elliemma - Tumblr blog

[elliemma]

im holding on but cant stop the feeling like there is no home for me.

i am kneeling, god please tell me there is a warm place with a love and chamomile smell

please god let me experience a peaceful night

please god be by my side

[elliemma]

i need to learn how to speak easly. how to communicate and express my feelings without making it so logic. i feel like it is going to be hard to live with all this baggage. i dismiss my emotions, i dont even know my full story. my childhood. i just know i felt so sad. i want to have a lover and a safe home. but sometimes im so scared and terrified about my future or my past. and present. i am scared that i need too much, that my sad is too big for me to carry. everything seems good when suddenly i can not stop thinking about how unbelievably hard it is to be this way. i think this is the worst side of me. i am scared all the time. can you please listen to me?

[elliemma]

dzisiaj pozwalam sobie poplynac w slowa. kiedy poczuje znow ten wzrok skupiony na mojej glowie. kiedy wyrosne z nienawisci i zazdrości. chce aby to bylo lekkie jak wtedy. przejrzyste i proste. glupie. tak ciezko mi tlumaczyc milosc ludziom dookola bo w teorii ja umiem ale nie rozumiem.

[elliemma]

thank you god i could met my star sister in this life time.

[elliemma]

I believe that many artists have been killed by the desire to create images and words that have faded into their imagination.

Depression is seen as a creature that opens the eyes of the imagination and helps to understand how the human brain works as it slowly ceases to be a person. Images of a misty figure wandering miserably through the world of the dead, it's fascinating, isn't it? Maybe that's why people are so interested in unconventional art. These are reports from the world of the dead, written by emptiness and suffering. How beautiful is the pain and the maroon blood, there is something alive in it, it helps to appreciate the gift of life. The artist must have gone astray in his own mind to come up with this image. they wanted to collect images from a place where the living do not venture, going deeper and deeper into an abyss from which there is no way out. this painful art is beautiful, but it poisons like yellow paint. consider whether you want to live in a dream or dream in reality. Java never disappears from your eyes when you feel death for the first time, and you will feel peace. A peace that turns into a deafening emptiness. Silent and at the same time so loud that you will always hear the inner monologue "I can no longer climb, how would you be happy when I see death and it is so beautiful".

[elliemma]

i am starting my teenage diary ! i have one more year to go !

[elliemma]

i am sick and empty like a trash you took rubbish from. im sick with trying to find right medicine, right way to live, easy way to let go. i don’t want blood anymore. i don’t think i even have it i became to pale to exist. and who am i after it all ? i want to live but i need to escape myself. my body no longer accepts my mind. i am sick and angry and those emotions are sharp and heavy, they sound like an axe hitting the ground in an empty room where everything is cold and rotten. i will escape this but how can i explain to myself that i can not run from the danger because i fear who i am

[elliemma]

no amount of showers can clean me from the rot inside

[elliemma]

i feel disgusted by not feeling anything. its like everyone left, every thought and emotion. my mind is a closed and cold room. doors are closed, windows slightly open so i can feel cold loneliness coming in from the outside. when i look for the view its never ending ocean. this room is always in my head but sometimes its all i can be. cold room without a place to rest. heart frozen, so i hibernate. how long is it going to last. i fear one day ill die from this cold. warm bath do not make it better.

[elliemma]

EVERYTHING ENDS AND U CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT !!!

[elliemma]

i am so disappointed it feels like i deal with a grief over someones death, they died to my heart and my soul fuck everyone who break hearts. i fuck around only with people who respect love

[elliemma]

i keep on trying to believe people. i try to believe they wont break my trust that they actions are their true intentions. but how can i expect someone to be honest, when i lie even to myself. this time i feel awfully lied to. brutally beaten by words and actions. i can not explain world anymore. i think what i see. there is no one to convinced. i hate people sometimes and now it is just myself and nature. step by step i will create a safe relations towards new people. now i feel like everyone is here to stab my back and i cannot let my body bleed, beacuse i am becoming too pale to exist.

i am becoming too pale to exist

[elliemma]

[elliemma]

loneliness is eating me raw and brutally, i bleed and im in pain.

[elliemma]

i just dont want to feel alone again

[elliemma]

my room is so messy and i lay in front of the mess on the floor and i become a one with all the things around me

it is finally my true form . my room is breathing with me . my room is in the size of my heart and i just keep on leaving it filled with shit and shit and shit. i find peace in things on my floor. i find peace in gaving into destruction

[elliemma]

i am just so tired of waiting for someone to chose to love me and sometimes i put three blankets on my back to think it is your hold