the Prime Minister, and his wife Ho Ching began visiting Mr Lee on Saturday afternoons whenever their schedules allowed, to keep him company. ...

Throughout, Mr Lee kept up his Mandarin lessons, and continued his exercises and outings. Titanium, as his daughter once described him in an article, is light but strong. It can bend a little, but it will not snap unless it is under overwhelming force, she wrote.

On Feb 5, he was admitted to the Singapore General Hospital, this time with severe pneumonia.

News in mid-March that he was critically ill saw an outpouring of good wishes across the island he loved and called home."

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A story shared by a Singaporean who bumped into them at a museum:

"He requested to push his wife. And even in his weakness and old age at that point in time, I saw him struggle to push his wife in her wheelchair. They stopped at almost every painting (I followed them behind, keeping my distance and pretending to look at those paintings too). And at every painting, he would bend down and asked her gently for her thoughts. They would share a quiet moment of discussion, and sometimes laughed together. It felt like no one else was around, and they felt very much still in love."

Sources: LKY's eulogy speech, Cassandra Chew (The Straits Times), and the 'Thank You Mr Lee Kuan Yew' FB page.

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Salty

Last night's seafood hor fun (fried flat noodles Cantonese style with seafood and gravy) at EXCO meeting was SUPER SALTY! Only ate like one third of eat. Haiz....

And still I woke up twice in the middle of night to drink water.

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I'd say, not just as work but at all the places and situations where you want to gain some respect and credibility.

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My latest speech on public relations strategies where I presented a hypothetical public relations plan for a personal cause.

Although my sound clip (featured in this video) wouldn't play on the club's laptop and I went overtime (that's what the bell is for), it was, for me, still a blast!

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If you thought Table Topics is tough...

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This is surreal! 

Had a dream once, not too long ago...of being led down the steps towards a grand landing carved out of a mountain. From where I was standing, I could see a building across the canyon, carved out of a majestic cliff, just like the one pictured here. 

I can still remember the feelings of awe and grandiose from that dream; wondering how it was possible to build something like that, carved out of the rocks...

One of those dreams you just don’t forget easily...

When I woke up, I put Bhutan’s Dragon Nest, on my bucket list. But maybe this should be on my bucket list as well.

Monasteries at the top of the rocks of Meteora, Greece. Photo by Frederik Schindler.

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A Loaded Question

Met my client for lunch. Following is just one of the funny conversations I usually have with him, a witty, well dressed, well heeled gentleman:

He: So, do I look like I am headed for a Pink dot event?

(he had on a light pink long sleeved shirt with Bermuda and a pair of red loafers)

Me: You look nice. But speaking of Pink Dot... have you ever...?

He: (looking mildly shocked) erm, me?

Me: Yeah (non-chalantly)

He: Are you asking...? Oh. Oh. No I have never been to a Pink Dot event....

Now he looks mildly embarrassed upon realising I was not asking him if he ever had a gay partner.

He: That's a Loaded Question

Me: Whatever.... Haha

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I was so disappointed with my dinner at toastmasters EXCO meeting last night: Crayfish Angel hair pasta. I ordered it cos I thought I would just have the soup and bread roll and bring back the pasta for my kids. But... I think they would have rejected it as well.

Other than the one and a half Crayfish, which looked impressive with the shells on, but had really meat the equivalent of one giant prawn, there was nothing that screams "Cray". I imagined it would have been cooked in seafood or prawn stock. Nope. The pasta was overcooked and soaked in a sauce which I can't quite make of. Tomato? Bisque? Neither. I ate about one quarter of it, just to "investigate". Then decided it was not worth wasting my caloric quota.

Today I just had to cook pasta. To help me get over the "Cray-ving".

You know when sometimes you just had a meal that is deprived of flavour, and to a some extent, soul? It leaves you empty. Full in the stomach, but empty. Like... some conversations or relationships. Last night was one of those meals/ conversations.

So I cooked bolognese with pork and beef mince and used up all the tomatoes in my fridge. All it took was half and hour to whip up the sauce in a pressure cooker. Of course you had to saute the onions and mince first.... etc.

I am no chef; but if I was and I served that cray-zy lousy pasta, I'd be ashamed.

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“So please ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? And then go do it.”

— Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead (via books-n-quotes)

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Duh...

Last Thursday I dropped my phone at home. It was the first time my phone was dropped from height of my waist, without my frantic scrambling to catch it. Guess I thought it never failed me before: it was a super hardy phone/ it’s got a bumper/ dropped at home etc. But this time when I picked it up, I saw lines on the screen. And with an almost zen calmness I pressed the power button to restart it. 

“You got me right?” “You won’t fail me right?” “V20...baby...”

But this is what it looked like even after restarting and a few shakes:

1cm of the touchscreen gone.

For a few days after that, I had to rotate my phone to type “p”. 

I had my eye on the Huawei P30 for a while (maybe that’s why V20 gave up on me)... But Huawei? P30? Why?? 

I am not a fan of iPhone. I’m not quite the Apple generation. I love the freedom Android offers. I support free trade. (Bullies...I feel sorry for you.) P30 has an awesome camera!

AND, I thought I saw an NDP promotion for P30 on Starhub’s website: $54 for the handset on the $50/monthly plan. But when I went to Starhub to check it out, the promotion was over and I would have to shell out $259 for the handset on the same mobile plan. 

Did a quick comparison of the specs of the phones (including the Google Pixel) on the website, on my phone, at the store. P30 Lite seems like a viable option and I was about to sign for that, when the customer service guy told me Mate 20 has a longer battery life and is actually a more superior phone than P30 Lite in specs but is now discounted so i won’t have to pay anything for the handset, just like the P30 Lite. 

Shhhh...you got me at “longer battery life, son...”

And so I got myself a $0 handset just like my mum would. Guess I’m getting there...the age where there is just no need to pay for the hyped up, souped up phone for every thing it can offer but that we hardly use. Duh. 

I got my Mate 20 now...and it’s super cool! 

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In life, there's always options...

Calculus Professor: So what do we do when we can’t solve an integral?

Student: Cry.

Calculus Professor: Well, that’s one option.

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The Fox and The Lion

Heard this story from the priest at the temple on Saturday 17-Aug-2019:

A fox was fleeing from a lion when he saw a well. He ran as fast as he could and dived into the well just as the lion was about to pounce on him. The lion peered into the well and seeing how deep it was, gave up and left hungry. 

At first the fox was relieved, having escaped from being the lion’s kill that day. But he soon realised the well was deep and he had no way of getting out. Days passed and the fox got weaker from hunger. 

Just as he was about to die of hunger, he thought to himself: how futile his escape from the lion had been; he would have served a greater purpose of being a lion’s meal than to die of starvation in the well!

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Now daylight don't make it right And you would really know this Closed hearts make closed minds I won't tell you it's all butterflies and roses When I’m back in time...

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Imagining the worst that could happen...and then doing whatever you want to do anyways...

I always wondered where the heck I got the courage to join toastmasters and attempt speaking in front of an audience. Perhaps from all that encouragement from an elite but supportive fraternity; perhaps from my mom or perhaps from knowing the worst that could happen was I blanked out and went back to my seat totally embarrassed. But it will still be at a safe place. 

We don’t know everything. We fail. We learn. We do better. 

Heck! I didn’t know zilch. 

I journal...A LOT, Still...on my pink PVC bound notebook and for a while on Blogger till 2015 and now occasionally on Evernote and everywhere that is convenient.

There was an entry where I wrote, somewhat in dark times, but which gave me encouragement now: “I did not know how to be married, how to have kids, raise kids. How to live...eventually will I know how to die?” 

Perhaps I won’t, but with that in mind, I know to prepare myself. 

So, a (speech) project? Just do it. Only, if your heart says so. And fail or succeed, spectacularly. No one will remember, except you. And I hope you will remember it for the right reasons: to do better. 

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helping someone decide how to structure their content

Mentee: I should add in that one story.

Mentor: Is it relevant to your speech?

Mentee: Yes.

Mentor: Does it help you illustrate your point?

Mentee: *long pause*

Mentee: ...no.

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If you want to improve your odds of success in life and business then define the perimeter of your circle of competence, and operate inside. Over time, work to expand that circle but never fool yourself about where it stands today, and never be afraid to say “I don’t know.”

(via Understanding your Circle of Competence: How Warren Buffett Avoids Problems)