elliscousland - Tumblr blog

[elliscousland]

[elliscousland]

[elliscousland]

working out some ideas. I’m working on casual clothes & armor, thinking about making his scarf a cape ( bcs he is dramatic of Course he would have a cape. ) Also thinking of potential tattoos & mapping out scars

[elliscousland]

i have had super low spoons when it comes to ooc stuff the last few days but i can feel myself coming out of it. i want to respond to conversations but trying to be social has been like throwing my brain at a brick wall. i'm not going to say i'm sorry for this, but i do want to clarify by saying there are so many people i've been meeting the last few weeks that i am so excited to know & create with.

i'm afraid that my slow responses might look like a lack of interest & i just felt the need to make a post saying that it's not!! that part of my brain is just not Happening right now i am, however, wanting to work on writing tonight whether it's here or on my other blogs ( @sporefound & @elliscousland ) but i might not be super available ooc!

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playing around in the bg3 character creator made me consider tweaking ellis' design a bit. i'm going to my friend's place for an art night so we'll see what happens

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are you mad at me? would you like to be

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thinking about how ellis is the most dangerous when the people he loves are in danger

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send 🛑 to clean blood off of my muse after they protected yours.

add + to reverse so receiver is the one cleaning blood off sender.

[elliscousland]

ok u caught me i’m stupid

[elliscousland]

playing chicken with our mutually assured destruction pact

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Not sure which style I’m liking better ,,,,

[elliscousland]

[elliscousland]

Another Ellis,,, I think I’m getting a better grasp of this iPad for sure

[elliscousland]

shipping call. i have been wanting to write romance so uhhh. like this if that might be something you're interested in! i will hop into your discord or im's to talk it out!

[elliscousland]

i know it's on my pinned post but sets this right here for science

[elliscousland]

hmmmm thinking again how ellis struggles to take the rest of the world into account when thinking about he & the people he loves. thinking about how without the people he loves hanging in the balance, he would probably run from any world-ending threat. in da:o he keeps going for his sister & though he would never admit it astoria & sometimes maybe even morrigan. in bg3?? i think the idea that his loved ones are out there is enough to keep him going, but when he gets close i think it brings out That Dog in him. i think he would do anything to get back to them, regardless of the consequences inflicted upon the people in the way or maybe even around him depending on their relationship.

was thinking about this specifically because i have been trying to figure out his arc in bg3. I haven't talked it out w jay yet & this is subject to change, but ellis without his sister is a very volatile force. his love grounds him, her audacity humbles him. they both go a little nuts in da:o but they know each other well enough that they can ground each other. it helps, also, that astoria is there & though ellis & she aren't on the best of terms, they can still steal moments when no one is looking & try to reacquaint themselves with the people they are becoming while living in that shadow of who they thought they were.

in bg3??? ellis doesn't really have that support system that keeps him feeling human. he's actually super crazy rough on himself because he see's himself as less than the people around him. on a skill level, he is. a lot of folks got bumped down to level one but he would have started there to begin with because of his sheltered upbringing. all of his knowledge is in theory & he levels it up as he understands how to apply it if that makes sense?? but he doesn't start off with the knowledge & that makes him feel a bit smaller. but the thing is, when ellis feels small he tends to lash out & throw his defenses up

but without the people in front of him, real & alive, it's hard to understand who he is or where he's at beyond that. which I've talked about a little bit with others. he wants to be useful, he wants to learn, he wants to endure. but he's weak!! he's desperate!!! he feels like a cornered animal all of the time & relies on tricks & luck to get him out of trouble.

he thinks his family is out there somewhere but his mental status fluctuates intensely because everyone he knows is new & honestly better equipped to deal w whats going on. no one is ready for it, obviously, but he feels in his mind he's the least ready ( which may or may not be true but it is his perception of it ) & therefore the least valuable which really contrasts how he starts the journey

i think ellis beginning of act one thinks he's a badass. thinks he's gonna make it through the shadowlands & to highever & find/avenge his family. i think he's humbled as soon as he encounters any enemy & has to manage his body's natural responses to danger.

i think that leads down a path of low self-esteem that is intensified by a feeling of isolation / separation from the people he gives a fuck about ( his siblings, his dog, his parents who are Now Dead ). i think this shifts with time. i have a few bg3 verses with others where he makes friends, falls in love & i think having someone to pour his attention into helps with this but when left with his own thoughts it gets sooo messy. it'll be easier to figure out a default worldstate when i get home & am able to play bg3 as him but i am just thinking so hard rn abt how DIFFERENT it is going to be

i think he does bounce back & forth between i am so cool / i am so lame in his head it's so hard to explain at 4am ellis is a complicated dude

[elliscousland]

 Andrea Gibson, You Better Be Lightning