elliethefroggy - Tumblr blog

[elliethefroggy]

Newly crowned Crime Lord Red Hood stops in an alley. There’s a black cat there, lots of fur where he looks bigger than a normal cat. It’s eating a burger on the ground. It reminds Jason a little bit of himself. All alone, fending for itself.

Jason takes it back to his primary safe house with him. And it’s a cat, so he takes off the helmet and the domino around the fluffy animal. He chuckles to himself when he named the cat Batman.

And for two weeks, he had no idea that the cat was, in fact, Batman.

[elliethefroggy]

(Based on this prompt)

“You taste like how wet dogs smell,” Chiara complained, retching into the pink bucket they usually reserved for cleaning. She was sitting her coffin, head close to disappearing within the bucket so as to avoid any unwanted spillage. The satin lining her coffin was a bitch to clean after all.

“OK. First, rude. Second, that makes no fucking sense,” Devin said, standing in the doorway of the dark room, his large bulk blocking out most of the light from the hallway, the smell emanating from the bucket keeping him well away.

“You gave me food poisoning!” She hissed at him, fangs extended, eyes blood red.

“You tried to eat me!” Devin squawked back, hands raised in exasperation.

“I only wanted a snack,” Chiara moaned in between retches.

“That’s what the blood bags are for.”

“But they never taste as nice,” she spat out the last of her bile into the bucket. Amazing how much vomit such a small person can expel. “It’s not like I would have killed you,” and then under her breath, “Maybe.”

“Heard that.”

“Stupid werewolf hearing,” she muttered to herself and, subsequently, to the werewolf.

“No,” Devin said, “You’re just a terrible whisperer.”

Chiara hissed again, fangs gleaming under what little of the hallway light managed to sneak past Devin’s mass.

Devin was unimpressed. It’s hard to be intimidated by a vampire cowering her coffin because she’s got a bit of a tummy ache.

“I can’t believe you never told me,” Chiara said, making sure to infuse as much betrayal in her voice as she could.

“Honestly, I thought you knew. I mean, what the fuck do you think I was doing every full moon?”

“I don’t know. I just thought you were PMSing or something.”

“PMSing?” Devin asked, more bewildered than exasperated now.

“Some people’s cycles can get very violent,” Chiara said defensively.

“I don’t think going into the woods to slaughter innocent rabbits to satiate one’s bloodlust is a very common symptom of PMS.”

“Goes to show how much you know,” Chiara huffed and finally done retching, placed the pink bucket on her coffin-side table.

She bundled herself up under layers and layers of deep red blankets, not dissimilar in colour to the blood red satin of her black, ornate coffin which paired nicely with the red and black floral wallpaper. Chiara had a theme and she stuck with it admirably.

“Though that would explain all the raw steaks you consume,” Chiara said, after a moment’s reflection, “And your hatred of the postman.”

“Maybe if Rony were better at his job, I wouldn’t need to hate him.”

Chiara sat up suddenly, dozens of blankets pooling into her lap.

“Wait. Are you the one who’s been digging holes in the garden?”

Devin thought about defending himself, thought about outright lying, but he’d never been very good at that, “I needed somewhere to bury all my bones,” he finally admitted.

“You arsehole! You blamed it on the neighbour’s pomeranian.”

“Sprinkles is hardly innocent; she is an equal participant in the excavation work.”

Chiara was about to retort before she leaned over the coffin, only just managing to get her head over the bucket in time for more fluid to spew out of her mouth.

She groaned as dramatically as she could in her state, and threw her covers over herself, burrowing into the fabric until there was nothing but her deep red eyes and a thin sliver of her pale face—paler than usual—peaking out.

Devin did feel a bit bad about the whole thing, mostly because Chiara was looking especially pathetic and especially small in her oversized coffin (she needed the XL coffin because, apparently, she liked to stretch out during her slumber; Devin thought she just liked to be ostentatious).

“Why don’t I go and find you a nice human you can eat? Would that make you feel better?” Devin asked.

“It might,” she said, her voice muffled. She peered out from underneath the blanket. “Could you get me a type O+?”

“Okay. Type O+.”

“And a virgin?” She asked, pushing her luck.

“Alright, a virgin,” he sighed, rolling his eyes.

He turned away and made to close to the door only to stop when her small voice emanated once again from the pile of blankets.

“Could you clean the bucket before you go?”

“Of course,” Devin stepped into the room, breathing through his mouth.

[elliethefroggy]

a concept : aziraphale has an absolutely euphoric pavlovian reaction every time he sees a snake or anything snake-related because the first time he met one it ended up yielding such unbridled long-term happiness for him

[elliethefroggy]

Something about the whole "Eming is born of Hua Cheng's desire to live and Rouye is born of Xie Lian's desire to die," and then how Xie Lian wears funeral colours and Hua Cheng wears wedding colours. God oriented towards death and stillness and self-denial. Ghost oriented towards life and hope and happiness.

[elliethefroggy]

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

[elliethefroggy]

Best demon ever

[elliethefroggy]

~ doomsday is close at hand ~

(uploading these as WIPs bc my tablet is donked and i have no idea when i'll actually be able to finish them)

[elliethefroggy]

🩸 🩸 🩸 // ❄️❄️❄️

i watched a scary boat show. i have been thinking about it for weeks.

[elliethefroggy]

they should have left dorian and the inquisitor in the in hushed whispers timeline for like a month just because it would’ve been funny

[elliethefroggy]

Jiang Cheng with Zidian worm on a string, 2019

[elliethefroggy]

[elliethefroggy]

Other people having half Human half Vulcan children and Spock just receiving emails from the panicked parents he’s never met like “are their medical readings supposed to look like this???”

[elliethefroggy]

pour one out for all those fic readers who found one author who wrote one really good fic for their fandom then clicked on their profile to find they wrote exactly one fic for that fandom and the rest for, like, csi or something

[elliethefroggy]

Finally got a burst of energy, it’s time to join in on the Ineffable Poster event!

[elliethefroggy]

Begging summer flies to stop missing the absolutely massive open windows. Please. I just wanna sleep in peace.

[elliethefroggy]

Fruit time 💦

[elliethefroggy]

you know when todd is like i won’t read at poetry meetings nobody is gonna want me there i can’t read out loud i won’t do it and neil just looks at him like really looks at him and in the softest voice goes “you really have a problem with that don’t you” and he’s not judging todd at all he just finally understands how todd works and the fact that public speaking (especially to people he barely knows) is something that todd cannot handle and that’s okay and once he understands he just immediately is like okay how do i fix this because i want todd here and i want him to enjoy this with us and he just goes oh perfect i’ll rearrange some things and todd will wanna come :) it’s just so touching and todd probably isn’t used to people accommodating him he doesn’t even know what to do with it . my point is i am going insane over this