ellesmera268

[ellesmera268]

Tidbits of Trứng

Trứng lỡ chân quệt vào mặt Đậu, fingers being pointed

Trứng co chân lên đầu giường, nói với giọng người dân tộc "Chân của Trứng ở đây cơ mà!"

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Hôm nay Trứng vẫn đang bị nhiệt miệng ở lưỡi, nhưng rất chịu khó ăn rau, còn tự cầm đũa gắp rau! wow.

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Trứng quan tâm, chỉ tay vào nốt muỗi đốt của Đậu:

Đậu bị đau à?

Đậu bị muỗi đốt à?

Để lát nữa mẹ bôi kem cho nhé!

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Trứng cũng hỏi mẹ về cái bớt - mẹ bị đau à??

Thế nhưng đi ngủ thì toàn nói mơ "Không thích đâu"

Lại còn rất lịch sự, làm gì cũng "Vâng ạ!"

Và đi đâu cũng xem có bố và Đậu không - "ĐẬU ƠI!! TRỨNG ĐI RỒI!"

[ellesmera268]

How to spend money

These days I'm just very financially-minded. As in, I start to notice how other people vs. me spending money. all the garbage published on the newspapers and internet also talk about how "The rich" vs. "The poor" spend money. Those are clickbait articles, but there are some issues that are real.

My PT, before getting married, told me he wanted his bride to give birth at a private prestigious hospital. Well, that hospital's all fun and fine, but it's definitely gonna cost some money that I don't know if the insurance is going to cover. Note - maybe it's going to cover the cost and saves him the money that he has to give to doctors? if so, that'd have been a good point. However, my point here is, giving birth is just 3-5 days max (well, unless you have to stay a week like I did). So, you're spending a lot for your wife to feel like she's at an expensive retreat with presidential suite etc. for 3-5 days. Whereas there are so many expenses that are health related - the postnatal tests, the plasma scans to help heal faster, the vaccinations and childcare costs. those are the ones that would add substantial value to your health and your kid's life. So, why would you spend so much money on feeling comfortable for 3-5 days again?

Another Grab driver told me he spent like $15-20 for his kid to go to Kidzania. It's a fake place that gives kids costumes and let them play at being a pilot, or a firefighter, for a session. That money can buy lots of books, say, up to 10 books. That money can also help take a vaccination. It can also let your kid be with you for a morning, if that's what you earn for a morning. My point here is, you're not making a lot of money. Why are you spending that on the kid's temporary getting some kind of make-belief experience?

I guess my issue is that all those expensive services are targeted at people who don't have enough money for those. I have doubts about spending money there, and I have money. I even splurged on us staying at Traders Hotel overlooking the Twin Towers for 3 days. However, I guess that I was planning for the kids to thoroughly enjoy and remember this experience, and for Loc and I to also share in the memory, plus it's rather comfortable compared to other places.

I guess to each his own. I will continue to spend money my way, and people will continue to spend beyond their means for something that's well-marketed to their segment, keeping them perpetually chasing for financial independence and at the same time always feel lacking (the best selling point - fear of missing out). That both deteriorates financial and mental health, which also takes a toll on physical health.

Things that I can spend money on:

Investment (returns over lifetime) : health, education

Relationships (including buying time to reinforce relationships)

Things that I could spend less money on:

Clothes/ fashion (less online, more quality clothing)

Travel for the sake of travel (also a fashionable thing)

Things that are ok once a year:

Core memories

Toys (non plastic, has to be good and durable)

Skincare and make up

[ellesmera268]

V****** has happened since, and ...

It seems such another life away, looking at my last post. It must have been around mid-year, when Loc was on his last legs at G Group. Now, he's actually working to his full potential (and then some!), earning double my salary, and is contributing to his country as a whole (and this is not a fairy tale, so what if the work culture is toxic, the boss lady is a workaholic bitch, and we only get to see him two hours per day). But wow, can't believe it's almost half a year he's worked there, and at first we planned for 2-3 months. The work keeps getting interesting, he's doing something so substantial, and I now finally get to highlight his qualities at work - the integrity, the smart, the technicalities as well as the soft skills and emotional support. We compare his work now to some bimbo who's hot as fuck and mad in bed, but is hell-bent crazy. Anyhow, we could be on the brink of another phase in his career, but definitely a better phase. In the current phase, we know what we're getting into, having been here before, we're excited about the quality of the work and its impact and its potential for networking, and can't complain about the $$, we've never felt as financially secure. On the other hand, we do agree that we're sacrificing a lot of family and quality time here, so this is a gig that's supposed to lead to better things, not a destination, in as much as you're not gonna marry this gal for life.

So that's the update. Also, briefly, yesterday we agreed that we shall now be ready to take on a puppy. OK, end of major life events update.

What motivated me to write here again is Pea and Egg. The girls are growing so fast, they're so long now, Pea is already 102 cm and when I hold her, I wonder where that bundle that just fitted on my lap went. Just now, I slipped out of the bedroom to chitchat and just chill with Loc, but then I heard her sort of whining as I refilled my water. As I come in, I heard her say Please stay with me mommy and I was floored. I mean, it could be my mom guilt overdrive again. Is this some trauma unresolved from the time I was in confinement? Or the last overnight business trip? Is Egg still holding on to her pacifier a sign of fear of abandonment as I was away for the whole month of her 1st birthday? Short separations like that shouldn't scar the kids for life, right? RIGHT?

Of course, I find every possible moment to bond with them, given a choice (I think only 30% of the choices would be for me honestly) I try to pick up and drop off from school, I try to take them out on weekends and not send them to their grandparents, I try to bathe them if they'd let me and I'm not too tired, etc.

In terms of efforts, though, at least I'm proud to say I'm taking rather a well rounded approach. I'd scoff at moms who send their kids to nursery at six month old, saying "the teachers are great!" and "they have extra floating sessions!" At least, by 6 months, I have a nanny who is part of the family, so she's consistent, and she cares about the kids, and they get to stay at home instead of an institutional setting, however spa-like the marketing materials read. Both the kids seem ready at 18 months old though. In terms of education, I'm reading both Chinese, Vietnamese old school, French, Soviet (!) materials, while allowing them to go to a school with a rather well rounded curriculum save for the large setting and the lackluster English program and reading sessions. We're reading to them at home anyway, and the kids are so good, they can make up games to play with each other now.

At first I was going to have this piece of thought as someone who's still having illness in the back of my mind as I'm going in for a more definitive check up this weekend, but actually, it seems like, yes it's always there but I guess there are just so much life going on, I can't keep thinking about death for long. Oh, and by the way, Michelle Trachtenberg died. She's only 5 years older than me, and basically was in some of the cool movies (Eurotrip)/ shows (Gossip Girl) that I like. That's really sad.

Books I'm reading - Vasily Sukhomlinsky on Education, Nexus on AI & Information Networks, Atomic Habits as a bite-sized audiobook, Masterclass on Negotiations by Chris Voss during lunches, and some podcasts by Diepthebug - she's always been quite real and her recommendations are good.

[ellesmera268]

Let's make history

Today started out somewhat ordinary. Pea woke us up at 6:30 am, and we tried to delay until 7:00 and then everybody's up, ordering breakfast, getting out of the house. We just got her a new bike, so she's excited about riding the pink "four-wheeler", and Egg gets to ride around on the old bike, both of them in pink helmets looking as cute as possible. Loc and I started a row on how I'm nagging him to do this and that for the kids. I was angry and waited until he and the nanny take them to the grandparents to head out to work. But of course, we already agreed to have lunch, so I begrudgingly told him where I was so he could come get me.

Lunch was rather emotional. Things are not going his way at work, and it takes a toll on him, and it shows because he spends a lot of time and efforts looking after us. He would lose his patience, act angry, and sometimes inadvertently hurt the kid. (Pea's going through an extremely egoistic phase). I confronted him about this, and there were a few tears. But we talked about how he has been getting closer to his goal and interests, how things are going to align for him and how it's just a matter of time (and painful though it was) before he could get where he should be. He seems hopeful, especially since a small start-up is looking for his consultation service.

And he gives good advice. I asked him to consider me not as a spouse, but as someone who he has seen professionally. I'm in a unique situation, the moment where you would often hear people looking back and talk about how they were "in the right place at the right time". Being employee 001 here means if the company sets up an entity and needs a legal representative, I'm on the shortlist. But he reminded me that this needs to be earned, not a given. And instead of focusing on how much fears and anxiety I have, about how I feel both superior and inferior to people in similar situations, I could set myself up for success in this role, to be the obvious choice.

I could never see myself as some social butterfly - I said. But he saw my abilities as a strength to be used in networking, he sees something strong and different in me. And I realize that no matter what kind of career success I have or how much I earn, there has to be respect for this man who supports me and sees my potential and is willing to put me first.

Of course, there's also the inconvenience of the thyroid issue. I kept wishing I could put in this 150% as I used to be able to, back in the days of Stoxplus. But he reminded me to take baby steps, and would be better off just do my things instead of waiting for things to be perfect.

That's my guy.

[ellesmera268]

What a ride- my cancer journey

Today’s a rather special day I went in for my last whole body scan to detect the cancer cells that took up iodine and the results has been good I have been meaning to write down this whole. Roller coaster. Adventure. But with everything going on, it has been quite distracting. But now finally during my isolation. I could start. Jotting down some thoughts.

This year has been absolutely bonkers for us. First, I had nonstop coughing and had to visit the doctor on the 3rd day of Lunar New Year. And suspected that I had pneumonia. Then, once I am done with my mba, and Almost done with my maternity leave. Then we found out about Dad having lymphoma. Now that was quite tough at first. With With baby chung. Infected with COVID. We simply had a lot of things on our mind. And also having to isolate away from him. It just feels like we have very precious time left. And then doubt had actual pneumonia. And then afterwards. Love. And my mom had it too. But that is not even the punch line. By August. Dad had to go in for treatment because his lymph nodes were so enlarged. Thanks to the fact that he started fasting and Following the advice of some bogus. Doctor who were related to us. And then on the 9th of September, F. I found out about my cancer. I had an inkling about it because we detected it back in 2020. And so I went for a biopsy right away. The results came back. Not so good. And then. We started our whole shopping for hospital for surgeon. And I feel like I’ve read more NIH articles than. I have ever done in the first 33 years of my life.

I was so angry at my parents. In some weird way, I blame them for not understanding this disease enough to help me prevent to think that this is a one off thing instead of something that could be in the family. If they had, they would have advised me to monitor. And then maybe we would have cut this earlier and then I could have just had the surgery and not the radiation with all the associated risks. And even with my findings. My daddy’s first reaction was asking if I want to talk. To his bogus doctor. I could not believe my ears. I could not believe that he had no idea about his disease. What he went through 10 years ago. He just left it all to my mom. Like something you could delegate. Like if somebody ruined it, you can just point finger and say, oh, that’s your fault. Well, now I’m different. I’m taking steps to ensure that the children will not get this. I have to all of this happening. I seek help. I talked to a generic doctor at Raffles Medical who are extremely helpful. And I think he took a shine on the. Quite unhinged email I sent to the hospital asking for advice. We sat down and talked. We talked about all my worries. All the things that I just felt so out of my control And he helped me piece together a piece by piece to show me that actually we are in control of a lot of things. During this time, I also read a book called Outlive by Peter Attila. Who propagated the idea of a longer lifespan and. Better quality of life and how we can set about thinking about them and achieving them. Coincidentally, it is the same book that the doctor was recommending me. We also talked about another dimension the reason to live. And that has given me hope. Despite all the statistics, all the things we read. What also really matters. Is that besides for the physical things, we need to work on the mental things. The reason to live and I’m grateful because I have a lot of reasons to live, a lot of reasons to fight for. Of course, first of all, the kids. With what hears that one has a type of illness and especially terminal illness The first thing one things off is the kids. Even if I have 20 years 30 years. There is never enough time with your kids. They have only been in my life for the last three years. And yet. Everything I do now, I do for them. Every living moment I think about them. So this isolation has been rather hard. I’ve only finished for the week, and there is about two more weeks to go Not to mention the Singaporean trip. When I splurged on a $3000 injection.

And of course, there is Loc. With an illness like this. There’s not a lot of pain. And it’s curable. So that’s all very nice But what hurts is that you see your loved ones? Being so worried. Being so exhausted. He just became really thinned. And at the same time, this broadest closer together, we know. We were having a lot of those just before it because of the stress, because of work, because of the kids, because of life. And yet, once this news came. And Just right before that too, we found out how much we love each other, how much we just wish for the time together. He really might be the love of my life, you know,

Find it hard to write or talk about this topic without going into a jumble of emotions because this stuff is hard. So I’m still slowly making sense of what we’re doing. And understanding that we are cleaning up from years of neglect. And an arrogant view of our health. I used to think that we are one very healthy family comparing to the pupos. Now I get it. And concrete steps are being made to make sure that this time really, really better. We are facing this. As one whole family. We will get through this. Stronger.

[ellesmera268]

Đậu thấy bố mẹ rủ nhau uống trà sữa liền mon men ra : Bố đang làm gì đấy? I like it! 

Đậu dạy Chim tiếng Anh: What's your name cái gì? My name is Chim!

Trứng đòi cái đồng hồ, thế là Đậu cho vào cái balo xong bảo mẹ "Đậu giấu đồng hồ rồi!"

Mẹ nằm ngủ nhìn sang thấy Đậu vẫn đang loay hoay nghịch đồng hồ mẹ bảo con nằm xuống đi

Nó nằm xuống xong bảo: Eh! Mẹ! Hello mẹ! Vẫy vẫy tay Rồi nghịch thêm đồng hồ chắc là làm lỏng cái gài, lẩm bẩm oops! sorry mama...

[ellesmera268]

Parenting thoughts

Sau 1 tuần nằm viện truyền vì viêm phổi, Đậu xem youtube liên tục giờ đã nói tiếng Anh ngon nghẻ. Một câu chuyện giữa Đậu & mẹ:

- Mommy mommy, where's teddy bear?

Here he is!

Can I have plaster?

Okay, we have ONE ...

TWO, THREE

Plasters! So I'll give you just one okay?

Yup, a full convo in Eng. Go figure.

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Today we just visited Lucita, a Steiner/Waldorf-inspired school and we're pretty pleased with it. Perhaps we'll enroll her in there.

This stemmed from the thought that I can't bear sending her back to her current school. We're not impressed with the teachers there, even though the location is unbeatable. I even went through a phase of panicking and nearly sending her to Colibri, a French school, just so she can have some actual childhood.

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It's established that time is my most precious commodity. Thus, changing to a remote job would enable me to put a limit on working time (and also salary) but put more time towards things that I care about more deeply - our health and our children. I'm excited about the path ahead.

Even though we're sending the kids to the best schools, no time is as valuable as the time spent with parents. I can see how calmer, relaxed, assured Pea is when we've spent some 1:1 time. That alone justifies everything.

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Hôm nọ bọn c cũng tổng kết lại những kỳ vọng về việc Đậu đi học nhé:

- play-based, gần được với thiên nhiên càng tốt

- Vận động nhiều, freedom of movement, ít ngồi một chỗ (trường bây giờ thấy lúc nào cũng ngồi im trên ghế)

- Các nội dung thì không cần quá học thuật nhưng đời sống hàng ngày, safety, hygiene, manners, logic etc. Đang lúc hình thành habits nên c muốn tập cho các thói quen tốt 🙂

- Size tối ưu thì là 3-4 cháu/cô.

- Thời gian thì chắc là sẽ học 1-2 năm rồi transition sang trường mẫu giáo conventional hơn một chút để Đậu làm quen với xã hội lớn hơn.

[ellesmera268]

Đậu nghĩ ra trò lấy hạt dẻ cười rồi giấu sau lưng, chìa tay ra cho mẹ đoán. Mỗi tội đưa có 1 tay.

Đậu nhìn bố cũng làm mẫu trò đấy nhưng lại lỡ rơi ra 1 hạt, cười hêh

Đậu kéo khoá vali to đùng, cao gần bằng Đậu, ngã oạch và kêu Oh, no!

Trứng thì gặp người lạ ngoác miệng phàn nàn í ới, biết cười đùa với mẹ, hôm nay hai chị em còn nói chuyện gì với nhau không biết. Chỉ biết mẹ bảo 2 chị em chơi mẹ đi rửa mặt, ra thấy vui ghê 🥰

[ellesmera268]

An Anti-Climactic Event

Today I defended my thesis. To be frank, I sort of care about it since I wrote 100+ pages on it, but then I tried not to take it too seriously because it was just the final stretch to end this arduous MBA journey. Three years. Three years where my kids never knew me without its invisible weight on my back. Three long years where many of our fights also involve this. I'm done. I have the degree, just as planned. But I also hoped, somewhat, that today's presentation could be more than just ordinary.

Well, it was. Ordinary, that is. I didn't manage to confront the bad commenter who said things like "you should have changed the subject" or "health shouldn't be an indicator for a desktop type of work like this" or "you were here for 5 years? my kid got out of a big 4 in 2 years top". Rehashing with Loc, I was rather deflated. Given I am also coughing up fits, and I was up since 5 am this morning changing diaper, the end of the story is - I'm out of my game. It's been a while since I presented anything. It's been a while since I faced any client. It is both a privilege due to the pregnancy that I don't have to face client, but it's been blunting my edges.

There is hope in the opportunity as a Principal Consultant for my KL team. It seems daunting, but maybe that's what I need right now to feel like myself again. Not just three years of this MBA, but four years of EY to undone.

[ellesmera268]

Mẹ: mẹ đi tiêm về đấy!

Đậu: Mẹ đi bác sĩ!

Gật gật.

Đậu: Mẹ khóc! (Nhìn mặt rất thông cảm)

Mẹ: đẻ Đậu mẹ còn chả khóc nữa là đi tiêm wth

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Lâu lâu rồi:

Bố: couldn’t shut up about how his hand was hurt.

Đậu: (so bored) CHÂN XINH!

[ellesmera268]

Đậu thấy em khóc: Mẹ ra xem em!

5 phút sau - Mẹ Dung! mẹ Dung đâu rồi huh huh???! Ra là cho mượn mẹ tí thôi.

Đậu thấy mẹ ho: Xuôi xuôi!

Dạo này Đậu rất quý em, hay cho em xem chân, tay, giày, Abba con khỉ, vv. Đậu còn hiểu chuyện, mẹ & em ốm đi bác sĩ, Đậu chấp nhận ở với ông bà thêm vài hôm.

Đậu & mẹ dạo này chơi trò áp bụng rốn vào với nhau rồi bảo, Kết nối!!

[ellesmera268]

The last first month

I probably would label any of Egg's milestones as "the last", considering that we only want two kids so this is it. Sort of celebratory because it's always been a challenge to deal with anything related to small children, and sort of nostalgic because there are sweet moments that we'd always talk about years later. In fact, yesterday we watched Pea's first year video and amazed at how similar and different they are. Here Egg's wearing the exact same clothes, lying in my arms, at the exact age, and looking at Pea, how far we've come.

So what's up in Egg's first month? We are seeing some development as she knows how to track me with her wide eyes and having more regular pees and poos, as well as sleeping better. In fact, it's so much better this time around. I know how to get milk (warm cup of milk will do), how beneficial sleep is, how the kid's just gurgling and not to hold her when she doesn't need it. But then Egg's pretty vocal about her diaper changes (what nuisance!) and the weather's colder so she's more bundled up and has had several bouts of diaper rash (esp. in the beginning when we had to relearn to change a newborn's poopy, seedy, drippy diapers while dealing with a needy toddler).

Actually, we are still kept on our toes with Pea, who has a first in everything. She's going through a sort of passive agressive sibling jealousy, where she'd rather play with her new doll than with Egg. Hope it will pass soon, since Loc and I have been trying different sleeping combinations and she'd always wake up in the middle of the night screaming for me, so these days we are all in one room again. Usually people would sub in for me w/r/t Egg so that I can focus on Pea, but it's hard to switch between the two modes of play given their huge difference now (no wonder my parents can't help but talk to me like I'm five. They are in that mode for the last 25+ years). I feel guilty saying this, but I'd rather deal with Egg now given how effortlessly things go, and whenever we can send Pea to school or the gramps I feel a big relief. But whenever the two kids are fussing at the same time, I then wonder if it's a mistake to have the second child too soon. All bad thoughts that just pop up at the wrong moment. It will be better in about three years, sure, maybe, but in the meantime, how can we cope? We're short of resources even during the best days. We'll see how the pessimist in me can change later, but for now, I just want to survive.

[ellesmera268]

The birth story of Egg

These days I feel like I barely had time to sit down to write anything, so better get ahead with this or the story may be retold and forgotten eventually. When Pea's birth was the first and the super-special one, Egg's birth is as much surprising and challenging in its own way. Here I am, 18- or 23- days after, and still amazed by it.

By 37th week, I am almost ready. The suitcase is packed, the files filed, the baby stuffs bought and set up, but I still didn't think it could happen as early as Pea's. Well, that night, suddenly I felt more tired, stronger contractions and Egg was making more movements than usual. I turned into paranoid mode, knowing that we haven't tracked the pregnancy as closely as with Pea's. By 2 am, we decided to go into the hospital to check and called on my parents to watch Pea. I was half expecting that we'd be back in the morning and take over, and Pea wouldn't know what has happened.

Well, the hospital told me I was 3cm dilated and I should not go home. We checked in, expecting to be done in a day or two. I get hourly monitored with fetal heart check and every day the doctor would check and still say I'm 3-4 cm dilated without any signs of labor. Basically, it was a 5 day retreat wherein I had to have food brought in and Loc has to run errands and while it was very easy for me to just be monitored and hang out, it was hard on everyone else. Especially Pea. She had to wake up in the morning with her parents gone, her grandparents taking over, and not meeting her mom for 3-4 days straight. The kid got sick and ran a fever, so we decided to bring her into the hospital by the 4th day and we could have some time together. I kept joking about feeling incarcerated and trying to find activities to do during our short time together, trying to reassure her that I would be home in no time even though I have no idea when I'll be done. The kid showed up with a brave face and even waved goodbye to me when she had to leave, but it was heartbreaking to say goodbye to her. That day I was determined to let go of the doctor's instruction to rest and started walking constantly to get the baby out.

That worked out wonderfully. By the next day (Sunday), I was getting closer contractions every 7 minutes, and I knew it was happening very soon. Loc stayed the night (he was trying to spend some nights at home for an actual rest as opposed to sleeping in the hospital next to 2 new moms and their babies). I was watching movies after movies, waiting for the contractions to get closer and stronger but it was not until 2 am when it was quite unbearable and I checked in the monitoring room. Sure enough, I was started on the epidural and the whole thing got into motion. I texted Loc, who woke up at 3 am, and we started preparing for my labor. Afterwards, things felt like much faster than it was with Pea even though it was basically the same time schedule. Egg came out at 6:40 am, after I got scolded at by the doctor about how I didn't get the pushing right and feeling pretty painful (totally forgot how hard it was the first time, and thank god it was temporary cuz I also forgot how hard it was by now). All I remembered was being stretched to the max, and then Egg came out with a relief and a big gush of water.

This time, with experience, things were much better mentally. Loc and I did not spend all night staring at the kid waiting for something bad to happen, we took turns to rest and enlisted my Mother in law (MIL) to help out, which she seemed to take up quite well. It was basically a walk in the park, waiting for the next day to come home. Given Pea is still running a fever, we still decided that she should come home too with us. My MIL came over and stayed to take care of Egg while we focused on Pea.

The night we came home, PEa's fever is running so high we got to the ER at midnight, me forgoing all notions of being housebound and a new mom. The kid needs me, and we were all in with her. It was rather stressful, with the separation of the two kids, me trying to mend things with Pea after a whole week away, and her running temperature and lack of appetite. Luckily, the next day, after all the commotions, she got better and her fever lowered. In 3 days, she recovered. For the next 2 weeks, Pea stayed home to be sure that she doesn't bring back any germs from the kindergarten. However, by last Wed, I have had enough with 2 kids always vying for my attention and care, so I sent her to the kindergarten. Fingers crossed that so far so good.

About the interaction between the two kids, Pea still hasn't quite taken on to Egg yet even though there are the occasional tender moments between them. We were always watching as she doesn't quite know how to treat a newborn yet and her kisses and pokes sometimes seem very strong. However, we are 3 weeks in and very hopeful that their bond will develop over time.

Things that we do differently now with two babies:

Prioritize the one with more immediate needs: both babies are always demanding our attention, unless one of them are in deep sleep. It was always a juggling task, but we have agreed about prioritizing the one with more immediate and serious needs of our (usually my) attention.

Relax about asking for help: I guess it comes with having a large family and kids closer in age, but even with a nanny, we can't have everything as we desired and maintain our independence. Help to hold the baby, or to watch Pea, is now fine with me. Grandparents, school teachers, and even the TV, are now enlisted.

Lower expectations: This one I still need to work on. I try to declutter the house as best I could, knowing that it helps enormously in terms of mental health. Food was mostly delegated to our nanny for when Pea is not home.

Self-care takes on a whole new meaning now that I am no longer expecting and probably will not have to undergo pregnancy again. Even though people say I looked good during pregnancy (more so with the 1st pregnancy whereas with the 2nd I'm always being tugged around by a toddler which contributes to a very dissheveled look), I am not going through 9 months of abstinence from pate' and 6 extra months of no caffeine/ beer again. Plus the first month of newborn not to mention the actual birth. No sir. And so, I am letting go of all the maternity wear and starting on a journey to look really really good again.

Support groups/ services: Now that System'sPlay House is opening quite close to us, I feel much more freedom to get aroudn and bring Egg with me, signing up for classes and photoshoots, etc. Unlike Pea during Covid time, this time we will at least feel happier if not richer lol.

[ellesmera268]

Đậu 15 tháng- Đậu: Mẹ bỏ kính! bỏ kính! Mẹ: Mẹ bỏ kính thì sao có thể thấy Đậu đâu được? Đậu chỉ vào bụng: ĐÂY!

---

Đậu 18 tháng-

Mẹ: Em Trứng đang cựa quậy này! Em Trứng này Đậu ơi!

Đậu: OK OK (vỗ vỗ bụng mẹ) Mẹ bật tivi Olaf?? Olaf nhé?

[ellesmera268]

Some day, in maybe five years, we'll look back and be amazed at what we've done.

[ellesmera268]

I feel like you just needed some human connection

That's L and me, after a day spent in baby talk, baby diapering, baby outing, and only snippets of the book I'm reading and some MBA scheduling.

Sometimes I wonder how I landed such a wonderful being for a husband. Sometimes I just want to tear his head off (Off with his head! Says the White Queen!) for daring to spend sometime alone, completely unaware of the baby. But well, it looks like most people are like that after baby's arrival anyway.

Speaking about the baby - Princess Pea is now almost 6 months old, and 2 of which have been spent at her gramps'. We as a whole family have been confined in this house and although I had help to take care of Pea some of the time, mostly we just feel like we're wandering aimlessly, without the urgency of the daily chores and demands to help us orient. I have been counting the days by Pea's baths. Every afternoon, I would exhaustedly think - it's bath time and dinner time and sleep time and another day has gone by. She is growing more precocious by day - now she wants to sit all the time because she gets to overlook the whole room, and joins in on all the fun, and gets excited with electronics, and bangs on anything including the piano. I always wonder how I landed this baby as well. Me, who is not just imperfect but obviously faulty. Me, who feel loved beyond her capacity to fathom.

[ellesmera268]

Princess Pea’s birth story and first month

37th week: found myself writing some blog post about wanting to make her acquaintance.

37th week + 2: felt some contractions and pain at midnight. Went to Thai Thinh clinic, but the lady there was rather vulgar and tried to tell me that the contractions were Braxton Hicks, and only checked my cervix when I insisted that she looked at my contractions. Still same conclusion, which I doubt now whether she checked it properly. Still, at the time, I considered it professional’s opinion, and then proceeded to check out the sales at Soc&Brothers where Loc & I snapped up some jazzy clothes for Princess Pea’s first winter.

37th week + 3: I felt my water broke. I started to go into business mode, put on adult diaper, grabbed my charger and the homecoming dress and put them all in the suitcase, filled the tumbler, while hitting Loc pretty hard to get him up and running with me (poor guy). I had to be very fast, considering that I had strep B and so the baby is at risk of contracting the virus if we take too long for delivery, I was also in a panic and started mumbling about how I’m not ready at all (yes, our life has since changed dramatically, but nothing on earth can prepare us for it anyway). Loc had to tell me to take a five, sit down and breathe, and reassured me before we both got out of the house. Funny thing is that we saw the neighbor kids on our way out – the only time we’ve ever seen them, and it’s on our way to delivery.

The hospital was so quiet for an emergency dept (and considering how many late-night delivery stories I’ve been told). The nurses seem almost sleepy, whereas I was rather in a panic (strep B! I kept telling EVERYONE), but they seemed to know what they’re doing (Loc didn’t. He didn’t even manage to book me the VIP serviced room. The guy is helpless at coordinating events like this). Anyhow, I was taken to the monitoring area, was hooked up to the monitor for several hours while Loc checked into the room and set up. Apparently he couldn’t even sleep. I didn’t either in the monitoring room, trying to make sure I get the antibiotics for Strep B, signed up for epidurals, and looking at the three other women who are also expecting. I kept worrying about the fetal distress too, and even tried to use the locker key to look at the baby’s heart rate. By around 3:30- 4 am, I was taken to the delivery room where the monitoring and the epidural took place. It wasn’t as scary as it sounds / looks, apparently I could only feel two thin needles going into my spine (and much less painful than the failed IV attempt at my elbow …) By 5:30,  activity seemed to pick up and the girl in the next bed was gearing up for delivery around 6 am. I was also asked to start learning to push, and apparently excelled at it (I know. I followed instructions for physical exercises A LOT). It wasn’t too painful – if you ask me, I’d rate it 7-8 on a 10 scale (without the psychological factor…) and I just felt like it’s some grueling exercises, but my legs were shaking, which Loc said must be from the pain that I couldn’t feel post-epidural. By 6:20, the nurse said you’ll be meeting the baby in 10 minutes and I almost didn’t believe it, but I did! Princess Pea made her arrival at 6:27 am, March 18, 2021. From Loc’s point of view, she was bluish purple at first before starting to make a small cry and became redder by the minute. By the time we did skin-to-skin, I already thought she looked beautiful.

Memories started to blur from this moment. The doctor took a while to stitch me up, make sure nothing that shouldn’t be left was left, while I concentrated on being with Princess Pea. Then somehow they took her away to weigh and do their thing, while I was wheeled out into the recovery room. Both our mothers were there (on my way out) and was allowed like 5 minutes to talk before they were shooed out. We delivered women were then asked about paperwork, etc. (shouldn’t this be done before hand, like before we were anesthetized ?!) Anyhow, Princess Pea was then returned and we attempted some nursing. At this point, I could only produce some drops of colostrum and was struggling to breastfeed for the first time, which wasn’t very encouraging. We were allowed to be together until about 10- 11 AM when they wheeled us to our booked room.

Day 1: So I guess her day starts from here. She mostly slept and I was sleeping besides her, and feeling thankful that only one visitor (L) was allowed in the room. So we pretty much just stared at her and talked, me feeling thankful that I wasn’t too bad for wear. Loc also brought food, so we started to eat. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable with the perineal stitch, but not too much so I pretty much managed to get around. Didn’t like it when my own mother kept trying to hold the baby and stimulate her, when I thought she must be left alone to do much needed sleeping. At least Loc’s mom just held her and not trying to disrupt her sleep to check her reflexes (like it’s your job). Both grandmas, however, started to worry about my milk supply and insisted that we try to feed her (while I checked with Hong Kong and she said in Japan they wait for a day). Anyhow, it didn’t hurt so we started to feed her the formula I brought. That night, we didn’t sleep because we were so nervous if anything happened to her, so we took turns watching her.

Day 2: The morning was a flurry of activities, as Princess Pea was taken to rounds and rounds of routine testing, not to mention a communal bath (with other screaming kids). I started to prepare to leave, and was so nervous (I think the modus operandi here is NERVOUS) that I had to ask a random nurse to help get her into our homecoming outfit. Me, however, was decked out as much as I could with wet wipes and basic toiletries. That night was another sleepless night.

Week 1: The week went by without beginning or end, as I was starting to get on a very sleep deprived schedule. Luckily Loc was allowed to be home until Sunday, and helped out. Turns out neither moms were fit to help around the house – none of us were willing to ask them to do manual work and when I tried, my mom started to ask the maid to bring things back to her home to clean anyway. At least we got meal delivery, albeit the menu was limited to 5 dishes of pig’s feet and rau ngot, not even on rotation but a full extravaganza every time. It almost felt like more work for us whenever we got our grandparent visitors.

Week 2: I was starting to get desperate about the feed/pump issue, there wasn’t just enough time to do both and all suggestions seemed moot. Had a breakdown that could rival post partum depression, and Loc and I, being both so tired, had a confrontation where he reminded me that the baby needs me to stay sane. I was so sleep deprived, I started dreaming things, while desperately asking for the maid’s help which they finally (reluctantly?) handed out. I actually even hired outside help for 4 mornings while waiting for the maid to iron out her schedule. Basically, the week was a disaster as we tried to make some adjustments. What could have helped? Maybe everyone shouldn’t have jumped on my breastfeeding case and had an opinion and seemed to make it their own issue without my request.

Week 3: I was way too tired and sad and of course it affected my milk production. Jumped on the phone to Hong Kong, who shared her own early days and her priorities, which helped me set myself straight. From now on, sleeping and getting into the rhythm with the baby are my foremost priorities. Pumping is only occasional and on a need base. Loc was super supportive and asked people to give us three days of space, which helped tremendously. I finally started to catch up on sleep, and it seems more harmonious with the baby as well albeit some growth spurts did throw us off.

That only goes to show that choosing the right partner does make all the difference in the world. Man did I luck out at that.

Week 4: We are slowly but surely earning our status as new parents, with the baby more cooperative, I’m catching up on the sleep debt, and starting to do more work (like organizing the full month ceremony. Who knows about that?!) Anyhow, the mood has improved significantly as I gained more confidence and complicity with the beautiful Princess.