ellieloop - Tumblr blog

ellieloop · 1 year ago

Text

the color blue: neon [part 2] | yandere xiao x reader, yandere venti x reader

synopsis: the days until you finally meet your penpal has been ticking by so quickly, but with a new tutor, a clingy roommate, and a professor who seems to only want the worst for you, it's hard to keep track of time. WARNINGS: DARK CONTENT, yandere characters, creepy xiao is creepy (lots of potentially uncomfortable thoughts from his perspective), heavily implied stalking, possessiveness, manipulation, dub-con touching, student-teacher dynamic, age gap (reader is 21+ and zhongli is 27+, feel free to adjust as need be). let me know if I need to add anything! reader is gender neutral.

wc: 10.7k

author notes: I wanted to first say thank you for the wait, and I hope that everybody is able to enjoy the changes and edits I’ve made to the story. I also wanted to say thank you to the mutuals who had helped me create the original version of the story. it has been a long time since then, and I’m not entirely sure if they’re still active (OTZ), so I’m not sure if they would still like to be tagged but I am forever grateful to them. this is the last exposition heavy chapter, as well as my last read edit/re-upload of a chapter, so the next few chapters will be much meatier with new content!!! again, thank you so much for the wait. love you all! as always, reblogs are very appreciated if enjoyed and if possible!

ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏” ♡♡♡ [part 1]

dark content. minors do not interact. do not repost/link.

from xiao's room, there's a perfect view of the town a bit away from campus that greets him everytime he steps inside. it's a gorgeous sight, which is something he could admit, even though he didn’t choose the place himself, one anyone would be grateful for. the town is bright and bustling even still, and it’s only now starting to dim down. it’s getting late into the night, with flashy lights and beautiful architecture and homey buildings, and so many people, people, people.

there are still families on an outing, and cute couples going on dates. shop owners sweeping around their store. he can see as the everyday salaryman walks back home, accompanying the students on their own way home from classes; he can see so many lives being lived from his isolated little tower.

and yet, on nights like these, no matter how enchanting the view, xiao usually prefers to keep his blinds tightly shutー out of sight, out of mind. jealousy is a vile thing, isn't it? it's nasty, tainting your view of the world, of the things you love. after the first few weeks after xiao had moved in, the view quickly lost the charm it once had. because at the end of the day, to him, the view only serves as a cruel reminder of just how alone xiao is and always has been.

it dangles around a painful reminder of the things xiao can never have. it's so close, yet so far out of reach.

but despite his usual bitterness, xiao doesn’t bother closing the blinds tonight, because tonight, he has hope, hope that he could one day be like the many walks of life he sees everyday from his apartment window. hope that he’ll have something worth wondering about.

xiao sits himself on his bed, the second biggest source of comfort in his life right now. for some reason, he feels awfully nervous. he knows why, but he can’t help but wish that awful feeling away. for a split second, he can’t help but wish he was as confident and fearless as... no. he won’t think like that, not right now, at least. he shakes away the thought. butterflies jitter all up and around his stomach as his shaky hands picks up his phone and dials numbers, your numbers. the digits are already memorized by heart.

he tries to calm his nerves as he presses the phone up to his ear after hitting the call button, nails digging into the pajamas he changed into when he got home. he thickly swallows, waiting as patiently as he can, like usual.

ring. rinnng. rinnnnnggg.

it doesn't take too long for you to pick up.

"hello?" he finally hears.

it's only one word (and a pretty basic one at that), but xiao can already hear the soft underlying shyness of your voice. his mouth naturally opens a little agape. you've always been nervous around those you weren't close to. your voice sends him into a state of bliss, so much so his brain is too foggy to reply until you coo out another hello, questioning if anyone is there on the other line due to the silence.

he almost has to force himself to speak "It's… xiao," he blinks, not even saying hello back, "from professor zhongli's class," xiao almost slips up by saying the name you know him much better by. “you… we spoke on the train. I don’t know if you remember,” he manages to stutter out.

you had seemed pretty out of it when you two talked earlier that very same day. you must’ve been so exhausted to have fallen asleep like that, right next to him. he’s still replaying the site of it over and over, the way you were struggling so hard to stay awake, head bobbing back and forth. it was probably embarrassing for you, but it was a pleasant sight for him. the soft puff of your cheeks and the furrow of your brows, the shallowness of your breath and how relaxed you looked. it made him feel like a creep, staring at you in that state, such an intimate state, a vulnerable state.

it’s why he had held back as long as he could before finally tapping you awake, wanting to bask in the precious sight for longer.

he snaps back to finally finish his explanation, “…you gave me your number earlier today," he says it less as a reminder to you, but instead as a reminder to himself. he bites his lip, waiting for you to respond, wishing he could see what you looked like right now.

in the meantime, he remembers how your eyes had begrudgingly opened back up at the feeling of him touching you. he remembers the warmth of your body that felt like it could melt his finger tips from the heat. he wishes he could see and feel both much more often, but xiao is patient. lord, is he patient.

he remembers how embarrassed you looked as you sat up in your seat, trying to reorient yourself. “sorry, what did you say?” you finally had spoken after getting settled. you must’ve been too frazzled to hear him the first time. he cleared his throat before he repeated himself, this time a little louder, a little less shy than the first time around.

“I asked which stop you get off at.” you looked at him with eyes big with confusion. he hoped, desperately (he’s always so desperate), that he hadn’t made you feel anything negative.

he made sure to explain the question in hopes that it made you feel more comfortable and not as confused. “…I can wake you up before you get there, if you’d like.”

despite his wants, he needed to make sure you were safe, and were able to actually get home. if he didn’t ‘protect’ you, who would? definitely not that roommate of yours.

to his (would be short-lived) disappointment you had shaken your head. “no, it’s fine. I really shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the first place.” you had paused for a short second before saying, “thank you, though, xiao.” he doesn’t like to remember how he almost shivered at the sound of his name coming from your lips, nor how he had to turn his head as he nodded because he could feel heat creep up it.

"oh, yes, xiao! sorry, I wasn't expecting you to call so soon. what can I do for you?"

“you asked on the train if I could tutor you. I wanted to set something up.”

it’s true, even if xiao can’t believe it himself. he knew this day would come, but didn’t expect it to be this soon. after several minutes of silence between you two, (or at least as silent as it could be on a train), you had turned to him, as if remembering something, getting his attention before you asked him something.

“sorry if this is coming out of nowhere. I was wondering if…” you took a breath, and xiao had almost sworn you were bordering scared as you finished your question. “I was wondering if you could possibly tutor me for zhonglis class? I don’t know if you’d be able to, but I spoke to him earlier today, and he recommended asking you for help.”

and of course he had said yes, to your surprise. he remembers thinking, silently, that maybe the universe was rewarding him for being so patient, and he had to keep his cool the best he could.

now here he is, actually setting something up. “would tomorrow with you?”

"yes!," you let out a nervous little laugh at your uncontrollable excitement. xiao can just picture the smile you have on your face, all shy and awkward and cute. "that would work great, I think. I really wasn't expecting you to set something up so quickly. I'm grateful though."

xiao would make the tutoring session today during the dead of night if he could. of course he would set something up so quickly.

you don't need to know that, though.

xiao hums at your words. "we… we can have our first session at my place, if you're comfortable with that." he realizes he might be coming off too strong, so he adds, "but we can have it somewhere else too." he hopes you agree to the first suggestion though.

"t-that'd be great, yeah. whatever works for you, works for me."

"I'll text you the address and the time, then… and we can discuss more sessions or a schedule and stuff further.”

"that sounds good. thank you so much again." you repeat, and he can hear the relief in your voice. it should be him thanking you, really.

"of course. goodnight."

“goodnight!” you repeat before you both hang up. a wave of bliss strikes his body.

but he isn’t going to sleep, not yet, atleast. Instead, he’s going to stay up all night, right in front of his window, thinking of all the possible lives he’s about to live.

he’ll make sure to thank zhongli for that in the morning.

ーーー NEW MESSAGE ーーー ☆

[name]: I don't think you understand how nervous I am right now

[name]: my hands are shaking and everything

alatus: why? is something wrong?

[name]: you know how I told you how I wasn't doing the greatest in one of my courses?

alatus: of course. did something happen?

[name]: the most intimidating guy I've ever met in my life is my tutor now

[name]: and I have no idea how this first session is gonna go

alatus: I think you’ll be fine. you shouldn’t worry yourself

alatus: you should let me know how everything goes.

ーーー☆

xiao's home is, to put it simply, unique.

you were left awestruck as soon as you stepped into the small but gorgeous studio apartment, shocked by both the feeling of jealousy creeping up your spine and the thought of how someone could possibly afford such an apartment, especially as a college student. no matter how xiao manages to afford his place, though, his home daunts over you.

there's a large window that lines the wall his bed and desk are propped up against and you can't help but imagine just how xiao would look as he looked out of it and at the bustling city. the glass is frosted and wet from the pitter pattering rain that seems to persist in the cool weather of october. it's a little messy, books scattered about here and there and takeout bags littering the table, and the amount of lighting in this room seems to be as minimal (and as cold) as can be, but it's nothing too bad at all. nothing that you could complain about, at least.

there's so many things inside his house, so many things your eyes are drawn to, like his big bookcase and comfy bed and his expensive computer setup, and yet it feels so... lonely. devoid of life, even. maybe it's the look of the gloomy black walls and the fact that the only lighting xiao has is a tall floor lamp and the light that comes through his window, but you've never seen such a full home feel so empty. no plants except for one little succulent that's looking worse for wear, no photos of friends or family, no bright colors, no pets to breathe life into the place, no companion to help make this house a home. nothing.

you're suddenly grateful you have such a lively roommate.

it's been a few minutes since xiao had let you in, greeting you in his comfy hoodie and baggy pants, hair put up into a messy bun, before attending to something on his computer (an important email you think, or at least something along those likes, something urgent), telling you to sit wherever you'd like and that he'll be with you shortly. you had nodded while leaving your shoes at the door, asking him if his bed would be a seat he's okay with you being on, garnering a hum in response from him.

"...I'll sit here then, since it'll be close to you and stuff," you murmur, admittedly a bit more nervous and unconfident sounding than you'd like. you plop yourself onto xiao's bed, placing your bag at your feet in front of the bed for easy access. xiao takes what's meant to be a quick glance at you, but he's unable to look away.

he knows it's creepy to say, especially when you're just sitting down so innocently, but the sight is better than what he's fantasized about. he's thought of you so many times in his bed, cuddling with him and running your hands through his hair and letting him press kisses into your face and collar bones. he's thought about waking you up with breakfast and how you'd smile and thank him even if he can't cook very well, but he's willing to learn a couple recipes for you. he's thought about laying there with you after a long day, letting you ramble as he listened like he does as alatus. he's thought about how he'd great you once he comes home like you probably do with venti, watching your form as he wait on his bed for him.

and, most of all, he's thought about the way you'd cry and sob and call him a monster once the day that you find out that his bed is now yours and that this apartment is now your home, trapped forever with him, finally comes.

one day you'll be here permanently, he's sure of it. baby steps first, though.

xiao doesn't realize that in the midst of his thinking, he's been absolutely staring you down, and considering that xiao has a naturally viscous (bitchy) looking resting face, you can't help but squirm under his gaze. "xiao? I can... move, if you'd like."

"no, I just..." he clears his throat before looking back at the work in front of him. "sorry, I zoned out for a second. you can stay there if it feels comfortable. whatever you want." the words come out as a sort of awkward, almost inaudible mumble.

is this supposed to be as awkward and tense feeling as it is?

you nod at his words, albeit a little hesitant, further settling into the soft plush of his bed. your brain is still convinced that he might want you to move, but you decide to just stay where you are. you reach down from your seat, pulling out everything you would need from your bag, waiting patiently for any instructions. the soft clicking of xiao's keyboard and the sound of rain hitting against the window fill the otherwise silent room, and honestly, given the atmosphere and the way xiao's room is so dark and cozy and how warm and inviting his bed is, you're tempted to fall asleep.

xiao's presence, though nerve-wracking, makes you feel at home. it feels familiar. you wouldn't mind falling asleep near him again.

but today's (sadly) not the day for resting. xiao finishes whatever he's working on, closing out of the tab and turning his chair to face your spot on the bed. he brushes a piece of his hair back and out of the way, uncovering the eyebrow piercing the bothersome piece had previously hid. his eyes look dead, tired dark circles laying underneath, and yet he still forces himself to speak, like a zombie who simply refuses to just give up and die.

"did you have anything specific in mind that you want to go over?"

you take a second to think, humming in response. zhongli never truly specified what you needed to brush up upon, only that the last few assignments weren't up to his standards, whatever that means. "I don't know. maybe everything from the last few weeks? I'm not so sure."

he too lets out a soft little hum as he thinks for a moment. he's never tutored before, and he's pretty sure he doesn't even have the qualifications to actually be of any sort of help. he makes it up as he goes.

“on the back of your textbook, there's a study guide that covers all the chapters inside." he gently motions for you to give him the book sitting on your lap, flipping to the page before handing it back to you. "I want you to do the questions of the study guide that cover the chapters we've already read in class. then I'll... assess you from there, and we can come up with a plan.”

it seems like a lot of work, and that's because it is. the longer you spend here (the more he can milk this session for everything it's worth), the better.

you nod, moving to get to work immediately, putting your full effort into the task at hand. you both work silently, xiao clicking at his keys alongside the noise of you flipping through the pages of your textbook and jotting answers down. the noises compliment one another well, creating a lingering sense of peace and calm in the air. you find yourself getting stuck on one or two of the questions, but… surprisingly breezing through the rest, and after a while of working, you gently speak his name, alerting him that you've finished. he’s quick to take your work, starting his inspection of it.

your hands can’t help but get a little clammy as you watch as he reads through your answers, analyzing each and every single written word. in the meantime, you’re doing a little analysis of your own, trying to distract your mind from feeling any more nervous than you realistically should.

your eyes flick from his messy hair, to the beauty mark almost right in the middle of his forehead, then to the soft dusting of red eyeshadow under his eyes. you look at how he runs a finger against the words on the page, too, almost subconsciously, and though you can’t really tell from this angle what he’s doing, you think he’s more so tracing the letters you’ve written than using it as a means to follow along. he almost looks entranced. you don’t know what to expect from xiao, can’t even guess what he’s thinking, and the furrowed eyebrows on his face definitely don’t make you feel any better.

you sit there, idley, awkwardly, fidgeting for what seemed like more than just a few minutes, before xiao finally speaks up.

you can barely hear him as he speaks, his words hushed and muffled. "you... need a lot of brushing up on the content, and your answers… lack good explanations and reasoning." he hands you back your work, sending you an almost sympathetic look. "I can see why zhongli believes you need help,” he adds.

it's a lie, of course, but you don't need to know that, not when zhongli had so delicately laid down the groundwork for all of this to happen in the first place. most of your answers were just fine as is, at least from what he lightly skimmed through.

still, he can't help but feel guilty when that look of embarrassment washes over your face.

for some reason you feel yourself get overwhelmed with emotion. you thought that maybe, just maybe, zhongli was simply just messing with you, as was notorious with the man and his teaching methods. but there's a stark sense of embarrassment that comes from xiao reaffirming what zhongli had said, an embarrassment so strong it sends your entire body ablaze with heat.

you can't help but awkwardly shift in your seat as you nod along to his words despite the way your head almost feels too heavy to lift, avoiding eye contact lest he sees you so embarrassed over something so... silly, a miniscule problem at best, something fixable with a bit of elbow grease and time, and yet it means way more than it should to you.

you've worked so hard in this class already. why aren't you improving?

he doesn’t let you really catch your breath before he speaks again. "I think we'll need a couple more sessions than we discussed earlier," he mumbles, again, as though too ashamed to speak up, flipping through his own textbook, face in his hand as he thinks. "I want to make sure we can get as much content covered as possible before the end of the semester and catch you back up, since you seem to be..." xiao takes a quick glance at you, and for a moment, just a split second, he sees you, sees inside of you, sees every little thing you've been keeping bottled up, your fear. he looks away, breath hitching out of complete and utter guilt. he forces himself to continue though.

"...behind," he finishes, the single word said notably softer than the rest of the sentence.

xiao forces himself to swallow down his guilt. truly, he feels terrible about lying about this, because you clearly seem to be doing just fine on you own and lord knows how much stress this entire ordeal is causing you, but what's the use of being presented and blessed by the gods themselves with such an amazing opportunity if his sinning hands can't take it out of greed? xiao hates it, but he's always been more of a taker than a giver, taking all he can from people and leaving nothing left of them.

the simple pure utter bliss at the thought of spending hours and hours with you, in his room, alone, intimately and in person instead of just being with you through a phone screen, extinguishes any guilt he could possibly feel.

you, on the other hand, do allow yourself to feel guilt, though it's a feeling that has much more innocent roots than what xiao feels. it's a feeling that pokes and stabs at you as you fumble for words to say. you're a much better person than xiao is in that regard. you can't help but to feel ashamed, ashamed that you were doing so terrible at a course that goes directly into your major that you would have to force xiaoー a man renowned for being a lonerー who surely would rather spend his free time by himself and not tutoring someone so out of your realm and element as you are.

maybe it's not too late after all to consider switching majors, you think.

"you seriously don't have to do that, I don't want to take more time from you than I'm already taking. honestly, I think I'm a bit of a lost cause at this point if I can't even do the simpler questions."

the truth is, not even xiao knows how scared you are. fear and dread soars through your body at the thought of ending up in the same spot you were in last year.

xiao lets out a sigh through his nose at your words, a noise that does nothing other than make you feel worse, especially when you can't read his emotions and tell what's going on in that labyrinth of a brain he has. maybe he's realized that you're not worth spending his time. maybe you really are a loss cause. maybe you really should change your major. maybe you should call it quits and drop out. maybe you should move countries, marry a rich doctor or a lawyer and spend the rest of your days as a glorified housespー

xiao doesn't let you finish your thoughts (plans), instead getting up from his chair slowly. "let's take a break." he says, and while you feel a break is a little undeserved after you haven't done much studying, you nod, thinking it might be best to just relax before jumping back into things. "taking things slowly is the better way to do things," you nod, although the words just barely register themselves in your head. you're surprisingly vulnerable with him.

"I'm... going to step out for a moment to get some air. I'll give you some time for yourself to think." you nod, giving him a small and meek thank you, genuinely so utterly grateful for all the time xiao has given you. you can't help yourself from bothering him just once more before he leaves, though.

"xiao?" you don't look up at him, eyes fixated on your answers and what must've been so wrong with them. you hear him hum, beckoning you to continue.

“do you think I'll be able to pass?”

"of course you will," he answers, and it's the first truth he's said all day.

"of course," he mumbles, this time lower, a reminder to himself of how you'd be completely fine on your own, and that he should never, ever take this opportunity for granted.

he makes a promise to himself that he won't.

----- NEW TEXT MESSAGE -----☆

zhongli: hello, [name]. xiao informed me earlier today that you two will be conducting your first study session today. I'm glad you spoke to him about tutoring like I had advised you to. how are things going?

[name]: it's going fine, he mostly just reaffirmed what you already told me though. but he's been really kind about it all, I'm grateful that he agreed to help me out.

zhongli: I see. I hope that he could give you a new perspective on things and aid you in your weak spots. xiao is an amazing student in his own right, and I'm sure that together, you two will make an amazing team. I'm glad you two are getting along.

zhongli: I'd like to give you a little heads up for a future assignment, but there will be a project upcoming where I'll be sure to partner you two up. I'm sure you two will impress me on what you come up with.

zhongli: I believe in you, [name], and I expect good things coming forward.

zhongli: I'm sure that xiao is grateful as well.

[name]: thank you.

[name]: I hope to meet your standards as best as I can.

-----☆

the apartment is even quieter than it was before without xiao.

it's lonely, too.

in a way, you used this little moment to yourself as a justification and way to figure out just what exactly is the enigma that is xiao. now that you're by yourself, you find yourself looking around at his walls, glancing over at one of the two of his cork boards that seems to have a bunch of what looks to be memorabilia of all sorts, stuff like old music concert tickets of local bands you've never heard of, polaroids with some familiar places and even some of his friends, post-it note scribbles of different tasks he has to get done, among other things.

you visualize yourself looking at the corkboard as though it's those ones in those crime movies, where you're using red yarn to connect the pieces of a story together, figuring out with all the clues you have at your disposal who xiao is.

there's other things, too. posters lining the wall and a singular cat shaped plushie on his bed, a wilted bouquet of flowers in a vase on his kitchen countertop meant for decoration, various little knick knacks on his desk, but the part of his room that catches your eye most, though, is his large, expansive bookshelf filled (a little messily) with a variety of different things, almost all of it stuff you actually recognize.

you’re halfway through looking around before you hear the door open back up again. you instinctually freeze, as of you’re a kid who’s been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. you shift your head, locking eyes with him as he steps back inside. to your surprise, he doesn’t look upset, not even annoyed, just intrigued as he watches you awkwardly shuffle away a little from the bookshelves.

you try to apologize with hast. “sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop or anything, I swear, I was just–“

xiaos quick to interject as he walks right past you over to sit, this time on his bed instead of at his desk. “it’s fine. I don’t mind. you don’t have to apologize.” he crosses his arms once he’s situated in his seat. “do whatever you’d like.” he adds in an attempt to comfort you.

it sounds sarcastic, but you somehow can tell that it’s not. you nod, taking it as (hoping that it’s) permission to keep going. your eyes move over to the other corkboard near the bookshelves, hoping that you’re not stepping over any boundaries by doing so. this board is filled more with many different photos pinned up onto it. there’s all sorts of sites and places, things like concerts or shops or restaurants or nature– the list goes on– with a rare one or two photos with him actually in it. even rarer seemed to be other people that didn’t look like strangers in the background.

you subconsciously speak a thought aloud. “you seem to go out a lot. to really cool places, too.”

the only thing he really says in response is, “all of those aren’t recent.”

you hum in response, eyebrows furrowing a little as you nod in understanding. “oh, I see.” xiao takes it as an opportunity to ask you something even though he knows the answer already. “what about you? do you go out a lot?”

the question takes you a little aback. “I haven’t gotten out a lot recently either.” you try to think about all you’ve done recently, before realizing there’s nothing much to think about at all. you add, in truth, “…you’re honestly the first person I’ve spent time with in a while that wasn’t my roommate, but I don’t think that really counts.”

he cocks his head to the side at that answer, golden eyes staring at you (almost straight through your soul), intrigued. “why haven’t you spent time with anyone else?

a soft pang hits your heart as you think about the reason. the breakup. despite how much time has gone by, you’re still tender about the topic, and would rather not think about everything it’s caused as a result. would rather not think about him, either.

you let out a nervous laugh. “that’s a long story, I guess.”

xiao seems dissatisfied with that answer. he’s never responded so quickly, without hesitating before.

“I have time.”

you send a look of slight confusion his way. “I thought we were going to study some more today?”

“right…” xiao let’s a lot of dead air slip in whenever he speaks, pausing and hanging onto words as if he’s doing mental calculations to figure out what the right thing to say next. “…in the future, then.”

you nod as your eye continues it’s adventure through the board before another photo catches your attention fully. it’s a pretty photo of a bunch of people standing near the docks, holding up and letting go of lanterns. it looks like, judging from the date scribbled on the bottom of the photo and the contents of the photo itself, the annual lantern rite from a few years back. you remember that day, almost vividly, too. that was your first year at the school. you and venti had gone together that year. it was magical. it seems like xiao really was never too far from you. seriously, you’re surprised you two haven’t talked sooner.

you can’t help but smile as you reminisce on that day. “I remember this exact lantern rite. there was so many people, and the lanterns were so beautiful. they always are.”

you turn around to face him, again. “how long has it been since you’ve gone to the harbor? if I lived as close as you do, I think I’d go to the harbor whenever I have time.”

it takes awhile for xiao to respond, not because he’s thinking of an answer, but because he’s transfixed on your expression right now. you seem so happy that it naturally just pulls on his heart strings. he’s glad you still remember that particular lantern rite, even though he knows you’ve gone to more since then. xiao remembers that day visibly too, but probably (definitely) not for the same you do. he wonders if you remember that part of it deep inside.

“um… since the day of that photo, probably.”

you’re a little taken aback from that answer. xiao lives on the outskirts of the harbor. how could he have not gone back in years? everything you learn about xiao makes you more and more curious as to who he is. “really?” you can’t help but ask. he can’t help but shrug.

you speak without even thinking twice once more. “would you want to go again sometime then?” your eyes dart away from his face. you can’t help but look away before you finish the question, unable to look him in the eye as you clarify, “with me, I mean.” you stumble out the words more confidently than you exprcted.

he lets out a sigh. “there’s nothing I want from there…” it’s the truth. he hasn’t been very fond of the harbor for what has felt like centuries, especially not the memories he’s tethered to. he can’t help but to regret the accidental roughness of his words, though, when he looks up to see a flash of embarrassment paint across your face. it feels like he picked the wrong answer, but he wants to say the right one, desperately. xiao has never been great at talking, but he’s trying, for you. “but if you’d like… I’d like to go with you.”

you try to hide the way your heart picks up the pace a little at his words. “let’s go soon, then. I can tell you about myself, and you can tell me about you, too.”

he nods, and for a split second you think you’ve gone insane, because you swear, swear, that for a few seconds, the corner of xiao’s lips curve softly into a smile. a smile! smiling at the thought of you two ‘hanging out’ in the future! for all the times you’ve seen xiao, you can maybe only count on one hand how many times you’ve seen him smile.

“you want to learn about me?” he asks, earnestly, shocked, and it definitely wasn’t a question you were expecting.

“yeah, I mean I've always seen you around. I think we've even been in the same classes before this year, too, and now I’m getting tutored by you and I still know pretty much nothing about you.” you pause before adding on, “I’d love to learn more. I hope that’s not weird, or anything.”

he shakes his head, the ghost of a smile still etched onto his lips. and if you looked closely (which luckily for him, you weren’t), you’d see the faint dust of blush decorating his cheeks, too. “I don’t have much to tell you, but… that sounds good.”

he feels embarrassed at the fact he can’t control how warm his cheeks feel and how he can’t help but crack a smile at you. he clears his throat, trying to reset himself, suddenly ready to move on, going back to his desk.

“let’s keep working, I want to make the most out of the time we have together.” he doesn’t look at you as he speaks. you mentally brace yourself for another study session with him.

it’s gonna be a long night.

ーーー NEW MESSAGE ーーー ☆

ven: where have you been?

ven: haven’t seen you all day……….. ):

ven: my flower, the house is so empty without you……….. ))):

ven: are you with somebody? you never tell me these things anymore.

ven: talk to me soon, please.

ーーー ☆

it's late into the night when you're awakened rudely with a few desperate knocks against your bedroom door.

you can't help but groan as you stir awake, upset to be forced out of your dream state, although that irritation is soon replaced with guilt once you realize just why you were being awakened with such urgency in the first place. after whining out a loud, 'come in,' you peak your eyes open to see your best friend standing in your doorway, tears staining his face so much that they're visible even in the darkness.

shit. it's been so long since you've seen venti like this. you thought all of that was over ages ago.

"can I sleep with you tonight?" his voice is shakey yet gentle, filled with fear and something that you can only label as... need, as if he needs you more than he ever has. just his voice alone, paired with the way he looks so in the doorway while he's shivering and fiddling with his pajamas, hair looking almost as distraught as he's feeling, is enough to have you too stunned to speak.

"please?" he adds on when you don't reply immediately.

you nod, scooting over to make room for him as he slowly trudges to your bed like he's done many times before. he's quick to settle in under the covers with you, laying against the plush pillow underneath him. you move closer to him as though it's instinct, an action done out of retained muscle memory from the many nights you've spent doing this exact thing. your eyes, though half lidded and heavy, trace over his face over and over again, noting how his eyes look back at you and you can't help but think that venti is such an expressive person. even if he's so silent right now, his eyes are cloudy and storming, speaking a thousand words with the thunder that rings out within them.

he looks like he's trying to think of what to say, but he doesn't need to say a single thing. you already know why he's here.

his face is contorted in a way that almost showcases utter agony, and it hurts, hurts to see your best friend suffering, especially when the best you can do is guide your hand softly against the smooth the skin of his cheek and brushing away any tears in pity. if nothing else, you truly do hope that, at the very least, your presence can help.

“do you maybe want to talk about it?” you run your hand through his soft, pretty dyed blue locks that seem to almost glow in the moonlight, feeling the light moisture of his skin from his sweat. you’ve forgotten just how easy it always has been to brush your hand through his locks. your voice is gentle and low as if not to startle him, as if not to shatter him more than he already is. “you know you don’t have to, but you can always talk to me if you need to.”

“no, it’s okay... I just want to be with you right now.” his voice is meek as he chooses his words carefully as though they're meticulously chosen to pull at your heartstrings (they do), and he sounds like he’s on the brink of tears once more.

“is it the same dream as before?” you ask, remembering how many nights you've spent with venti just like this when he began getting frequent ‘nightmares’ awhile back, nightmares that till this day you don't know the contents of.

he nods, although hesitantly, as though it’s some sort of secret. and in a way, it is.

he could never, ever, ever tell you that you’re the cause of all of his nightmares after all.

“are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? you look really upset. you've never told me what makes you like this.”

“no, I just want to… I just want to stay like this for a while.”

“okay, ven,” you whisper, soft and quiet, as if your voice could shatter him whole. you pause, thinking of what to say, before you decide that you won’t prode any further, instead bidding him a goodnight. “I love you, venti. get some rest.”

for the first time in maybe months, venti doesn’t tell you he loves you back.

instead he burrows himself as deep as humanly possible, as if being torn away from you would kill him, just like the way his dreams pulled and tugged ruthlessly at his heart strings, shoving images of you with your new 'tutor' down his throat, like they had with him months and months ago.

how cruel is it that he's forced to see you being ripped away from him both in real life and in his dreams?

-----☆

you're half asleep when you feel him mumble into your skin.

"I miss you. I miss this." he whispers, but you can barely hear him. he misses the way you feel, how comforting you smell, how his hands connect with your body like they're puzzle pieces. he misses having all your attention on him like this, so quick to coo and ask if he's okay. everything’s changed from how it used to be.

"what?"

you feel venti's hands slip under your shirt, feeling the warm skin of your back as he slowly trails his hands up and down, basking in the way that you feel. "I miss you, cecilia. especially today." his voice isn't shakey anymore. instead it's much more fluid, as though he never had the night terrors that brought him into your room to begin with. you can't help but frown at his words even in your sleepy state.

"venti..." you mumble out, feeling his hands start to dig themselves into your skin. his grip on your waist is tightー not enough for it to hurt, but just enough that it keeps you from pushing him away if you really wanted to, trapping and suffocating you, bordering the lines of sucking the air out of your lungs.

part of you wishes he wouldn't keep things so bottled up from you, because clearly, your constant 'absence' in his life is hurting him more than you'll ever be able to understand, but the more selfish part of you is shamefully grateful that he is. you love venti, but for a man who constantly champions for freedom, he's always been so dead set on taking away yours.

you know deep down that if you gave venti an inch, he'd take a mile, and you don't have many miles left to give. you could spend twenty-four hours of a day with venti and he would still want you to somehow spend twenty-five on him. as much as you love ventiー truly, you love him more than anything else in the worldー, you know it'd be better if you didn't indulge him as much as you want him to. lord knows how quick venti would be to turn you into a hollow, empty shell of yourself by taking every second you have all for himself if he could.

besides, this whole thing will blow over eventually after the party, right?

right?

"I know that I've already whined and complained about it, but god, I miss you. you were gone for so long today with someone I don't even know… seeing you occasionally here and there isn't enough for me. I..." venti somehow manages to pull his body even closer to you, your chest and his chest plush against each other, so close that you can feel the way it rises as he breathes slowly. "I know I'm selfish, but I need you."

he says the word 'need' as if he'd die without you.

you don't think this is a conversation you two should be having when you're so... out of it, exhausted.

"venti, can we talk about this in the morning?"

his grip slowly loosens. "...okay." he says the word slowly and hesitantly, as if he's a child saying a cuss word for the first time, as if agreeing to put his feelings aside until you're in a much more lucid and conscious state is a sin. "I'm... I'm sorry for bothering you and being so clingy and... I just..." venti swallows thickly. "goodnight," venti mumbles, choosing not to finish his thought.

your eyebrows furrow, something about this whole conversation feeling off to you. never in a million years would venti have been so... upfront, apart from the day he invited you to the party. it's like venti's slowly unraveling like a string, just one little tug away from snapping.

it wouldn't be the first time venti's snapped on you though. you need to mend things and shut off the ticking time bomb before things blow up in your face again, like when you...

like when you...

ugh. you'll think about all of this later when you're actually well-rested and capable of forming cohesive thoughts. you softly mumble out a goodnight to venti as well, praying that the storm will blow off soon enough.

it doesn't, though. the winds only get stronger and louder.

ーーー☆

venti wasn't in your room by the time you woke up. infact, he wasn't in the apartment at all. not in his room, not in the kitchen or in the bathroom getting ready, nowhere. he didn't even leave a text telling you where he went.

you guess that venti needs time to think after last night, and you decide that it's probably for the best.

you'll see him again later anyways.

ーーー☆

it's cold out today, october's chill punishing you for wearing too light of a sweater for the weather, but the freezing temperature of the classroom during today's lecture isn't the cause of the way you squirm in your seat out of discomfort. no, you have professor zhongli to take credit for that.

you're convinced that zhongli gets a kick out of giving you borderline heart attacks.

honestly, that isn't exactly far from the truth. there's something about the way your eyes flicker in complete, utter fear just by him saying, "[name], may you please see me after class? there's something I'd like to discuss with you," that sends shivers down his spine, as egregious as that may sound. it's a shameful feeling for a professor to have, but at least he has much more innocent intentions this time as opposed to the last time he's asked you to stay behind.

the request was given to you right at the start of class (which you were actually on time to, thank god) before he began with his lecture. and once again, you couldn't help but think about just what exactly zhongli wanted to discuss with you throughout the entire lecture, almost too busy coming up with theories to focus. all you can think is, did you do something wrong again? was the assignment you turned in last night bad? all that studying you did with xiao couldn’t have been for nothing, right? you're going to fail the semester at this rate.

you wish zhongli was more dead set on helping you pass like last year than assuring that you failed.

you can’t help but call back to that time. you had been much worse off back then. you were visibly behind everyone else, but it hadn't started that way. so much was happening back then. and that breakup, oh that fucking break up, really made focusing on your school work beyond difficult. you truly did put up a fight, tried to make sure you stayed afloat, and it did work at first. but your responsibilities drowned you completely, and you never really learned how to swim.

it was a rough semester, and one of your classes had been taught by the very same man taking great pleasure in ruining you today. your one saving grace? once again, the very same man, who had seemed to take enough pity onto you that he took matters into his own hands to make sure you did well.

you stood out back then, not because you shone bright, but because you didn't shine at all.

zhongli wanted to light that fire back in you that you had at the start of the year. and he had.

zhongli had took you under his wing, struck you with passion and drive, made you fall in love all over again with the topic you were studying through his ramblings and stories and sheer utter knowledge; he revitalized you, filled a hole. he had kept you after class and in his office on weekends, making time to make sure that you succeeded and through his gentle nurturing that was the hot to his own cold. you had succeeded, to your surprise. and he had looked after you ever since.

it was silly for you to believe that he would grace you with the same mercy this course.

but things are different now. so much more different. you were grateful back then for him striving to push you to do better, but now it's overwhelming. back then, his standards were achievableー finish your assignments on time as often as you could, study a little when you can, at least attempt to attend every class you had. it was doable. but now, now you're almost convinced he wants you to become borderline perfectー no, perfect is an understatement. he wants you to be better than perfect.

perfect, and vulnerable.

back then it felt as though he was trying to help you but now, the back of your mind can't help but tell you that he's always been helping himself, benefiting himself, not you.

it was at the start of this school year that you let yourself fall right into the dragon's lair.

either way, maybe it's the fact that your mind was so occupied, or maybe time simply just decided to speed up, but the class flew by in no time. you had practically tuned out all of zhongli's ramblings and teachings today. you watched zhongli dismiss the class, staying seated despite the way everyone else shuffled out of the door as quickly as possible. once again, it was just you and zhongli in the empty room.

fuck.

zhongli walks to the front of your desk, running a hand through his hair before letting out a long sigh, and you never knew how such a little harmless action could strike so much fear into your heart. could you just combust already? you're not at all ready for whatever zhongli has to say.

"what a long class we had today, hm? I hope I didn't bore you too much. you looked particularly distracted." zhongli says, smiling gently at you as he attempts to brighten the gloomy mood you're clearly in. "luckily, though, I've been excited to talk to you all class. you truly were my saving grace today."

is this some kind of sick joke? you were kidding when you thought zhongli must get pleasure out of your failure, but you might actually be right.

gross.

"don't worry, though, I didn't keep you after class just to complain. I'll get to the point, since I know you hate pointless chatter."

"I know it's far too early to say this, but I'm proud of you, [name]."

that caring nature still shines through, the strict professor he's supposed to be eroded and washed away by time itself.

your eyebrows furrow. "what?" you can’t help but let the word slip out of your mouth in the midst of your confusion.

"the assignment you gave in last night, truly one of your best works this semester. you never fail to amaze me with how fast you manage to make a turnaround when you put your mind to it, [name]."

the assignment? the one you worked on last night at the last second despite having over a week to do it after studying with xiao that you had to keep your eyes pried open to complete? the one xiao had borderline picked apart a dozen times as though trying to break you down even more? that assignment?

what?

"but I... what? if it was any good, it's likely only because xiao was there to help me." you mumble, unsure of your words.

"so? are you really diminishing your accomplishments just because you got a little aid?" zhongli plants a hand on your cheek like he has a dozen times in the past before guiding your face to look up at him. "or are you trying to say that it was xiao who had done your assignment, not you?"

"o-of course he didn't, but-" zhongli is quick to shush you, pressing a gloved thumb against your lips with a soft smile.

"shh. you did well, and that's final. I hope this pattern continues. you know I want nothing but the best for you after seeing what you can achieve." his gloved hand caresses your cheek and you're convinced he can feel the heat your face is producing out of embarrassment even through the layer of fabric. "my little star, you're doing well again." he adds quietly, so quietly that you can just barely make it out, though the nickname is far less shocking than the praise that your brain is still trying to make sense of.

"before I let you go, I just wanted to reiterate that should you ever need my assistance with anythingー and I mean anything at all, whether it's related to your academics or notー know that I am and always will be here."

"I... thank you." it's the only words you can come up with as zhongli leaves you alone with your thoughts. "thank you," you repeat, speaking the words much more quietly. in a hushed whisper.

in the back of your mind, you realize that you should be thinking about how odd it is for zhongli to suddenly be so sugary sweet, how he's touched you so much more intimately than a professor should, how his little nickname for you is weird at best, and yet all you can think about is how he's proud of you.

for some reason, that's all that really matters to you in the moment. you can think about... all that other stuff, later.

ーーー☆

it's almost pitch dark out by the time you finally get home.

"I'm home!" you shout out as soon as you step through the front door, voice a little breathy after having to climb up a few flights of stairs to get up to your apartment, alerting venti that you've arrived in a way akin to how married couples do. you're quick to lock the door behind you, stripping yourself of your shoes that feel more like weights before placing them in the shoe rack near the door and putting your heavy bag down next to venti's violin case, deciding you'll bother with getting whatever you need out of there when you feel like it. you wince a little at the cold tiles of the floor underneath your feet.

maybe one day you'll move into a place with an actual heater, you think.

"I'll be there in just a second!" venti's voice rings out from what you assume is the bathroom down the hall, likely showering given the pitter-pattering sound of running water. you nod, as though responding to him despite the fact he can't see you, flicking on the light switch to the kitchen as you do so. the kitchen table immediately grabs your attention with how different it looks compared to how you left it this morning. two orange pumpkins sit at the center, and alongside it lays an unopened package of carving tools and another package of tea lights, a brown bag filled with what looks to be some house decor and knick knacks (venti truly does love trying to make your run-down apartment as much of a true home as possible), and a bag of groceries yet to be put away.

you sit down at the medium sized wooden table, allowing yourself to rest and bask in the day as you look through everything infront of you. it's been awhile since you've just sat in silence and thought, and even longer since you let yourself really live in this home without just heading straight to your room. your nails drill against the table, pushing one of the two pumpkins closer to you with a soft hum. you trace a finger against it, imaginging what'd you want to carve on it and how it'd glow after you put a candle inside.

this year you should do something new, get a little more fancier with the design that you have in the previous years that you craved a pumpkin. maybe you and venti will carve matching jack-o-laterns this year. you can't help but smile at the thought.

"they're cute, aren't they?"

you tense up when you feel a hand on your shoulder, but you instantly relax when you turn your head to see venti. you guess you were so lost in thought you hadn't heard him come out of the bathroom. you drink in his presence, giving him a glance over out of instinct. the smell of his apple-cinnamon bodywash assault your senses in an oddly comforting way, a scent that makes you feel right at home. he's in a pair pajamas and cute bunny slippers, and his hair is clipped up in a pretty half up, half down ponytail. the blue dyed tips of his hair are losing their signature color (which is odd, considering that despite his inherit laziness, venti's always been one to make sure those tips stay bright blue at all costs) and his skin looks a little damp.

a gummy smile paints his face, and he has a bit of a playful glint in his eye, but he looks notably tired, and a sense of worry pings at your heart at the sight. you were the roommate notorious for having bags under your eyes afterall, not him, so to see him look so exhausted, especially when venti's always been one for getting his 'beauty sleep,' tells you that venti internally isn't feeling his best. it sounds shallow, judging someone's mental health based on their appearance, but you know venti like the back of your hand, and you know that something's wrong.

even moreso, you know exactly what that wrong thing is, given last night's conversation.

"I got them at the grocery store today. thought it might be fun to carve them together before they go bad. that is, if you want to grace me with your undivided time and attention, of course." venti pretends he's joking, but you know deep down he means the sentiment of wanting you to give him your time for once, and you honestly feel awful at his words. nonetheless, you suck it up, smiling up at him. it's a genuine smile.

"why wouldn't I? it is tradition after all. I'm going to make mine extra scary this year."

venti laughs at your words, his heart internally flutter at the thought of how determined your face would look as you try to create the spookiest jack-o-latern he's ever seen. he leans down, pressing a soft, platonic peck to your forehead, finally giving you a welcome home.

"you're home later than usual again, everything go okay?"

you can't help but notice that venti is acting as if he had never said what he said last night, though the air between you is still awkward and tense, and his face does little to hide the fact that deep down, he's still quelling on the things he spoke about. nonetheless, you decide that that conversation is to be had when venti wants it to happen, knowing full well from years of being his best friend that venti prefers keeping a lighter mood at all costs, so you leave things at that until he's ready to speak about it again.

"yeah, I just thought that I'd try to get some work done while I could at campus," you answer, watching as he nods slowly at your words. you can tell he's fighting back the urge to interrogate you, to ask you if you were with anybody and if you really needed to stay at campus, and anything else he can use as a way to rationalize the fact that he's so clingy. he looks around the room, thinking about what else he could say to make sure the conversation doesn't end prematurely.

"oh! I ordered some takeout a bit before you came home. it's still hot, if you want to eat."

you nod, thanking him, and you can tell he's trying to read you, to figure out just how exactly he can stay with you longer without him bringing up anything you two talked about last night. he stands there, presence lingering as though he has something to say, and yet he chooses not to say whatever's on his mind, instead preferring to pick up the unopened bottle of dandelion wine on the nearby kitchen counter.

"you seem all set. I'll get going now, then. I have an urgent date with a bottle of wine that I can't miss for the world." venti moves quickly to leave as though trying to make sure you don't see through to him, turning his back to you without another word, but he doesn't get too far before he's freezing up at your words.

"you're not gonna stay and chat?" you say instinctively, a little surprised by the fact he was so quick to come and go today. you don't know what it is about today, but the thought of venti forcing himself to go when he clearly doesn't want to pains you. maybe it was last night's conversation, or maybe it's how venti radiates warmth that fights against the biting cold that nips at your skin, or maybe you just miss venti, but you want him here with you.

venti turns around slowly, his voice low as he speaks. "oh..." he starts off, "I thought you would've wanted to eat alone like all the other nights," you almost let out a wince at his words. how long has it really been since you last simply hung out with venti? "do you... want me to stay?" you let out a gentle hum.

"I want you here tonight. I want to talk to you."

"about what?"

you think about everything you'd want to tell venti, and you realize that that's exactly it; you want to tell him everything and anything you can. you want to tell him about your new tutor who turned out to be a lot less scary than you were expecting him to be, or that new coffee shop a friend had told you about that opened up near by that you'd love to tell him about, or how zhongli was actually kind to you today. but you also want venti to tell you everything too, about any escapades he's had recently while drunk or new songs he's written, or even how his classes are going and if he's thinking of going to any other parties soon.

you realize that, as much as you'd hate to admit it to yourself, you miss just being with venti a lot too.

"everything," you finally reply after thinking, grinning up at his hesitant form.

"everything? really? this isn't a ploy to tell me horrific news or to try to get out of going to that party, is it?"

"no, I promise. I'm honestly a bit offended you'd think I'd ever be so cruel as to try to get out of going to such an amazing party," you joke.

venti playfully rolls his eyes at your words, but he can't help the smile that creeps up his face. his smile is bright like a star, warm enough for a planet to survive off of, eyelids crinkling at the corners of his eyes as he puts the bottle in his hand down befofe he pulls up one of the kitchen chairs, the legs screeching against the floor so that he's sitting infront of you. he leans in close to you as though you were about to tell him the greatest story known to man. you can't help but feel warm and fuzzy inside. venti's smile, his real and genuine smile, gives you a feeling like no other. it makes you feel whole, like none of your problems neither exist nor matter and that everything in this world is perfect.

"okay then, dove, tell me everything."

ーーー NEW TEXT MESSAGE ーーー☆

alatus: can you believe it's almost sunday already?

[name]: holy shit, time is going by so fast

[name]: I'm so excited to meet you in person

alatus: I'm excited too.

[name]: I can't believe I've known you for over a year and I'm only going to get to see your face now

[name]: I swear, if you're just some creep...

alatus: I promise I'm not.

alatus: well, maybe.

[name]: ha ha, very funny.

[name]: but seriously, it honestly feels like I've known you for forever.

alatus: maybe you have and you just never noticed

160 notes · View notes

ellieloop · 3 years ago

Text

PARTNERS IN CRIME // Grell Sutcliff x Reader

FEMALE READER.

SUMMARY : You had been suffering in the hands of the thing known to be your husband. You had enough. You wanted him dead. And so you began to devise a plan to kill him; when suddenly, you stumbled upon a flirtatious redhead, who, unbeknown to you, was willing to be your partner in crime.

WORD COUNT : 5957 words.

GENRES : angst. very slight fluff if you squint. smut.

WARNINGS : domestic abuse. physical and mental torture. 19th century misogyny. implications of rape. cheating. reader is implied to have serious mental health issues and is on the brink of insanity.

watch out for typographical/grammatical errors.

♡ writing commissions are open! ♡

CLICK HERE FOR THE WATTPAD VERSION.

"You duffer! What do you think you're doing back there?!"

My livid husband -- as much as I didn't want to call that fiend that title, for the sake of continuing my family's legacy, I did, for three unbearable years -- lashed his whip at me, at the same time screaming with such shrillness that all dignity was lost. A new set of wounds overlapped my barely healing ones. I bit back a sob. Being used to being deliberately abused didn't mean that it wouldn't hurt anymore, or that I'd eventually grow numb to it. At the time I had two choices: to answer his rhetorical question or not, but both always led to the same outcome.

Another whip of the lash, which welted my cheeks and smeared blood around the area. The tears which formed on my eyes fueled that manic bloodlust on his abominable face. He laughed and said, "Don't come crying now! Weren't you the one who was so complacent earlier? Disrespecting your husband in public. Have some shame, you harlot! You don't get to talk back to me. I am the man here. You're just a woman who can't even follow the simplest rule."

The following whips were ceaseless and more jarred than the last. The butlers and the maids... they could only watch with empty eyes. No remorse, no guilt about being not able to do anything for the one who had kept them so they could sustain their families.

Those ungrateful rats...

By the end of the night, the sleek, white floor had been tainted with my blood. Its iron smell filled the room, and the fiend had told the servants to clean up the filth. Then, he took me back to the bedroom.

"Surely, you're not dumb enough to think that I'd actually sleep with trash like you tonight. Go and fix yourself. You earned this. And if you let any wounds be left uncovered for the meeting tomorrow, you know what I'm gonna do."

Gritting my teeth, I seized the bedsheet with quivering hands, looking at the door which the fiend had just closed. I couldn't hear his footsteps nor the wind that howled forlornly that night. In fact, the only thing I could hear was my raging heartbeat and the voice in my head which vividly spoke to me. The voice which overwrote any other thoughts and told me what I needed to do.

I had to kill that bastard.

⋆ฺ｡*:･

Several days later.

My plan was fixed. All that was left to do was to put it in action at the right moment. I still had to wait for it to come, and it left me furious, filled with even sicker thoughts, that I could not set it in motion immediately as I had wanted -- needed.

I found myself at a jewelry shop at the time. Perhaps some of the beauts could offer just the tiniest amount of relaxation for me. I stooped and stared at the jade in the selection, when suddenly I sensed an encroachment, a figure looming behind me. Fearing that it might be the bastard, I immediately turned around. But it was only a stranger -- a stranger who possessed possibly the most vibrant shade of red hair and a peculiar pair of chartreuse irides. She seemed too pompous to be in a place like this. I wondered if she had taken interest in the jade I was staring at. I moved to the side, but she began speaking to the confused purveyor.

"Those amethysts suit the lady very well, don't they?"

It took me a while to figure out that she was indeed referring to me. She reeked of no harm, but I did not understand why she was acting so familiar with me, so I put my guard on nonetheless.

"L-Lady Everleigh, would you like to take a look at these amethysts?"

The stranger suddenly smiled at me. I looked at the purveyor and nodded. As he took it out for me to see, the redhead walked closer to me.

"Lady Everleigh, is it?"

I instinctively hissed, a subtle one so she would not notice. How much I loathed being called by that surname.

"I don't think I've ever seen you around here."

She chuckled, almost coyly. "Oh dear, I have been around here for quite a while now."

"Really? Because I'd remember that pompous red hair anywhere. What's your name?"

"I'm Grell Sutcliff, the one and only." The flirtatious nature surrounding her only expanded. "Now now dear, I certainly won't let you go without knowing your full name, so, pray tell."

"I am Lady [Y/N] Everleigh of the House of Everleigh. Pleased to make your acquaintance, Ms. Sutcliff."

The merchant who had just come back looked like he was about to apologize profusely on behalf of Grell's ignorance. Yet I decided to not mind it nonetheless. Strangers are sometimes better than people you know, because the latter often judge harsher than the former.

"So, why did you think that these amethysts suit me, Grell?" I stared at the purple gems glinting before me, then stared at her. I could not help but be mesmerized by the peculiar color of her eyes. They were fascinating. I didn't think that I had seen such pair of vivid eyes like hers. She was also observing me, but I had observed longer. She looked pleased at my astonishment, well-aware of her own beauty and charisma. I averted my eyes back to the gems.

She was, undoubtedly, pulchritudinous.

"Why they suit you? Well, no other reasons than them being so pretty! I would've liked them to myself if it weren't for the fact that purple isn't my usual color. It clashes horribly with my hair color!"

True enough, they were beautiful. Beautiful enough to like, beautiful enough to loath. They were pretty, but they did not suit me, for amethysts were supposed to symbolize one's chastening and purity. It would be horrible, wouldn't it? For such a lovely gem's worth be brought down only because someone so tainted already and filled with nothing but murderous thoughts, someone who couldn't be fixed with purification, had worn it.

I forced a smile. "I'll take it. The lady said it suits me, so it does." The merchant looked delighted, and as I was giving my payment, I accidentally glanced at the ruby placed at the bottom, then at Grell. An idea struck me.

"Grell. Would you like to have dinner with me later? You need only to tell me of your address. I'll send a carriage by 7. How does that sound?"

"Oh let's see -- hmm, Will probably won't mind if I... delay my duties for a bit, won't he? Besides, I deserve a break after all the hard work I've put in this job!" She mumbled on, noisily, the fact that she was in a public place slipping from her mind. Her mind had begun to wander aimlessly at the thoughts of how a certain colleague of hers bothered her to the brim.

I coughed, gaining her attention. Through the pristine glass window behind her I could see the sun starting to drown in the horizon, layers and layers of warm hues overlapping each other, with a promise of a darker sky looming on the back.

"How I would love to go out with you, Madam. However, I shall be the one to escort you to our place of dining. Well, you see, whether I like it or not, I live in such poor conditions -- and I can't bear the thought of Madam's reaction once she finds out how terrible it looks from the lips of her assistants!"

I suppressed a smirk. We all have secrets we don't want anyone to dredge, so I understood the reason behind her lying about her living conditions. It was not my part to be curious, at any rate.

"I understand, yet I'm afraid that cannot be. My... husband is such a baby, you see. He absolutely loathes it whenever friends of mine come for a visit. Rather petty, innit?" I furtively winked at the merchant who was too obvious on listening intently to my conversation with Grell. "How about we meet here by 7pm? We could take a walk to our dining place. It won't be that long. I wouldn't want to tire you out, would I?"

"Oh, but the weariness would be worth it for you." She smirked, and I found myself smiling. She added, "Anyway, I'm fine with it. Do be careful, darling. I shall see you around later."

"Looking forward to it."

With that, we both left the jewelry shop and parted ways.

An unbidden smile found its way to my lips as I recalled our encounter. Amidst all the problems besetting my life, I had made a sudden acquaintance, and found something to look forward to, as if I had been stuck wandering in the woods wherein daytime ceased to exist, and finally I had caught glimpse of flames. A bonfire. The premonition of freedom awaited me... There, in the flames.

I stared at the setting sun in awe and contemplation. The illusion at the sky was that of a dancing flame, vivid red.

Grell. Such charisma. A very charming lady, indeed.

⋆ฺ｡*:･

The remaining hours passed speedily. I had gone out to our meeting spot solely and without consent (as if I needed an utter dingus to tell me what to do), as the abomination had not yet arrived. The butlers and maids did not bother to ask where I was headed, though I saw how their eyes wandered apprehensively on me. If the abomination would have to arrive before I did, he would ask them, yet they had not a clue where I went, which put my heart at ease.

The familiar figure that I was strangely but utterly delighted to see was leaning against the wall, shadows casting over her face. As I walked closer I began to see that flirtatious, smiling countenance once more, and I automatically smiled.

"Shall we, my lady?"

"We shall."

And so we began walking side by side.

"You don't seem to have a lot on your plate these days, now do you, Madam? I was actually surprised that you managed to ask me out on a date."

I coughed. "Pardon?"

"Well of course I meant a friendly date. Just two beautiful ladies hanging out with each other."

"I don't have much to do, you see. One might think that living inside a huge mansion is a privilege -- in which case, it is, as seen from a more incisive perspective -- however, it has been quite... monotonous, these past few... weeks? Months. I have lost track of time. Seeing the same old people, their same old habits and emotions, or lack thereof..."

When I looked down, I saw that our arms had been linked together.

"I reckon you must have been so lonely, Lady Everleigh."

I sighed as I peered into the distance, looking at the signs. "I am. It's rather difficult to maintain a reputation amidst all the turmoils happening in one's life," I paused, then smiled. "Pardon me. I ramble too much."

"Ramble as much as you'd like. After all, it's merely the two of us here. Well, excluding passers-by, of course." She smiled, almost wistfully, as our eyes met, her features illuminated by the pale moonlight. I stopped my tracks, flabbergasted by her beauty. I swallowed the uninvited lump in my throat and then looked around, suddenly interested in the most mundane things around. We continued walking.

What was this? What's up with her, or with me? Why did I feel like opening up to a complete stranger? Why was it that I had the urge to release and lay everything upon her?

Somehow... It was almost like a bone-deep feeling, that she was someone to be trusted.

"But of course, I can ramble for you instead if you don't want to. Nobles do like to be conservative and mysterious after all, don't they?"

"Please, not all. And certainly not when it comes to you," I chuckled, "I would go on and ramble, only if you don't mind the mudslingings about my -- "

"Your husband, I reckon?"

"Yes, that thing."

"Ooh, my, my. Let me guess, you had enough of him, don't you? You want to find someone new -- someone who will give you all the thrills and excitement that he's lacking!"

"Yes, and no. After all the experiences I had with him? I dare not think of engaging in another relationship with anyone, as they could only be far worse than him."

"Oh dearie, you might eat your own words someday."

"And what makes you say that?"

"I have a very strong feeling about it."

"That's not very reliable now, is it?"

"So you're saying my feelings are invalid, huh!" She said in a frivolous manner.

"Now now don't be so belligerent, Grell. I never said anything." I chuckled. "But it must be nice, you know, to have someone who reciprocates your actions for a spouse. Perhaps in another life. This life? I don't suppose." Quietness enveloped us, before I continued. "I do not think it's appropriate, especially for someone of my status, to tell a stranger a secret, but I know for certain at least everyone in this miserable world had shared their secrets to people worse than strangers -- for instance, backstabbers. But, going back, you already know my secret -- but I'm once again saying it for emphasis: I am not happy with my marriage. It is horrible."

The atmosphere began to feel oppressive. Even talking about him was enough to smother me. I felt my heart beat faster. I regretted it, talking about him. It felt as if he was around me again -- lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce on me, afflict my psychological being and feist on it. I was about to separate my arm from hers, but she suddenly said, "My, he must've been so bad in bed for you to be able to say that."

I stared at her blankly as she gave me an inconspicuous, knowing look, pushing me against the nearest brick wall. Then I burst into a fit of giggles, my chest genuinely feeling lighter.

"You are rather bold, aren't you? I wasn't pertaining to the explicit part of a relationship. But, I suppose, you aren't wrong in that regard."

"Absolute incompetence!" There were feigned puking noises, and then, "You know, my dear, if you're looking for an exuberant time, I have a suggestion."

"Exuberant time?" I raised a brow eloquently. She grinned like a chesire cat.

"I know how you feel. Your husband is awful in every aspect. You live a lonely life, I daresay."

Unlinking our arms, she backed me into the nearest brick wall. My breathing hitched, but it wasn't another panic attack about to occur. Blood seared throughout me, painting my cheeks, neck, and ears red, the feeling only intensifying as she slammed her left arm against the wall, right beside my head.

"You know, Lady Everleigh, someone so beautiful like you isn't suited for the life of marital loneliness." I tried valiantly to control my breathing as she leaned her face closer to mine. Her hot breath against my neck sent shivers down my spine. I could feel her eyes piercing through my collarbone, and the feeling was oddly... thrilling. She lifted her head up so that our eyes were meeting. The atmospheric tension grew thick with something akin to sinister longing. I was afraid that I would melt right on the spot with her radical gaze.

Suddenly, she whispered, and I dreaded even more, my legs daring to tremble.

"I can fix that." She was smirking now. "What do you say?"

It was clearly a tempting offer. Though I had a vague feeling of wrongness coating me. But was it wrong? Was it any more wrong than the sick thoughts in my head? I had always envisioned killing my abusive husband in many, many creative ways. Was envisioning myself having fun with this redhair any wrong?

I smirked back. But in the end, I had to shake my head.

"No." She pulled herself back, disappointment on her face. But not until I added, "Though I might consider."

After a few more minutes of walking and idly discussing arbitrary topics, we arrived. Once inside, her explicit remarks were blocked out by the chatters of everyone else. I took us to a table and scanned the menu, then we patiently awaited our dishes to be served.

Grell was looking around, her eyes were full of idleness, yet also longing.

"It's been ages since I've eaten properly in a cafe with someone! Ah, terrible days I don't want to reminisce. Thank heavens the image of you in such cafes is enough to block out those unwanted memories," she mumbled, "Though I daresay the menus sound more promising this time."

"Ages? Work must be real tough for you. If only you could work for me, but it would be a drain for your mental well-being. And imagine having to see Mr. Everleigh everyday for a start. You might age rather quickly because of such." I grinned.

"As long as I get to see you, I don't really mind, -- " she winked " -- ugh, if only Will doesn't mind as well. Life can be so horrible, can't it?"

I assented, then a shadow fell over our table. Expecting our food, I looked up with the friendliest smile on my face, only for it to immediately dissolve into a frown once I saw the face of something I had loathed more than anything in the entire universe.

"[Y/N], my darling. Where have you been? I was worried sick! Why did you leave the house without permission? Who knows what could've happened to you! Ugh.. Never leave the house again, okay? I'm so glad I had Roger tail you when you left."

The dingus took my arm, an act of sincere worry to the public, but a torture for me. His nails were digging my skin. I had to suppress a moan because if I didn't, he would hit me -- but what difference would it make, again? Something worse awaited me that night, I felt it.

He looked at Grell. He seemed to be judging her from head to toe. A small sneer formed on his face. I was compelled to slap him but thought better.

"So sorry to interrupt your little bonding, but my wife and I have matters to attend to. Don't we, [Y/N] darling?"

Hearing the nickname physically pained me. I looked at Grell apologetically. She looked very pissed as she stared at the abomination beside me, who had by then elbowed my stomach.

"You're not even gonna let her finish her meal?"

"You don't have to worry about that. We have far better meals at home than this place could serve. The bills will be taken care of, and you could go eat on your own."

Now Grell looked like she was about to burst. I bit my lip as his nails dugged into my skin harder. He clearly didn't expect Grell to answer back. He was too used to people being submissive to him. Clearly, that was a shock.

"Good sir, you can see that your wife clearly doesn't want to go home! Don't ruin her fun."

That popped a nerve. Now, the abomination wasn't even trying to put up a front, losing inauthentic dignity.

"Listen, you mingler. This is a marital matter, so you better stay out of it. My wife, my rules. She doesn't have to listen to someone like you. Goodness, do you even know whom you're talking to? Come on now, [Y/N]."

He looked at me sharply. I knew what that look meant. I mentally prepared myself for the worse, but I couldn't help my body's intense quivering. The abomination took me by the arm, and we walked out of the cafe as if nothing happened, then I looked back and mouthed "I'm sorry." at Grell. The jolly, frivolous aura had completely left her by then, replaced by an unnatural gravity that looked undoubtedly intimidating to those who would accidentally place their gaze upon her. The insignificant other squeezed my arm and I supressed a yelp.

Hell had awaited me patiently that night in what people of lower status might see as a safe fortress. I would continue not to speak of the disturbing event which took place later that evening in the mansion, for it was too much to bear -- too much to even think about to this day. The only thing I could say was how much I had shamefully wept afterwards, holding the blood-stained clothes I had worn that evening.

The night air nibbled on my skin as streaks of moonlight found its way on the bedroom floor. Almost nude if not for the thin piece of fabric I enclosed myself in, and with limping legs, I traipsed onto the veranda and looked down miserably.

It was compelling to fall to an untimely death; but the latter would only benefit the bastard, and that was not what I wanted.

All those screaming... And yet not a single guard, maid, or butler had given effort to sneak into my room to console me, let alone give just a single glance of sympathy.

Those who had turned blind eyes were just as guilty and filthy as him.

And they would all pay.

I felt eyes on me, the fine hairs on my back standing up. I scanned the area below; there was none looking at me, even when I turned around.

I went to my bed and closed my eyes, trying to sleep. Somehow, I still felt like someone was watching me. But then, it wasn't just a feeling anymore -- I was certain that someone was there, watching me as I struggled to sleep. I could feel their shadow looming over me. My eyes were kept squeezed and shut, afraid that if I opened them, I would meet his sardonic grin, and then his fist hitting my face.

But then the person had caressed me -- had caressed the bruises, the brokenness beyond compare, and their soft touches had almost mended me. If not physicaally, at least mentally. And I knew that the bastard would never do that to me.

My right eye opened to a slit. A brown fabric -- then red hair billowed above it.

Pompous red hair.

I could've just been dreaming, but wished I didn't. I feared that I would never come to a definite answer as I had already fallen asleep. And when I awoke, alone, no evidences were there to support what I believed had happened.

⋆ฺ｡*:･

Two nights after.

That was when I decided to finally put my thoughts into actions. I knew that my husband's mistress would be coming in; I overheard the bastard talking to her the day before. Unfortunately, she would just be an innocent bystander who'd get dragged to the impending accident because of her choice of man. But what did they say? The more, the merrier.

I had dined in the restaurant where I usually spent my lonely evenings before, talking to some other haughty noble ladies. I disliked them fiercely, but they would give me the best alibi, given their lack of sense of time. I had enganged myself in mundane conversations with plenty of them before furtively exiting and going back to the place that was about to become literall hell, choosing an unusual route and making sure that no one else saw me as the usual Lady Everleigh.

I had spread a generous amount of gasoline all across inconspicuous places at the mansion, though particularly at the backyard, leading to the library just right next to the room where the bastard and his mistress would be staying. All that was left to do was to lit the match.

However, when I arrived, something I had never expected greeted me.

There, in the middle, tied up and naked, were the devil himself and his mistress, writhing in agony. They were the only ones conscious. Every guard, butler, and maid, were also tied up, sound asleep and unknowing to the misery that was about to befall them.

A figure emerged from shadows behind the throng of unconscious people, red hair billowing. The abomination widened his eyes and looked at me, having the guts to beg for my mercy.

"I saved the best part for you. They're all yours, partner."

Grell smirked, a flash of sharp, white teeth, feeling just as pleased as I was upon seeing the filths getting what they deserved.

"Oh, I hope you don't mind though. I just couldn't help myself! I had been overthinking -- what if some of those cheap minions escape the fire you had prepared for everyone? That would be a shame, really. Everyone is invited to have fun; why, this is exclusive! They should appreciate your effort, really. Though I admit, walking into imbeciles doing unorthodox things weren't pleasing! Not to mention the lack of passion. Also -- "

I suddenly cut her off by planting my lips against hers, firm and rough, releasing all the built up tension that had formed since the other night. I felt her respond to my kiss, pulling me by the waist closer to her body. She parted her lips for me to enter, my tongue exploring every inch of her wetness. She began to whine as I dominated her mouth, my hands taking and gripping her wrists. Reluctantly, we pulled away for air, panting and gasping, and for a moment I had almost forgotten that I was supposed to kill tonight, if not for an irritating, stifled whimper.

"Sorry, unfinished business. We'll have to continue later..." I panted. Grell stood behind me, her hands on my shoulders. Then, she handed me a matchbox just as I was about to reach for the one in my pocket.

"Grell, I can't help but wonder... How?" I looked around in awe before facing her. I already had an answer in mind, but I wanted a confirmation.

"I've been watching you, darling. I knew that I couldn't leave you on the hands of a bastard. You're too beautiful for that, didn't I tell you? I was planning to kill them all for you, but I figured that you might want to do the latter yourself. This is the least I can do for you, my little amethyst."

"Oh, Grell... So it was really you. I wasn't imagining things, then."

A blush found its way on my cheeks, remembering the night she had cared for me. Then, just like on that night, she began to caress my cheek. Her thumb made its way to my mouth; I gaped slightly, and her thumb began rubbing circles on my lower lip. I stared at her charteuse eyes through my half-lidded ones.

"Go on, sweetie. Kill them. You can do that for me, hm?"

I nodded, half-dazed at her low whisper. I turned around reluctantly -- I was still relishing the feeling. But it would have to wait.

I couldn't help but smile as the thing I once had called my husband writhed uselessly in fear. He was sweating profusely, trying to say something through the duct tape that was stifling his mouth; meanwhile, his mistress wasn't even moving anymore, just staring vacuously at nothing in particular, already accepting her fate due to her own stupidity.

You got yourself in this mess, you courtesan.

"How does it feel now? Regretting everything you did to me? Has your conscience finally started working? Do you feel bad now? Do you feel bad now that you realize what you've done to me? That those actions of yours created a monster inside me? How do you feel now, you peasant, under me? Can you finally feel what I've felt, all throughout the years that we've been together? Oh, but don't worry! Consider yourself lucky because you're only going to experience the immense fear once; while I had to. Every. Single. Day."

Venom coated my words, and I felt my anger raising up. I had to control myself from running towards the kitchen to get the butcher's knife and start cutting him up like the pig he was. There were so many ways he could die in my hands -- death by asphyxiation, by arsenic poisoning, by thrusting a knife in his anus until he bleeds to death -- hah, the list was endless! Butchering him up came second next to fire. I chose the latter in the end because I felt it would give him more time to get bonkers due to the pain. It would be slow, and excruciating -- perfect.

I began laughing maniacally, my eyes twitching as the euphoric feeling enveloped my entirety. No more of that constant fear. I was finally ridding the earth of yet another monster. I was doing the world a favor by removing this unwanted dirt together with its worms. And I knew, deep in my bones, that this was only the beginning of a vast purge.

"See you in hell."

I said, lighting the match. His whimpers grew louder -- more panicked -- and the mistress seemed to have changed her mind, as she began to twist, her eyes filled with tears. I relished the scene before me. It was fun seeing people get what they truly deserve; though a little detail irked me, I couldn't lie. I wished Grell had left the workers conscious so they would know how it felt to have people watch as you suffer and turn a blind eye on it.

The match was now lit, its flames reflected on their eyes as I walked towards them. By then I was about to drop the match, but took a moment to appreciate the look of despair on their faces. I frowned, trying to mimic their expressions, but laughed, realizing that it was futile -- I couldn't even see their full expressions! Their mouths were covered in duct tape! Though it would have to stay that way. Being unable to speak must suck, right?

I smiled as I finally dropped the match. Flames began engulfing their desperately struggling figures. The whimpers were much louder now; stifled screams of agony which only gave me serotonin. I watched them burn for a minute or two. They were beginning to get crazy! My eyes lit in anticipation. They were gonna die with their minds unhinged! It was so fun to watch!

At last, I turned my back as the flames grew bigger. Grell and I had walked a bit further from the inferno that I -- no, we -- created. The flames doubled up in size in no time, successfully encircling the mansion. I could see everyone's burnt, dead figures still being consumed by the tangible fury that they had placed upon me. I laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Served them right!

I turned to look at Grell, who was staring at me with adoration. I had been with the devil -- but now, an angel had saved me. Though, she didn't much radiate the aura of an angelic being. She was an enigma, and the aura of death surrounded her.

Death. It was more apt. Death had saved me.

"Now that that's been taken care of, shall we go back to where we left off?"

Before I could answer, she slammed my back against the nearest post, our lips and bodies meeting in a harsh collision. I closed my eyes as this time, it was her who dominated my mouth, her tongue encircling mine, pushing it back as sloppy, wet sounds emanated from the both of us. The tongue-fucking continued until I was once again half-dazed, intoxicated by her sweet taste.

Thank God, for I wasn't wearing a petticoat that evening. I had chosen to wear a relatively thin, green longsleeved dress which had puffy shoulders on it and ruffles in the front. Grell had easier access to my thighs, slipping her delicate fingers underneath my skirt and squeezing my inner thigh, sending shivers down my spine and causing me to let out an uninvited moan which she giggled at. I felt a bulge hit my heated core as she wrapped my right leg around her waist, and this time the moan that I emitted was louder, needier as she created a friction that had enslaved my mind between our sexes.

Grell whined, just as needy as I was. She had then begun marking my neck, unaware of the right spot at first, which was why she had made every bite fiercely, waiting for my reaction until finally, I let out a growl, throwing my head back in pure bliss, both from the way she rutted her sex against mine, and from how tall the flames were now; the mansion was completely engulfed by it, and for certain by then, someone had already noticed it.

"Oh.." I gasped when she wrapped my left leg around her waist, and now that both my legs were around her, she lifted me up and pushed my back further against the post. Grell took my gasp as an opportunity to enter my mouth once more. Sounds of lust mixed with the sound of burning as the new position gave us both a new wave of pleasure. Gnawing on my lower lip, her right hand trailed from my stomach up to my breast, which she began to squeeze. Not too hard, gentle, but not so. Like a creature in heat, I moaned against her lips and squeezed my eyes. It was beginning to grow too hot, the fire was nearing the distance we'd deemed safe before. She pulled away from the kiss, a sliver of saliva connecting our swollen lips.

"Grell... It's getting hot..."

She looked at me with ravenous, wide eyes, a lecherous look on them as she smiled coyly. "Mmh yeah? Take off your clothes for me, darling. I want to see you. All of you."

I panted. She was making it extremely difficult to focus. "G-Grell you misunderstood. It's getting hot... Literally. The flames."

A digit was suddenly put inside my mouth, and then another. It was her index and middle fingers, which she began to thrust inside. Drool slipped from mouth, down to my jawline, and to my neck. Grell licked it off, slowly, almost teasingly. Goosebumps were all over me, and all I could do was whimper with her fingers still thrusting inside my mouth. I glazed my tongue over them, and feeling the action, Grell stopped thrusting and instead focused on circling her digits around my tongue, her working counterclockwise and my tongue going clockwise. Unexpectedly, she pushed her digits further in my mouth, and in return, more drool came gushing out of it.

"Were you saying anything, darling?" She asked through half-lidded eyes, her voice like velvet. A knot formed in my stomach given how ravishing she looked at me at the moment, with the flames blurry behind her attractive figure. A different flame danced in her eyes, one which I had wanted to indulge in every passing moment.

"We're not even halfway through our exuberant time, right, partner?"

Sighing fondly, I gave into the exhilarating feeling vibrating all over my body, with no heed to the physical heat that conquered the darkness of the night, nearing towards us. We still had ample of time before it got too hot to the point of scorching us; in the mean time, we allowed ourselves to indulge in the luxury of succumbing into our desires.

The monster was gone for good. I was safe now; safe in her embrace.

And I would never let go.

633 notes · View notes