elitsuru11

[elitsuru11]

Danny being dragged to a gala, against his will, by Vlad, only he notices that Damian also looks like he wants to be litterally anywhere else, so Danny approaches him.

Danny: Listen, you don't want to be here, I definitely don't want to be here, want to stage a fight so we can both leave.

Damian: ...*cracks his knuckles* You are my new favorite person. *punches Danny in the face*

Danny: *grinning with a bloody nose* Likewise! *punches him back*

[elitsuru11]

u ever have on mutuals whos so deep in another fandom that u know absolutely zero about and they make posts that look like they speaking another language or some shit

[elitsuru11]

DC + DP a deal

Tim stared at the being, they were massive, they didn’t look human, their form was blurry, their eyes seemed to be black holes with delicate lashes, freckles that appeared to be stars dusted their skin.

If he was right then he was dealing with a good. He swallowed nervously not daring to meet the beings eyes. They smiled at him, and their voice rings out, it sounded wrong somehow, echoing everywhere, "What do you need?" the question startles Tim.

"I was wondering if you could help me? Someone I know got lost through time.." He looks up hopefully.

"Time...." they ponder, the word somehow reflecting the reality of the word. "I suppose that doesn't matter much, what is their name?"

The hairs on Tim's arms raised the second they asked for a name. That was the first rule of this, don't give them your name, or you'll be long to them.

The being laughs, "Humans are always so protective of names.. don't worry you can't give away someones name," the assure him and he stares at them.

"Bruce, Bruce Wayne," he chokes out. And the being smiles, their eyes glow, and everything shifts, the world changes around him, like a hundred fissures splitting through his reality. And suddenly it stops.

"Bruce Wayne," they speak softly. Tim stares at Bruce with shock, as if he couldn't comprehend that he was in fact here. Was this real?

"What about payment?' he stutters softly.

""A favor," they grins and Tim stares at them. A favor sounds too wrong, too unspecific, and there will be surely a catch.

"Within some limits," he barely manages to get the words out. The beings grin twists into a disturbing smile.

"What limits?" they ask their voice amused.

"Nothing that involves others, leave others out of our deal," the words are binding and Tim stares up trying to look confident.

"Heroes always are so self sacrificing," the being hums, "But fine," Tim lets out a sigh of relief. "Our deal is sealed," the being offers him a hand, though it's massive so when they shake hands it's more like a light touch.

After they shake hands, Tim's wrist burns. a blinding pain he can't fathom. He buckles to his knees.

"What is this, he stares at the intricate golden band on his wrist, it's thin, and looks breakable.

"Our deal, it breaks when I need that favor," being smiles and is suddenly gone. Leaving Tim alone in his summoning circle.

-

Years have passed, Tim is older now, the promise weighs ever heavy, it no longer burns. In fact he's almost managed to forget about it entirely. The other bats haven't constantly fretting.

Bruce made contingencies, and planned. but there was no answer, you couldn't beat a god. You couldn't fight a god. So they ignored it, he'd almost forgot about it.

But when the doorbell to his safe house rings he could almost feel something was wrong. Like some cosmic force was warning him. He answered nonetheless.

A boy with blue eyes black hair and a skinny frame stares at him. "My name's Danny," he starts. "And I need a favor."

There's a snap, a burning pain, and Tim stares at his wrist. His bare wrist.

-

first of all holy shit thank you!! Cause apparently I just reached 2000 reblogs and 10k likes and I am stunned. But thank you so much!!!

For me @bluebird8683 @itsbushytailedfox and @tkiesai you all specifically have been so sweet! There have been so many others too, um anyway thank you!!!!!!!

[elitsuru11]

MisDialed Hearts

inspired by this Prompt

Link

Tim Drake was cornered—again.

It had been one of those evenings, the kind that made Tim question every life decision that led him to being a CEO and a vigilante. Another gala. Another crowd of sharks in designer suits. Another round of well-meaning Gotham socialites asking about his dating life with a glint in their eyes like they were just waiting to pounce.

He needed out.

That’s when it happened. His phone buzzed with an unknown number. An escape hatch from the universe. A gift from the chaotic gods of Gotham.

Without hesitating, Tim pressed Answer and raised the phone to his ear like it was a lifeline.

“Hey, babe,” he said smoothly, walking briskly toward the exit, waving apologetically to the board members mid-sentence. “You’re calling now? I told you I was gonna be late—don't be mad. I'm on my way.”

There was a long pause on the other end. Then a confused voice said, “Uh. I think I called the wrong number...?”

Tim’s eyes lit up. Jackpot.

“I’ll be there in just a moment to pick you up,” he replied warmly, as if this was a normal thing, as if he hadn’t just started weaving a lie that would need more patching than a Gotham street after Scarecrow blew up half the block.

“Wha–?! Wait—what do you mea—”

Click. Tim hung up with a satisfied smile. He could already feel Babs and Dick squinting suspiciously at him from across the ballroom, probably comparing this situation to “that time Tim faked an uncle for six months.”

He needed someone real to make this lie work. Even if it started with a wrong number.

And he had the number.

— Meanwhile…

Danny Fenton blinked at his phone. He was sitting cross-legged on his twin bed in his Gotham University dorm, textbooks open in front of him, a microwaved quesadilla cooling by his side.

He'd been trying to call his physics lab partner, but either she changed her number or—

Or some random dude just answered way too comfortably and now might be on his way to pick him up. For a date.

“…Gotham,” Danny muttered, flopping backwards and groaning into his pillow. “I’m too tired for this.”

He considered texting the guy back, but he’d barely locked his phone when a black car pulled up in front of his dorm building.

A tall figure stepped out. a sinfully attractive man in a sleek black suit, tossing his keys to a valet who wasn’t even there five seconds ago, like Gotham just conjured them from the shadows.

Tim Drake.

“Are you Danny?” he asked, walking toward him with a smile that said, just go with it, please, but in the most polite, billionaire way possible.

Danny blinked. “Yeah…?”

Tim opened the car door. “Perfect. Sorry I’m late.”

“…okay.” Danny got in. He was too tired to fight this. Also? Tim smelled like expensive cologne and decisions that made bad ideas sound good.

“Just so you know,” Danny said as they pulled into traffic, “I have no idea what’s going on.”

Tim gave him a sideways glance, smirk playing on his lips. “You called me. I just answered.”

“You said you were picking me up for a date.”

“And I’m a man of my word.”

Danny stared at him, dumbfounded. “Are you always like this?”

“Only when I’m being watched.”

Danny glanced behind them. Yep. That was definitely Nightwing in a very poorly concealed civilian outfit tailing their car. Robin was flying overhead. Batgirl’s silhouette was just visible on a rooftop.

“Oh my god,” Danny muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You dragged me into a Bat thing, didn’t you?”

Tim gave him an innocent look. “Do you want dinner? I know a place.”

Danny stared at him for another beat, then leaned back in the seat with a sigh.

“You know what? Fine. You’re hot, I’m tired, and I skipped lunch. Let’s go.”

Tim smirked again. “Excellent. Just don’t be surprised if someone tries to kill us. It’s Gotham, after all.”

Danny groaned. “That’s fine. I’m half-dead anyway.”

Tim raised an eyebrow. “Wait—what?”

Danny smirked this time. “You faked a boyfriend. I fake being alive sometimes. Let’s call it even.”

Tim laughed. “Oh, I like you.”

“I’m still charging you for gas money,” Danny deadpanned.

"But I'm the one driving"

"So."

They were a disaster already. Gotham might never recover.

[elitsuru11]

Summarizing a concept I like

Hal adopts Danny.

Danny disapproves of him dating Bruce until he learns of the lazarus pit under Gotham.

Danny proceeds to "allow" them to date while he slowly absorbs the lazarus pit ecto.

Bruce is just happy he gets another son with his relationship, even better that Jason comes to visit whenever Danny and Hal do because he seems to relax him.

Danny comes from a different planet in the DC-verse, same universe, just different planet called earth. He is the only hero on his planet, however since the GIW had gotten a first foothold they got more and more power.

Amity Park is known as "Ground Zero", an empty city, nobody is allowed to enter or go near it. The entire population fell under the AEA, they were taken to be studied. Danny, pulled away from his friends since he had the highest contamination of ectoplasm went through experiement after experiement.

He was about to loose his hope when he was rescued. With no way to tell time Danny was devastated to learn years had passed and apart from him and a few other full ghosts nobody had survived the tests of the GIW who now had the whole world under control.

The man that introduced himself as "Green Lantern" took Danny and the surviving ghosts with him, he knew another Green Lantern that lived on a planet similar to Danny's.

Danny didn't feel like trying, after getting medical help he spend his days waiting on that other Lantern with staring into space. He wondered if he should even keep existing. His friends were dead, his family was dead. Anybody he ever knew was dead. It was just him.

He couldn't even get to the ghost zone and look for his rogues/friends. The ghosts that had also been rescued tended to huddle close, with less and less ectoplasm strengthening them they slowly lost visibility to anybody but Danny. Relying on him to tell what they needed.

So when Hal finally reached the sector with the rescued beings of inbetween he saw only a young adult talking to nothing as if in conversation. He stopped suddenly and turned to stare at him with glowing blue eyes.

Hal may have spent too much time with Batman, because he felt the second he saw the kids eyes that he was going to be his child. This sad wet cat of a barely adult clearly needed some excitement in his life.

So Danny was taken to earth, invisible friends and all, where Hal tried his best to learn how to be a dad to an adult.

Skip a few years, Danny got better even if he still had some episodes where he fell back into his depression. Hal learned to help those days or weeks where it was hard for Danny, so he really was prepared to call in a rain check on his date.

About to make a call he was interrupted by the door bell. Opening the door to the hall he saw Bruce, well that made things a bit more complicated.

"I had a feeling you would call off our date if I wasn't here already."

"You have a date?" Hal turned to see Danny gape at him from the corner.

"You have a son?" Turn back to see Bruce look shocked.

"Okay, inside-conversation!" Pulling Bruce inside and closing the door he herded them all to the living room to sit down. Bruce held out his hand to Danny with a slightly awkward smile.

"I'm Bruce." Danny didn't take the hand, crossed his arms and glared.

"Danny. What are your intentons with Hal?!" He snapped back.

"I want to take him out on a date and hopefully build a long-lasting relationship." Bruce let his hand fall down.

"Sounds fake. Where are you from?" Hal was about to stop Bruce from answering but was too late.

"Gotham, why?" Danny turned to the side, looking at something neither other man could see and started speaking in a language Hal couldn't understand even with the ring.

"What did you just tell them to do, Danny?" Hal was nervous, Danny was not above using his invisible friends.

"Who?"

"Danny is friends with some ghosts."

"Sura is going to take a look at Gotham. If we deem it unsafe you won't take Hal out on a date." Hall let his head fall into his hands, he was lucky his shot had worked with Bats, now his son was going to ruin any chance he could get. Was this what Bats felt like when Nightwing gave him the shovel talk right after securing this date?

Hal tried to save his date by at least putting on a movie, ordering food and ignoring Danny glaring at Bruce. It was slightly awkward but it was a date, he even got to hold hands if only under a light growl coming from Danny's core the whole time.

About three hours later, when Hal was about to mentally say goodbye to dating ever again, Danny snapped his head to the left and widened his eyes.

"Really?" His head snapped to Bruce, then he smiled.

"I approve! We'll visit next week!" Hal was confused, but also, next week was tomorrow.

Hal was less confused when Danny seemed to glow the moment they entered Gotham. Of course Gotham had ectoplasm, he could even see shaddow-like forms around Danny.

"Have fun on your date, we'll search for the ecto to feast on!" And he was gone, leaving Hal to worry slightly. Danny was a problem magnet and if the city was on fire when he turned around again he knew who to blame.

Danny was very happy when he found the pools of ecto, it was a bit spicy-er than he remembered but that was fine, his friends dived in and soaked up as much as they could, they were probably visible again. Danny thought they were more opaque than before.

Fully sated on ecto Danny took to wandering through Gotham, he was happy to come upon a haunted part of the city. Gotham itself was basically in a coma from all the curses, but there was a dead-touched being living in this neighborhood.

Stepping in was basically announcing he was there, and the emotions of this haunt-side was pretty angry, like a starved dead-touched that had nobody to socialize.

Danny could also use a brawl, he couldn't really do one with his friends because they were too weak with no ecto and even then they were just people from a relatively calm part of the zone where they fought less.

Jason didn't know what it was exactly but the moment his gut told him to go to a certain part in the Alley he went. And then he saw him, the guy just standing in the street, behind him a group of four people that were slightly see-through and discussing a TV-show.

Next thing he knew he was brawling with the guy, the others didn't interfere but watched. Instead of the usual rage he felt pushed onto him from the pit he felt joy and satisfaction. Like he drank water after a long time of being really thirsty.

He ended up losing, but didn't really mind as the both laid on a roof they had ended up on.

"Man I really needed to let go again, thanks." He turned to look at the guy that beat him to exhaustion, he held out a fist for a fist bump. Sighing Jason met his fist with his own.

"Name's Jason."

"Danny... hey do you want to brawl again? I don't really have other people who get it, you know?" Jason did not, not really at least.

"Sure. Man is this what people feel like when they're sated?"

"Ha! Yeah, you really needed it too. I'll give you my number."

Jason and Danny met up again a few times before Jason was emotionally blackmailed by Tim and Damian to go to dinner at the manor because Bruce had an announcement. He stopped in the doorway when he saw Danny sitting next to Hal.

"Jason!" Danny seemed happy, Jason waved awkwardly.

"What?"

"Jay you know Hal's son?" Jason felt like he felt a puzzle piece click into place, before he grinned and met Danny's fist for a fist bump.

"Yeah. Where're your friends?"

"Bathing in ectoplasm under Gotham, it's spa day! I'll join them later."

Well, at least it wasn't going to be boring, although Tim nearly had a heart attack when he checked on the lazarus pit under Gotham to find that it had shrunk.

[elitsuru11]

Mini Prompt: Everyone needs to calm down

Batfam is convinced that Danny is a young clone of Bruce, and prepares themselves to have a new son/brother join the family. 

Bruce even goes above and beyond as he arranges a “play date” for Danny and Conner to meet. A way to show Danny that he’s not the only clone around, and that he will always be a part of the family. 

They do all of this before they actually confirm anything. Danny is not a clone. 

[elitsuru11]

King and Mayor

DP x DC Prompt

Danny has been Mayor of Gotham for a while already. Having become Mayor when Damian had become Robin at 12. He may have another role of power, but that won't stop him from helping others.

He had become the mayor when he was too tired and thinking about other things, like his Ghost King duties, and accidentally signed up for the candidacy. And since almost all of Gotham didn't want their current mayor in power, it was almost a unanimous vote for Danny to be the next mayor.

The Batfam has no clue that Danny is the new mayor, as they all had a lot to deal with during the voting. They all believe that the same mayor is still in power and is being bought off by the Rogues to ignore most of them. Danny is refusing the money the Rogues offer him, as he's already got too much money because of his Ghost King inheritance.

Danny is working on making the city a better place, as Lady Gotham was kind enough to welcome him into her haunt after he lost his to the GIW and his parents. He's also gotten a good chance of getting Batman to investigate the GIW. First, he made sure that none of his workers could be bought out by the Rogues, ensuring that they were well paid and had protection for both them and their families (Danny asks Ghosts with obsessions related to protecting to guard his workers and their families).

Once he had ensured that his workers were protected and paid well enough, he moved on to making sure the GCPD wouldn't be bought out and had good healthcare specialists he found in the Infinite Realms heal the GCPD officers.

The Batfam will learn of the new mayor when Jim tells Batman about the new mayor helping the GCPD be less corrupt.

[elitsuru11]

Omg slayyy Saja Boys

It’s giving ✨rigor mortis✨

[elitsuru11]

i was so ready to accept that there was just an evil boy band. these magical girls have a singing gimmick so the villains have to as well, don't think too hard about it just enjoy the show.

but no.

this was a targeted decision. they decided to form a boy band just to fuck with huntrix directly. they did this on PURPOSE. and in order to do this, jinu had to:

study modern pop music

write and choreograph his own routine

calibrate it specifically to go viral on tiktok (whistle and shoulder thing both easily replicated by your average fan, brilliant move)

find four 'conventionally hot' demons

TEACH THEM TO DANCE in PERFECT SYNC with the expert precision of chart topping bands

they had rehearsals

in the demon realm

for what, months? years??

was there a chalkboard that said "Always Be Posing" ??

[elitsuru11]

For all of the northerners that stood up for Texas during our freeze and said, "Don't make fun of them, they've never dealt with this before. Their infrastructure isn't made for snow and freezing."

This one is for you.

Where I live 108°F with 80% humidity with no wind is normal.

Pacific North West is dealing historic best waves 35-40°C or 95-105°F.

First of all. Don't make fun of them for bitching about the heat. Just like Texas isn't built for a freeze and our pipes burst, Pacific North West isn't built for heat and a lot of their homes don't have AC.

If you live somewhere with a high humidity like 80+ HUMIDITY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. The "humidity makes it feel cooler" is a lie once it gets beyond a point.

If you live somewhere with a lower humidity, misters are nice to cool off outside.

Once you get over 90°F (32°C) a fan will not help you. It's just pushing around hot air. (I mean if you can't afford a small AC unit because they're expensive as hell, by all means a fan is better than nothing).

If you have pets, those portable AC units aren't safe. If your pets destroy the outtake thing, it'll leak CO2. Window units are safer.

Window AC units will let mosquitoes or other small bugs in. Sucks, but that's life.

Now is not the time to me modest. If you have to cover for religious reasons, by all means. If you don't, I've seen people wear short shorts and a swim top. It's not trashy if it keeps you from getting heat stroke.

If you do have to cover up for religious reasons, look for elephant pants or something similar. They're made with a breathable material.

Shade is better than no shade, but that shit it just diet sun after some point. Don't think shade will save you from heat stroke.

I know the "drink your water" is a fun meme now, but if you're sweating excessively you need electrolytes. Drink Gatorade, Powerade, or Pedialite PLEASE. I don't care if you're fucking sitting in one spot all day. That shit WILL save you from heat stroke.

Most importantly. RESEARCH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEAT STROKE AND HEAT EXHAUSTION PLEASE!

If you're diabetic and can't drink Gatorade, mix water, fruit juice, and either lite salt or pink salt

If you can afford it, cover windows with thick curtains to insulate the house

If you have tile floors, lay on them with skin to tile contact. If you don't, laying your head on cool counters works too.

If the temperature where you're at is hotter than your body temperature, don't wear heat wicking clothing. Moisture wicking is safe though.

Check your medication labels. Many make you more susceptible to sun and heat

-Room temperature water will get into your body faster. This is something I learned doing marching band in high summer in Georgia, and it saved all of our asses. Sip it, don't gulp it, especially if you're getting into the red; same goes for whatever fluid you're drinking. And just in general drink during the day.

-If you are moving from an air conditioned space to an un-air conditioned space, if at all possible try to make the shift gradual. When my dad and I were working outside and in un-ac houses a few years ago, he'd turn the air down to low in the truck about ten-fifteen minutes before we got where we were going. This way your body doesn't go from low low temps to high temps. S'bad for you.

-If you can, keep your lights off during the day. Light bulbs may not generate a lot of heat, but the difference is noticeable when it gets hot enough. I literally only turn my bedroom light on in the evening when it gets too dark.

Don't be afraid to just like... pour water on yourself if you need to. The evaporation will cool you off.

Put your hand to the cement for 15 seconds. If you can't handle the heat, it'll burn your dog's paws. Don't let them walk on it.

Dogs with flat faces are more prone to heat stroke. Don't leave them out unsupervised.

Frozen fruit is delicious in water.

Wet/Cold hat/handkerchief on your head/neck will help you stay cool.

Pickle juice is great for electrolytes! You can even make pickle juice Popsicles!

Heat exhaustion is more, "drink water and get you cooled off." Heat stroke is more "Oh my god call 911."

Image Description provided by @loveize

[Image description: an infographic showing the difference between heat exhaustion and heat stroke. The graphic is labeled "Heat Dangers: First Warning." Signs of heat exhaustion: faint or dizzy, excessive sweating, cool, pale, clammy skin, rapid, weak pulse, muscle cramps. If you think you or someone else may be experiencing heat exhaustion, get to a cool, air-conditioned place, drink water if conscious, and take a cool shower or use cold compress. Signs of heat stroke: throbbing headache, no sweating, red, hot, dry skin, rapid, strong pulse, may lose consciousness. If you think you or someone else may be experiencing heat stroke, call 911. End description]

Be safe.

-fae

[elitsuru11]

tumblr is basically a gay bar in a mental institute

[elitsuru11]

I hate Nintendo Switch Online. I hate the lack of optimization. I hate the expensive subscription service. I hate the lack of games. I hate the limited time releases. I hate that it's never gonna have the level of content that the Wii virtual console had. I hate what capitalism has done to gaming.

This collection includes: All the GBA, GB and GBC games currently available on the Switch!!

+ And a few extra bonus!! Mostly from the same series'seses

Download here for free!!: https://www.mediafire.com/file/pzycxh6zu9b8drf/GBA_Online_PC.rar (405 MB Uncompressed)

They're all ready to be played in HD on PC. Just drag and drop the files on the included program

[elitsuru11]

Dick: Hey, Tim, your birthday is coming up, do you want anything?

Tim: Actually-

Jason, munching on a sandwich: Nah, that motherfucker was born by C-section. It's not his birthday, it's his release date.

Steph and Babs: *shoots water out their noses*

Bruce: JASON!

[elitsuru11]

Hair gel 😅

I got the idea from twitter 🕺

[elitsuru11]

DPxDC Clockwork is NOT Kronos. But they sure are cosplaying him.

So! Bad reveal/GIW capture/Amity Park get's destroyed. Whatever flavour. It doesn't matter. What matters? Is that to save the Liminals of Team Phantom? They have to make them halfas. They can't survive without the healing abilities. Dani is also destabilising. Dan is in a rage fit. Danny has no legs and a few other wounds. It's a Bad Time™ for Team Phantom.

What does this mean for Team Phantom? Well, Clockwork couldn't interfere with the whole world. No amount of giving Danny a redo leads to a better outcome. But! They can now adopt the children properly. Clockwork can also help the Liminals become halfas. But.. It's a bit of a finicky process. Works best for children under a certain age. And with their wounds they will revert to their new cores anyway.

So! Clockwork may as well just store the cores for safe keeping. Dani and Dan need to be reverted as well.... Daniel only needs a few days taking off. But the rest? Will be much younger. Now, Clockwork didn't have to throw the cores into his mouth and make flavour jokes. But Daniel needed the humour. Their poor son was devastated by what happened! He needed a laugh.

As halfas the children will all need access to a living realm. The best one is the Laughing Magician's. Enough magic to heal the kids. Enough heroes Daniel won't feel the need to run off into danger just yet. And it has John Constantine. Who owes him several favours. And seems to be opperating under the operating belief that Clockwork is a version of Kronos. Clockwork doesn't know how, but they are highly amused by it. Very fun to poke him and see what happens.

This all comes to a head when Danny makes a joke about his siblings, where John can hear. When John asks for clarification? Danny doesn't think it through well enough. It isn't until Wonder Woman is on their porch demanding her Aunts and Uncles be released that Danny realises...

He probably shouldn't have told John that Clockwork are his siblings...

...

Danny now has to explain that's not the literal truth. Well it os, but it isn't. It's for health reasons. He swears. Please don't make his parent take his siblings off life support...

[elitsuru11]

Danny wakes up in a cage in the Batcave as a human and thinks to himself “well that’s not a good sign.”

Big bad bat encountered him in the caves near the Batcave by finding him half dunked in the Lazarus pits under Gotham during a routine check. He put the boy in a cage as a precaution, but was otherwise planning on investigating then returning him to his rightful place.

Danny does not know that.

He proceeds to search his pockets (phase his hand into his body disguised as reaching into his pockets) and pulls out a tool kit, systematically disassembles, exits, then reassembles the cage.

And walks out.

Now the bats are hunting the streets for this engineering escape artist while Danny is just hanging out at a newsstand reading up on the universe Clockwork had sent him to check out.

"Woah! What happened here?" Duke gasps from the staircase. He is wearing his school uniform, but upon checking his backpack, he realizes his chemistry textbook is missing, likely somewhere in the Batcave after his latest monitor duty.

He had been multitasking by shooting out questions to the rest of the bats as they patrolled. Due to an injured wrist, Duke had been benched from his regular day shift (Jason offered to cover for him), and watching screens had been the only way Bruce had been willing to let him participate.

That quickly became boring, however, since Oracle was much faster than he was, and Duke had a tough time focusing on screens. He's never been one to enjoy too much screen time - he didn't have the attention span for it.

This meant that Duke had not been in the cave for the past three nights, after he struck a deal with Bruce to let him catch up on some much-needed rest instead, provided he could continue his civilian work during the day.

Imagine his surprise to find the Batcave in disarray, with almost everything taken apart, piece by piece, including the Batcomputer and the dinosaur. Bruce, Damian, Dick, Jason, Tim, and Cass were currently attempting to gather the pieces and reassemble everything, which seemed hard given all the little pieces that had shattered about.

"Some kid with a screwdriver," Jason grunted, holding up various nails towards the light. In front of the anti-hero were five distinct piles of nails and bolts, each separated by type and size, which he carefully sorted from a large bucket.

"What?"

Tim looked up from a mountain of wires, some of which were dropped over his shoulders, around his head, and a few were entangled with his leg, as he tried to untangle everything. He looked as crazed as he did the year he decided he was going to put up all the Christmas lights by himself, only to realize how large Wayne Manor really was. "Two nights ago, we found a civilian unconscious in cave sector T-Y13. He was practically radioactive with Lazarus pits water, so Bruce had the bright idea to put him in a cage as a precaution. The civillain woke up while Bruce was away so he couldn't explain that he was not kidnapped, realized he was in a cage, and deassimbled it with a tool set he pulled from his ass-"

"Tim. Laugauge" Dick scolds, leanign over metal tubes to cover Damian's ears. The twelve-year-old huffs, but doesn't shake off Dick's hands as he stares at a different buckets of lightbults, sorting them like Jason was doing to the nails.

It was a little darker than what Duke was used to.

"-And then, he decided to reassemble the cage once he was out." I'm continuing as if he weren't interrupted, nodding his head to the only part of the cave that looked normal. The contamination unit seemed to shine in the untouched spotlights. "Then the civilian thought he was going to take apart everything in the cave. He systematically disassembled everything and mixed up the pieces. The only things he left alone were the railings!"

"It's pretty impressive," Bruce praises. He was checking over technology boards with a critical eye. A headlight strapped to his forehead shines brightly on the pieces as he smiles. "I wonder where he is now."

"If he has any brains, he's probably applying for a position with a pit crew in NASCAR," Cass laughs, picking up different boards of metal. "He took the whole place apart in less than twenty minutes."

"He even got the Batpens" Dick sighs. "Why was he so passive-aggressive about pulling out the pen's springs?"

"If I woke up in a cage, after unfair imprisonment, I would also cause my captors as much chaos as possible," Damain comments casually. "We are lucky he decided to leave nothing harmful behind."

"He just took everything else!" Steph's voice calls out from a dark patch of the cave. Duke knows it's in the direction of the showers and the changing room. "Does anyone see any shower heads over there? The kid took them off every shower!

"I have one!" Cass calls back, holding up an item in her hand. "Are any pipes missing? There are five long metal cylinders that I can't figure out what they are for."

"No, he left the pipes along, but I think he took the mirrors and the doors."

"Which door?" Bruce yells back. There is a moment of silence before Steph replies.

"All of them! "

"Of course. That's what these ones are for." Jason says in an Ah-ha voice, holding up a few black bolts. "They're the ones from the shower heads!"

Duke stares, then sighs. He lets his backpack slide off his shoulders, landing on the stairs with a thump. Looks like he's calling in sick to school again.

Rolling up his sleeves, he moves over to Cass and helps her lift the long cylinders she had mentioned. "Do we know anything about this civilian?"

"Before he took the Batcomputer apart, we were able to get that he wasn't in any of the local government records. He isn't from Gotham or this state." Bruce says while carefully placing pieces back on a large computer board with a pair of tweezers. "My guess, he's not going to be in any system, either."

"Why?"

Bruce looks up, his eyes shining. "His DNA matched eighty-five percent with Themyscira's genetic make-up. No proof of cloning either. We may just have a genius male Themysciran on our hands."

Duke didn't like how excited Bruce sounded when he made that statement. He opens his mouth to snap, "You can't adopt him, Bruce!"

It's validating that his voice wasn't the only one that said it, but that it echoed by literally everyone else in the cave. Bruce purses his lips but doesn't agree or disagree with the accusation as he turns back to his computer board.

Duke hears him mutter under his breath, but he's too far away to figure out what he said. "

How long do you think this will take us to put back together? He asks Cass as they compare metal pieces- he's holding a triangle-looking thing that he can't figure out where it came from.

She kicks aside a circular metal slate, raising a brow at him, then nodding her head toward the left side of the cave. Duke turns to look in the direction of the third Robin, who was wiggling around.

"What are you!?" Tim screams at a blue wire, shaking it like he was strangling someone's neck. Somehow, in the time Duke looked away from him, Tim had his right arm tied to his left knee, with a red wire thread running through his shirt, and his right leg was no longer visible because the rest of the wire pile had consumed it.

"Oh, so it's going to be a few hours," Duke sighs as Cass nods sadly.

"Does anyone have any eyes on the light switches?" Dick yells out. "Damian and I almost have all the pieces to turn the lights back on."

"Oh gods -He took the lockers!" Steph screams in angst. "I had a snack stash in there!"

[elitsuru11]

did y’all know that in victorian times it was really common after somebody died, that their family members would clean up the corpse, prop them up, and take post mortem photos with them?

Jason kills the Joker and instead of being normal about it he decides to antagonise Bruce by taking professional photos with the guys corpse in different outfits and poses while in full Red Hood gear and leaving them in the batcave for Bruce to find. he thinks it’s hysterical. Bruce thinks it’s psychologically damaging and he has no fucking clue how to get Red Hood to leave him alone OR how he can even get into the fucking batcave. eventually Tim finds Jason without a mask leaving another photo and figures everything out.

Tim: so you’ve just been doing this for months? isn’t the corpse like… decayed?

Jason: no i took like a hundred in advance before i cremated the fucker. so i can do this for like another year.

Tim, remembering the shit he had to go through on his 16th birthday so really Bruce has what’s coming to him:

Tim: that’s actually kinda funny.

Jason, delighted: right?!? i still have the suit i was buried in, too, so i’m thinking of making myself look corpse-like for a couple selfies and taking it one step further.

Tim: ok well that’s diabolically cruel.

Tim:

Tim: you know i’m somewhat of a photographer myself…

Jason: this is the start of a beautiful secret friendship, Replacement.